I know you!

[Guest wolfman]

An interesting situation has come up. I'm going west on business and to a town I've never been in before. I always check this site to see if there is someone to keep me company for a few hours.

 

When I checked the state, I came across a young man who is way hot and has everything I look for. Problem is, I know him from when he was in a youth program I volunteer for. He moved away when he finished High School and I thought it was to go to college. I think he escorts full time now.

 

I never thought of him in a sexual way while we knew each other before, but now I'm thinking of getting to know him better! Should I just fantisize or go for it?

 

Wolfman

[Flower]

RE: OR--I know your dad !

 

Different but similar -- a few years ago I was in Los Angeles on business and met a hot young man who advertised for both LA and Seattle--I thought nothing of it but found he looked vaguely familiar.

 

I had the web TV in my room when he arrived, since I was killing time and also curious not having used it b4--he asked if he could check he email really quick and in the process, he popped his private email with real name on the TV screen--he was the Jr. and I went to school with his father, the Sr. I asked and he confirmed somewhat surprised and a little taken back.

 

I canceled the session since I just didn't feel right about it. I offered to pay him anyway but he declined saying not telling his dad was all he wanted :+

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Knowing Me, Knowing You

 

As Flower points out, there is a potential degree of discomfort for either one or both parties. Unless this gentlemen is exactly and the only type of young man who could keep you company in Los Angeles on one of our warm and breezy nights, I would recommend that you continue to look. Frontier is available on line and there are a number of free sites where you can check some men out and then inquire as to their reviews and other information you may need. If you would like some suggestions of sites, please feel free to send me an e-mail (not a private message). I am sure other California based clients would also be happy to recommend specific young men if you post and inquire in the DELI forum.

 

Good luck to you and enjoy your stay in California!

[Guest random]

I would not contact the guy. It will place him in a weird situation and the experince most likely will not live up to the fantasy. Probably best to just let it be as is and move on.

[Prime Muscle]

I agree with the above posts to pass on this escort unless he is the only one that you find attractive. Since he is in LA - you'll have no trouble finding someone else. If you do hook-up, you'll most likely have an anxiety level you usually don't have and might not enjoy the appointment. But if you do contact him -- I recommend you tell him who you are before setting up the appointment. Surprises like this suck if you were to just show up.

[axebahia]

>Problem is, I know him from

>when he was in a youth program I volunteer for. He moved away

>when he finished High School and I thought it was to go to

>college. I think he escorts full time now.

 

Let me be the dissenter here. How long ago was your last contact? what was the nature of your relationship bin the program? Was he someone you had active and direct contact with? Depending on your answers, I don't see a problem other than privacy and discretion, but these did not seem to be your concerns.

[axebahia]

RE: OR--I know your dad !

 

>...he

>popped his private email with real name on the TV screen--he

>was the Jr. and I went to school with his father, the Sr. I

>asked and he confirmed somewhat surprised and a little taken

>back.

 

Again other than privacy and discretion issues, why would this bother you?

[Will]

This really is an interesting ethical problem, worthy of the Sunday New York Times column by Randy Cohen. But it's not likely to get there, and anyhow it's more fun for us all to have a go at it here.

 

First, in your situation I would feel precisely the same way, and I think that the arguments put forward on both sides of the issue have merit. In other words, I don't see this as a cut-and-dried thing. But I do see some possibilities other than hiring or not hiring.

 

What do you think might happen if you called him up on the telephone, reintroduced yourself, and told him that you'd found him in L.A. through his escort ad? You could even go on to say that you picked him out of all the competition, but as soon as you realized that you knew each other, you wanted to think it over. Make sure that he knows you don't blame or criticize him for being an escort, and ask him out to dinner. Because you are old acquaintances, there's no reason for either of you to think that this is a "professional" appointment.

 

Over dinner, you can easily bring the conversation around to escorting, with the emphasis on why you hire -- not why he rents. It won't be long before both of you know whether you both want to go forward with an escort/client date, or just to call it an evening. Whichever way it goes, you'll feel a lot better about the whole thing.

 

I agree with others who say that it's just unfair, even cruel, simply to make an appointment and show up unannounced. On the other hand, if I didn't contact him I'd regret it for the rest of my life. At the very least, it will give you the opportunity to affirm him and yourself. After all, there is an ancient and honorable tradition of erotic relationships of this sort, as witness Socrates and (yes) St Aelred of Rievaulx.

