Dom vs. Sub Redux

[whipped guy]

Somehow we lost a few days of posts and I was just about to post the following when the system went down. It might be hard to follow things without the entire thread, but in essence we were discussing the roles of dom and sub in a BDSM scene.

 

 

... Perhaps I should ask WG to write a "how to" manual for me?

From one WG to another... We will be talking... and doing... and you will be a Tit Torture specialist by the time we're through...

 

 

Talk about pain and pleasure…….

So, definitely, as my nipples are very sensitive, they are the perfect answer - I can even use my own nipple clamps (haven't found any i like yet) on myself or, better yet, find someone I TRUST and have a good flogging. To that end……………..

 

 

Thanks WG.

FG... I usually suggest Jap Clover nipple clamps for self play... They give a medium tug, but the harder you pull on them or otherwise manipulate them the stronger they get. The best feature is that they stay on firmly and won't fall or slip off. The problem for some is that they can't be really adjusted as to the amount of pressure... The way around that is where and how they are placed. More pressure if placed on the tip of the nip... less if placed so that more nip tissue is engaged. It takes at bit of practice... but practice makes perfect. Plus at times one nip is more sensitive than the other...so again fine tuning adjustments via placement might need to be made. Eventually all will fall into place.

 

 

Of course there's nothing like a good flogging... from a trusted source that is...

 

 

That really is an excellent analysis of what I went through WG. My fear of hurting him, really prevented me from going further. I remember he kept looking at me with a little smirk on his face, encouraging me to take the pain level all the way up. I think on a scale of 1-10, I probably hit a .05 also. lol...In hind site I realize that mentally I hadn't come prepared to play the Dom role.

 

 

You also state earlier: "As I morphed into playing the Dom, I find that the most difficult part is trying to sound menacing and domineering"...That is spot on WG. He also kept looking at me square in the eye and encouraging me to talk dirty to him in a humiliating tone. I tried, God knows I tried, but at one point I broke out laughing. It was so unnatural to my persona also. Looking back on it, I can laugh at what was surely a laughable situation to anyone else looking on. One can easily appreciate the true pros, who play the Master Dom role so well. Thanks WG for your advice and thorough understanding of this most interesting side of sexual encounters. It's a lot of fun down here in the Fetish Forum...

Well BVB, even though we have never met I have heard through the grapevine that you are indeed a nice guy (all lies I am sure!)... and while nice guys may at times finish last, nice guys sure make for the perfect S&M dom. Heck the guy who was your sub specifically asked YOU to play the role of the top banana. That alone said that he trusted you... Now all you have to do is divorce yourself from what you consider to be painful and concentrate on the fact that the sub is in a different headspace regarding pain... and that he craves pain... and definitely needs pain to achieve ultimate satisfaction... and very often most especially at the final denouement! That's when whatever turns the sub on in many cases should be applied to the MAX!!! It just makes the happy ending... well happier!

 

 

Still, it is helpful for the dom to be able to read body language so as to be able to fine tune his actions so any preset limits and boundaries are not crossed. The goal is to go right up to those limits and allow for the potential to test those limits. That's where a prearranged safe-word comes into play. At times a pre-safe-word can help as well. For example, yellow can mean that the sub's limits are being approached, with red meaning to stop. When the dom knows that the sub has reached his limit, he should pause, give the sub some words of encouragement, and then make an assessment to see if the action should continue or be abated for the moment.

 

 

Regarding laughter, well if that is something that occurs naturally that's not a bad outcome... I like to swear and call the Dom all sorts of names... From SOB on up... Of course I always qualify it by saying that is my highest compliment... Heck you don't want to irritate the guy wielding the flogger too much... That often elicits a smirk... Yet to other individuals laughter might break the mood... So I guess it depends on the players. Still a smile and laughter usually indicates a good time... at least in my book.

 

 

Regarding the best professional doms... the best are nice guys as well... If I perceive a guy not to fall into that category I won't connect. A few years ago I met one such high profile porn star pro dom and he just did not seem to fall into the 'nice guy who I can trust implicitly' category based his actions... Long story! Now physically he was not my type... but I would have easily overlooked that if I felt that we could connect on a trustworthy level. I subsequently saw him in action a couple of additional times and he really knows his stuff, but I just could not go there simply based on his persona. I did speak to him and he gave me some advice. I also learned from observing his flogging technique, but that's as far as I was prepared to go.

