Boundary crossed???confused

[cokimstr61]

Hi guys, There is a massage therapist I've been seeing for 90 minute sessions 2-3 times a month for a little over 2 years. The massage started of as purely thereputic and slowly as we got to know each other turned more sensual to the point that for the past year it was mutually nude with a release at the end but still the best thereputic massage I have ever had. It all seems to flow together as part of a healing process. It may sound weird to some but his is the only therapist I can say I've ever been with where I can feel and see a transfer of energy, like we are somehow connected.

Over the past 6 months we have become more friendly. Texting and talking on the phone. Helping each other out with some fairly difficult life changes.

The last time I saw him after about 90 minutes he whispered in my ear "the massage is over" climbed up on me, kissed me, slipped on a condom and let me fuck him. He kept kissing me while saying "I've always wanted to do this"

We both showered after. I paid him his normal fee and left. We've texted a few times since but I feel awkward now and don't know if I should bring this up and discuss it. It's been about 2 weeks and I think of him every day. We are both single, both gay and both out. I don't want to lose someone so special to me professionally and personally but if there's a possibility that there is more to it then it's something I want to consider pursuing.

 

Any thoughts or recommendations?

Thanks

[+ Just Sayin]

wow! I think I would schedule another appointment and see how it goes; you might just tell him how much you enjoyed your last session; I'd take it slowly; make it easy for him to respond to your comments; and have a great time!

[Irtwo]

Just Sayin gave good advice... and lucky you!

[cokimstr61]

I do have another appointment booked on Monday. What worries me is do I spend the entire 90 minutes waiting to see if something happens? I will never relax. Should I speak to him about this before the appointment. Get things up front and out in the open.

I really like him not just as a therapist but as a person, as a friend and don't want to lose any of that. But on the other hand if he's feeling more then I am willing to go in that direction. I'm willing to explore the possibility of a relationship if that is on the table.

We've talked in the past about the sensual part of the massage. He does not consider himself an escort but a healer. He does not go the sensual route with the majority of his clients. So I know it's not something for which he's expecting extra compensation.

I'm so confused.

[+ Keith30309]

It seems to me like something very nice is naturally developing. It sounds as if, over the last 2 years, you've become more and more open, sharing greater parts of your lives with each other and that mutual affection has blossomed with a beautiful physical element.

I would take a moment when you meet to sit and sincerely share your feelings with him and allow him to express his. It seems like his feelings mirror yours and you have an opportunity to take the relationship to a new place. If it was a one-time, spontaneous reaching-out on his part then so be it. Don't be disappointed but rather savor the experience for the closeness and intimacy it allowed you to share. Don't overthink it - it's all good. Enjoy!

 

I'd become increasingly close to a provider for a period of about 6 months and the only monkey wrench became the issue of money. I was seeing him 3-4 times per week for several hours at one point and couldn't possibly pay a regular hourly free. It became a really sticky issue because he was foregoing other client income to be with me and I felt badly. We talked allot about it but never quite got past it.

[YooperMike]

Imagine how life might be different if we took nothing personally, made no assumptions and asked for what we wanted.

 

Yup, I realize that it could be a trying experience to not take it personally when you have a kiss and an intimate experience, but when I read your post, that quote came to my mind and I wanted to share it.

[thickornotatall]

[Steven_Draker]

I do have another appointment booked on Monday. What worries me is do I spend the entire 90 minutes waiting to see if something happens? I will never relax. Should I speak to him about this before the appointment. Get things up front and out in the open.

...

I'm so confused.

 

If I were you, I'd hold the horses.

 

In my opinion it's too soon to tell what his intentions are without any further cues. Let it flow naturally and don't pressure things.

 

Just go to your appointment as usual and see what happens as JustSayin' suggested above.

[Guest Starbuck]

It seems to me like something very nice is naturally developing. It sounds as if, over the last 2 years, you've become more and more open, sharing greater parts of your lives with each other and that mutual affection has blossomed with a beautiful physical element. I would take a moment when you meet to sit and sincerely share your feelings with him and allow him to express his. It seems like his feelings mirror yours and you have an opportunity to take the relationship to a new place. If it was a one-time, spontaneous reaching-out on his part then so be it. Don't be disappointed but rather savor the experience for the closeness and intimacy it allowed you to share. Don't overthink it - it's all good. Enjoy!

