How best to communicate with a masseur and express what you are looking for?

[luvsrubs]

I'm guessing that long time readers of this forum have discussed this to death, but being a newbie and for the first time actually having a way to ask opinions of others I'd love to know what you think. I like a sensual to erotic massage from generally muscular corn-fed types with some mutual touching and of course the happy ending. But all of those likes can be a delicate matter in finding out information before you invest your money and wind up possibly disappointed. I've tried emailing and discussing on the phone, but am always aware that I'm treading on sensitive territory and possibly even endangering the masseur if I'm too specific either in an email or on the phone. Of course forums like this are an immense help benefiting from the trials and errors of others. So given the combined experiences of both masseurs and masseur seekers in this forum, I'd be interested to know how you all handle these delicate matters and some do's and don'ts. Thanks again in advance.

[Terpmaniac]

I usually go by the ad. If he is pictured "strip-buck-bare-assed-naked" then chances are he may be willing to throw in some extra goodies! with an initial email TELL HIM WHAT YOU EXPECT. I always say both of nude and mutual touching is preferred but not required." I also stress the massage is the thing, all the other stuff is a bonus.But I want a good massage more then anything. Also I look for the words, "erotic", "tantric" and "body-electric." Trust me, if he is not one to go the "release" route he will tell you. Now as far as telling him what you want. I can't speak for anybody else but I tend to let my body say all that needs to be said..HA! Pretty much works everytime.

Terp

[jjkrkwood]

I usually go by the ad. If he is pictured "strip-buck-bare-assed-naked" then chances are he may be willing to throw in some extra goodies! with an initial email TELL HIM WHAT YOU EXPECT. I always say both of nude and mutual touching is preferred but not required." I also stress the massage is the thing, all the other stuff is a bonus.But I want a good massage more then anything. Also I look for the words, "erotic", "tantric" and "body-electric." Trust me, if he is not one to go the "release" route he will tell you. Now as far as telling him what you want. I can't speak for anybody else but I tend to let my body say all that needs to be said..HA! Pretty much works everytime.Terp

 

As I've NEVER had a massage, are you implying that if you get a Boner, the masseur will "jump on board " ????

[bigvalboy]

Well luvsrub, I agree with Terp. To a large extent you will get a lot of information from the ad. If the ad says therapeutic and sensual and does not mention erotic, then I ask the masseur to clarify. I will say something to the effect, "Are you in the nude?" and "Does the massage include mutual touch?" It is that simple, and the question should be that straight forward. Don't dance around the issue. That question alone will give you a lot of information. Then if the answer to those questions are "Yes" then I will ask if it includes a "release"...At that point you have set the parameters by which you expect the massage to go.

 

You can not be ashamed or embarrassed to ask questions, it is your money and you need to walk away feeling that you got your moneys worth. All of these masseurs know the game and certainly you will not be the first client to ask such questions.

 

If the masseur does not do erotic, then the first time you ask him if the massage is done in the nude, he will say simply no, And if he is not in the nude then he probably won't encourage mutual touch. If that is what you want, then just move on to someone else.

 

Sometimes if the ad says 'Erotic'...I still will ask the masseur to clarify. I will say "I just want to make sure that with erotic, there is mutual touch and a release." depending on the response, I will choose to go forward or not. If at any point you get attitude, and sometimes you will, I just thank them for there time and hangup and move on. Cheers, BBB

[josephga]

you don't have to use words like is there a happy ending or is there mutual touching? do this instead. is this massage full body? we know what you mean by that. is this massage interactive?

[corndog]

I think this is a great question, luvsrubs. I face this same problem every time I seek a massage.

 

In my experience, if the masseur's advertisement puts too much emphasis on the sensual or erotic aspects of the massage, or if the photos are too sexy or suggestive, you're likely to get an "escort lite" experience and a very lackluster massage. In my case, when seeking massage, I'm usually looking for a good, real, therapeutic massage, but I want the experience to feel friendly and human, not cold and clinical. I enjoy a sensual aspect to the massage, but I want it to be a natural part of the overall experience, not the focus or goal.

 

That being said, I haven't figured out how to reliably find what I'm looking for. When I've tried to discuss my desires with a potential masseur, there has been too much mutual reading-between-the-lines, and it usually ends badly.