 

 

In any event, it is much easier to play the sub. At least regarding being verbal, basically all that one needs is to know how to say, "Thank you Sir..." and "Yes Sir..." etc. and of course the safe-word... if needed that is.

 

 

As for myself, I have been honing my skills as a Dom and with each experience I have grown, improved, and matured. Of late I have been able to connect with a few seasoned subs and we have gotten along quite nicely as they seemed to be willing to submit and trust me. In fact I have almost decided that being an S&M Dom is my new purpose in life. The heck with the day job... Well I wish!!! At least I know what my new hobby will be when I retire!

 

 

So BVB, get to work on your new career as an S&M dom. It might just prove to be quite rewarding. Hopefully you will let us know when you have gotten your act together... and when you do a drive across Alligator Alley might then be in order...

[bigvalboy]

Great post WG...and as always I appreciate your seasoned advice. I have since experimented a few times with him, and as recently as last night, which is why I am coming to you so late in the day. I was forced into a nap after breakfast, just to replenish the spirit. Last night went much better. He had sent me a couple of videos of himself engaged in some fun, just to let me know how far he could go. So I took your advice and divorced myself from worrying about whether or not what I was doing would be painful for me, and concentrated on his face and expressions. We have great chemistry, and eye contact. He let me know that I had reached his threshold in nipple play, by nodding and a big smile on his face. There was pain, but he clearly was enjoying himself.

 

There wasn't any laughter this time, but rather a very intense feeling between us. I found what pushes his buttons, and he has suggested some other elements that he wants to introduce next time, that I am clearly uncomfortable with. I let him know that it would take some time to do some of those things, if ever. I have my limits, and it appears that he is willing to do almost anything.

 

He did suggest that I do the sub role sometime, but I let him know, that what I have learned, is that my pain threshold is dismally low, but he is OK with that. He did test the waters in that regard a few times, so I think he gets it.

 

At any rate, your post was amazing, very informative, and encouraging. Much appreciated. I think Alligator Alley was to happen in the Spring. I can't remember, but we will make time for sure.

[+ Funguy]

He did suggest that I do the sub role sometime, but I let him know, that what I have learned, is that my pain threshold is dismally low, but he is OK with that. He did test the waters in that regard a few times, so I think he gets it.

 

At any rate, your post was amazing, very informative, and encouraging. Much appreciated.

 

BVB - don't forget that being the sub does not always have to include pain. In some ways, there are times when I am so much more satisfied by the frustration imposed on me by a Dom. Hmmmm - satisfaction with frustration - interesting combination! Just like exquisite pleasure from pain.

 

And yes, WG, your posts have been really informative. Re: Jap Clover Nipple Clamps - I will have to try them out! With some, the slipping off has been a problem, sometimes just at the wrong time.

 

And yes, that sometimes elusive TRUST issue is a big one!

[bigvalboy]

BVB - don't forget that being the sub does not always have to include pain. In some ways, there are times when I am so much more satisfied by the frustration imposed on me by a Dom. Hmmmm - satisfaction with frustration - interesting combination! Just like exquisite pleasure from pain.

 

And yes, WG, your posts have been really informative. Re: Jap Clover Nipple Clamps - I will have to try them out! With some, the slipping off has been a problem, sometimes just at the wrong time.

 

And yes, that sometimes elusive TRUST issue is a big one!

 

Interesting that you mention that. Last night, for a brief time, we reversed rolls. I had already told him that my pain threshold was low, and he showed me some of the ways we could have fun. No pain involved, but it was more about making me submit to him, which was something that I could definitely get into. As everyone mentions here, there are an infinite numbers of ways to involve the sub-dom roll, and I am slow experimenting with this whole process...much appreciate all the information.

[whipped guy]

Great post WG... Much appreciated. I think Alligator Alley was to happen in the Spring. I can't remember, but we will make time for sure.

I almost want to hop on a plane right now and abandon the NE Command Post and fly fight down to FL right now! LOL!