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

First Contact

 

>This really is an interesting ethical problem, worthy of the

>Sunday New York Times column by Randy Cohen. But it's not

>likely to get there, and anyhow it's more fun for us all to

>have a go at it here.

>

>First, in your situation I would feel precisely the same way,

>and I think that the arguments put forward on both sides of

>the issue have merit. In other words, I don't see this as a

>cut-and-dried thing. But I do see some possibilities other

>than hiring or not hiring.

 

> . . . Whichever way it goes, you'll feel a lot

>better about the whole thing.

>

 

Only you (Wolfman, the inititial poster) could determine if you would, in fact, feel better about the whole thing. Unfortunately, you provided limited information and, in re-reading the entire thread, I note I made the assumption that the escort was in Los Angeles or even in California when you just mentioned West Coast. If you do decide to consider Will's suggestion, I would strongly urge you to make the first contact via e-mail, rather than on the telephone. When you call, the escort will already know you have discovered he is an escort and you will have information about him that he does not have about you (that you already know him in a different light and under different circumstances). I think the more gracious thing to do is to allow him to respond to a written communication versus a telephone one.

 

Finally, while Will's comments and insights are, as always, interesting and intelligent, not all escorts (or even all clients) may feel that it is necessary to pursue a meeting in this manner. I do not know how I might had felt at that age, but were I get an e-mail from someone from my past wanting to meet for dinner, I would, first of all, suggest lunch or coffee instead, and I would secondly not contemplate a session with prior to such a meeting or afterwards. For the same reason that once some of my clients and I have established a relationship more akin to friendship and no longer have either a sexual or financial component, I would not see any valid reason to have either a sexual or financial relationship with someone from my past who simply happened to determine I was now escorting. To me, it would be no more and no less than an opportunity to reacquaint myself with this individual, were we both to chose to pursue this.

[axebahia]

RE: First Contact

 

>For the same

>reason that once some of my clients and I have established a

>relationship more akin to friendship and no longer have either

>a sexual or financial component, I would not see any valid

>reason to have either a sexual or financial relationship with

>someone from my past who simply happened to determine I was

>now escorting.

 

What am I missing here? If the guy is a professional escort why does it make any difference at all that he once knew the client in some "other" capacity (at least insofar as the initialpost disclosed)?

[+ Hoover42]

RE: First Contact

 

>What am I missing here?

 

I think Wolfman is simply considering the possibility that the escort might be made uncomfortable by the encounter.

 

I don't think it would be all unusual to find that the escort was uncomfortable revealing to an acquaintance the fact that he escorts--out of embarrassment or out of a fear of that infromation would get back to family or friends.

 

...Hoover

[axebahia]

RE: First Contact

 

>I don't think it would be all unusual to find that the escort

>was uncomfortable revealing to an acquaintance the fact that

>he escorts--out of embarrassment or out of a fear of that

>infromation would get back to family or friends.

 

If it is just a question of privacy and discretion, I understand, but most of these posts seem to suggest that there is some larger reason than that. I just want to understand what concerns beyond discretion would be so upsetting to a professional escort.

[Bilbo]

RE: First Contact

 

I was once romanced by mail by a man who wrote me the most playful, erotic poetry. It was delightful. However, it turned out to be someone who had suggested a date in the past and I had turned him down because he just did not appeal to me. When the poet arrived at my door and saw my crestfallen face upon recognizing him - actually I'm afraid it was worse than that, I invited him in thinking he had somehow just dropped by, but told him that he couldn't stay very long as I was expecting someone and he had to tell me that he was the someone I was expecting. While a good escort is experienced in finding something sexy on either the inside or outside of everyone, it is much more difficult when it is someone you have already rejected in "daily life." So, there is one bad possibility if this young man had realized that you were gay when he knew you in the youth group and had made a conscious decision not to put the make on you.

 

And if it was a religious based youth group, you may be a reminder of a time when he felt he was more holy than he is now. This can be a very spiritual calling, but how many realize that right at first? If he is still coming to grips with his calling to this kind of ministry, it could be an uncomfortable dilemma.

 

However, if that is not a problem, and if he realized that you were gay way back then, and you turned him on but he feared that you would never be available to someone with whom you shared a sort of teacher-pupil relationship with, you may be one of the most welcome experiences he's had in a long time. And vice versa.

