Gay Drama

[ErieBear]

I need to ask a serious question, and please don't take this either personally or anything else. But I really do desire to understand more.

 

I have always lived a "heterosexual life". 90-95% of my friends are straight with families, lives and fulfilling occupations. I live in a fairly small town and I'm a business man. I own 2 businesses and belong to several business organizations.

 

But as I meet more gay guys, it just seems like there's always massive drama involved. Guys who can't stay with partners, or can't keep a job. Or they're pissed because Joey told them that Steve said XYZ, etc.

 

It's enough to drive a man back into the straight world!

 

I know that it's not limited to just gay guys, but it does seem pretty prevalent among gay guys.

 

Any serious thoughts? Can you help me understand?

 

Thanks.

EB

[rguer]

Part of it may be that, having broken one taboo, some gay men feel less compelled to follow the dictates of society about how they should behave - and that may lead to more external drama. Perhaps some of the other people you know have just as much drama going on inside their heads, but they don't talk about it.

 

Or it might be that you have chosen a particularly dramatic set of people to hang out with. I have what you might think of as two sets of friends. One is sedate and non-dramatic and in some ways a bit boring. The other always has some kind of drama going on, and is much more entertaining in am I'm-glad-that's-not-me kind of way.

 

 

Law of Drama

http://xkcd.com/1124/

[rvwnsd]

I need to ask a serious question, and please don't take this either personally or anything else. But I really do desire to understand more.

 

I have always lived a "heterosexual life". 90-95% of my friends are straight with families, lives and fulfilling occupations. I live in a fairly small town and I'm a business man. I own 2 businesses and belong to several business organizations.

 

But as I meet more gay guys, it just seems like there's always massive drama involved. Guys who can't stay with partners, or can't keep a job. Or they're pissed because Joey told them that Steve said XYZ, etc.

 

It's enough to drive a man back into the straight world!

 

I know that it's not limited to just gay guys, but it does seem pretty prevalent among gay guys.

 

Any serious thoughts? Can you help me understand?

 

Thanks.

EB

 

This is not confined to the gay community. Heterosexual men cheat on/break up with/divorce their wives and girlfriends; quit/get fired from jobs; talk about each other (they are worse than women); etc. Most gay men I know have been employed in the same profession for 20+ years; do not cheat on boyfriends/partners; and talk about each other. What you are describing is part of life. My advice: hang out with a different set of gay men.

[justaguy]

What I'm thinking is that part of what you're finding is a result of the limited exposure you've had to gay guys. You've only just begun exploring this part of you and live in a small town. My advice is to keep exploring and to keep expanding the circle of guys you know. In my experience there is no shortage of guys who live their lives with out all the dramatics.

[Atlantagaguy]

Very good answer! I am a product of growing up in a small town, only one other guy was gay and we didn’t get along. I played sports and was involved in student government. Most of my classmate would be shocked to find out I was gay. Once I moved on to larger cities I found the same as Ernie, I also felt the same way and question if I wanted to be living and socializing in the gay community. There is more drama amongst all ages in gay men. But I am gay and would be extremely lonely if I were to abandoned my community and few friends that I have.

[jjkrkwood]

I think its probably just perception on your part, and you dont notice similar occurrences in your "hetero" community because you really arent looking for it. Perhaps you are just more sensitive to the "gay Drama"? I have str8 friends as well and see alot of shit going on with them and their relationships that make me go "WTF".... I dont think drama is confined to Gay, although the word Drama in itself has been associated with the gay world, but I think it was given to us by the str8 community...

 

As with anything, I dont think its fair to generalize. While I will admit many gay can be "over the top", many of our "str8" bretheren can give us a run for our money.

 

Just hang around the people you are comfortable with and try to avoid "Labels"....

[RockHard]

Outside of the large city, cosmopolitan experience, your choices are fewer. One must always choose their circle of friends with care.

 

I have two close gay friends who live in smaller American cities. One friend is from high school days, the other I met while traveling. Both guys are very masculine, dress like conservative, Midwestern straight guys, and they occasionally complain about the quality of gay men in their community.

 

In a larger city, you get much more gay diversity. If you want to hang with drama queens, they're here. If you want to hang with athletes, they're here. If you want hang with gay doctors and scientists, they're here. If you want to hang with cross-dressers, make-up artists, and hairdressers, they're here. I suppose one can find a dose of diversity everywhere, but in smaller towns, the numbers are smaller. And the drama queens always seem to stand out more, for a variety of reasons, by default.

 

In NYC, I rarely see drama-queen behavior coming from a straight man. I have many straight male friends who are very secure and comfortable around gay men, but I rarely witness them exhibiting stereotypical "gay" behavior.

 

My son, who is straight, once said to me (post college), "Whenever you hang with your gay friends, the subject of cock and sex enters the discussion within minutes. When you hang with heteros, the conversation is entirely different. Sex almost never comes up." It was an honest observation. He also said that none of his (straight) college friends ever talked about sex openly. If it was a preoccupation of any sort, you didn't put that info out there.

 

The bottom line, gay guys often act differently than straight guys. If drama queens bother you, find new gay friends.

[operalover21]

I think that all of what has been said here is quite true and appropriate. However, let's not deny that there is a heightened sense of emotional drama among a certain (majority?) segment of the gay population that simply doesn't have an equal among straight men. Yes, straight men cheat, straight men engage in all the same behaviors. But straight men don't create the same sense of "emotional drama" around those issues that many gay men do. Denying that or saying "you're hanging around the wrong set of gay men" doesn't wipe it away.

