The 'dreaded' email

[bigvalboy]

Love the image Adam Smith. Funny stuff.

[Steven_Draker]

Any escort that's not getting tested regularly is a potential criminal and to my mind, needs to be dealt with. I understand the law and Daddy's rules for confidentiality, but doesn't exposing clients to unnecessary risk trump some of that?

 

Personally, I think every escort should screen regularly and have a full panel STD test every 3 months, similarly to the mandatory tests in the porn industry.

 

 

THE IMPORTANCE OF REGULAR STD TESTING

 

Your sex life is your business and yours alone. All that anyone asks is that you use protection every time you engage in sexual activity. Using condoms correctly and consistently can help slow the spread of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), and may someday eliminate them altogether. Even if you're extremely careful, however, it's essential that you visit an STD testing facility on a regular basis—particularly if you're not in a monogamous relationship. Read on to get a better idea of the importance of STD testing:

 

 

Gaining Peace of Mind

 

Unfortunately, not all STDs have noticeable symptoms. The only real way to know that you don't have an STD is to go to a STD testing center and undergo the appropriate tests. If there's a chance that you contracted an STD during a recent sexual encounter, don't wait for symptoms show up. An STD test only takes 15-20 minutes, and can give you tremendous peace of mind if the test comes back negative.

 

Maintaining Your Health

 

It's a good idea to go in for STD testing each time you have sex with a new partner. It's especially important to go in for testing if you notice any changes to your genitals. Even if your test is positive, it's not the end of the world. The sooner you know about your STD, the sooner you can seek treatment to limit the effects.

 

Protecting Your Partners

 

Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that you're not the only one who is affected by your STD. If you don't go in for an STD and you continue to have sex with new partners, you could spread the disease further. If you learn that you have an STD, you should inform your past and present sexual partners immediately so they can get tested too.

 

source

[Guest Wetnwildbear]

See the Load

 

Got the following email from an escort I once considered hiring. It was sent to everyone in his 'database' and even though I never hired him, it sure freaked me out a little bit. Any name reference has been removed to his escort name and he does not escort any more. I try to be safe with every escort I am with (always condoms for anal etc but I have enjoyed performing oral sex in the past without a condom). It sure makes one rethink everything. Email posted below is unedited except as noted above.

 

 

**************

Hi all,

 

 

 

 

 

Escort X Here,

 

 

 

I am sending this to my entire client base. I am officially retired, i found out I am HIV positive, and I was positive during my entire time working. If we had unsafe times together, please get tested. Do not reply to this email, as I will be deleting my account soon anyway. I am out of the business, and I am sorry if you were put at risk because of my actions. I have been hiv positive since 2008 at least, according to the doctors, so like I said, if you ever booked with me get tested.

 

 

 

Peace,

 

 

 

Escort X

 

***************************

 

Have you ever gotten an email like this before? Thoughts??

 

One of the main reasons -- I always wanna see and . . . the load-filled condom

[buckguy]

How can the doctors tell how long he has been positive?

 

They make an educated guess based on CD4 count and Viral Load

[buckguy]

Here's an escort who admitted to bareback sex. It must have been agreed to by both parties. I'm sure this situation is much more common. HIV is NOT a death sentence anymore given the advances in anti-viral medications. HIV is an easily controlled chronic illness. Also, Truveda is becoming easily available as an HIV prevention technique. These are things to discuss with your physician. I think every sexually active person should have an annual STD test.

 

Soon we will see the end of condoms as the only HIV prevention technique.

 

Yes, but will beleive someone who says they're on Truvada? It's like saying "I've been tested"--and it was a year ago with an old fashioned test.

[down_to_business]

One of the main reasons -- I always wanna see and . . . the load-filled condom

 

Have you had escorts that sprint from the bedroom to the bathroom and flush the condom before you have the chance to look-up too?? I never understood this-- as I want to see the condom as well and find "flushing" the evidence faster than a speeding bullet to be a little suspicious.

 

And I have no idea why this ancient thread of mine got resurrected either. I still feel the same way now that I feel then-- I didn't like getting this email for several reasons and grateful that I decided not to hire this escort.

