How does a guy really know if he is gay, seriously?

[Guest fukamarine]

>>you might even be able to pull

>>off being human.

>

>How would you know?

 

YAWN zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

fukamarine

[woodlawn]

>YAWN zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

A tyrannical ruler once asked a holy man, "What can I do that will be more worthwhile than prayer?" The holy man answered, "Remain in bed each day until noon, so that for this brief period you will not afflict your fellow men." Pleasant dreams.

[Guest fukamarine]

>

>>YAWN zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

>

>A tyrannical ruler once asked a holy man, "What can I do that

>will be more worthwhile than prayer?" The holy man answered,

>"Remain in bed each day until noon, so that for this brief

>period you will not afflict your fellow men." Pleasant

>dreams.

 

Nothing gives me more amusement that someone who has to have the last word in every exchange. Indulge me...........

 

fukamarine

[Guest tjsd65]

As my date is fast approaching I am in some ways nervous and in some ways looking forward to this event more than anything. I would like to take a moment to thank those of you who have provided some insightful comments and advice either privately or on here; especially BG and soccerstud to name a few. My sister has emailed me with an acceptance to go out for a few drinks after dinner with the family, she doesn't get down here that much so she wants to spend some time with mom and dad. I guess I have a fear of the unknown and would like to know what is going through her mind, but I guess she probably feels the same way. I am also starting to think about what happens after and the questions that will arise not just from her but the ones I have to answer about where and how do we move forward in our relationship and what is going to change. Also the way this is going to progress. On a side note I a think I am still the same person fundamentally, but I also have been living a lie or atleast an omission (since no one has ever actually asked me if I was gay) so there is a peice of me that she and the family does not know about. But this peice has always been there and has always been a part of who I am and present to the world whether it has been hidden or not, all the parts of me have an effect on the sum of me.

[Boston Guy]

Tim -

 

Concentrate on the good things in your relationship with her; concentrate on the good things you've shared and the fact that she is open to being there for you. Sisters are great.

 

You'll get through this just fine. She will, too.

 

But please let us know after that you're ok. Thanks.

 

BG

[Guest tjsd65]

Well the suspense has finally ended. I wnet out with my sister tonight and we had a lot to talk about, then I asked her to read the card and she did and was surprised I still had it. I then said "I am gay" and she said she knew, but wasn't sure. She said she loved me and thanked me for telling her. I told her why I chose her and she thanked me again for respecting her and noticing that she is the most open minded one in the family. Then she said that one other sister and a sister in law had discussed the possibility before. So the girls will not be a problem, But the guys will be tough. She offered to be there for any of my meetings. She also asked about the neices and nephews, my thought was to wait until I told all my brothers and sisters first. As far as Mom, we agreed she would be loving but the religious part would make her want to pray for me to be "healed" kinda like the Mom in Carrie, but not as severe. My Dad would never be able to look at me again. I figure if my Mom dies first I will tell Dad then, since he has been mostly a emotionally void person for my whole life. My married brother may be a little easier than I thought since his wife was in on the talk with 2 of my sisters, but the other will be tough. I feel like I have so much baggage lifted off my shoulders and will have the best nights sleep ever. Thanks for the support, feedback and advice, both public and private. I know this sounds like a cliche, but I wish I had done this years ago.

[Boston Guy]

Tim,

 

I'm so glad for you. It's a huge step.

 

Congratulations -- and thanks for letting us know.

BG

[Guest soccerstud]

Way to go, Tim. Thanks for letting us know how it went. You've made a lot of friends on the Board. Good luck on your journey.

[jackhammer91406]

A thoughtful and compassionate response

 

BG,

This thread caught my attention for obvious reasons, but what caused me to post is that I wanted to thank you for your response to the OP. It is one of the most thoughtful and helpful posts I have read on this site. Most of the time we hear the carping and arguments and some of what Woodlawn pointed out is the norm more often than not. Your words not only showed compassion, but class. It would be easy to rip into the OP as frequently happens here. Perhaps the remaining posts contain just that kind of thing. But thanks to your post, I don't have to read any farther.

Good Man.

 

I must come to Boston one day.

[Boston Guy]

RE: A thoughtful and compassionate response

 

Jack -

 

Thanks. It was very nice of you to post such kind words and I appreciate them very much.

 

BG

[foxy]

RE: A thoughtful and compassionate response

 

Years ago when I was at the Gay Pride Parade in NY and looking at all the thousands and thousands of gay men and women, I said to a friend "Where were all these people when I was coming out?" His reply....

"They weren't born yet". After I hit him I thought how coming out can be very scary and you can't help feeling like you are all alone. If you've never been to a Gay Pride march, I highly recomend it. That aside, I think we all have an obligation to make ourselves happy and be honest with ourselves about who we are and what kind of a life we want to live. Personally I think this is all we get so you should make it count. The people who truly love you will always stand by you and those that fall by the wayside probably aren't worth having in your life. Don't live your life trying to please other people being something you aren't. It isn't worth the time or trouble. Having good friends is extremely important and remember that friends are the family you choose. I saw a t-shirt once that said "It's never too late to have a happy childhood".