 

So, while I would say - Go for it! - I agree with Franco that email looks like the best way to do so, to give him a chance to compose his thought, his face and his words in his own time rather than a sudden confrontation, even over the phone.

[Guest wolfman]

RE: First Contact

 

Thanks for all the responses. To clarify:

 

1. This escort is in the western part of the U.S. , not LA.

 

2. I have not seen him in 3 years which make him 21 and me 44.

 

3. We had a good relationship when we were involved in the youth organization (not church sponsered), but never overly close.

 

4. I doubt he would think I am gay, as I really am bi. I was a widower (still am) at the time I knew him.

 

5. I would never surprise him.

 

I'm thinking of e-mailing him prior to my trip and let him know I'll be in town. Maybe suggest dinner, and nothing else. See where the vibes take me. I'll let everyone know what happens!

 

Wolfman

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Why Ask Why

 

>>For the same

>>reason that once some of my clients and I have established a

>>relationship more akin to friendship and no longer have

>either

>>a sexual or financial component, I would not see any valid

>>reason to have either a sexual or financial relationship

>with

>>someone from my past who simply happened to determine I was

>>now escorting.

>

>What am I missing here? If the guy is a professional escort

>why does it make any difference at all that he once knew the

>client in some "other" capacity (at least insofar as the

>initialpost disclosed)?

 

In my case, my clients and I have both determined that a sexual relationship is no longer appropriate; we have established a relationship. We speak on the telephone when I visit their town, I have traveled with one ("dutch" and seperate hotel rooms), and some of them take me to dinner or lunch (or vice versa). With some of my local clients, we maintain an on line relationship but do not necessarily see each other.

 

In this particular situation, I think Wolfman had established that he had a concern it might be inappropriate to find himself (or the escort) in an uncomfortable position, no pun intended.

 

As an attorney, you might decline to represent a client or company due to ethical concerns, such as conflicts, but you also may do so for personal reasons: the client is a neighbor, a distant relative, etc.

 

In this respect, even a professional in another profession may have any number of equally valid reasons not to engage into a commercial transaction with someone from his past for any number of reasons. While we can spend a great deal of bandwidth guessing as to these reasons, it does not change the fact that there may be a number of them and to either the client or the "professional" in question, they should remain quite valid.

[Will]

RE: First Contact

 

I think that sounds wise. It doesn't make any difference whether he thinks you're gay or not; when I was twenty-one I fantasized about plenty of men in their forties, and it didn't matter to me whether they were straight or gay, because I'd never have expected to be able to find out. You will, of course, want to tell him how you knew where he was, and what his e-mail address is. I still think that the best way is the most straightforward, uncomplicated way, and that is to let him know that you know he's an escort and that he's the sort of escort who's attractive to you. I don't see where would be the pressure in your saying or his hearing that. You seem to be a kind, thoughtful person; and if you volunteered for a youth group, you are sensitive to the way young people feel. Trust yourself!

[Flower]

a DOLT by anyother name is still a DOLT

 

>Again other than privacy and discretion issues, why would this

>bother you?

Since you obviously wouldn't understand anyway, I'll save myself the frustration of trying.

[Flower]

a prime example of a hard prick having no conscience

 

>What am I missing here?

 

Well, since you asked: common sense,  conscience, ethics, brains, and a scitilla of moral fiber to name just a few--see dictionary.com if any of these words are new to you:+

[axebahia]

RE: a DOLT by anyother name is still a DOLT

 

> Since you obviously wouldn't understand

>anyway, I'll save myself the frustration of trying.

 

What impressive logic,incredible reasoning and convincing argumentation? Take a gold star and go to the head of the class!

[axebahia]

RE: Why Ask Why

 

>As an attorney, you might decline to represent a client or

>company due to ethical concerns, such as conflicts, but you

>also may do so for personal reasons: the client is a

>neighbor, a distant relative, etc.

 

I can't think of any lawyer who would decline representation on the facts disclosed here.

 

>In this respect, even a professional in another profession may

>have any number of equally valid reasons not to engage into a

>commercial transaction with someone from his past for any

>number of reasons.

 

I am not disputing that. I just would like to see those concerns elucidated more clearly here.

[kjun]

RE: First Contact

 

Right on. I'm with you on this. Ms. know-it-all flower be damned.

 

the Cajun

[Bilbo]

RE: Why Ask Why

 

I did already write my reply in such a way that I hoped it would show you some of the concerns.