How I Sacrificed Sex with the Most Gorgeous Guy on Earth to Be His Friend Instead.

[vincentvioro]

This is a very true story about my only experience with an escort.

 

We'll call him Kade, and let's say the city is Washington.

 

I was going to a conference in Washington and while I was there, I decided to hire an escort. So I browsed through the ads for Washington and came across Kade. I was immediately attracted to him: 27, 5'11, beautiful green eyes, longish brown hair, tan skin, ripped beyond belief with huge biceps, giant pecs, great big nipples, an eight-pack, and a big, thick 9-inch cock. He was too good to be true, but he was actually real.

 

Kade was well-reviewed on Daddy's site - he had about 10 reviews, all recent. "A night with Kade is like a night in Heaven," went one. "When Kade makes love to you, you feel like you're on cloud nine," etc. Kade, they said, was friendly, outgoing, eager-to-please, and a great conversationalist. Also he was very good with first-timers that had never hired an escort before- a kind, gentle, sexy, encouraging. Kade sounded perfect for me. My search was over and I emailed Kade right away.

 

Nervous, my palms sweating as I typed, I simply said Hello My name is Vincent and I was just wondering if you were accepting new clients. Short and sweet. My heart beated as I pressed "Send." Would he answer back? Yes. Within a half-hour... "Hi Vincent. Yes I am. When were you interested in meeting and what are you into?"

 

I told him everything I was into: classical music, musical theatre, 19th century European art, Progressive politics, 20th century American history, museums, aquariums, dolphins.... everything except my sexual fantasy, which is what he wanted to know. From the very beginning, I was more interested in talking than doing what you should do with an escort... that's I guess when it started.

 

We started texting back and forth and I enjoyed our short conversations. I texted him every day until we met.

 

When we finally met, It felt strange, like it was forced, and he was acting. I had already told him I just wanted to talk, but wouldn't you know when I was finally across from him, in his apartment, I couldn't speak. I was speechless. He was the most gorgeous guy I'd ever seen, and I tried not to imagine what he looked like with that skin-tight muscle-tee off.

 

The hour passed quickly and I felt extremely awkward the whole time. I didn't know what to say, and he struggled to keep the conversation going, which made me feel bad. I was a lousy conversationalist and it was going nowhere. He seemed bored and really depressed. I asked him blunt questions about what he did. I was curious what it felt like to sell your body. He said that it was just something he started doing to make money. He wasn't smiling anymore, and I could tell he didn't really like doing what he did. I left sad for the guy ):

 

In the months after our meeting, he was all I could think about. Kade was pretty hard to forget, yaknowwhatI'msayin'. lol. I wanted to help him. He seemed like all he needed was a friend, and so that's what I tried to be. We texted every so often and I got to know him better. I knew he was still an escort and I felt torn between my desire to be a good friend, and my jealousy that other guys were coming to Kade for what sounded like amazing sex.

 

Today, Kade and I still talk, and I'm making plans to visit him in Washington. He said he'd love to meet me somewhere. Seeing him is going to be hard because I'm sooo attracted to him.

 

What do I do about my feelings? Bury them? Do I see Kade? Do I decide to let him go? How do I deal with being gay and so attracted to him and having a friend who's sleeping with lots of gay men for money (even though he hates doing it)?

 

I'd like to think that part of why I didn't do anything with Kade was because I was a good person and knew he hated being an escort, but part of it was also I was too shy and nervous to actually meet him for sex. Now he's my friend, so I guess I can't ask him to take his shirt off, huh? lol

 

I realize this is a stupid post, sorry, its true though. I found the perfect escort and I sacrificed the best night of my life to become his friend instead.

[down_to_business]

Wow! Ok- this isn't going to be pleasant because I am not going to tell you what you want to hear and its not going to end well.

