Why after a relationship ends, the dating life that proceeds it is hell?

[JoeyBryant]

So, since the last guy and I 'broke up' last month I've been back to dating again.

 

It hasn't been all gloom and doom, but just some of the guys I've been meeting has just been ridiculous.

 

1st I meet an angry guy, then I meet a guy with 2 household cats with more outdoor cats (I'm a bit allergic and taking Zyrtec didn't help). He's also a bit older than my 21-45 preference for dating. But I didn't hold it against him for having cats or the age since it didn't affect me much.

 

What I do hold against are some of the older 'gentlemen' who come off as ridiculously cheap on dates. I've had 2 guys ask me out to dinner, and expect me to split the check. One guy, the bill came for like $35 and the guy puts down a $20. And I didn't order the most expensive thing on the list but just had a glass of wine with my meal. I had to tell him, "how about you pick up the check and I'll pay for the movie?" It's like, don't be cheap with me. If it's that much of an issue just let me know ahead of time.

 

I know this may sound a bit brash, but both times I was quite embarrassed to be out withf these guys and having to split a meal cost with this person who was significantly older than I. It almost makes me think, "if the guy isn't willing to pick up the check, what's my problem that I can't find someone to date my own age?" Most scenarios where people date older guys are generally doing it because they like the extra assurance of being with someone older.

 

It's like some of these guys panic over taking a guy out to a dinner, yet there's clients I know who'll go to a higher end restaurant, spend much more and then give a guy $500 or 1,000 to boot. But it seems like some of these guys on these dating and hookup sites like to do the minimum amount of leg work and heavy lifting, but expect a ton of sex to proceed it. That ain't right.

 

The good news is, I am dating a guy who I have the hots for...and he is my age. But stability wise I'm not sure about and he lives over 75 miles away from me and I've mentioned it to him that it may be an issue for me.

[justaguy]

Just checking. Are you absolutely sure the two guys asked you out on a date as opposed to simply asking if you wanted to have dinner some time? It's a question in my mind because it would never occur to me to ask someone to be my guest and then expect them to pay.

[josephga]

If I ask someone on a date or to dinner I pay for it. Even if i asked a friend to dinner id pay for it. imo the one that does the asking does the paying regardless if they are older younger or the same age.. I've started looking outside of my city for someone. I've been talking with A guy living in Nashville not just on line but nightly chats on the phone. He plans on moving here to Atlanta in April. Over the last 2 weeks we have become so smitten with each other he is coming here in Feb just too spen a weekend with me. If things go well I'm going to spend a weekend in Nashville in March b4 his move here in April

[bigvalboy]

Joey just trying to get my thoughts around this one. If it was truly a date in every sense of the word that I am not sure that asking you to split a 35 dollar meal is exactly 'dating hell'...it sounds to me, and correct me if I am wrong, that you felt because these guys were older you expected them to pick up the tab. That doesn't seem fair either. If I asked a younger guy out to dinner and it was strictly a date, and money was clearly an issue with him, then yes I would pick up the cost of the meal, however if money wasn't an issue then I would most likely put down perhaps a larger portion of the meal, but would expect the other guy to kick in the balance.

 

If you were as you said "quite embarrassed to be out with these guys who were significantly older" then I don't have any sympathy for you. Sounds to me like you were using them. In my estimation it is not a matter of "being cheap with you" it is a matter of right and wrong. Maybe dating in your own age bracket would be best going forward.

[jjkrkwood]

Joey, your post comes off like you are an opportunist, and an "ageist". While I do agree that if a person invites someone out on a DATE, the inviter is obligated to pay. but if its merely a "hey, you wanna go out to eat", then I think a shared check is appropriate. You never make clear if these encounters were non-paid sexual hookups, or merely a "look-see" get together.

 

Nonetheless, I also take exception to the point you make that because these guys are OLDER, they should pay? WHY ?, for the "priviledge" of your company ? That sounds more like an escort persona rather than a "civilian" persona. You also dont clarify, where and how you met these guys. If you met them at a bar, or off a hookup site, though they may be older, they dont necessarily have MORE money than you. If you are embarrassed being seen with older guys that cant AFFORD you, date in your own age bracket and ask for bank statements upfront.

But if you are not prepared to pick up a check while you are "relationship hunting", perhaps its prudent for you to stay single?

