Sex Worker or Therapist... Really interesting article.

[Juan Vancouver]

Hey guys,

 

Just read this and found it really insightful.

 

http://www.psychologytomorrowmagazine.com/sex-worker-or-therapist/

[tyro]

This article EXACTLY recounts my experience. I have learned a LOT from my boyzes. I have several FWB-type relationships going now (an absolute first for me) but I certainly haven't ruled out hiring in the future. AND the article quotes the forum's very own Devon Hunter, whose opinions are always worth reading IMHO.

Thank you for posting this.

T

[bigvalboy]

Very interesting article. Many of the points from Devon Hunter are spot on. Finding that connection and intimacy that Devon says many of his clients desire is certainly something that I seek. That often elusive bf experiece is for many, as important as the sexual aspect.

 

Thanks for posting Juan...a worthwhile read.

[Steven_Draker]

There is a lot of truth in these words ...

 

“What motivates me is the desire to create an experience that awakens kindness and compassion in my clients. Most of my clients are not coming to have intercourse. The great majority seek intimacy and affection I create a boyfriend experience in which we get acquainted through conversation, touch, perhaps tender kissing. We might go out to dinner then come home and have sex, but just as often not. Together, we establish a romanticized, or idealized version of what every man hopes for. In part, I accomplish this by focusing my attention with deep compassion and empathy for what it is someone needs. Whatever they look like, act like or fantasize. I suspend all judgements. My goal is to affirm people.

 

“Some of these men come from relationships that are dysfunctional or co-dependent where there has been sacrifice. Our experience acts as a counterpoint. It’s healing in that my client internalizes the kindness, compassion and tenderness we exchange then takes that into his own life and propagates it. Although I am not trained as a therapist, I always hope that the experience is a therapeutic one for my client. That doesn’t mean that it’s not sexy.

 

“I develop a bond with clients as regularly as might happen in real life and it’s as authentic as any that would happen outside of the situation. It grows from the cycle of freely giving and receiving that I work to establish. Being a man is demanding. Men have to prove they are men usually through aggressive behavior. When we are together, we can suspend that performance. Often I teach a client to receive. To let me take care of them. Most realize that intercourse is not what they want Affection and sensuality is what’s most meaningful to them. Kissing achieves that.

 

“Unfortunately, sex workers are marginalized and demonized on all fronts. I understand there are people who are hustlers — ‘gay for pay.’ They are often men who are self-loathing, emotionally inauthentic and inaccessible. Those kind of people exist in every profession. Some men are sadly attracted to the danger and potential self-destructiveness of encounters with these men.

 

“I want to bring attention to the fact that while sex workers have to constantly deal with society’s demonization of them, many are not self-hating. Personally, such ostracism reminds me to act with greater kindness and empathy towards everyone.”

 

It’s difficult not to continue the comparison between the goals and techniques of these sex workers and of psychotherapists — empathy, compassion, communication and connection, self-knowledge, affirmation and a corrective experience. Both experiences take place within a suspended reality where the relationship is limited to a prescribed time and place.

[Diverdan]

GREAT article, and thanks for posting this Juan.

[UconnFlyer]

The article was very interesting and certainly speaks to me. I haven't hired a lot, but I have found most of my hires to have a therapeutic quality to them. Usually, the most important parts of the session for me is just the talking, caressing and making out. Of course, other more directly sexual activities are fun too, but for me the touch and talk are critical. Reminds me of a Springsteen song:

 

"I got a deal for you right here

I aint looking for praise or pity

I aint coming round searching for a crutch

I just want someone to talk to

And a little of that human touch"

[+ g56whiz]

My sex life started very late: sorta like Tony Perkins. The reasons are not wholly germane here. But when I became active, guys mistook my maturity for experience. I longed for the loving initiating daddy experience. I still fantasize about it a bit. I could have greatly benefited a sexual surrogate. I even now I think it could help me greatly. I've been with a number of escorts and masseurs well reviewed here who seemed genuinely motivated by the joy getting to know guys intimately. I thought and continue to think that they would be excellent surrogates. But it was never on the explicit menu. Perhaps it's time for our escorts who are so motivated to emulate Devon Hunter and specifically offer sexual surrogacy and for us to review them here accordingly. Just an idea.

 

Oh and Juan, thanks for raising this thread. About you I've often wondered . . . . . . lol (Alas the only time I've been near your home base was while isolated in an airport waiting room whilst on an international flight to the orient.)