 

For example, I've contacted someone who advertises as a "sensual masseur" and mentioned that I'd like a "real massage." This was taken as an insult. The masseur interpreted this as me questioning their expertise and/or abilities, and the whole thing went sour.

 

Alternately, if you contact a legitimate therapeutic masseur and hint at anything sexual, they're likely to immediately shut you down. I think that josephga's advice is good, and he certainly knows what he's talking about, but this is a very touchy subject and I don't think you're going to get a clear, satisfying answer. A little innuendo, maybe, but a predictable experience, probably not.

 

In the end, I think you can pursue one of two options:

 

- You can search for a real, therapeutic massage and hope for a sensual experience, but be prepared for just a good massage. Or,

- You can search for a sensual/erotic massage and hope for good massage, but be prepared to just get off.

 

Unfortunately, except by trial and error, I think it's really hard get the best of both.

[josephga]

It can be very difficult to talk about. someone in my position doesn't feel that comfortable talking about that stuff due to the risk of putting their license in jeopardy. I don't just have law enforcement to worry about. the state board of massage could easily call up and ask questions. I tell people that I can only speak in therapeutic terms. If it comes down too me having to verbally promise mutual touching or a release in a text a email or on the phone or lose a potential client then I just have to lose that client. The majority don't ask any questions at all. other than time availability and location. Last month for instance only 2 people asked if a massage came with a release.. those 2 people didn't get appointments. I sometimes ask clients what they used to base their choices on? out of around 60ish advertisers in Atlanta on massage m4m only around 5 to 8 of us have real training. Most tell me they base their decisions on that. they tell me even if they want more they base their hiring on training. IMO it doesn't matter how good you look naked or how great of a release you provide. if you can't be outstanding with the actual massage they wont becoming back for second

[+ Axiom2001]

I'm guessing that long time readers of this forum have discussed this to death, but being a newbie and for the first time actually having a way to ask opinions of others I'd love to know what you think. I like a sensual to erotic massage from generally muscular corn-fed types with some mutual touching and of course the happy ending. But all of those likes can be a delicate matter in finding out information before you invest your money and wind up possibly disappointed. I've tried emailing and discussing on the phone, but am always aware that I'm treading on sensitive territory and possibly even endangering the masseur if I'm too specific either in an email or on the phone. Of course forums like this are an immense help benefiting from the trials and errors of others. So given the combined experiences of both masseurs and masseur seekers in this forum, I'd be interested to know how you all handle these delicate matters and some do's and don'ts. Thanks again in advance.

 

 

My engaging the services of both escorts and masseurs has been QUITE EASY for me during the years that I have done such. I usually have rung the masseurs and have just requested a sensual or an erotic massage. That's all I've had to do, especially if they have had ads at either http://www.massagem4m.com and/or http://www.masseurfinder.com. It's worked well for me, and I've had many memorable massages including "happy endings." MAKE IT SIMPLE!

[+ newatthis]

...In my experience, if the masseur's advertisement puts too much emphasis on the sensual or erotic aspects of the massage, or if the photos are too sexy or suggestive, you're likely to get an "escort lite" experience...

Sometimes it's been just the opposite: sexy photos and/or text are a come-on for a not particularly erotic experience. I've also found that the words "sensual" and "erotic" are not the endpoints of a spectrum from less to more interactive. Some of my best (therapeutic) massages coupled with complete interactivity have come from guys advertising "sensual" with very vanilla pictures. Go figure.

[+ Travis69]

A lot of how sensual or erotic the massage becomes depends on who is laying on the table.

[corndog]

I think it is also important to consider and respect the point of view of the masseur. Some of these guys have spent hundreds and hundreds of hours training to become professional therapists and to help with people's wellbeing. The best trained and most professional masseurs may have never intended to become "sex workers."

 

To expect these guys, who selected massage as a therapeutic profession, to provide sexual services is to disrespect their profession and training. It seems a little like expecting your doctor to finish off a prostate exam with a "release."

 

So, I guess what I'm saying is that I respect masseurs who are, in fact, sex workers. And, I respect masseurs who are therapists. And, for that matter, I'd really respect a masseur who was a sex therapist. The problem, from the original post, is figuring out which of these you're dealing with.