[seeker630]

Joey just trying to get my thoughts around this one. If it was truly a date in every sense of the word that I am not sure that asking you to split a 35 dollar meal is exactly 'dating hell'...it sounds to me, and correct me if I am wrong, that you felt because these guys were older you expected them to pick up the tab. That doesn't seem fair either. If I asked a younger guy out to dinner and it was strictly a date, and money was clearly an issue with him, then yes I would pick up the cost of the meal, however if money wasn't an issue then I would most likely put down perhaps a larger portion of the meal, but would expect the other guy to kick in the balance.

 

If you were as you said "quite embarrassed to be out with these guys who were significantly older" then I don't have any sympathy for you. Sounds to me like you were using them. In my estimation it is not a matter of "being cheap with you" it is a matter of right and wrong. Maybe dating in your own age bracket would be best going forward.

 

I agree with BVB. It sounds like you are expecting them to 'pay you for your time', like clients.

[JoeyBryant]

Just checking. Are you absolutely sure the two guys asked you out on a date as opposed to simply asking if you wanted to have dinner some time? It's a question in my mind because it would never occur to me to ask someone to be my guest and then expect them to pay.

 

Well, the last one I met had asked me when I walked in if I'm hungry and would like to get a bite to eat? He named a couple of restaurants but ultimately picked one. Now, the original plan was simply to go out to the movies. I asked him out for that one which is why I said hell, I'll get that, you get the dinner.

 

Now, this is where the hell part comes in. On New Year's Eve after a night of drinking, the guy I met prior to him says, "I'm hungry, let's go to Dennys." Now, I was clearly upfront when I told him that personally I was going thru a rough week/month and I asked him if he would pick it up. He agrees. My meal is $4. His is like 7. This guy takes out some 5's and some 1's and says he can't even afford to give a decent tip as it was just enough to cover our meal costs.. Out of pity for the waiter, I just went ahead and covered my share and left a tip.

 

The angry guy was the worse. Within 15 minutes, he's getting into an altercation with a guy on the bar, making racist comments about White guys and saying how I need to stop dating White guys, and then getting into shouting matches in the car with other drivers and myself on our 1st date. Finally I just dropped him off in downtown and kept it moving.

 

But, as the first 2 examples go; why should I have to continue to see a guy twice my age if they don't have the courtesy to pay? I'm not exactly using them because their ultimate goal is sex and companionship, so if I was just wanting a free meal then I wouldn't even be doing that. It's not that I'm totally not attracted to them, but my philosophy is that if a significantly older guy wants to have hot arm candy wherever they go, they should be willing to atleast pick up tabs for meals.

 

I also take exception to the point you make that because these guys are OLDER, they should pay? WHY ?, for the "priviledge" of your company ? That sounds more like an escort persona rather than a "civilian" persona.

 

 

But if you are not prepared to pick up a check while you are "relationship hunting", perhaps its prudent for you to stay single?

 

I don't mind picking up a check. But I won't go on dates with a guy who's twice my age and have to pay for my own dinner. Think about it, why would I do that when there's guys who'll pay for dinner and my evening or overnight rate? It makes no sense and for them it's a free ride. I have a bit more self-esteem and self-respect for that. Maybe that's just something my parents taught me, because when we go out to eat never would they ask me to split a check even if there's 6 of us at the table.

 

It's not an escort persona. It just doesn't look right in any establishment for an older guy to be out with a younger guy (or woman) and have to put a pile of money on the table and sort how much is the share or who what why. I know very few gay couples in real life where the significantly younger guy (20-30 years difference) has to pick up his own tab. I did it for years before I was an escort. (maybe Mariah Nick Cannon is different but certainly not these 2):

 

http://i.huffpost.com/gen/459747/thumbs/r-COURTNEY-STODDEN-large570.jpg

[josephga]

Well, the last one I met had asked me when I walked in if I'm hungry and would like to get a bite to eat? He named a couple of restaurants but ultimately picked one. Now, the original plan was simply to go out to the movies. I asked him out for that one which is why I said hell, I'll get that, you get the dinner.

 

Now, this is where the hell part comes in. On New Year's Eve after a night of drinking, he says, "I'm hungry, let's go to Dennys." Now, I was clearly upfront when I told him that personally I was going thru a rough week/month and I asked him if he would pick it up. He agrees. My meal is $4. His is like 7. This guy takes out some 5's and some 1's and says he can't even afford to give a decent tip as it was just enough to cover our meal costs.. Out of pity for the waiter, I just went ahead and covered my share and left a tip.