 

It is not a stupid post. In fact, it shows you are a good person with a big heart who obviously cares a great deal about people. That being said, yes- you let him go. This man is an adult and it is his choice to be an escort. You have to respect that. You have to accept that there is nothing wrong with his choice to do this, he does not need to be rescued/saved by you. You also have made it abundantly clear that you can't just be his client and hire him as an escort. For your own sake, your own sanity, let him go. Look at all of the internal conflict spending just one day with him caused you. You have a crush on this guy and if you don't watch out it will become worse. It's also more likely than not that these feeling will never be reciprocated.

 

Whatever you chose to do in the end you are going to be hurt. Just decide how deep you want the pain to be.

[+ Topseed]

I agree with down_to_business. Vincent, your post clearly is sincere and heartfelt. I feel your anguish. But is Kade truly looking for "help"? And, if so, from you? Having been in this situation myself, I urge you to move on from this fellow. Make your heart and mind accessible to someone who truly is looking to share at your intensity.

 

All best wishes.

[TopAz]

Vincent,

Has Kade actually told you that he "hates escorting" or is that your assumption? I too agree with down_to_business, let him go for your own sake. Don't presume tou must save someone who probably does not need saving.

[+ Gar1eth]

I feel for you because I'm like 99% friendless. And most quality escorts are very friendly- they are people persons to begin with or they couldnt do what they do. Also obviously they are attractive. Who wouldn't want an attractive friendly guy for a friend?

 

BUT it sounds like you had a crush or friend/boyfriend fantasy before you even met him. Why else during your 1st contacts before meeting did you not tell him what you were interested in sexually? I doubt you are going to heed the advice given here. But I agree, for your own piece of mind- a relationship of any type would not be good for you.

 

Gman

[operalover21]

I agree with down_to_business. Vincent, your post clearly is sincere and heartfelt. I feel your anguish. But is Kade truly looking for "help"? And, if so, from you? Having been in this situation myself, I urge you to move on from this fellow. Make your heart and mind accessible to someone who truly is looking to share at your intensity.

 

All best wishes.

 

I have to agree with all of this and your post made me feel very, very sad for you because there is almost no chance it's going to work out well for you. I feel for you.

[Juan Vancouver]

Hi Vincent,

 

First of all, I have to say that I hear you and my heart goes out to you. Don't we all know that sweet, horrific pain of desire and what we believe to be unrequited love? I wish sincerely that you will find it in you to deal with this in a healthy way for yourself.

 

I am really impressed by the amazing quality of the responses you have received so far. I have to say that I agree with everything they have told you already. I would only like to add something.

 

As Gman mentioned, it seems as if you already had a fantasy before you even contacted him. Once you started relating to him, you transferred all your hopes and expectations on to Kade. I don't doubt he is an incredible man, but it is possible that your ability to see him clearly and relate to him may have been slightly informed by your emotions, which have nothing to do with him.

 

You are clearly a well intentioned, caring man. You enjoy beauty, you want to help others, you want to feel love and be loved in return. All this is wonderful and will bring you incredible experiences, except that this time, you are putting all your eggs on a basket that is not yours, is not available and is not a basket at all. Pursuing this any further will likely end in a bigger pain for you. He is an intelligent, beautiful, resourceful adult, and I am sure he will be fine. The one who needs taking care, the one who desperately needs your attention is yourself.

 

I know that recovering from a crush, especially one that was not necessarily based on direct contact can be very hard. Give yourself some time, give yourself the love and caring and tenderness you were so willing to give Kade, and even if I don't know you, based on what I read I can tell you something: You deserve someone that loves you, cares for you, thinks about you every bit as much as you would love and care for him. You deserve a reciprocal partner, who sees you and celebrates you as much as you celebrate him.

 

Cut it off or pursue it. That will only determine how fast you can start healing.

 

I send you a tight hug, my warmest wishes, and a sincere apology for being carrier of such bad news. I hope that I was at least a little tactful in delivering them.

[bigvalboy]

Well Vincent, I first would like to welcome you to the board. I have read the thread from the beginning and I have read all the responses, and to be quite honest I am confused by some, sort of understand the rest. Most of all I am confused by your post. It is really difficult to comment on, because every time I start to type an answer, I have more questions than solutions.