[Diverdan]

Travis69, I have to agree with you. A lot of what happens is related to the chemistry between the therapist and the client. I have scheduled a therapeutic massage in a high class resort and ended up after my second massage with the guy having a very interactive session with both of us nude, but it did not start that way. I was very surprised by what happened, as the guy could have lost his job and his license if I had not been a willing participant,but I know that he knew what was going to be acceptable/desired by me. I don't ask many questions, and try to look for someone who can give a great massage, which I really like. If other things develop that is great. I also know that if I am a regular with a masseur, there develops a level of trust that can lead to more interaction. So good luck to all, and I hope you all find what you are looking for.

DD

[josephga]

how you act on the table can say allot too. yesterday I had a guy book a massage. I always ask where did you see the ad? the particular ad was for a therapeutic hot stone massage. He told me if he was nervous it was because he had only had massages from women. I asked him what was his normal experience with them. He told me most were nude a release and he touched them. I said well that's not happening here i'll be fully clothed and there's no touching of me. after all the ad he responded to was for a therapeutic massage. 3 times during the massage I had to tell him to take his hands off of me. then he tells me he brought a condom and was hoping id fuck him. i felt insulted anyone would expect a 75 hr massage from a licensed therapist to perform such. after i said no he then says will you atleast let me suck your dick through a condom. I said no.. Cherry on the sundae was him using my bathroom taking a shit and not bothering to flush. he did this prior to the start of the massage

[Terpmaniac]

A lot of how sensual or erotic the massage becomes depends on who is laying on the table.

 

Good point! It's all pretty much in the masseur's hands, regardless of what he promises in his ads.

[jawjateck]

Cherry on the sundae was him using my bathroom taking a shit and not bothering to flush. he did this prior to the start of the massage

 

What you write doesn't surprise me, Joseph. I've got several clients in my business who are total dumb asses, and even though I don't have to interact with them flesh-to-flesh, I could easily imagine any number of them doing such asinine things if they hired a masseur or sex worker (male or female). Stupid is not limited to our slice of the world.

[luvsrubs]

Well just wanted to interject how interesting this discussion has been and enlightening. So glad to read so many thoughts and ideas about my initial inquiry. But something mentioned earlier requires comment. I started experimenting with getting professional massages when I was younger. With some degree of youthful stupidity, I'd think, "well this masseur probably is happy to get a younger hot guy to massage rather than an old geezer he usually gets". I'm still the same nice thoughtful guy I always was, but now I'm that geezer without the youth. And as I have said before I like a good massage but also really like the more erotic aspects of it and always have. Now I wonder when I meet a masseur for the first time if he is thinking " oh here we go another geezer's flesh to knead for an hour". There was a brief moment when I got so paranoid about this that I always said to the masseur I was inquiring about, " umm...I should tell you my age". And to all the masseurs who don't see age or physical shape as an obstacle or certainly go far beyond that I am very grateful. I realize that when I'm on the table what happens is really up to the masseur, but always glad when they treat the whole person on the table and offer more than just "a rub" and .....well you know. Thanks again for all the great replies.

[jjkrkwood]

I am not sure why everything needs to be so subversive, as I have said before. You can usually tell by the kind of ad placed, the location of the ad, the photos used and the description by the escort "what he is truly down for".... If there is still some question or Doubt, just ASK. Its a conversation between ADULTS and better to clear things up from the start on the phone than to have awkward moments face to face. If the escort is not ON BOARD with what you are looking for, he will most certainly tell you. I cant believe that even the most naive

person isnt able to figure this out. And if its the sexual aspect that is the most driving force of your request, just go with an Escort instead. YES you may pay a bit more, but you wont be left lying on a table "wondering" for an hour....

[Phil_musc]

I hear you, luvsrubs. There are lots of good ideas here too. I'm wondering: shouldn't the cost of the massage hint at what you might expect? $200 for a therapeutic massage of an hour's duration seems questionable to me.

[jjkrkwood]

I hear you, luvsrubs. There are lots of good ideas here too. I'm wondering: shouldn't the cost of the massage hint at what you might expect? $200 for a therapeutic massage of an hour's duration seems questionable to me.

 

It IS possible Phil, based on the credentials of the professional and the venue used. If its his 1 room studio apt, and he's doing you on a folding picnic table, and his certifications are written on loose leaf binder paper with magic marker, than I suspect $200 for tHAT massage might imply something different. ?

[corndog]

JJ, I think that you're correct in the case of escorts that it is usually clear what they're offering and simple to ask questions to make sure you're getting what you want. However, you've said that you don't usually hire for massages, so I think you're missing the point about the difficulties that are unique to these massage transactions.