 

The angry guy was the worse. Within 15 minutes, he's getting into an altercation with a guy on the bar, making racist comments about White guys and saying how I need to stop dating White guys, and then getting into shouting matches in the car with other drivers and myself on our 1st date. Finally I just dropped him off in downtown and kept it moving.

 

But, as the first 2 examples go; why should I have to continue to see a guy twice my age if they don't have the courtesy to pay? I'm not exactly using them because their ultimate goal is sex and companionship, so if I was just wanting a free meal then I wouldn't even be doing that. It's not that I'm totally not attracted to them, but my philosophy is that if a significantly older guy wants to have hot arm candy wherever they go, they should be willing to atleast pick up tabs for meals.

 

 

 

I don't mind picking up a check. But I won't date a guy who's twice my age and pay for my own dinner. Think about it, why would I do that when there's guys who'll pay for dinner and my evening or overnight rate? It makes no sense and for them it's a free ride. I have a bit more self-esteem and self-respect for that. Maybe that's just something my parents taught me, because when we go out to eat never would they ask me to split a check even if there's 6 of us at the table.

 

It's not an escort persona. It just doesn't look right in any establishment for an older guy to be out with a younger guy (or woman) and have to put a pile of money on the table and sort how much is the share or who what why. I know very few couples (maybe Mariah Nick Cannon is different but certainly not these 2):

 

http://i.huffpost.com/gen/459747/thumbs/r-COURTNEY-STODDEN-large570.jpg

 

 

LORD child you just dug your hole deeper with these men on here lol

[JoeyBryant]

I agree with BVB. It sounds like you are expecting them to 'pay you for your time', like clients.

 

Oh, well trust me If they were 'paying for my time', they'd be paying a lot more than simply a $40 dinner for 2.

 

What's wrong with wanting a guy who can support a comfortable living? I can date broke guys my age or maybe upwards to about 30 because we're in similar points in life and can relate to the ups and downs it brings. But even then, I would rather date an older guy who is stable than to date a guy my age who isn't.

[Bosguy]

How insulting and degrading to us "older guys" who are generally very loyal and generous people to our guests be they "dates" or "working guys". You apparently have been in the wrong place with the wrong people, but don't generalize!!!

 

Boston Bill

[bigvalboy]

Oh, well trust me If they were 'paying for my time', they'd be paying a lot more than simply a $40 dinner for 2.

 

What's wrong with wanting a guy who can support a comfortable living? I can date broke guys my age or maybe upwards to about 30 because we're in similar points in life and can relate to the ups and downs it brings. But even then, I would rather date an older guy who is stable than to date a guy my age who isn't.

 

Joey you sound absolutely ridiculous...not only are you degrading and insulting, but you just contradicted your earlier statement. I don't think even you really know what you are looking for. Which is it, you want someone who is older and more stable or someone your own age. Whatever it is, you most certainly won't find it among the guys on this site. You will find no sympathy from me, I am quite done here, I'll leave this to the other members who have coolers heads than I do...

[+ Travis69]

Maybe the older guy was better looking than you and thought he was "arm candy" for you and therefore expected you to pay for him being seen with you......Youth does not always mean beauty.....

[JoeyBryant]

Maybe the older guy was better looking than you and thought he was "arm candy" for you and therefore expected you to pay for him being seen with you......Youth does not always mean beauty.....

 

Well why would he need someone half his age to validate him on that? I wouldn't think he would. Rather he'd just enjoy the company. But, I don't think that was the case and it was not a matter of one being attractive over the other. By arm candy, I meant him being with someone who's 24 and he's 51.

 

Joey you sound absolutely ridiculous...not only are you degrading and insulting, but you just contradicted your earlier statement. I don't think even you really know what you are looking for. Which is it, you want someone who is older and more stable or someone your own age. Whatever it is, you most certainly won't find it among the guys on this site. You will find no sympathy from me, I am quite done here, I'll leave this to the other members who have coolers heads than I do...

 

I don't need sympathy from you. You make it seem like I'm begging for it, and actually are being more degrading than I. I'm just stating my point of view. Perhaps you need to try and have a different perspective on things and see things in both ways rather than jump the gun and assume I'm putting off older men. Try that for a moment..

