Help Me Motivate Myself to Get Back into Online dating

[bigvalboy]

Woah, that was fast. I just put my picture up and within a few minutes, I've received several messages; I expect that's the case for most women online in a metropolis. But here's one of them. Hard to know what anyone is like in person from a message, but a very nice start! (Hotlinked so that I can delete it later.)

http://s13.postimg.org/4fa5t04g7/Screen_Shot_2013_04_04_at_8_34_27_PM.png

 

Happy for you....."You go girl"

 

Cheers baby, BVB

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

Chris, I definitely agree that the answers to the MC questions are interesting. But remember that many people fill out the quizzes without putting much thought into them. Also, some people save a great deal but don't necessarily keep a written budget.

 

So if you like someone but see an issue with the quiz answers, it may be worth writing to him. That way, you can see if his habits correspond with reckless spending or if the quiz answer was a fluke.

 

I don't think I'd be interested in someone who didn't put much thought into their dating site profile, or questions that are designed to help determine compatibility. To me, that's like wearing a stained shirt to an interview with the hope that you'll be perceived as "real" as opposed to "slob."

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

I just checked out OKCupid for the first time. I had stayed away before because I thought that it was mostly for young guys and I prefer older.

 

I like a number of things about it, especially the public questions; you can tell a lot from what people ask. One guy had several sex questions on the first couple of pages including "Do you like anal sex?" and "How rough do you like your sex?" I move very slowly when it comes to sex, so if these are the most important questions he can think of, he and I are clearly not a match.

 

I now just need to put in my profile and photo!

 

HA! One time I had one of these set up with a voice mailbox, and the responses were often hilarious.

 

"Hi, this is Gary... I like long walks on the beach in the sunset. I like to fuck... I like to get fucked."

 

Well, okay then.

[bigvalboy]

"Hi, this is Gary... I like long walks on the beach in the sunset. I like to fuck... I like to get fucked."

 

Well, okay then.

 

 

Well, what else is there really. Are you saying that there is more to a relationship? ....maybe that is why I am single.

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

Well, what else is there really. Are you saying that there is more to a relationship? ....maybe that is why I am single.

 

I still laugh about it, I had to let every friend of mine hear the message repeatedly.

[Juan Vancouver]

For example, it amazes me how many guys don't regard keeping a budget as important. Thanks so much for playing, and the exit is the second door on the left!

 

 

 

What is a budget?

 

 

 

[video=youtube;zhfpBW-nUWk]

 

Why on earth would you want to get together with someone who has the same set of skills than you? If you like keeping the budget balanced, why not letting him focus on other areas that may not be your strongest?

 

I think sometimes we tend to over intellectualize mating. I personally believe that no amount of questionnaires will reveal the magic that two people might have or lack. I see people wanting to hook up with people that are exactly like them and then wonder why is it that they can't find their perfect complement.

 

And to you, Miss Little Fluffy Puss, get off your keyboard and go out. Meet people, have fun, meet friends, enjoy your life and make sure you discover all the things that make your heart sing... and do them. Often. Once you are shining bright, happy and relaxed it will be so easy for you to let Him (them?) find you.

 

Less thinking, more living. =)

[tyro]

Even though I haven't heard from you in an age (ahem!) I must still write to give you props on your post. My feelings are quite similar.

T

[bigvalboy]

get off your keyboard and go out. Meet people, have fun, meet friends, enjoy your life and make sure you discover all the things that make your heart sing... and do them. Often. Once you are shining bright, happy and relaxed it will be so easy for you to let Him (them?) find you.

 

Less thinking, more living. =)

 

 

 

Indeed!!!

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

What is a budget?

 

I sent you an email.

[+ FreshFluff]

Why on earth would you want to get together with someone who has the same set of skills than you? If you like keeping the budget balanced, why not letting him focus on other areas that may not be your strongest?

 

But Chris isn't necessarily.looking for a financial wizard. I think it's perfectly reasonable for him to want a partner who has a basic level of financial literacy. No one wants a partner who is going to spend his hard earned money.

 

And to you, Miss Little Fluffy Puss, get off your keyboard and go out. Meet people, have fun, meet friends, enjoy your life and make sure you discover all the things that make your heart sing... and do them. Often. Once you are shining bright, happy and relaxed it will be so easy for you to let Him (them?) find you.

Less thinking, more living. =)

 

Thanks for the thoughtful response, Juan. While I'm an introvert, I regularly go out and meet people in person.

 

For example, I went out tonight and met someone. (I'll write more later.) And next week, I'm going to a fundraiser where I met a guy last year.

 

However, the nice thing about online dating is one can "meet" a large number of people quickly. There are some guys with whom I might never cross paths in person, but I can meet them online.

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

But Chris isn't necessarily.looking for a financial wizard. I think it's perfectly reasonable for him to want a partner who has a basic level of financial literacy. No one wants a partner who is going to spend his hard earned money.

