Tapping Your Inner Wolf-The Real Alpha Males

[+ Gar1eth]

QTR, Freshfluff, and Tyro will like this.

 

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MEN often face pressure to measure up as alpha males, to “wolf up” as it were. Alpha male connotes the man who at every moment demonstrates that he’s in total control in the home, and who away from home can become snarling and aggressive.

This alpha male stereotype comes from a misunderstanding of the real thing. In fact, the male wolf is an exemplary male role model. By observing wolves in free-living packs in Yellowstone National Park, I’ve seen that the leadership of the ranking male is not forced, not domineering and not aggressive to those on his team.

“The main characteristic of an alpha male wolf,” the veteran wolf researcher Rick McIntyre told me as we were watching gray wolves, “is a quiet confidence, quiet self-assurance. You know what you need to do; you know what’s best for your pack. You lead by example. You’re very comfortable with that. You have a calming effect.”

The point is, alpha males are not aggressive. They don’t need to be. “Think of an emotionally secure man, or a great champion. Whatever he needed to prove is already proven,” he said.

There is an evolutionary logic to it.

“Imagine two wolf packs, or two human tribes,” Mr. McIntyre said. “Which is more likely to survive and reproduce? The one whose members are more cooperative, more sharing, less violent with one another; or the group whose members are beating each other up and competing with one another?”

Thus, an alpha male may be a major player in a successful hunt but then, after the takedown of the prey, may step away and sleep until his pack has eaten and is full.

Mr. McIntyre has spent 20 years watching and studying wolves in Yellowstone for the National Park Service. He rises early, uses radio telemetry to pinpoint the location of a pack with a radio-collared member, then heads out with his spotting scope to observe them, keeping careful notes of their activities.

In all that time, he has rarely seen an alpha male act aggressively toward the pack’s other members. They are his family — his mate, offspring (both biological and adopted) and maybe a sibling.

This does not mean that alpha males are not tough when they need to be. One famous wolf in Yellowstone whose radio collar number, 21, became his name, was considered a “super wolf” by the people who closely observed the arc of his life. He was fierce in defense of family and apparently never lost a fight with a rival pack. Yet within his own pack, one of his favorite things was to wrestle with little pups.

“And what he really loved to do was to pretend to lose. He just got a huge kick out of it,” Mr. McIntyre said.

One year, a pup was a bit sickly. The other pups seemed to be afraid of him and wouldn’t play with him. Once, after delivering food for the small pups, 21 stood looking around for something. Soon he started wagging his tail. He’d been looking for the sickly little pup, and he just went over to hang out with him for a while.

Of all Mr. McIntyre’s stories about the super wolf, that’s his favorite. Strength impresses us. But kindness is what we remember best.

If you watch wolves, it’s hard to escape the conclusion that perhaps no two species are more alike behaviorally than wolves and humans. Living as we do in families, we can easily recognize the social structures and status quests in wolf packs. No wonder Native Americans recognized in wolves a sibling spirit.

The similarities between male wolves and male humans can be quite striking. Males of very few other species help procure food year-round for the entire family, assist in raising their young to full maturity and defend their packs year-round against others of their species who threaten their safety. Male wolves appear to stick more with that program than their human counterparts do.

Biologists used to consider the alpha male the undisputed boss. But now they recognize two hierarchies at work in wolf packs — one for the males, the other for the females.

Doug Smith, the biologist who is the project leader for the Yellowstone Gray Wolf Restoration Project, said the females “do most of the decision making” for the pack, including where to travel, when to rest and when to hunt. The matriarch’s personality can set the tone for the whole pack, Dr. Smith said.

Or, as Mr. McIntyre put it: “It’s the alpha female who really runs the show.”

Clearly, our alpha male stereotype could use a corrective makeover. Men can learn a thing or two from real wolves: less snarl, more quiet confidence, leading by example, faithful devotion in the care and defense of families, respect for females and a sharing of responsibilities. That’s really what wolfing up should mean.☐

 

 

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Carl Safina is the founder of the Safina Center on nature at Stony Brook University and the author of the forthcoming book “Beyond Words: What Animals Think and Feel.”

 

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Gman

[+ FreshFluff]

I imagine that different species have different kinds of alpha males. In our own species, alpha males vary widely in their personalities and in how they respond to stress.

[+ quoththeraven]

The initial research on wolves on which the alpha appellation rests was done with captive wolves and is therefore misleading, if not outright wrong. http://io9.com/why-everything-you-know-about-wolf-packs-is-wrong-502754629 However, we've applied it to humans as well as dogs just because. (I'm not saying the research cited here is wrong, just that the whole concept of alpha wolves on which the pattern of alpha males was based was overblown to begin with.)

 

That doesn't mean there are no dominant animals in groups. There are. But they're not always male. Some species are highly cooperative (ants, bees, meerkats), some are mainly or entirely matriarchal or female-dominated (meerkats, praying mantises, elephants), and some share the effort of pregnancy and child-rearing across sexes (seahorses, emperor penguins).