[wisconsinguy]

Very interesting article. Many of the points from Devon Hunter are spot on. Finding that connection and intimacy that Devon says many of his clients desire is certainly something that I seek. That often elusive bf experiece is for many, as important as the sexual aspect.

 

Thanks for posting Juan...a worthwhile read.

Great thread Juan. What part of the article means to me is to keep upfront what an important part escorts play in many of our lives. I posted a thread a month ago after my first weekend experience on with an escort entitled, "Giving Thanks/Kudos/ to our escorts." Through my prior encounters with substance abuse I went through many therapy persons, I know the definition of "therapeutic." This was way beyond that. Without saying almost nothing except a beautiful smile, a passionate kiss, and a world of acceptance, I felt free. I was in the presence of a person who knew my soul, and it was just fine with him. For the first time ever, I am fast approaching the point that I am good just being me. I was in the presence of someone who who was just like me. Who emulated being what it is like to be, "comfortable in your own skin." He is helping me find peace, serenity, sensuality, sexuality, and acceptance with me. I plan on telling him this in March when I see him for the weekend again. Escorts need to know how important they are.

And to think, it all started with a smile and a kiss, wow!

[Juan Vancouver]

Through my prior encounters with substance abuse I went through many therapy persons, I know the definition of "therapeutic." This was way beyond that. Without saying almost nothing except a beautiful smile, a passionate kiss, and a world of acceptance, I felt free. I was in the presence of a person who knew my soul, and it was just fine with him. For the first time ever, I am fast approaching the point that I am good just being me. I was in the presence of someone who who was just like me. Who emulated being what it is like to be, "comfortable in your own skin." He is helping me find peace, serenity, sensuality, sexuality, and acceptance with me. I plan on telling him this in March when I see him for the weekend again. Escorts need to know how important they are.

And to think, it all started with a smile and a kiss, wow!

 

God, that is so beautifully put. Thank you for sharing this. And thank you all who responded to the thread. I am glad you enjoyed the article. I believe that the more this side of escorting is brought to our attention the less shame and guilt it will carry for both escorts and clients. I sincerely believe escorting can be a very healing and beautiful therapeutic modality for many.

 

Perhaps it's time for our escorts who are so motivated to emulate Devon Hunter and specifically offer sexual surrogacy and for us to review them here accordingly.

 

Actually, off the top of my head I can think of 5 or 6 incredible escorts who have been active posters in this forum for many, many years who are passionate about facilitating intimacy, acceptance and guided exploration for their clients. They are escorts who take delight and pride in guiding men and women through their intimate world teaching them skills that will allow them to engage on non-paid intimate relationships of their own. I think the stress here is that they empower their clients to pursuit a fulfilling intimate life of their own as opposed to letting their clients become dependant on them as sole outlet for their needs. Without having to think hard many names come to mind but I am sure there are many other amazing escorts out there who have this goal in mind of whom we know nothing. I believe there is a huge movement in this direction, which makes being an escort not only a profitable gig but also a deeply fulfilling career choice.

 

If you are interested in engaging an escort with the deliberate intention of developing interpersonal and sexual life skills I recommend you to read a few reviews, find a few guys you think might fit the bill and then contact them letting them know exactly what you have in mind. I am sure some of those men will jump at the opportunity to work in this manner with you.

 

g56whiz, I am sorry you got stranded in YVR, and I hope we will get a chance to meet real soon.

 

Big hug to all!

[TruHart1]

Hey guys,

 

Just read this and found it really insightful.

 

http://www.psychologytomorrowmagazine.com/sex-worker-or-therapist/

 

I really enjoyed this article. I always had self-esteem issues from puberty on, mostly due to my weight and my belief that unless I found a chubby chaser attracted to me and to whom I was attracted, I would never become a truly sexual being. Unfortunately, that never happened.

 

However, I have found since my very first hiring experience that whenever I discover an escort who is not judgmental and who furnishes me with a real “BoyFriend Experience” my whole outlook on sex and even inter-personal relationships has continued to change for the better, including my self-esteem.

 

Every escort who makes me feel desired and yes, for our time together, even loved, is truly a sexual therapist in all the best ways for me. Over the last 3½ years of hiring, my self-confidence has increased so much more in these, my older years, than it ever was in my younger years!

 

The comments by Devon Hunter are especially apropos for me since I have experienced his amazing capacity for intelligent conversation along with his beautifully well-developed dancer’s body which he shares without reservation whenever I am lucky enough to meet with him. In fact, I’m looking forward to seeing him again (I hope!) in March.