 

I would actually enjoy being in a position where I could support my partner while he took care of the house, the kids, went to school, bettered himself, and so on. It just hasn't been the way the situation has played out.

[+ FreshFluff]

Last night, I went out the Meatpacking district and ended up in Chelsea, at a huge Asian fusion restaurant that I haven't been to in a while. There was a service issue the last time I went, so the manager seated me quickly and, I think, offered to comp me.

 

A guy from a nearby table approached and ask if I'd sit with him and his friend. He was born in Russia, but his accent is pretty American. He went to biz school iin Boston and now works as a oil analyst in NYC. He says he's traveled to 20 countries in the past few years. His friend was a prof at the same university who was moving out of academia.

 

They wanted to go out, but I needed to go home. I admit that I'm not super attracted, but I could see going out with him again. (He was aggressive about things like getting a table and a cab, and that always turned me on.)

 

See, Juan: Even though I was sick with a cold, I went out and met people.

 

BTW, Chris, I'm sure lots of guys would love to be your SAHH (stay at home husband)!

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

Last night, I went out the Meatpacking district and ended up in Chelsea, at a huge Asian fusion restaurant that I haven't been to in a while. There was a service issue the last time I went, so the manager seated me quickly and, I think, offered to comp me.

 

A guy from a nearby table approached and ask if I'd sit with him and his friend. He was born in Russia, but his accent is pretty American. He went to biz school iin Boston and now works as a oil analyst in NYC. He says he's traveled to 20 countries in the past few years. His friend was a prof at the same university who was moving out of academia.

 

They wanted to go out, but I needed to go home. I admit that I'm not super attracted, but I could see going out with him again. (He was aggressive about things like getting a table and a cab, and that always turned me on.)

 

See, Juan: Even though I was sick with a cold, I went out and met people.

 

BTW, Chris, I'm sure lots of guys would love to be your SAHH (stay at home husband)!

 

I'll try again eventually. I sure like escorting though.

[Juan Vancouver]

First of all, FreshFluff, please let me apologize: I realize by the defensive tone that I might have struck a chord with my post. I am sorry about that, that was not my intention. I see now that the playful tone of my response might have been lost in the written form. I guess I am not as skilled a writer as I thought I was. From now on I will try to use more emoticons.

 

You sound like a delightful woman. You seem to have absolutely no problem meeting people and I am assured that you have a wide variety of men from whom to pick. I don't see why you would ever have a problem finding a suitable mate.

 

I send you an apology and my sincere wishes that you will soon find what you are looking for.

 

And Chris...

 

I was hoping that having Maggie Smith speak for me would make it sufficiently clear that I was teasing you based on the conversation we had about this subject in the past; however, I have to thank you for the elucidating email you sent me about the intricacies and psychological implications of being budget aware. LOL! (just joking!) I am sure you will find a perfect match soon. The good ones are never single for too long.

 

Big hug to the both of you,

 

Juan xx

[+ FreshFluff]

Juan, I wasn't offended at all! I very much appreciate your advice. Your admonishment to think less and do more is right on the money.

 

I just wanted to let you know that I do go out and meet people in person. But that there are advantages to doing online dating, which exposes me to a larger number of people. Neither is really a substitute for the other, just as Grindr is no substitute for going out to bars with your friends.

[JoeyBryant]

I think sometimes we tend to over intellectualize mating. I personally believe that no amount of questionnaires will reveal the magic that two people might have or lack. I see people wanting to hook up with people that are exactly like them and then wonder why is it that they can't find their perfect complement.

 

I agree with you here. That's why lately I haven't even been putting much effort into online dating anymore. I will always remember there was a guy who would never respond to my messages when I emailed him. We had never met. I was like, this guy is so fine, why won't he email me back? Eventually...down the line, we met in person through mutual friends, and became boyfriends for a while and knew each other steady for about 2 years. If I had continued trying to meet him online, it probably would have never happened. Unfortunately, I don't have any stories that are the other way around (seeing each other in person at the grocery store, then being messaged online).

 

Chris you should have posted your budget spiel here as I damn sure need some budgeting advice. But everytime I hear the word budget it becomes synonymous for eating nothing but noodles 5 days a week. And I can't do that when I'm hitting the gym 5 days a week. My friends don't understand why in the middle of the night running around to the bars I have to make burger runs. The feeling of starvation can hit me in an instant and before I know it, my body is eating itself.

 

But I understand there is a difference between people like me who may not be the best at budgeting, but is disciplined enough not to spend phone-bill/rent money at the bar versus someone who had absolutely no care in the world about anything. I have a friend who goes out and confesses that he wants to spend ALL the money he has out at the bar. He drops $100-150 some nights and expects me to do the same.