 

I know what I'm looking for. And too, I know what I'm not looking for as well. And I'm not looking to date an older guy who's going to expect us to go Even Steven everytime we go out. Yes I'll admit, I like dating a guy with financial stability and most guys my age don't, while older guys 'tend' to. It doesn't make me a bad person because of that. I like a guy with his own place, vehicle and disposable income. Where taking a guy out to dinner is not going to send him to the poor house.

 

Now see, when Greg Seaboy made the thread about "please don't hire us", it was all forgiving. But I'm simply saying to guys who don't hire us, "don't date me or ask me to dinner if at the end of dinner, you're going to put down your share of equal or greater value and leave me to foot the rest. That's just tacky and I can't see how anyone can defend that.

[JoeyBryant]

I totally agree with the OP's original comment, if you are having financial problems, you dont need to hire an escort. Stay home, watch FREE porn and jerk yourself off. You cant have what you cant PAY for.....

 

You were exactly right. Set standards and insist that others do the same. As my friend always says about situations like this..."If you can't run with the big dogs, then stay on the porch" LOL

 

why can't these comments apply to my dating life? Sure it's not business...But If they are having financial problems then they shouldn't be asking me out on dates or even suggesting it.

 

Part of why I feel so strongly about how I do is because some of these older guys know about my escort status, but can't afford it. Its amazing but guys from sites like OKcUPID, Adam4adam, etc. probably browse the escort/massage ads and then message a guy's personal (non-professional) ad. Then they meet a couple of times or so, but once they get their fill, they move on. Leaves me feeling like they took advantage of the situation when in actuality I probably shouldn't have given them a minute of my time.

 

I had it happen before. guy seen me on okcupid dating site. then 2 weeks later he called me from one of my ads. we played around, but it didn't lead to long term. imagine if i'd met him casually anyway? it'd be lost income and i'd still be single.

 

Dating is a risk. No guy can guarantee me that they'll continue to see me every week or more often. So if they have seen me on professional ads in the past, how do I know if they aren't just trying to get a cheap fling or if they actually see something in me long term?

[Khakis]

If you're looking for a partner, then you should expect to pull your weight (and more) in any relationship - emotionally, practically, sexually, and financially. That doesn't always mean a 50/50 split - because we all come to dates and friendships and relationships with differing strengths and differing abilities. But it always means you contribute.

 

If you're looking for a patron, then you should expect to lead in the area of your unique strength - expending your best efforts and always working to improve - and you can expect that your patron will shoulder the rest of the burden.

[instudiocity]

if i ask someone on a date or to dinner i pay for it. Even if i asked a friend to dinner id pay for it. Imo the one that does the asking does the paying regardless if they are older younger or the same age.. I've started looking outside of my city for someone. I've been talking with a guy living in nashville not just on line but nightly chats on the phone. He plans on moving here to atlanta in april. Over the last 2 weeks we have become so smitten with each other he is coming here in feb just too spen a weekend with me. If things go well i'm going to spend a weekend in nashville in march b4 his move here in april

 

like!

[JoeyBryant]

If I ask someone on a date or to dinner I pay for it. Even if i asked a friend to dinner id pay for it. imo the one that does the asking does the paying regardless if they are older younger or the same age.. I've started looking outside of my city for someone. I've been talking with A guy living in Nashville not just on line but nightly chats on the phone. He plans on moving here to Atlanta in April. Over the last 2 weeks we have become so smitten with each other he is coming here in Feb just too spen a weekend with me. If things go well I'm going to spend a weekend in Nashville in March b4 his move here in April

 

well thats good. sometimes you just have to go outside of the city limits to meet people, hence my dating the guy 70 miles away. i can't stand the dating lifestyle where i live. it's almost non-existent and I've been forced to settle. There's a lot of dandruff on the front range and it's not just in the form of snow flakes.

 

I met a guy in Omaha which is like 500+ miles from me and we were almost perfect for each other, but we couldn't make that work out. I wasn't going to move there and he wasn't going to come here so all bets were off.

[jimboivyo]

grow up child. you have a 'know it all' comeback to everything and everyone. maybe if you listened a bit, you might not keep coming here to make a spectacle of yourself.

 

the truly wise man admits he knows nothing and continues to learn through life.

[JoeyBryant]

grow up child. you have a 'know it all' comeback to everything and everyone. maybe if you listened a bit, you might not keep coming here to make a spectacle of yourself.

 

the truly wise man admits he knows nothing and continues to learn through life.

