question for fellow clients and escorts...

[kaboom35]

I need advice.

 

Several months ago I emailed an escort i've been eyeing from rentboy.com. He has is somewhat well reviewed and just my type so contacted him to meet extremely last minute. With my work schedule its not easy for me to plan ahead with an escort so i've been known to shoot some emails and texts last minute if my night is free. This escort in question said he was willing to meet with me even though it was last minute. We set a time for me to meet at his apartment only about an hour later after the initial contact. He was very accommodating. All contact was through email up to this point.

 

As I was getting ready to go meet with him, I had a close friend call me with an emergency and I had to attend to my friend. I was not going to be able to go to the escorts house and keep my appointment. Instead of emailing him, I text him to let him know that I couldn't make the appointment because of a situation I had to handle. He was upset and frustrated, saying that he walk out of his plans to come meet with me. As much as I appreciated that (and he could of told me he was busy and couldn't meet that night), I felt really bad because he really was putting me first in that situation. I completely understand how the situation came off flaky on my end, but I have no reason to flake. I have been wanting to meet this escort for quite awhile now and I have met up with a handful of other escorts who could vouch for me that i'm not a flake. Anyway he stop texting me back after my constant apology but there was nothing I could do.

 

So now its been a few months and I still want to meet with this escort and i'm worried he won't respond to either my email or text now that I have conversed with him through both avenues and my contacting him may raise a red flag with him and he could ignore me. I was thinking of setting up another email account so he wouldn't think I was the same person and still be able to meet.

 

Thoughts or advice on what to do?

[Guest boiworship08]

He's perhaps heard last-minute excuses before and has put you down as a flake. I wouldn't take it personally. If you want really want to meet him, set up another email account and reach out to him. If he's hot, he probably gets tons of texts and emails and won't think it's you. Good luck!

[Nvr2Thick]

I've had to cancel at the last minute on two different escorts. The first time I was able to convince the escort to meet in my hotel lobby so that I could apologize and pay him for the missed session. I didn't get a chance to reschedule, but if I had he might have remembered the good faith gesture. The other was pretty pissed. I don't think he really believed I was trying to make things right. He thought I was playing games. I wanted to leave an envelope with cash for him, but he would have had to give me his real name to pick it up at the desk. When I offered this as a possibility he understandably thought I was trying to mess with him or stalk him. I regret that I wasn't able to correct the situation, and that everything I tried to do to improve it just annoyed him more.

 

I'd contact the escort honestly and try to set up an appointment. If he doesn't remember you I'd give him a very nice tip at the end and remind him of the situation at that time. If he remembers you and agrees to see you I'd still make it up to him with a nice tip. If he refuses to meet, accept it, understand his position and move on. Changing your contact information is dishonest. Unless you manage to avoid contact by phone he's going to figure it out and may interpret the e-mail change as game-playing.

[Frequentflier]

I've had to cancel at the last minute on two different escorts. The first time I was able to convince the escort to meet in my hotel lobby so that I could apologize and pay him for the missed session. I didn't get a chance to reschedule, but if I had he might have remembered the good faith gesture. The other was pretty pissed. I don't think he really believed I was trying to make things right. He thought I was playing games. I wanted to leave an envelope with cash for him, but he would have had to give me his real name to pick it up at the desk. When I offered this as a possibility he understandably thought I was trying to mess with him or stalk him. I regret that I wasn't able to correct the situation, and that everything I tried to do to improve it just annoyed him more.

 

I'd contact the escort honestly and try to set up an appointment. If he doesn't remember you I'd give him a very nice tip at the end and remind him of the situation at that time. If he remembers you and agrees to see you I'd still make it up to him with a nice tip. If he refuses to meet, accept it, understand his position and move on. Changing your contact information is dishonest. Unless you manage to avoid contact by phone he's going to figure it out and may interpret the e-mail change as game-playing.

 

This is great Nvr2Thick and how people should treat each other. Maybe if every client was like you there would be more guys willing to escort. I can imagine some can't deal with the far more contacts than appointments, no shows, etc. And likewise we know about the fake escort ads, old pictures, etc. Maybe "when" laws changed we'll all see better results.

[Kevin Slater]

You could always deal with the issue head on. "I booked you once before and had to cancel last minute. Again, I'm so sorry about that, but really do want to meet you. I'd like to meet Tuesday at 3:00 at your place. If you'd like, I can pay a deposit for your time (via paypal, sending an Apple gift card, or however works best for you) to prove that I plan on showing this time."