 

+1

 

Cokimstra61, for all the times we read on this Forum about separating the personal and the professional, for all the times we are cautioned to avoid letting emotion infiltrate a business relationship, I suspect that dozens of the guys who read your post envied your experience. We are only human--clients and escorts alike. Sometimes we feel something that cuts deeper than what we paid for. (Been there; felt that.) It might not evolve as you wish it would ... but then again, what if it did? Up to you to determine if the risk is worth the potential reward.

[+ not2rowdy]

Totally agree with what Steven_D and TGuy said.

 

Let him take the lead the next few massage sessions. You should focus on relaxing - however hard that may be. Hopefully, being “the best therapeutic massage I ever had”, is at the forefront of your wanting to continue seeing him.

 

He also may be a little confused and anxious at your next session. You can show with your body response and feedback that you are enjoying the session. Don’t put pressure on him during this session to repeat what he did last time. Don’t be too tense and anxious. You might have to schedule an additional massage or two in order to find out what future direction he is amiable to. For this session - relax and enjoy the massage.

[cokimstr61]

Thanks guys. I will hold off talking to him and see how tomorrow goes. I feel like a little girl.lol. I'm so nervous now.

And that's not how I want it to be. He is my safe place, the place where I can say or do anything and not be judged. Not be judged on my appearance. And it works both ways. I don't judge him. When I'm in his studio it's like there is nothing at all going on in the world. I forget my problems. I forget my pain.

That's what I don't want to lose.

I'll let you all know how I made out.

Thanks

[rguer]

Good luck!

[+ newatthis]

...We've texted a few times since but I feel awkward now and don't know if I should bring this up and discuss it. It's been about 2 weeks and I think of him every day. We are both single, both gay and both out. I don't want to lose someone so special to me professionally and personally but if there's a possibility that there is more to it then it's something I want to consider pursuing.

This is a situation that cries out for good communication, not waiting for cues that may not come or may be misinterpreted. He is quite possibly also confused about how you felt/feel about what happened (your post implies that you didn't discuss it afterwards while you were still there) and about whether you're open to a deeper relationship. This is not a conversation to have by email, text, or on the phone.

 

You expressed what you're feeling clearly and beautifully in your post here. You can say the same to him in person...that if he would like to take things further, you are open to it, but most of all, you do not want to lose him as a friend or as a masseur.

[LookingAround]

Don't confuse him with your psychotherapist. The safe place is more the role of the psychotherapist not a masseur or sexual partner even. You might want to explore the benefits of psychotherapy to have a permanent safe place.

[cokimstr61]

i went to my appointment today, decided to see what happens during the massage. It was a great massage then again he climbed on top of me and we kissed. This time much deeper and more passionately. We did not fuck but there was a lot of frottage. We both came.

During the massage we discussed how difficult it is on all the "dating" websites and how most men are looking for nothing but NSA sex. No dating or friendship. It's ver frustrating. He agreed with me.

After I showered I asked him if he'd like to get together outside of the massage studio. Maybe come over and I'll cook dinner and maybe we could watch a movie.

He said yes, so I think I have a date with him on Wednesday. I'll discuss things further when he's over.

[cokimstr61]

Don't confuse him with your psychotherapist. The safe place is more the role of the psychotherapist not a masseur or sexual partner even. You might want to explore the benefits of psychotherapy to have a permanent safe place.

I haven't confused him. I do have a therapist I see regularly. His job is to help me sort out life issues I have trouble dealing with and help me with depression and anxiety issues.

He's a straight married man, I would discuss this with him but I thought this forum would understand the issue a little better.

What I meant by my safe place was that it was the place I go to forget the world and all my problems for a while. I don't feel vulnerable in the least emotionally or physically when I'm with him. I have no body image issues when I'm with him.

I'm 6' and weigh about 250. Have always been ashamed of my body.

[Nebost]

Seems like your relationship is developing very nicely, thanks for sharing with us, lucky you! If it were me I would not ask any 'where is this going / what do you want from this relationship' kinds of question, at least not yet. Just continue to do some activities with him and enjoy his company.

[+ newatthis]

...After I showered I asked him if he'd like to get together outside of the massage studio. Maybe come over and I'll cook dinner and maybe we could watch a movie.

He said yes, so I think I have a date with him on Wednesday. I'll discuss things further when he's over.

Isn't it nice when a situation you've fretted over works out smoothly? Good luck!