 

But a real man wouldn't hide behind a name and claim to be incognito, whoever you are. I've dumped my alias obviously you're not man enough to do the same.

 

At the same time, I have a right to respond to what people have to say. If they can give their opinion, I can give mine back. If I didn't listen, I wouldn't have a response to make, right? You make no sense. In order to give a response, the person asking the question has to listen. It becomes a conversation, which obviously you can't do because you're childish, immature and like to stir up things because you can't even come into a conversation without insulting someone.

 

Are you jealous because I'm getting responses? Don't be. It's not that easy. See, I can have a conversation and respond to people calmly without getting riled up even they brush me the wrong way. But it's not going to change the way I feel about a certain situation. You jump in here on some unruly BS yet you can't even make a statement about the topic at hand. Just want to have something to say.

 

The title here says, A place to gather and exchange ideas. NO Politics, NO Religion, NO War. You're not going to deny my right to gather and exchange ideas. It doesn't say A place to gather ideas and shutup and just listen.

[Phil_musc]

Joey, I don't know you at all so I bring no back story to this. But your comments do reveal a mindset that seems a little opportunistic and not really very nice to the older guy who you were dating. You seem to me to be carrying your escort mentality into another arena where it is not necessarily appropriate. Then too you may be assuming a lot - specifically the idea that you were eye candy and a trophy for him to have on his arm. Even in the straight world the concept of who pays on a date has evolved with women's liberation. My question would be why did you even go out with the guy in the first place - your comments make it sound like you went into the situation with the mindset that you would be taken car of - he may be looking at you more as an equal or peer than that, regardless of the difference in your ages. Please - no offense is meant here, and I should probably take time to nuance my ideas more- but as a rough first impression, this is okay. I'm impressed that you would actually see a guy who I would imagine is in the client age bracket and see him as dating material, yet you also see him as a quasi-client. Yet, I do feel for you and your situation - if I were you I would probably be feeling the same way - when I was much younger, I sorta figured older guys who took me out would pay too. All I can say at this point is I'm sooo glad I'm not dating (have been in a relationship for over thirty years at this point)- there are just so many pitfalls, miscues, etc. Good luck and I hope you find someone - it would be good for you.

[JoeyBryant]

Joey, I don't know you at all so I bring no back story to this. But your comments do reveal a mindset that seems a little opportunistic and not really very nice to the older guy who you were dating. You seem to me to be carrying your escort mentality into another arena where it is not necessarily appropriate. Then too you may be assuming a lot - specifically the idea that you were eye candy and a trophy for him to have on his arm. Even in the straight world the concept of who pays on a date has evolved with women's liberation. My question would be why did you even go out with the guy in the first place - your comments make it sound like you went into the situation with the mindset that you would be taken car of - he may be looking at you more as an equal or peer than that, regardless of the difference in your ages. Please - no offense is meant here, and I should probably take time to nuance my ideas more- but as a rough first impression, this is okay. I'm impressed that you would actually see a guy who I would imagine is in the client age bracket and see him as dating material, yet you also see him as a quasi-client. Yet, I do feel for you and your situation - if I were you I would probably be feeling the same way - when I was much younger, I sorta figured older guys who took me out would pay too. All I can say at this point is I'm sooo glad I'm not dating (have been in a relationship for over thirty years at this point)- there are just so many pitfalls, miscues, etc. Good luck and I hope you find someone - it would be good for you.

 

I think you made a point there.

 

That's what I think it is. It's like even though I can find myself attracted to an older guy, sometimes I almost feel like 'escort mode' without realizing it. So deep down even though we are seeing each other non-professionally, it almost feels like perhaps it should be.

 

I was actually thinking about it the other day. I was like, why is it that sometimes I'll agree to meet up with an older guy...but it's SO hard to meet up with them right away. I guess because 40s guys make up such a large part of the hiring percentage, naturally it makes it hard to want to meet them for a quickie; which no lie majority of them are interested in just that. And 99% of the time, most older guys I meet online even thru non-escort sites want sex the 1st night. That's all they care about it is getting sex. So I feel used if I just go ahead with it. Do you get what I'm saying? See, I'm going to burst some bubbles...but these older guys expect sex from a younger guy the second they walk in the door, ass wide open...well I expect an older guy to pick up checks as well. We're both happy! They get instant sex, I don't have to worry about footing a bill. Play your part. If a 40s guy can't do that, don't date me.