 

Although there are times when I want an escort experience, there are other times when I want a real massage which is therapeutic and just a bit sensual, or perhaps a therapeutic massage where I won't feel inappropriate or embarrassed if I get a hard-on. This is where it gets tricky.

 

If I call a masseur who advertises as therapeutic and start asking if it is ok if I get hard, it is likely to become an uncomfortable conversation. As josephga has explained, as a licensed masseur he's uncomfortable taking a client after there has been any mention of sex.

 

However, if I hire a masseur who advertises sensual massage, I might get someone who has no intention or ability to give a good massage and is just offering "escort lite." And, of course, those that advertise erotic massage or charge $200/hour are very unlikely to have massage on their mind.

[jjkrkwood]

JJ, I think that you're correct in the case of escorts that it is usually clear what they're offering and simple to ask questions to make sure you're getting what you want. However, you've said that you don't usually hire for massages, so I think you're missing the point about the difficulties that are unique to these massage transactions.

 

Although there are times when I want an escort experience, there are other times when I want a real massage which is therapeutic and just a bit sensual, or perhaps a therapeutic massage where I won't feel inappropriate or embarrassed if I get a hard-on. This is where it gets tricky.

 

If I call a masseur who advertises as therapeutic and start asking if it is ok if I get hard, it is likely to become an uncomfortable conversation. As josephga has explained, as a licensed masseur he's uncomfortable taking a client after there has been any mention of sex.

 

However, if I hire a masseur who advertises sensual massage, I might get someone who has no intention or ability to give a good massage and is just offering "escort lite." And, of course, those that advertise erotic massage or charge $200/hour are very unlikely to have massage on their mind.

 

corn, from what I have heard, it is not uncommon for male clients to become "aroused" during massage, and masseurs and therapists have almost come to accept that. Where it goes from there is up to the client and masseur, and if the client has done his homework and asked the right questions, there should be no surprises. Its always awkward discussing sex. Hey I am embarrased when my doctor needs to do an anal exam, or we discuss Colonoscopies. But first and foremost you are negotiating a business arrangement and it should be handled as such, factually and respectfully... These are people you DONT know and may never meet, or see again. Why such trepedation. ?

[corndog]

...and asked the right questions, there should be no surprises.

 

JJ, the main point here, which I'll repeat one more time: you can't ask a legitimate masseur the "right" questions. If you ask many masseurs any question of even a remotely sexual nature, they'll assume that you're mainly looking for a sexual experience, and usually turn down the appointment.

[josephga]

JJ, the main point here, which I'll repeat one more time: you can't ask a legitimate masseur the "right" questions. If you ask many masseurs any question of even a remotely sexual nature, they'll assume that you're mainly looking for a sexual experience, and usually turn down the appointment.

 

It also scares masseurs that you could possible be a member of law enforcement or some sort of state massage board. Out of that fear allot of us will just provide some generic answer. Only thing you can really do is get on the table and roll the dice.

[rguer]

then he tells me he brought a condom and was hoping id fuck him. i felt insulted anyone would expect a 75 hr massage from a licensed therapist to perform such.

 

The other behaviors you mentioned were unacceptable, but on this particular thing I think you overreacted. There's sufficient overlap between what some masseurs and some escorts do, and the prices they charge, that a client has no way to know for sure what services might be available.

 

But having been told no, he had no excuse for continuing.

 

I've gotten dozens of therapeutic massages, and I've never gotten the slightest clue that anything extra might be available (nor have I ever hinted that I might want something more).

[josephga]

The other behaviors you mentioned were unacceptable, but on this particular thing I think you overreacted. There's sufficient overlap between what some masseurs and some escorts do, and the prices they charge, that a client has no way to know for sure what services might be available.

 

But having been told no, he had no excuse for continuing.

 

I've gotten dozens of therapeutic massages, and I've never gotten the slightest clue that anything extra might be available (nor have I ever hinted that I might want something more).

 

I felt he was out of line because it wasn't as if he saw a ad from me on masseur finder or massage m4m. I also advertise with a local gym, A doctor and other therapeutic outlets. He heard of my services through one of those outlets. Because of that imo he had no business expecting anything other than a therapeutic massage and that's exactly what he got. I always ask a person where they saw they ad that way I know to perform the services by the book if they heard of me from a gym or dr I list with..