[AdamSmith]

Have you had escorts that sprint from the bedroom to the bathroom and flush the condom before you have the chance to look-up too?? I never understood this-- as I want to see the condom as well and find "flushing" the evidence faster than a speeding bullet to be a little suspicious.

 

One guy I saw had that habit. Second time together, I got a look as he left the bed after we finished, and could see that the tip of the condom had nothing in it. He wanted me to think he had come, when actually he was saving it for an easier time getting hard in later appointments that day. (I let him know that didn't matter to me; he dropped the pretense, and seemed more relaxed for it in subsequent visits.)

[RSully94]

This is one of the reasons why I don't go for anal or oral when I hire someone. I have other sexual desires that can be explored and I'd rather pursue, plus companionship can be more important as well. Granted, I'm 20 years old. But I know the things I want to do and I'd rather save anal or oral for when I'm in a relationship. The sexual desires I have can be safely done.

[Steven_Draker]

Have you had escorts that sprint from the bedroom to the bathroom and flush the condom before you have the chance to look-up too?? I never understood this-- as I want to see the condom as well and find "flushing" the evidence faster than a speeding bullet to be a little suspicious.

 

What Adam Smith said.

 

It's an old "trick" some hustlers use to make you think they have cum in the condom.

[Lewis H]

Over the years I've received three emails from escorts disclosing recent positive test results. Two for syphilis and one for chlamydia. I gave the escorts props for disclosing and thankfully, my tests came out negative (50 some years and counting). I always play safe - no exception and I usually see escorts who I'm fairly confident do the same. What concerns me is all the escorts who say "safe only" in their ads, but then have personal ads where they openly bareback or will bareback with clients for an extra fee. While HIV is not that much of a concern to me due to my safe sex habits, the other stuff is.

 

I thought the escort was straightforward for sending out this email to his ex-clients and contacts.

 

He earns my respect.

 

I wouldn't consider the email 'dreaded', as it was the right and honorable thing to do.

 

just out of curiosity - how/why did this 2 year old thread get resurrected?

 

I was wondering that too.

 

Rosstheboss was the poster who contributed to this thread last, on August 22, 2012 (quoted above) before Steven_Draker decided to respond yesterday, Oct. 10, 2014 (also quoted above) and then everyone else got the ball re-rolling.

[Lewis H]

Yes, but will believe someone who says they're on Truvada? It's like saying "I've been tested"--and it was a year ago with an old fashioned test.

 

Plus they could actually be taking Truvada, but if they don't adhere to to the regimen religiously, maybe skipping a day or two occasionally, then not only could they risk being infected, but at worst their infection could become resistant to Truvada as a result of haphazard adherence, and subsequently infect others with a Truvada resistant strain of HIV.

[Juan Vancouver]

Have you had escorts that sprint from the bedroom to the bathroom and flush the condom before you have the chance to look-up too?? I never understood this-- as I want to see the condom as well and find "flushing" the evidence faster than a speeding bullet to be a little suspicious.

 

It's an old "trick" some hustlers use to make you think they have cum in the condom.

 

I have in several occasions ran to the bathroom with the condom after finishing and it's not necessarily because of my hustlery ways. (Well, not every time it has been because of my hustlery ways.) Sometimes the condom comes out totally dirty and I have found that there are very few things that put a damper on my lovers' mood than knowing that they were not as clean as they wished they had been.

 

For me it's never a big deal when my bottom is not perfectly clean. Shit literally happens and it's really easy to clean up and move on, but we have all seen men cringing with shame after realizing they were not clean, and I for one don't want my clients to feel that especially during such a vulnerable, intimate moment.

 

So, sue me. =)

[MsGuy]

... and it's not necessarily because of my hustlery ways. (Well, not every time it has been because of my hustlery ways.)

 

Juan, I love your sense of humor.

 

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/05/dc/00/05dc00e606ace26b65bc1d88434a59c6.jpg

[+ Italiano]

Years ago, before the internet really took off, I got crabs (pubic lice) from an escort. That's not particularly difficult to take care of, though. The same shampoo you use for lice kills pubic lice. I did contact him to let him know, and he was pretty obnoxious about it.

 

Wow, exactly the same thing happened to me with a hot and well known (but really crazy) escort from Toronto in 2008! May he be the same?...