 

Kevin Slater

[+ Axiom2001]

You could always deal with the issue head on. "I booked you once before and had to cancel last minute. Again, I'm so sorry about that, but really do want to meet you. I'd like to meet Tuesday at 3:00 at your place. If you'd like, I can pay a deposit for your time (via paypal, sending an Apple gift card, or however works best for you) to prove that I plan on showing this time."

 

Kevin Slater

 

Kevin's sentiments are mine as well. Just write him again and state that you were sincere from the "get go" and am still sorry that the emergency really hindered your getting together, etc.

Last year I missed out on being with a man because I had to cancel due to sudden illness, and this was with someone whom I'd desperately had wanted to meet. Because the escort is in school now and will not be visiting my area any time soon, I guess I'll have to travel to his area to enjoy being with him.

 

After the cancellation I have kept in touch on several occasions; the escort is quite aware of my ardent interest in him and seemingly has overlooked what happened previously. If he were visiting the West Coast [san Francisco Bay area], he would see me in spite of the past!

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

I need advice.

 

Several months ago I emailed an escort i've been eyeing from rentboy.com. He has is somewhat well reviewed and just my type so contacted him to meet extremely last minute. With my work schedule its not easy for me to plan ahead with an escort so i've been known to shoot some emails and texts last minute if my night is free. This escort in question said he was willing to meet with me even though it was last minute. We set a time for me to meet at his apartment only about an hour later after the initial contact. He was very accommodating. All contact was through email up to this point.

 

As I was getting ready to go meet with him, I had a close friend call me with an emergency and I had to attend to my friend. I was not going to be able to go to the escorts house and keep my appointment. Instead of emailing him, I text him to let him know that I couldn't make the appointment because of a situation I had to handle. He was upset and frustrated, saying that he walk out of his plans to come meet with me. As much as I appreciated that (and he could of told me he was busy and couldn't meet that night), I felt really bad because he really was putting me first in that situation. I completely understand how the situation came off flaky on my end, but I have no reason to flake. I have been wanting to meet this escort for quite awhile now and I have met up with a handful of other escorts who could vouch for me that i'm not a flake. Anyway he stop texting me back after my constant apology but there was nothing I could do.

 

So now its been a few months and I still want to meet with this escort and i'm worried he won't respond to either my email or text now that I have conversed with him through both avenues and my contacting him may raise a red flag with him and he could ignore me. I was thinking of setting up another email account so he wouldn't think I was the same person and still be able to meet.

 

Thoughts or advice on what to do?

 

You mishandled the situation, and you're continuing to mishandle it because you're focused only on getting what you want. My advice: create the screen name and set something up. And when you pay him, pay him 1.5x the amount he asks. He'll think you're awesome and thank you profusely.

[loverboy95]

I agree with Keven on this one. Just be upfront and honest. If he sees you are being truly genuine, he'll give you another chance.

[Amoco]

Surprised to hear myself saying this, but I find myself strongly agreeing with Kevin and disagreeing with Chris.

 

I don't think you handled the first situation 'wrong', per se, but I do think that given the circumstances you described, you might have made the gesture of (at least) partially paying for the session, or alternatively, paying in full and asking for a rain check.

 

That said, I'm never a fan of subterfuge, so getting a new email address and scheduling without him knowing it, seems wrong to me though I suspect Chris is correct when he says that paying him 1.5X as his fee will get you props. That certainly suggests that it's "all about the money", though, and in my experience, that's not always the case.

 

Kevin's idea of just putting it out there, especially after a few months, makes God sense, though I might also sweeten the pot with an implied bonus along the lines of "I hope you'll give me an opportunity to make up for your inconvenience last time". I have no suggestions if he doesn't respond to that direct and honest offer, other than to say that he is then saying something about himself that might be valuable to note.

 

I also disagree with 'frequent flier'so notion that escorts are oppressed and shy away from the business for reasons related to clients unconsciously 'flaking'. Anybody that hires regularly knows that this problem exists in both directions, but more importantly, it is an expected part of doing business in the service industry. Doctors, lawyers, hairdressers, etc. are all dealing with this stuff day in and day out - the idea that it's unique to escorts is just ridiculous and I would remind you of a recent post where a client got cancelled on at the last minute because someone was willing to pay the escort for an overnight when he had a 1 hour scheduled.

 

Lastly, I'm curious about how Chris would suggest a client handle it when the escort cancels unexpectedly?

[Guest Starbuck]

I agree with Nvr2Thick's instinct to avoid any deception and with Kevin's advice to confront the situation truthfully and in a head-on manner. If the escort declines to see you, you'll live. If he agrees to see you, the air has been cleared and you can focus on the present instead of the past.

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

Surprised to hear myself saying this, but I find myself strongly agreeing with Kevin and disagreeing with Chris.