 

My appreciation goes to Stanley Siegel for writing the article which I think does a pretty fine job of explaining just how sex workers can be such positive influences for some of us, and many, many thanks to Juan, who always posts with such intelligence and insight, for posting the link! Juan, I wish you’d travel to the Midwest so I could meet you, another man I’ve had on my wish list for quite a while!

 

TruHart1

[wisconsinguy]

God, that is so beautifully put. Thank you for sharing this. And thank you all who responded to the thread. I am glad you enjoyed the article. I believe that the more this side of escorting is brought to our attention the less shame and guilt it will carry for both escorts and clients. I sincerely believe escorting can be a very healing and beautiful therapeutic modality for many.

 

 

 

Actually, off the top of my head I can think of 5 or 6 incredible escorts who have been active posters in this forum for many, many years who are passionate about facilitating intimacy, acceptance and guided exploration for their clients. They are escorts who take delight and pride in guiding men and women through their intimate world teaching them skills that will allow them to engage on non-paid intimate relationships of their own. I think the stress here is that they empower their clients to pursuit a fulfilling intimate life of their own as opposed to letting their clients become dependant on them as sole outlet for their needs. Without having to think hard many names come to mind but I am sure there are many other amazing escorts out there who have this goal in mind of whom we know nothing. I believe there is a huge movement in this direction, which makes being an escort not only a profitable gig but also a deeply fulfilling career choice.

 

If you are interested in engaging an escort with the deliberate intention of developing interpersonal and sexual life skills I recommend you to read a few reviews, find a few guys you think might fit the bill and then contact them letting them know exactly what you have in mind. I am sure some of those men will jump at the opportunity to work in this manner with you.

 

g56whiz, I am sorry you got stranded in YVR, and I hope we will get a chance to meet real soon.

 

Big hug to all!

Juan, That is actually what I did. Reviewed, and reviewed. Chose what I believe to be the perfect first experience, and turned out to be many times over that. (Raul). Now he is suggesting "experimenting." As long as it's not clothespins on my nipples! He found my ultimate sensitive spot right on.

[Daverwr]

BRAVA - for the article, the posting and the responses. In many ways it is how I have felt all along. To me, the sex is secondary.

 

 

“ The great majority seek intimacy and affection I create a boyfriend experience in which we get acquainted through conversation, touch, perhaps tender kissing. We might go out to dinner then come home and have sex, but just as often not."

 

I'd like to ask the escorts, how often is "not" (have sex)? For me, it is often. Intimacy is the key to a successful encounter. Quite frankly, I can get off on my own.

[Juan Vancouver]

I'd like to ask the escorts, how often is "not" (have sex)? For me, it is often. Intimacy is the key to a successful encounter. Quite frankly, I can get off on my own.

 

I often get people who are looking for all sort of stuff aside from sex. Some know it beforehand and some others think they want sex but are surprised when the intimacy or communication end up being more fulfilling than the physical part. Sometime one needs to get the sex part over so that the real session can start. But of course there's all sorts of different clients and experiences.

 

Quite often in this board when having the discussion of "money for time only" when I have said that a good number of my clients are looking for other things aside or instead of sexual acts people have been very forceful accusing me of lying. There's often a chorus of "If my man doesn't put out he's leaving without my benjamins!' and when I (or other escorts) point out that some people are not interested or ready to engage in sexual acts they often cry foul play. Sometimes even escorts join in saying that they would not dream of getting paid without fucking. They sincerely believe that their work is to fuck their clients.

 

I think this discussion is possible because we put different professions under the same bracket: we say working boys whether they are prostitutes, sexual healers, sexual surrogates with actual therapeutic training, arm candy, travel companions or gay for pay hustlers. Then we try to say that the same rules and the same experiences are valid for all those different trades. They are not. They can't be the same.

 

I personally think that they all (except the extorting hustlers) are valid professions and are very important as they fulfill different needs and I think the more we are all exposed to the different ways in which escorting can happen, the richer our involvement in it will be.

[wisconsinguy]

I often get people who are looking for all sort of stuff aside from sex. Some know it beforehand and some others think they want sex but are surprised when the intimacy or communication end up being more fulfilling than the physical part. Sometime one needs to get the sex part over so that the real session can start. But of course there's all sorts of different clients and experiences.