[Amoco]

I respectfully disagree.

 

Nobody puts me at risk of anything. Nobody puts baby in the corner! I am an adult, I am an avid reader of all opinions and recommendations about my sex health and I make adult decisions about it. All the time. Consistently. Regardless of how hot or fun the moment or any given partner may feel.

 

This is not to mean that I think people deliberately exposing others are free of responsibility, my opinion is just to bring responsibility where it should be: in my own

 

Again respectfully, Juan...we can all agree that every person having sexual contact with anyone else has an inherent responsibility to take care of themselves - that's a given. What does that have to do with an active sex worker consciously deciding to not get tested and ultimately being HIV+ for years when he was actively working? Yes, everybody that saw him had a responsibility to protect themself. But seriously, aren't these mutually exclusive issues? Is there any scenario on Earth that could justify or see as honorable a sex worker neither getting tested nor sharing vital information with an exposed client? I get that I have responsibility, too, but to simply say that "they (the escort) isn't free of responsibility" seems somewhat paltry...which is why, in my mind, the industry should be regulated - you simply can't trust either the escort or client to do the right thing. Some do, many do not.

[caliguy]

Again respectfully, Juan...we can all agree that every person having sexual contact with anyone else has an inherent responsibility to take care of themselves - that's a given. What does that have to do with an active sex worker consciously deciding to not get tested and ultimately being HIV+ for years when he was actively working? Yes, everybody that saw him had a responsibility to protect themself. But seriously, aren't these mutually exclusive issues? Is there any scenario on Earth that could justify or see as honorable a sex worker neither getting tested nor sharing vital information with an exposed client? I get that I have responsibility, too, but to simply say that "they (the escort) isn't free of responsibility" seems somewhat paltry...which is why, in my mind, the industry should be regulated - you simply can't trust either the escort or client to do the right thing. Some do, many do not.

 

I honestly don't care what they do. I'm with Juan on this. I take care of myself and that resolves the issue in my mind. It's always worked for me whether or not they're positive or negative. They all get treated the same.

[Steven_Draker]

Hiring a professional escort it's not like picking up some random guy in the backroom of a seedy bar.

 

If you want to be professional - act like a professional.

 

Take responsibility and get regularly tested for STIs.

 

No excuses, Sir.

[Juan Vancouver]

Again respectfully, Juan...we can all agree that every person having sexual contact with anyone else has an inherent responsibility to take care of themselves - that's a given. What does that have to do with an active sex worker consciously deciding to not get tested and ultimately being HIV+ for years when he was actively working? Yes, everybody that saw him had a responsibility to protect themself. But seriously, aren't these mutually exclusive issues? Is there any scenario on Earth that could justify or see as honorable a sex worker neither getting tested nor sharing vital information with an exposed client? I get that I have responsibility, too, but to simply say that "they (the escort) isn't free of responsibility" seems somewhat paltry...which is why, in my mind, the industry should be regulated - you simply can't trust either the escort or client to do the right thing. Some do, many do not.

 

I am very happy to read that we agree on the subject, and had you continued reading my post you would have come to exactly the same conclusion. That is unambiguously clear when I wrote:

 

This is not to mean that I think people deliberately exposing others are free of responsibility.

 

Of course escorts have responsibility. Of course all lovers have responsibility, of course the World Health Organization has responsibility... but I will be damned if anyone "exposes" me to HIV. If at any time I am exposed to it it is because I, being an adult and using my faculties I decided against basic safety practices.

 

I cannot control my partners. I cannot control all escorts. I can hope for regulations and screenings, and as it is evident in the porn industry every now and then -even with all sorts of screenings in place- a group of actors are exposed to HIV because they engaged in unsafe practices.

 

I am not a legislator and I am not concerned about the theory of sexual ethics. I am a sexually active man and a prostitute, so what I really have to focus on is not the theoretical, but the absolutely practical.

 

The only thing I CAN control, the only thing I, Juan, focus on on the subject of safer sex is me, my habits, my discipline and my religious adherence to safer sex techniques.

 

I test regularly, I inform myself of all divergent points of view on the subject, I make my own decisions and I adhere to them religiously.

 

I am in control of my own body.