 

I understand your attraction to him, you're wanting to help him and your desire to just be his friend. Apparently others here understand your post better than I, because I just don't understand why it is you feel that a friendship will not work. Unless you left something out, it sounds like you are the one that has put limitations on the relationship and set boundaries for not having sex. Why do you have to 'sacrifice sex' so that you can be his friend? Why is it either or? What is it that you are so afraid of? Why are you so shy and nervous? Is it your self-esteem? Why is it that you just can't let the bound that you share go beyond the level of a friend? Has he said something that indicates he is not willing to go there with you or he is not interested in that? It sounds like the situation is far more complicated emotionally for you than has been explained.

 

I have to take your post at face value, since that is all that I can go by. So if he has indicated that he would "love" to see you in DC, why not just see where all of this goes. I would not be so quick to discard this potentially amazing friendship so fast. Put some of those fear away that you have rolling around up there in your head, quick deciding that he needs saving. If in fact that is really the case, only he can do that. If he really wants out of escorting, he has to make that leap, and only he will know when that is right. If you just let go a little bit, perhaps a wonderful friendship will develop. You just never know what will become of this. Maybe just maybe Vincent, you are 'excactly' what he needs in his life right now...

 

You live life only one time Vincent. This is not a dress rehearsal for a life to come. There are no do-overs. Now that I am older, I can't tell you how many times I have looked back over my life and thought of what might have been with someone, if only I had put some silly little fear aside and took a leap. That's it Vincent, that's all I got. I hope in some small way that you took something from this and perhaps, who knows, a year from now you will be writing a much different post about how you met this escort for hire and it turned into an amazing friendship.

[vincentvioro]

Thank you for all the wonderful responses, guys. I think that probably what I should realize is that "Kade" is a friend and he needs friends in his life right now, with all he is dealing with, and that I'm here to help him. Maybe in my second meeting with "Kade," I'll get to know him better and the attraction will go away.

 

Maybe a wonderful friendship will develop from it and I'll be so grateful because I made a friend:).

[bigvalboy]

Thank you for all the wonderful responses, guys. I think that probably what I should realize is that "Kade" is a friend and he needs friends in his life right now, with all he is dealing with, and that I'm here to help him. Maybe in my second meeting with "Kade," I'll get to know him better and the attraction will go away.

 

Maybe a wonderful friendship will develop from it and I'll be so grateful because I made a friend:).

 

I'm keeping my fingers crossed here Vincent. I sincerely hope that you have an absolutely delightful meeting with this incredible young man. Just relax, be yourself, offer advice if he asks for it, and most of all just let him know that you are there for him....telling someone what you feel in your heart is never a bad thing, and should things not work out, at least you can walk away, head held high, knowing that you took that leap.

 

 

Cheers, BVB

[+ Gar1eth]

I am very worried about this situation. I could go on. But I don't want to dump on Vincent. BVB, I'm sure you are giving what you think is good advice. But I don't think you are looking at the situation realistically from the original post. On the other hand, I was not at the meeting and I have not been party to the back and forth texting between Vincent and 'Kaden'.

 

As for myself- I will not be looking at this thread again. The original post and Vincent's subsequent reply- which I could have pretty much predicted disturb me. You could tell from the original post that it was one of those posts where you are sure you are doing the right thing-but maybe aren't quite brave enough to- you expect everyone to - back you up- but even if they don't - you are going to do it anyway.

 

But Vincent, I hope I'm wrong. And I truly do wish you the best.

 

Gman

[bigvalboy]

I am very worried about this situation. I could go on. But I don't want to dump on Vincent. BVB, I'm sure you are giving what you think is good advice. But I don't think you are looking at the situation realistically from the original post. On the other hand, I was not at the meeting and I have not been party to the back and forth texting between Vincent and 'Kaden'.