 

Just check out some of the threads on this forum alone. The level of "drama" is palpable at times. That doesn't mean it exists in all gay men but certainly in quite a few of them. We all know the type: they seem to thrive on creating on issues big and small from picking out shoes to who is their next lover.

[Walker1]

Gay men can't hold a candle to women in the drama department.

[jjkrkwood]

I think that all of what has been said here is quite true and appropriate. However, let's not deny that there is a heightened sense of emotional drama among a certain (majority?) segment of the gay population that simply doesn't have an equal among straight men. Yes, straight men cheat, straight men engage in all the same behaviors. But straight men don't create the same sense of "emotional drama" around those issues that many gay men do. Denying that or saying "you're hanging around the wrong set of gay men" doesn't wipe it away.

 

Just check out some of the threads on this forum alone. The level of "drama" is palpable at times. That doesn't mean it exists in all gay men but certainly in quite a few of them. We all know the type: they seem to thrive on creating on issues big and small from picking out shoes to who is their next lover.

 

I think its called "Flair" not "Drama"... and if you watch any Reality TV at all, especially the Kardashians, you will see the biggest Drama queens are Scott Disick and Rob Kardashian, so I wouldnt say that Str8 men are "strangers" to crerating Drama. We just associate it more with Gay men, and thats a label given to us that has stuck !

[operalover21]

I think its called "Flair" not "Drama"... and if you watch any Reality TV at all, especially the Kardashians, you will see the biggest Drama queens are Scott Disick and Rob Kardashian, so I wouldnt say that Str8 men are "strangers" to crerating Drama. We just associate it more with Gay men, and thats a label given to us that has stuck !

 

I think I'll pass on that.

[operalover21]

Gay men can't hold a candle to women in the drama department.

 

God, I hope that's not the standard.

[RockHard]

Gay men can't hold a candle to women in the drama department.

 

Assuming misogyny is not behind this statement, gay men don't experience menstruation. Some queens like to pretend they get a period, especially some pre-ops, but until gay men bleed monthly the way women do, they shouldn't berate women for their "drama."

[Walker1]

Assuming misogyny is not behind this statement, gay men don't experience menstruation. Some queens like to pretend they get a period, especially some pre-ops, but until gay men bleed monthly the way women do, they shouldn't berate women for their "drama."

 

You don't hang out with too many women on a day to day basis do you-not work ?

[operalover21]

Assuming misogyny is not behind this statement, gay men don't experience menstruation. Some queens like to pretend they get a period, especially some pre-ops, but until gay men bleed monthly the way women do, they shouldn't berate women for their "drama."

 

How do you make the leap to misogyny? Here's another problem with some gay men: the constant need to claim some sort of victimization on their behalf or others. Enough already.

 

And talk about sexist!

[RockHard]

How do you make the leap to misogyny?

 

How do you not know how to read? I gave the author the benefit of any doubt. Where is the "leap?"

 

And talk about sexist!

 

Are you talking about the thread title? Because I fail to see what is sexist about mentioning obvious differences between men and women.

[corndog]

I'll add a couple more thoughts to this conversation:

 

1. Perhaps people who are averse to drama, conflict and angst are the ones who tend to remain deep in the closet and deny their sexuality. I believe that many latently gay men suppress their attractions their entire life because they're terrified of the chaos (aka drama) that they'll experience if they explore their homosexuality. So, men who come out are already demonstrating that they're willing to endure a little more drama in their life.

 

2. Homosexual men are denied access to one of society's primary tools for stability: marriage. I'm not intending to argue that marriage is necessary for stability or commitment in life, but it certainly doesn't hurt. Heterosexuals have a clearly defined, standardized path to follow in life. Although many people make other choices, for gay men there really isn't a standard template to use as a starting point; life's path must be invented from scratch.

[ErieBear]

I'll add a couple more thoughts to this conversation:

 

1. Perhaps people who are averse to drama, conflict and angst are the ones who tend to remain deep in the closet and deny their sexuality. I believe that many latently gay men suppress their attractions their entire life because they're terrified of the chaos (aka drama) that they'll experience if they explore their homosexuality. So, men who come out are already demonstrating that they're willing to endure a little more drama in their life.

 

2. Homosexual men are denied access to one of society's primary tools for stability: marriage. I'm not intending to argue that marriage is necessary for stability or commitment in life, but it certainly doesn't hurt. Heterosexuals have a clearly defined, standardized path to follow in life. Although many people make other choices, for gay men there really isn't a standard template to use as a starting point; life's path must be invented from scratch.

 

I'll give you point #2. That's a fascinating thought. I hadn't really thought about it that way before.

 

As far as point #1, I'm going through severe gay drama with an extremely out-and-about gay guy. Honestly, I have no idea how I got into the situation, and I'm not even sure what the hell is going on. So, I'm not sure about that one at all.

[operalover21]

How do you not know how to read? I gave the author the benefit of any doubt. Where is the "leap?"

 

You gave me the benefit of the doubt by mentioned misogyny? Please we all get the leap you were trying to make.

 

And your comment about women and periods was about as sexist as it gets. Apart from being VERY WRONG.

[Michael Wayne]

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