[Amoco]

Juan...not only did I read your entire post as you suggested in your last post, I specifically highlighted the quote your exact words and commented on the fact that it seemed a ' bit paltry' to just say "Of course, the escort isn't free of any responsibility..." - but yet you never say what that responsibility is? We know you test and reveal, but because "nobody puts Baby in the corner" and as a result of the fact that we are all ultimately responsible for ourselves, it appears that you pthink the system works. Again, could you tell me in your words exactly what escort's responsibility is? Should they be tested? Should they be required to reveal positive results? Even though nobody can put Baby in the corner but Baby, is she entitled to know that the person she is being intimate with is positive?

 

For me, when an escort highlights the fact that clients are esponsible for keeping themselves healthy, the subtle and unconsciously delivered message is that working guys, prostitutes, as you refer to them, are consequently relieved of that responsibility. If I'm wrong, I stand corrected, but please tell me again, in very clear language, what s the responsibility of a professional escort tontest and reveal? Even though everybody is responsible for themselves, should an HIV+ escort be permitted to work without revealing his status, or worse, not even knowing what his status is?

 

In advance, I'm crystal clear on my responsibility. What's their's?

[Steven_Draker]

I'm not very comfortable either with the individualistic, self-centered, almost egotistical approach expressed by a few posters.

 

We all carry responsibilities (both parties do). We, as providers carry even more responsibilities. It's our job.

 

I'm not fond of the approach that seems to say: I only care about myself and "fuck the rest".

[Dave]

I'm with Amoco about regulation. ("the industry should be regulated")

there are pros and cons with regulation, but IMO the former far outweigh the latter.

 

Dave

[manTOman]

I'm sorry but I have to jump to Juan's defense here, and not that he needs me, because he's mighty capable of defending his views.

However, I didn't find his response to support or defend those who endanger others by hiding their status or not getting tested.

The only thing I thought he said is that he can only be responsible for his own actions. And I agree. Ultimately what we do is the only thing we know for certain.

 

If anyone chooses to engage in unsafe sexual behavior because someone told them that they're clean or low risk or on Prep or undetectable or negative or a virgin or 80 years old or 19 years old, I feel sorry for them for believing that, or for being naïve or for not educating themselves enough about the risks. But ultimately they have only themselves to blame because they made that choice. So unless we're talking rape or rape drugs, we are all free to make our own choices and ultimately those are the only things we do know for sure. Everything else is just simply - an unknown.

 

And this in no way means that I am in favor or support anyone who hides their status. But if someone in a 20 year long relationship cheats and infects his/her own partner/husband/wife - and this does happen, and not so infrequently, than why is it so shocking that a complete stranger that one meets for an hour or two is obliged to do differently. And again I'm not saying I condone it - just that there is no proven method to figure out if someone's telling the truth or not. Regulations are great but as Juan said even they are not full proof.

[Amoco]

This is exasperating...let me try it this way:

 

1. If I'm married and cheat on my wife with another person and subsequently bringing some kind. Of disease or infection into my home, I alone am responsible for it - regardless of whether I'm told that the escort is free of disease. Period.

2. I also agree that one can only have control over their own actions. And destiny. Period.

3. But now we get to the OTHER question, which is: "What is the escort's personal responsibility in regard to testing and revelation?

 

Other than Dave, all anybody wants to talk about is "personal responsibility" as though all these interactions are taking place in a vacuum and everybody has clear insight into all that's taking place. I am responsible as a client - agreed. Now tell me what the escort is responsible for, and please don't fall back on the fact that it shouldn't matter, because that's either purposefully naive or ignorant. What does it mean to be a professional? Coming on time? Being in shape? Giving good head? Telling clients their status?

[manTOman]

Amoco,

I hear you and I have often pondered the same question. Especially nowadays when guys state "always safe" and they mean daily Prep pill and not condoms.

 

But I think you hit the nail on the head with your question. You ask about "personal responsibility" and the key word is personal. My view is that an escort should be honest and reveal his status and practices. However I have no way of verifying that fact. And yes I've tried different emails and all that, but unless I've seen it with my own eyes it's still only a speculation. It's even a federal offence to lie about your status and knowingly infect people but all that doesn't do me any good if I become infected. What use is to me that someone will go to jail when I'm left to deal with a disease with no cure.