 

As for myself- I will not be looking at this thread again. The original post and Vincent's subsequent reply- which I could have pretty much predicted disturb me. You could tell from the original post that it was one of those posts where you are sure you are doing the right thing-but maybe aren't quite brave enough to- you expect everyone to - back you up- but even if they don't - you are going to do it anyway.

 

But Vincent, I hope I'm wrong. And I truly do wish you the best.

 

Gman

 

Hey Gman, sorry to hear that you will not be looking at the thread anymore. I am typing this perhaps hoping that you will change your mind. Communicating in cyber-space is damn near impossible sometimes, but I read everyones responses and the original OP's statement several times before I responded. I would not have posted at all if I thought that I had nothing to add, but my take on things was just so different from what I read, I decided to say something.

 

I really wish that there was someway that we could talk so that I could hear your concerns. I am truly baffled by why it is that you think that I am not being realistic, and why it is that you are so 'disturbed' by Vincents reply. Apparently I am missing something here. I am guessing, but perhaps it has something to do with the fact that you say you are 99% friendless, and perhaps you feel that you understand Vincent more because of that. I also honestly don't understand why you would think any kind of relationship would be bad for him. It sounded like Vincent was willing to accept that, and it also sounded like the escort needed someone to talk to at this stage of his life. At least that was my take on things. I just don't know, and really that is a shot in the dark. At any rate, perhaps we will get a chance to discuss this at some point down the line.

 

Best to you Gman, always love to hear from you, and your posts are always very interesting and thought provoking. Have a great Sunday, and like I said, I would love to be able to understand where you are coming from on this at some point.

 

Cheers, BVB

[robberbaron4u]

Given "Kade's" attributes, I daresay he should be able to make a go of "real life" without your assistance. In my experience, the "let's be friends" sales pitch is too often foreplay to milking a potential mark. Really, why go to the bother of "putting out" to dip into the piggy bank when you can get the nickels for no more than a kind word and a hug? And, that is how the situation was put to me by a successful "rentboy" some years ago. Of course, every "case" must be judged on its own merits. With particular regard to pursuing a "career" outside the "business, I have given financial aid and opened doors to several young escorts in three or four decades, but, only four of the lot made a successful of himself, and, my relationship with them has remained "cordial". And, of course, there are those who have proved no better than they should be in life, but, nonetheless, reappear in my life from time to time, protesting "eternal friendship" for me with an open hand. Anybody want to spot an aging, long retired escort $20,000 to keep the doors open to a poorly conceived, badly managed restaurant venue? No collateral, but you should do it "just because" you like him", and, most importantly, "we're friends". Write the check, and, you, too, might have word from him every decade or so. . .

[maninsoma]

I'm not Gman, but I agree with him. I think the best response in this thread so far is from JuanVancouver, but maybe it's because it's a much more empathic, eloquent response than I would have made in attempt to convey the same thing. (I had, in fact, previously tried to type some of those same thoughts but I censored myself because I thought I was coming across as just judgmental, not caring, and that wasn't and isn't my intention.)

 

The reason some of us are concerned for Vincent is that he has projected a lot of his own hopes, desires, fears, emotions, etc onto the other guy, and that doesn't bode well for a true friendship. It's clear that Vincent's stated intentions behind it are good, but from what was originally posted it just sounds like Vincent is likely to feel more hurt the closer he tries to get to the other guy because his expectations will get in the way of just allowing to develop whatever it is could develop between the two of them.

[gp0560]

See him as an escort first. Vanilla only, including no anal, if that approach makes you less nervous. Maybe it's just muscle worship for a while. Let the connection ripen, all the while keeping the conversation open. That's what worked for me. After some time, he said he thought of me as a friend, and that was five years ago. We're still going strong. The sex part is still vanilla, which is fine with me, since I think if it got more intense, it might spoil the friendship.

 

What have you got to lose? At least you'll get to see him without the tight tee!

[+ WilliamM]

I would like to hear (post) from Vincent on what has happened, if anything. I would understand (and believe others would) if Vincent posts saying he has not made a decision yet.