 

For some reason extrapolation from animals that aren't even necessarily all that similar to us, like wolves, seems to reinforce whatever is the current way our society is organized. We share as much DNA with bonobos as with chimpanzees, but social organization within bonobo and chimp societies is a lot different. Why not extrapolate from bonobos, who share more DNA with us than wolves and as much as chimps but live in much looser, less clearly nuclear family-oriented structures (more like families of choice), or from meerkats, all of whom other than the alpha female and her consort help babysit pups?

 

The concept of alpha males as applied to humans has even less of a scientific basis than the term as applied to wolves or other pack animals. It's another term I'd like to (but realize won't) see thrown on the ash heap of history and burned, especially as it applies to how men and women are meant to relate to each other. Too often it is used to excuse or justify behaving like an entitled jerk.

[tyro]

I LIKE the alpha males described in Gar1eth's post. I never thought I'd use the terms "alpha male" and "like" in the same sentence unless there was a "not" in there too!

T

[+ FreshFluff]

The concept of alpha males as applied to humans has even less of a scientific basis than the term as applied to wolves or other pack animals. It's another term I'd like to (but realize won't) see thrown on the ash heap of history and burned, especially as it applies to how men and women are meant to relate to each other. Too often it is used to excuse or justify behaving like an entitled jerk.

 

I find the term most useful in describing relationships among men. As far as relationships between men and women, alpha males are just luxury products of a sort, and women respond to them accordingly.

 

I've always been stumped about whether this is a factor among gay men. Do you guys find alpha/leader types attractive, whether they are jerks or not?

[+ Gar1eth]

 

The concept of alpha males as applied to humans has even less of a scientific basis than the term as applied to wolves or other pack animals. It's another term I'd like to (but realize won't) see thrown on the ash heap of history and burned, especially as it applies to how men and women are meant to relate to each other. Too often it is used to excuse or justify behaving like an entitled jerk.

 

But I don't want to give up my titles and prerogatives, QTR!!:D

 

Gman

[+ FreshFluff]

The amount of DNA shared with other species doesn't matter that much beyond a certain point. And the alpha male metaphor isn't meant to describe how humans raise their young, let alone how they should do so. As I posted, I believe that the term works best when describing how men relate to each other.

 

It's too bad that the PUA movement has perverted the meaning of the term to suit its own ideological agenda.

 

But I don't want to give up my titles and prerogatives, QTR!!:D

 

*Kneels submissively before Gman*

[+ Gar1eth]

I find the term most useful in describing relationships among men. As far as relationships between men and women, alpha males are just luxury products of a sort, and women respond to them accordingly.

 

Are you #1 saying most human alpha males are jerks ? And if you are-are you #2 saying that a large proportion of females are attracted to them?

 

I've always been stumped about whether this is a factor among gay men. Do you guys find alpha/leader types attractive' date=' whether they are jerks or not?[/quote']

 

I think it may depend on the individual man. There are many, many stories about the guy ( or gal )who always pick jerks for significant others.

 

I think alpha males-while some can be jerks, others could be wonderful guys-they are just the take charge type.

 

I'm probably not the best guy to answer since I've never had a relationship and most likely won't. But I'd say there are probably gay guys who fall for each type.

 

Going by his ads and his reviews, I'm going to (possibly) go out on a limb and say Alec Andrews is most likely an alpha male. None of his satisfied clients seem to think he is a jerk. Assuming my supposition is correct, it would be interesting to know if Alec was always pretty much an alpha male or whether he grew into it over time.

 

Another question would be is alpha status always stable in every relationship, or can it change in a relationship due to length of relationship or individual situation.

 

Gman

[curiousnomore]

I'll admit, I only read the first half of the article. I'm a lead by example guy, tho. I don't have the patience of a teacher, hence my occupation. 85% alone, 15% reigning over my subjects, lol. Also known as entertaining those around me, and answering questions/giving advice, since I've been there forever.

[+ quoththeraven]

It's not just the PUA movement that warps the meaning of alpha male. It's a huge source of discussion elsewhere, including the romance-reading community and other communities that deal with gender and other interpersonal issues. If DNA overlap doesn't matter that much beyond a certain point (what point might that be anyway?), then why are we analogizing from wolves, who are even less similar to us in DNA and other ways than chimps and bonobos? The statement that DNA doesn't matter that much is also at odds with the basics of evolutionary biology as I understand them. Surely DNA has some relevance to the evolutionary relationship between species, and IIRC mating studies look at and rely on data on species other than homo sapiens.

 

I believe the definition of alpha male as applied to humans has become so diffuse as to be unhelpful. The one thing I can say about it with some certainty is it's subjective and unscientific, which makes it so imprecise as to be unhelpful. Some people associate it with caregiving or protection. In fact, studies have shown that women prefer men who are both assertive and kind, which is not what I think most people think of when they hear the words "alpha male" or "dominant." http://www.artofmanliness.com/2014/07/07/the-myth-of-the-alpha-male/

 

I also don't believe a social organization among humans that depends on men metaphorically pulling out their dicks and measuring them is an optimal one. For one thing, it overlooks the other half of the population. For another, it encourages wasteful and often unhealthy competition.