 

I've told him, I live alone. You live with your parents. So if I want to go out and spend $20 in a night...it's because I know if I spend $100, I'm not going to have any internet service during the week. Unfortunately I'm not well-off like many of the men who hire me.

 

Chris, an easy way to tell is to take a guy out to the bar with you. If he's using a card (especially credit) and leaving his tab open...he's gonna break budget. If he's paying cash, maybe he only bought out $40 and left his cards at home. He's not breaking budget LOL. But be careful because guys who live too much by their budget tend to be cheap, and you don't want cheap. I've dated cheap men versus budget conscious men...the 2 are TOTALLY different animals. You usually won't know a budget conscious man is cheap, and a cheap guy will make it out like he's budget conscious. No, he's just cheap. He'll do stuff like ask you to a fast food restaurant and beat you to the register and pay for his first just so you won't turn around and ask him to pay for it.

[bigvalboy]

But every time I hear the word budget it becomes synonymous for eating nothing but noodles 5 days a week. And I can't do that when I'm hitting the gym 5 days a week. My friends don't understand why in the middle of the night running around to the bars I have to make burger runs. The feeling of starvation can hit me in an instant and before I know it, my body is eating itself.

 

 

Kinda off the subject of budgets, but I saw this and I have a suggestion for you. Toward the evening before you go out, have a solid meal, then drink a protein shaker with Casein protein in it, I will sometimes take an extra shaker and just leave it in the trunk of the car. Casein protein digests more slowly than Whey protein, and as a result feeds the body the necessary protein intake over a much longer period of time. When I go out, around midnight when I am beginning to get hungry, I just leave the club, go to my car and drink the extra shaker. It will often fill me up, and allows me not to cave in to the cravings of a 'Bacon Cheeseburger with a side of fries. If taken before bed it will often get you through the night without doing a 2 am raid on the fridge.

 

I saw your pics, and you have a smokin body, so I can imagine what the frustration is like trying to maintain a sensible diet, especially when you have to eat all the time because of your work outs, and your travel schedule.

 

Even when I travel, I will fill a dozen or so baggies with a one serving of powder protein and lay them flat in the suit case. That way I always can get the necessary protein intake regardless of where I am....

 

OK sorry for the side bar, so everyone back on topic...

[JoeyBryant]

Kinda off the subject of budgets, but I saw this and I have a suggestion for you. Toward the evening before you go out, have a solid meal, then drink a protein shaker with Casein protein in it, I will sometimes take an extra shaker and just leave it in the trunk of the car. \

 

LOL, good tip there. I should def. do the protein route more often. And thanks for the compliment, but due to my late night cravings I am still trying to shave off a little bit more off my BMI. I have to check which brands make Casein protein in it on my next GNC run.

 

But I tell ya, nothing beats some South Beach Pizza off Washington Avenue at 4:30 in the morning. Only thing open in this town at 4:30 is the local meth dealer. It's not fun being out late anymore, everyone is strung out.

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

For example, I went out tonight and met someone. (I'll write more later.) And next week, I'm going to a fundraiser where I met a guy last year.

 

Just think, FF... if you were a lesbian you'd already be getting married.

 

Something to consider.

[+ Robster]

LOL Chris, reminds me of that old joke:

 

Q: What does a lesbian bring on a second date?

A: A U-Haul.

 

and the follow-up:

 

Q: What does a gay man bring on a second date?

A: What second date?

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

LOL Chris, reminds me of that old joke:

 

Q: What does a lesbian bring on a second date?

A: A U-Haul.

 

and the follow-up:

 

Q: What does a gay man bring on a second date?

A: What second date?

 

THAT'S funny.

[+ FreshFluff]

Just think, FF... if you were a lesbian you'd already be getting married.

 

Something to consider.

 

Chris, if you became straight and moved to NY, you'd be married even faster--and you'd have to beat off the unsuccessful candidates with a stick.

 

In all seriousness, my goal isn't marriage per se. It's marriage to a guy who's a great match for me. If I'm picky, it's because I feel the most lonely when I'm with a guy but wishing I were elsewhere. So if I don't meet the right guy, I'd rather stay single.

[JoeyBryant]

Chris, if you became straight and moved to NY, you'd be married even faster--and you'd have to beat off the unsuccessful candidates with a stick.

 

Well then, we're just going to have to cut him in half now won't we? The gay side is coming with me. You can have the 1/4 straight side lol.

[+ FreshFluff]

Well then, we're just going to have to cut him in half now won't we? The gay side is coming with me. You can have the 1/4 straight side lol.

 

"Daddy, don't cut him in half and kill him. I'd rather you give him to Joey."

 

Daddy awards Chris to the little fluffer.

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

"Daddy, don't cut him in half and kill him. I'd rather you give him to Joey."

 

This sounds suspiciously biblical, only the name of the book would have to be something really dramatic and gay like: Shades of Solomon, and written by Judith Krantz.