 

Quite often in this board when having the discussion of "money for time only" when I have said that a good number of my clients are looking for other things aside or instead of sexual acts people have been very forceful accusing me of lying. There's often a chorus of "If my man doesn't put out he's leaving without my benjamins!' and when I (or other escorts) point out that some people are not interested or ready to engage in sexual acts they often cry foul play. Sometimes even escorts join in saying that they would not dream of getting paid without fucking. They sincerely believe that their work is to fuck their clients.

 

I think this discussion is possible because we put different professions under the same bracket: we say working boys whether they are prostitutes, sexual healers, sexual surrogates with actual therapeutic training, arm candy, travel companions or gay for pay hustlers. Then we try to say that the same rules and the same experiences are valid for all those different trades. They are not. They can't be the same.

 

I personally think that they all (except the extorting hustlers) are valid professions and are very important as they fulfill different needs and I think the more we are all exposed to the different ways in which escorting can happen, the richer our involvement in it will be.

Juan, Don't you think this comes down to each part of the equation, escorts and clients, being honest with each other? Being an example of the first time experience, getting over the sex part, which was amazing, allowed for really an equally amazing experience. Part of this for me is simple. I love friends. When I got past the anxiety of the sex, again, amazing, it allowed me to venture into the escort as a person. This itself into intimacy, closeness, and made the sex part even better. I felt accepted as the person in front of him. Hey Juan, Wisconsin is not that far from Vancouver! Take care all, Rand

[TruHart1]

Juan, That is actually what I did. Reviewed, and reviewed. Chose what I believe to be the perfect first experience, and turned out to be many times over that. (Raul). Now he is suggesting "experimenting." As long as it's not clothespins on my nipples! He found my ultimate sensitive spot right on.

 

Juan, Don't you think this comes down to each part of the equation, escorts and clients, being honest with each other? Being an example of the first time experience, getting over the sex part, which was amazing, allowed for really an equally amazing experience. Part of this for me is simple. I love friends. When I got past the anxiety of the sex, again, amazing, it allowed me to venture into the escort as a person. This itself into intimacy, closeness, and made the sex part even better. I felt accepted as the person in front of him. Hey Juan, Wisconsin is not that far from Vancouver! Take care all, Rand

 

Rand, the secret of each and every positive escort experience for me has always been to find EVERY reference online to anyone I was interested in. If they have multiple positive reviews on Daddys or M4RN, whose review site, Cruising for Escorts, also has the honorarium of “100% of Clients Would Recommend Him” for the best escorts by reviews (and Raul does have this at that site, BTW) then I will read and re-read each review a few times to see if the reviewer may or may not have the same apparent taste in men as myself. I have very seldom been disappointed vetting escorts this way.

 

If the escort has made a number of informative/insightful contributions to the forum discussions, that is another positive point for him. When I first started lurking on the forum, Raul was quite active with his opinions/insights and wonderful sense of humor, though not as active now. Still, you picked one of the very best for your initiation as a client! Whether you move on to those more experimental and kinky specialties Raul is expert at giving, or stick with mostly vanilla (as I tend to do with him) and enjoy his company not only in the bedroom but also for meals, the theater, the opera, etc. and his amazing knowledge of the city of Chicago, which he is so generous in sharing, he is always therapeutic in the best sense!

 

TruHart1

[wisconsinguy]

Rand, the secret of each and every positive escort experience for me has always been to find EVERY reference online to anyone I was interested in. If they have multiple positive reviews on Daddys or M4RN, whose review site, Cruising for Escorts, also has the honorarium of “100% of Clients Would Recommend Him” for the best escorts by reviews (and Raul does have this at that site, BTW) then I will read and re-read each review a few times to see if the reviewer may or may not have the same apparent taste in men as myself. I have very seldom been disappointed vetting escorts this way.

 

If the escort has made a number of informative/insightful contributions to the forum discussions, that is another positive point for him. When I first started lurking on the forum, Raul was quite active with his opinions/insights and wonderful sense of humor, though not as active now. Still, you picked one of the very best for your initiation as a client! Whether you move on to those more experimental and kinky specialties Raul is expert at giving, or stick with mostly vanilla (as I tend to do with him) and enjoy his company not only in the bedroom but also for meals, the theater, the opera, etc. and his amazing knowledge of the city of Chicago, which he is so generous in sharing, he is always therapeutic in the best sense!

 

TruHart1

Thanks TruHart1, Positive afformations from others is always a good thing. I agree with you 100% with your closing statements. Thanks again, your a good man, Rand