[Guest tjsd65]

RE: A thoughtful and compassionate response

 

Hey there gang, I figured you all hellped before, why not go back to the well again.

I am meeting another sister onThursday and I feel she will be just as supportive as the first. But after I get by her and 2 more sisters, then the 2 brothers come into play. I do not want to do this over the phone or in a letter, but face to face. I am not sure if I should do it with both of them together or seperate or if I should ask 1 or all of my sisters to be there for support. They may not want to show me their true feelings unless we are alone. Since my one brothers wife was already involved in a discussion about the possibility of me being gay I also could tell her and then enlist her ideas or support to tell that brother and then have the other brother with me or get his ideas to tell the last one? In my visions of telling them in the past I have always been crying and apologetic and asking for forgiveness for being this way and putting them in a bad situation. But I do not want to be ashamed of who I am and want them to know I am alright with it so they should be too. As my first sister said "our family has years of learning to unlearn" before we can start to accept people.

I am also going to go to NYC this Sunday and check out my first gay pride.

[Rick Munroe]

RE: A thoughtful and compassionate response

 

Don't make such a dramatic big deal of it...why not just casually say, "I'm gay"? Maybe the whole thing won't be as hard as you're making it if you approach it differently. And remember that if, after you try to educate them, your brothers don't accept who you are, then you don't need them in your life because they would basically be saying the same thing to you.

[Guest Bitchboy]

RE: A thoughtful and compassionate response

 

>I am also going to go to NYC this Sunday and check out my

>first gay pride.

 

Best of luck, and enjoy NYC this coming weekend, but gay pride week in NY is the last week of the month, culminating in the gay pride parade on Sunday, June 29th.

[Guest tjsd65]

I wanted to post a follow up so here goes. I have told my four sisters and my ex boss (who is a lesbian) and 2 close friends so far that I am gay. Everyone so far has been overwhelmingly supportive and not at all set back by this info. I have received some emails from people who have been going through the same issues about their life and sexuality and we have been emailing back and forth. I hope that anyone who reads this who may be feeling any of the same things I have written would feel free to email me to discuss their situation. I feel just be able to discuss things in any forum is atleast some form of outlet so your feelings are not so repressed. I have come so far in such a short period of time. I have to thank my Muse, for inspiring me over the past 3 months and for releasing this feeling of pride for who and what I am. I can finally say "I am Gay" and not be shamed of it, I am actually proud of it. While I know I still have some growing to do, I never thought I would get to this level. I figure if I could help anyone deal with their feelings it is the least that I can do. - Tim

[Boston Guy]

Tim,

 

There's a long history of guys who have already come out helping other guys who are going through the process. Your generous offer to speak with others and offer them assistance is yet one more example in a long line of guys reaching out to other guys. Way to go!

 

And congratulations again. It seems that you've made huge strides, not only in coming out to others but in self-identification and self-acceptance. It's all downhill from here... I suspect you'll be looking back at this time 20 years from now with a great deal of fond memories.

 

Your progress so far also gives you a core group you can lean on should you have problems in the future with your brothers or others. That's a really good thing. I hope now you'll also start making some good gay friends: now that you've got a lot of the difficult steps behind you, it's time to start havng some fun!

 

BG

[Guest tjsd65]

Well I am finally out to all my brothers and sisters and 3 close friends. What a ride it has been over the last few weeks. My no real bumps in the road, my closest brother was awesome, it took me about an hour of standing by him while he washed his truck to finally get the words out, but when I did, he looked me right in the eye and said Tim that does not matter to me you are my brother and I love you, he gave me a huge hug and we cried together. I love him even more today than yesterday and did not think that was possible. My oldest brother Paul, said basically the same thing, but did tell me has to deal with slowly and he would always love me, but he needed to over some thoughts about gay people and that was his problem, not mine. He also gave me a hug and we shed some tears. My friends were great too, one couple I actually told I have known the guy for 21 years and he should my hand and said welcome out. I never thought it would be possible to tell these people this about my self and had always thought that if anyone ever found out, they would never see me again, since I would runaway and hide. I just needed to have faith in the people that I love, that they love me too. God, I feel great! I am starting my life at 38 and feel great, life is now something I forward to.

 

Thanks again for the support gang.

Tim

[Guest pyell]

You're gay, and in your heart you always knew that.

 

I know, because your story is not unlike mine. I went through my twenties hoping that the switch in my brain would soon click over and I would be attracted to women. After a while I realised it wasn't going to happen, but I couldn't face being gay and telling people so I sort of retreated into an emotional shell.

 

Finally in my thirties I began having sex with escorts. The pseudo double life went on a for a while and then at 42 I fell heavily for a young guy, we went overseas together on a holiday - and when we got home he went back to his girlfriend! The only way I could cope was by starting to tell my friends, and eventually my sister, that I was gay.

 

The relief was amazing, and the feeling of freedom impossible to describe. Now I wonder why on earth I waited all that time to come out!