 

I don't think you handled the first situation 'wrong', per se, but I do think that given the circumstances you described, you might have made the gesture of (at least) partially paying for the session, or alternatively, paying in full and asking for a rain check.

 

That said, I'm never a fan of subterfuge, so getting a new email address and scheduling without him knowing it, seems wrong to me though I suspect Chris is correct when he says that paying him 1.5X as his fee will get you props. That certainly suggests that it's "all about the money", though, and in my experience, that's not always the case.

 

Kevin's idea of just putting it out there, especially after a few months, makes God sense, though I might also sweeten the pot with an implied bonus along the lines of "I hope you'll give me an opportunity to make up for your inconvenience last time". I have no suggestions if he doesn't respond to that direct and honest offer, other than to say that he is then saying something about himself that might be valuable to note.

 

I also disagree with 'frequent flier'so notion that escorts are oppressed and shy away from the business for reasons related to clients unconsciously 'flaking'. Anybody that hires regularly knows that this problem exists in both directions, but more importantly, it is an expected part of doing business in the service industry. Doctors, lawyers, hairdressers, etc. are all dealing with this stuff day in and day out - the idea that it's unique to escorts is just ridiculous and I would remind you of a recent post where a client got cancelled on at the last minute because someone was willing to pay the escort for an overnight when he had a 1 hour scheduled.

 

Lastly, I'm curious about how Chris would suggest a client handle it when the escort cancels unexpectedly?

 

Obviously it depends on the situation with specific details, since every client is different. I have no problem with taking responsibility for the cancelation when it's my fault, and depending on the circumstances I will eat plane tickets, buy show tickets and offer lower-rated or free meetings next time. Deposits are returned in full. And if I'm going to apologize, I'm going to give the client more incentive than "I'm sorry" to take me seriously as a hire. Also from my end, I have given clients repeated chances to reschedule (three is usually the maximum) and at that point it's up to them to make good or not.

 

Keep in mind that the only reason I am suggesting the OP use some deception (normally I would ban a potential client for using multiple screen names to contact me) is because I think he's serious about meeting and wouldn't have gone through the effort of posting this thread if he weren't. And that's now about the only way he will be able to contact the escort in question. My advice is not meant to be some sort of penalty as much as an assessment that if he's that hell-bent on getting together he should make up for at least part of the wasted time.

[Amoco]

Sounds pretty direct and honest, Chris. One wonders why you would encourage clients to do otherwise?

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

Sounds pretty direct and honest, Chris. One wonders why you would encourage clients to do otherwise?

 

I clarified my point above.

[Amoco]

Understood. My only response would be that if it takes subterfuge to get an appointment, one might want to step back and look at the process with a critical eye. Acknowledging the legitimate annoyance of the escort with the OP, I'd suggest that the client would be better served walking away and getting through the rejection as that level of inflexibility in this industry over time, is telling.

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

Understood. My only response would be that if it takes subterfuge to get an appointment, one might want to step back and look at the process with a critical eye. Acknowledging the legitimate annoyance of the escort with the OP, I'd suggest that the client would be better served walking away and getting through the rejection as that level of inflexibility in this industry over time, is telling.

 

You're exactly right. Had the OP said "I have to cancel, let me give you fifty bucks to show you I'm serious about rescheduling," he would have already met, gotten fucked, written the review, and gotten fucked again. Again, because he seems serious and things do happen, I say give him another chance. But if that gets screwed up—walk away.

[MiamiLooker]

I need advice.

 

Several months ago I emailed an escort i've been eyeing from rentboy.com. He has is somewhat well reviewed and just my type so contacted him to meet extremely last minute. With my work schedule its not easy for me to plan ahead with an escort so i've been known to shoot some emails and texts last minute if my night is free. This escort in question said he was willing to meet with me even though it was last minute. We set a time for me to meet at his apartment only about an hour later after the initial contact. He was very accommodating. All contact was through email up to this point.

 

As I was getting ready to go meet with him, I had a close friend call me with an emergency and I had to attend to my friend. I was not going to be able to go to the escorts house and keep my appointment. Instead of emailing him, I text him to let him know that I couldn't make the appointment because of a situation I had to handle. He was upset and frustrated, saying that he walk out of his plans to come meet with me. As much as I appreciated that (and he could of told me he was busy and couldn't meet that night), I felt really bad because he really was putting me first in that situation. I completely understand how the situation came off flaky on my end, but I have no reason to flake. I have been wanting to meet this escort for quite awhile now and I have met up with a handful of other escorts who could vouch for me that i'm not a flake. Anyway he stop texting me back after my constant apology but there was nothing I could do.