 

My solution after this last breakup, and subsequent dates with older guys 40+ was just to stop dating older men entirely and just stick to guys 21-30ish. Because you're right, maybe it's not fair to them. But at the same time there's no way I could continue to date an older guy if they aren't paying for things. It just doesn't feel right to me. Now, in time I'll pay for things too...and go out my way, but they have to earn it. It's no we've fucked 3 times THEN I'll take you out. I'm not a hooker (well, technically in a dating scenario) that's just going to come by your house and bang you out and leave while the older guy gets a good night rest.

 

But doggone, older guys are the ones who always message me and keep their word on meeting up! Like this guy I met on a fitness site, in his upper 30s. Kept asking and asking to meet. I wanted to meet him too. But when I arrived, he started telling me he was horny, wanted me to drop by his place, basically treating me like a CHEAP *****....So I lost interest. And when I told him I wasn't looking to hookup, he stopped texting me too. So clearly he just wanted to fuck all along, I should have gave him my business card but he worked in legal so I know he wouldn't be doing anything like that so I didn't even bother. I'm like hell, I'm visiting this state to work, not give freebies on the side. If I visit you, I might lose $200. So why should I?

[healthguy]

Joey,

This is what I have gathered from other threads regarding getting together off of "hook-up sites." Correct me guys if I'm wrong.

1) Like yourself, at least one of these individuals is looking for more of a substantial relationship. While the other is

simply looking for a meal at Denny's, (Did your friend ask you if you wanted the "Grand Slam,"lol ). This

followed by a sexual encounter. It also appears that these turn many times to be one or two "encounters."

2) Complicating the issue is your profession. If you shared this with them, or they simply did a little research,

they very well could be expecting a free be on your part.

3) If someone is expecting more from these site, it seems quite slim.

4) It seems to me, a very psychologically unsatisfactory and lonely place on your part.

5) Now for the paying issue. From my perspective from the dating scene many decades ago, and these were my

"straight" dating days. Many times the first few dates were "dutch." Halfsee as we called them. If things then

started to get more involved, I picked up the tab. I know this is different then your situation, however I see

nothing wrong with going "dutch." Also, like you suggested, "How about your pay for dinner, and I'll do the

do the movies?" If this is turning out to be an issue, why not suggest the "who pays for what" issue before you

meet? You might get a real good feel for the guy for what he is after on the phone!

6) Now the age issue. Joey, you are coming off as us older clients are simply a booking to get through. Perhaps you

should feel fortunate then most of your clients are in the 40ish range? Seems like if you look a little deeper you

could really enjoy us seniors a lot more than your fee.

 

It's funny, you would have been have been on my short list when I come through your area the next time. But, I don't know if I feel that strongly about that anymore. I do wish you the best. I hope you find an individual that you can share your life with on a number of fronts. But like I tell my patients, do be careful of Denny's. It's your cholesterol allotment for the year!!!

Take care, lol, be safe, be civil and kind to each other, and always hold the door open for someone behind you!!!

[+ Lucky]

The headline of the thread refers to the hell of your dating life "proceeding" a relationship. I think you mean "succeeding" it. Anyway, I just talked to a guy in LA who is dating after 18 years of having a partner, and all he can do is complain about the series of flakes he encounters. So have many others. Stay away from California if you don't want even worse stories to tell! LA especially- it is flake city.

[JoeyBryant]

Joey,

This is what I have gathered from other threads regarding getting together off of "hook-up sites." Correct me guys if I'm wrong.

1) Like yourself, at least one of these individuals is looking for more of a substantial relationship. While the other is

simply looking for a meal at Denny's, (Did your friend ask you if you wanted the "Grand Slam,"lol ). This

followed by a sexual encounter. It also appears that these turn many times to be one or two "encounters."

2) Complicating the issue is your profession. If you shared this with them, or they simply did a little research,

they very well could be expecting a free be on your part.

3) If someone is expecting more from these site, it seems quite slim.

4) It seems to me, a very psychologically unsatisfactory and lonely place on your part.

5) Now for the paying issue. From my perspective from the dating scene many decades ago, and these were my

"straight" dating days. Many times the first few dates were "dutch." Halfsee as we called them. If things then

started to get more involved, I picked up the tab. I know this is different then your situation, however I see

nothing wrong with going "dutch." Also, like you suggested, "How about your pay for dinner, and I'll do the

do the movies?" If this is turning out to be an issue, why not suggest the "who pays for what" issue before you

meet? You might get a real good feel for the guy for what he is after on the phone!