 

You mention punctuality, being in shape, giving good head? We know that there's a bunch of guys using fake pix, or old pix or who are dishonest about what they will do. And even the best of escorts will do one thing with one person and not with another due to chemistry, hygiene, being jet legged, tired, sleepy or what not.

 

I think that it would be great to have a third party that could vet for someone's status - but again I'm not sure that I would be 100% comfortable believing in their "records" either. And even if an escort gets tested every 3 months, and even if he got tested the day before my appointment, that doesn't mean that he's negative, but only that he was negative at the time of the test. If he BB-ed three days prior, the test would still come clean, and I could still get infected.

 

All I'm saying is that a regulation is a great idea on paper but that I personally have trouble seeing it work in real life. When I say that I'm responsible for my own actions and their consequences is not to avoid answering your question, but in fact, no matter how frustrating that might be, I am giving you the only answer I believe is true. Everything else including a certificate from some agency, a doctor or a lab, to me is an easily falsifiable document that I cannot and will not entrust my health in.

[Juan Vancouver]

I am so glad you shared the way you (and clearly Steven) interpreted my post because it could not be more off the mark. This is the reason I come to this forum, to exchange ideas honestly and freely and hopefully learn something in the way. Thank you for asking.

 

Could you tell me in your words exactly what escort's responsibility is? Should they be tested? Should they be required to reveal positive results? Even though nobody can put Baby in the corner but Baby, is she entitled to know that the person she is being intimate with is positive?

 

As I said before, I am not a legislator, I am a humanist, so I am really not interested in laws that apply to everyone. This doesn't mean that I want to break the law or that I only care about myself, please let me explain.

 

I am not concerned about what all escorts' responsibility is. I am concerned about what adult human beings' responsibility is. I believe every single human being that is sexually active should educate themselves, test regularly as soon as they become active, be honest with the sharing of their results when asked and make informed decisions that are adequate to their status. No exceptions.

 

Now, legally, it is becoming the norm that knowingly exposing someone to HIV is a punishable crime, so the legislators are taking care of that. There seems to be consensus wherever similar laws are passed about what knowingly exposing means and what are the specific circumstances for it to be considered a crime. I, of course wholeheartedly agree with that.

 

I would gladly welcome the regulation of escorting and the sex trade with customary screenings and licensing but I see one big problem about that. This is exactly the same problem I see with escorts or people actively saying "I tested negative on this date, I am safe" and the same problem that I see with the porn industry.

 

My problem with this is creating a false sense of safety. If you read Epidemiology reports on HIV in North America a huge percentage of infections occurred when the person who suffered contagion had sex in a self-professed "monogamous" relationship, when the partner clearly announced he was negative while being aware he was lying or when the partner effectively tested negative when he said he did but converted in a subsequent date.

 

When I started escorting I found a very common scenario. A client would ask if I was negative or positive and when I told him I was negative he would then do stuff that back then was considered pretty risky. They drank every drop of my cum, some played with my cum in their asses, some begged for having unprotected sex.

 

Later on my response has changed. If someone asks me if I am "safe" or negative or tested I respond something like this: "I last tested for all STIs on ____date_____. All my results came back negative. But it is important to remember that I am an escort, and have been active for many years. I strongly recommend to observe all necessary precautions of safer sex."

 

Some respond well to it, some don't, but I am not wanting to put my clients at risk by drumming up a false sense of security that -statistically- I know I am unable to provide. I cannot at any time without a shadow of a doubt know that I am HIV negative.

 

So, please be aware of my double standard and this might answer your question: Of course I believe we all are responsible for testing, and for respectfully disclosing our status. All escorts and clients have the duty to do that. Not doing so is unconscionable. And I agree with the legal stance that willfully and knowingly exposing someone to HIV should be punishable by law.