 

So now its been a few months and I still want to meet with this escort and i'm worried he won't respond to either my email or text now that I have conversed with him through both avenues and my contacting him may raise a red flag with him and he could ignore me. I was thinking of setting up another email account so he wouldn't think I was the same person and still be able to meet.

 

Thoughts or advice on what to do?

 

Telling the escort that you’d previously cancelled at the last minute, you run the risk of the escort simply deciding to never see you at all, no matter how you try to explain. Assuming you’re really intent on seeing him, do what is necessary to set up an appointment. Once you meet, if all goes well, you can come clean face to face and give him a big tip.

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

Telling the escort that you’d previously cancelled at the last minute, you run the risk of the escort simply deciding to never see you at all, no matter how you try to explain. Assuming you’re really intent on seeing him, do what is necessary to set up an appointment. Once you meet, if all goes well, you can come clean face to face and give him a big tip.

 

You know, I thought about posting something very similar. I don't know how I would feel as an escort if someone did that to me—whether I would be glad that we got together or if I would feel played somehow. It's a risk.

[down_to_business]

Follow others advice and use the same email if you want to be the time waster who is also a pest. Chris E's advice actually is good in this case even though I know it isn't the most PC answer.

Set an appointment using the new email.

Show up to the appointment without exception - I don't care what the emergency is that comes up.

Have a great session, pay the agreed upon amount, tip if warranted, leave.

The past is the past, never mention it. No good can come from bringing it up - at best -- you may clear your conscience but it won't make the escort feel better about things at all (you will just be the time waster who is also a liar).

[Amoco]

Well, that's certainly another view...

 

For what it's worth, if your goal is to simply get laid, then by all means, tricking the escort should work quite well. If, however, these trysts seek the kind of connectedness that some clients (and escorts) are looking for, I'd stay honest, hope for the best and understand the escorts limitations if they can't get there with you.

[tom1980]

Why not try to be honest and clear the air in the manner Kevin suggests and, if that fails, go to Plan B (the new email/identity)? If Plan B is necessary, I would not tell the escort your other identity when you do meet him. Some might argue that this is deceptive and takes away the escort's right to reject you for a prior "bad act" (or something like that), but I don't find that argument persuasive. If the escort is willing to be hired by guys with anonymous email addresses/phone numbers in the first place, then he knows this is a risk and he's decided to accept it. Otherwise, he'd start charging deposits for all new clients as some other escorts are apparently doing.

[+ quoththeraven]

I'm with Kevin and those who agree with his approach, possibly with a little more groveling about not offering at the time to make it up to him financially for the missed appointment. Why you didn't do it (or, apparently, think of it) is not something you need to share with us or the escort, but it's something you need to figure out for yourself and deal with if you want to have good experiences in the future. One takeaway I'd suggest: Apologies without actions (such as compensating him for his inconvenience) are empty.

 

If the upfront approach doesn't work (and by "not work," I mean doesn't elicit a positive response, and if you don't hear from him, take that as a "no"), then chalk it up to experience and walk away. You've pissed the escort off too much for him to be able to go through with an appointment with you in a professional manner. The only way to have a good experience is to continue to pretend you've never contacted him before. Do you really want to hire someone under those circumstances? If you do, doesn't that tend to confirm whatever negative things he thinks of you?

[+ Gar1eth]

I'm with Chris on this one. If this were a normal business then I'd probably take the truth approach. But it's not. The escort in question most likely has run into multiple people who call, text, and email who either have no intention of ever hiring him or who had the inclination to hire but then couldn't face the reality of actually going through it. How is the escort to know that Kaboom isn't one of these time wasters and that there really was an emergency? Once Kaboom meets him, Kaboom can decide whether to tell him or not. The situation seems in some vague ways to parallel a fling committed by someone in a relationship. Confessing to your partner you cheated might give you relief and make you feel better - but is it really going to help the partner if it was a one time mistake.

 

Gman

[MiamiLooker]

Well, that's certainly another view...

 

For what it's worth, if your goal is to simply get laid...

Isn't that a win/win outcome for both the client and the escort?

 

...I'd stay honest, hope for the best and understand the escorts limitations if they can't get there with you.

If you're concerned with honesty in this relationship, ask the escort just how hot he thinks you are.

[Edward]

Be honest with him. If he does great. If he doesn't, he doesn't. I will never hire an escort that has once canceled on me if he has not given me a days notice.

[Amoco]

Isn't that a win/win outcome for both the client and the escort?

 

 

If you're concerned with honesty in this relationship, ask the escort just how hot he thinks you are.

Hah! That made me laugh! Thanks, Miami...