[+ WilliamM]

QTR,

 

I am on vacation, so just read a few comments. The person quoted the most in the article, Rick McIntyre, is my brother.

[+ quoththeraven]

QTR,

 

I am on vacation, so just read a few comments. The person quoted the most in the article, Rick McIntyre, is my brother.

 

It's a small world!

[+ WilliamM]

Mr. McIntyre has spent 20 years watching and studying wolves in Yellowstone for the National Park Service. He rises early, uses radio telemetry to pinpoint the location of a pack with a radio-collared member, then heads out with his spotting scope to observe them, keeping careful notes of their activities.

In all that time, he has rarely seen an alpha male act aggressively toward the pack’s other members. They are his family — his mate, offspring (both biological and adopted) and maybe a sibling.

 

Actually Rick McIntyre spends most of his day showing guests/tourists in Yellowstone the wolves and grizzly bears through telescopes. I have seen battles between wolves and bears myself. If you visit Yellowstone to see the wolves, Rick is the person to see. Personally, I do not necessarily agree with everything he said in the New York Times op article a week ago. But, he is my brother, so I shall not go into detail. Just wanted to correct the impression that he does not interact with tourists; Rick most certainly does. His research is informed by the reactions of the tourists

 

Now that I had a chance to read the comments, I am impressed -- excellent point make by everyone!

[gallahadesquire]

I grew up in a matriarchal family with an absent father. I can't comment on the "alpha male", but I like the comparison that the female is the one who runs the show. My generation: Three men and fifteen women.

 

I wonder how we would do in the wild?

[+ Gar1eth]

 

I am on vacation, so just read a few comments. The person quoted the most in the article, Rick McIntyre, is my brother.

 

Brother as in 'He ain't heavy. He's my ....'?

 

Gman

[+ WilliamM]

Brother as in 'He ain't heavy. He's my ....'?

 

Gman

 

Rick is my brother, in the sense that we have the same parents.

[curiousnomore]

It's a small world!

Please don't say that. Now that song will be stuck in my head for a month, lol.

[+ FreshFluff]

The Atlantic had an article about this topic. Their summary of the research implies that traditional alpha behavior can be effective when the man (not woman) has the goods to back it up, in one-off encounters with people, and when first meeting a group of people.

 

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2015/06/why-it-pays-to-be-a-jerk/392066/

 

"Being a jerk is likely to fail you, at least in the long run, if it brings no spillover benefits to the group; if your professional transactions involve people you’ll have to deal with over and over again; if you stumble even once; and finally, if you lack the powerful charismatic aura of a Steve Jobs. (It’s also marginally more likely to fail you, several studies suggest, if you’re a woman.) Which is to say: being a jerk will fail most people most of the time.

 

Yet in at least three situations, a touch of jerkiness can be helpful. The first is if your job, or some element of it, involves a series of onetime encounters in which reputational blowback has minimal effect. The second is in that evanescent moment after a group has formed but its hierarchy has not. (Think the first day of summer camp.) The third—not fully explored here, but worth mentioning—is when the group’s survival is in question, speed is essential, and a paralyzing existential doubt is in the air. It was when things got truly desperate at Apple, its market share having shrunk to 4 percent, that the board invited Steve Jobs to return (Jobs then ousted most of those who had invited him back)."

 

(Hat tip to QTR: I found this link in the University Affairs article QTR posted.)

[+ FreshFluff]

Also, the hot guys among you should work it:

 

"When it came to “aspirational” brands like Gucci, Burberry, and Louis Vuitton, participants were willing to pay more in a scenario in which they felt rejected. But the qualifications were major. A customer had to feel a longing for the brand, and if the salesperson did not look the image the brand was trying to project, condescension backfired. For mass-market retailers like the Gap, American Eagle, and H&M, rejection backfired regardless."

[+ Gar1eth]

The Atlantic had an article about this topic. Their summary of the research implies that traditional alpha behavior can be effective when the man (not woman) has the goods to back it up, in one-off encounters with people, and when first meeting a group of people.

 

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2015/06/why-it-pays-to-be-a-jerk/392066/

 

 

Strangely enough, FreshFluff, this reminded of an episode of Happy Days. For you youngsters out there, Happy Days was a sitcom from 1974-1984 on ABC. You'll have to forgive me for not remembering the exact plot. But it was a long time ago.

 

The gist of the plot was that Richie was tired of being a wimp. So he started taking lessons from The Fonz in how to be a tough guy. Richie starts dressing and speaking like The Fonz. He then starts ordering people around like The Fonz. Richie's new status works on his circle of less- than-tough-guy friends. But then Richie tries it on a tough guy-a leader of a gang. The tough guy doesn't back down from Richie. Richie wonders why. The Fonz then explains to Richie that to be a real tough guy- the tough guy has to prove that he is tough that one, first time.

 

 

Gman

[+ deej]

Of course, if you want to LAND a wolf, take advice from Marilyn:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MPmz7WPJeg