6) Now the age issue. Joey, you are coming off as us older clients are simply a booking to get through. Perhaps you

should feel fortunate then most of your clients are in the 40ish range? Seems like if you look a little deeper you

could really enjoy us seniors a lot more than your fee.

 

It's funny, you would have been have been on my short list when I come through your area the next time. But, I don't know if I feel that strongly about that anymore. I do wish you the best. I hope you find an individual that you can share your life with on a number of fronts. But like I tell my patients, do be careful of Denny's. It's your cholesterol allotment for the year!!!

Take care, lol, be safe, be civil and kind to each other, and always hold the door open for someone behind you!!!

 

It was late at night on New Year's Eve so Denny's was the only thing open after a night of hard drinking LOL.

 

I didn't quite understand all the points you made though, specifically points 1-4.

 

As for the age (point 6), that's not what I was referring to. I like older men. I've dated older men even before I was 18 (Gawd, I lied to so many guys had them thinking I was 17 but was really 14 lol) and even before I was an escort. But still, they were still picking up tabs. So the attraction is certainly there and by no means do I cringe at that.

 

Clients are actually the 40 y/o+ guys that I enjoy meeting LOL. But in this thread, I'm not discussing clients. I'm referring to older guys who want to meet up for casual sex with the 'possibility' of dating happening. But their main goal is casual sex without having to pay for it. They don't go into it with dating on their mind, it's more about sex than anything else.

 

Now, if I showed up to some older guy's house; not a client...he would not call me again if I didn't have sex with him the first day I walked in his door. But many tend to have that philosophy that a younger guy is built to take care of their high-sex drive libido. Which is totally fine with me, but are they interested in paying for it though? No, because they don't have the means. Well my philosophy is an older guy is going to take care of the check if he asks me out.

 

But see that's what separates a paying client (Like yourself) from just the typical joe shmoe that puts a profile up online on the various non-escort sites. But like you said, you can't expect much from those sites...which is why when I get back home I'm probably going to take it down and just focus on the escort sites and meet guys going out.

 

5) Now for the paying issue. From my perspective from the dating scene many decades ago, and these were my

"straight" dating days. Many times the first few dates were "dutch." Halfsee as we called them. If things then

started to get more involved, I picked up the tab. I know this is different then your situation, however I see

nothing wrong with going "dutch."

 

That's not my style of dating. Okay, well if I do that...I might as well go with a friend? That doesn't seem like a date to me. Truth be told, I'd feel better about myself paying the whole meal for a guy than to pay even 80% of the tab.

 

Like once, I went to the movies with a guy. Now, he was about my age a bit older though. He said he was short $1 for the movie. I was like, "Don't even worry about it, I'LL get it". And I did. I wasn't going to cheap out on him in public and simply hand him a dollar.

 

What really got me was one of the 40 y/o guys I took to the movie, and paid for him to see...actually fell asleep throughout it. It's like first of all, I have never had to pay for a guy your age to get into a theater IN MY LIFE. And you fall asleep after I pay for it? I'm sure he wouldn't of been thrilled if I took 2 bites from my entree that he paid for and didn't even get a to go box.

 

Hey, let's flip the script for a bit. Occasionally I have dated guys younger than me. Poor college kids with no money or what not. Maybe I'd had a good client that day or had a good week. I had absolutely no qualms about spending my gas picking them up, paying their way when we went out or picking up a tab. So, if I was the older guy in a situation, hell yeah I'd pick up the tab!

[JoeyBryant]

The headline of the thread refers to the hell of your dating life "proceeding" a relationship. I think you mean "succeeding" it. Anyway, I just talked to a guy in LA who is dating after 18 years of having a partner, and all he can do is complain about the series of flakes he encounters. So have many others. Stay away from California if you don't want even worse stories to tell! LA especially- it is flake city.

 

pro·ceed

 verb (used without object)

1.

to move or go forward or onward, especially after stopping.

 

suc·ceed

   [suhk-seed] Show IPA

verb (used without object)

1.

to happen or terminate according to desire; turn out successfully; have the desired result: Our efforts succeeded.

 

I get the 2 mixed up sometimes. But proceed seems to sound better in this case.

 

That said, your friend knows how I feel then. Then again, dating prior to the guy I was seeing wasn't any better so maybe the routine of it is unfamiliar again.