 

However... personally I couldn't give a rat's ass about the "results" that my lover discloses. I assume he (they) are carriers of every imaginable disease and I take the necessary precautions to prevent me from being exposed. I assume everyone is positive and I act accordingly. That is what I meant by "nobody puts baby in a corner". (It didn't mean that nobody can force me to disclose my status, as it might seem you understood it.) I will never surrender the control to make my informed decisions about my own body. Not even if my partner tells me he is a straight virgin that has tested negative just today and has been on truvada for ten years. I would say "Thanks for sharing, Sport, now where are the condoms?" I am not getting sick based on a "trust" type of decision.

 

Regulations are a great idea and generally work to protect the many, sadly they are never enough to protect the individual. There are strict testing protocols in the porn industry and only actors who tested negative are allowed on certain sets. However, even though the tests are valid and enforced religiously, every now and then we all hear of a group of actors who were exposed to HIV... from another actor who had just tested negative! A new infection is at its most infectious right after seroconversion.

 

Exactly the same can (and does) happen with escorts -or clients or partners- who "responsibly" share their negative test results.

 

Nobody puts baby in a corner. Regardless of what your last results were, I will relate to you in exactly the same way I relate to a positive person.

 

Even though nobody can put Baby in the corner but Baby, is she entitled to know that the person she is being intimate with is positive? We know you test and reveal, but because "nobody puts Baby in the corner" and as a result of the fact that we are all ultimately responsible for ourselves, it appears that you pthink the system works.

 

Is a customer entitled to have a written warning in a cup of coffee saying that the liquid that it is containing is ver hot and might possibly cause serious burns?

 

This is definitely a cultural thing. In some cultures people would thing that this whole proposition is ridiculous, in some cultures this is not only obviously a customers' right, but is enough fuel for a million dollar law suit.

 

Entitled? I don't know, really. I think we are philosophically entitled to many things, like clean air and healthcare, that doesn't mean that I will leave my power in someone else's hands for them to provide it for me.

 

I think it is right and it is my duty to test and disclose. If you meet me, you will always receive that courtesy. I am sure there are many escort and clients who follow this rule. I also know there are many who don't. If you want a philosophical answer, sure, you are entitled to know. If you want an answer that will help you stay negative the answer is still "Who gives a shit what their status is? Suit up."

 

For me, when an escort highlights the fact that clients are esponsible for keeping themselves healthy, the subtle and unconsciously delivered message is that working guys, prostitutes, as you refer to them, are consequently relieved of that responsibility. If I'm wrong, I stand corrected, but please tell me again, in very clear language, what s the responsibility of a professional escort tontest and reveal?

 

I think the sentence should have been "The subtle message that I choose to receive because of my personal bias is..." You are corrected, that is not what I mean at all. Let me explain:

 

Since there is no organ regulating what all escorts should do and since this is an entirely subjective guess, I am going to avoid your question and I am going to change it slightly.

 

What is my responsibility and my code of conduct that I adhere to when practising my profession?

 

I inform myself avidly. I test regularly and if I ever received positive results for any STI I would immediately contact all the relevant people. I would also (and have) contacted people when a client of mine has had a STI scare, even before him getting results. Time matters. Better safer than sorry. If I ever seroconverted I would disclose that openly but it is likely I might still escort. I know as a fact that there are many positive clients who feel very uncomfortable meeting with negative escorts for fear of infecting them. It should be clear that even if I were positive and I met positive clients my safer sex practices would not change in the least bit.

 

What is the responsibility of all escorts? I don't know, and respectfully I don't care. Because I know I won't be able to make sure that they all adhere to those. If someone willingly infects someone else, he will go to jail. That is in place and that sounds fair enough to me.

 

Someone put it in fewer, clearer words:

 

All I'm saying is that a regulation is a great idea on paper but that I personally have trouble seeing it work in real life. When I say that I'm responsible for my own actions and their consequences is not to avoid answering your question, but in fact, no matter how frustrating that might be, I am giving you the only answer I believe is true. Everything else including a certificate from some agency, a doctor or a lab, to me is an easily falsifiable document that I cannot and will not entrust my health in.

 

It is okay if we disagree. You misunderstood my post and it was a pleasure to clarify it. I hope it is clear now. I test, disclose, follow strict rules. It is my duty and my pleasure.

 

...And I believe that you should really not care at all about my results. You should see me, assume I am positive and adhere to strict safer sex practices. But again all I choose to focus on is my own responsibility with myself and with others.