Aging

[Godiva]

Out To Pasture

 

Lucky...

 

Every once in a while a gem of a thread appears.

 

This is one of them..

 

I thought about it a few times but the climate here wasn't right. I was going to call it "Out To Pasture"...because I feel our community disposes of anyone over 25 ..They become invisible...This is a topic long overdo.

 

My only advice Lucky is to ignore the "catty comments" from a few they are only distractions and otherwise cheapen an honest discussion.

 

Embrace the elders here who have now finally found a topic where they feel comfortable engaging in mature discussions. Many of our Gay elders are getting it both ways..In the real world they are discarded because of their age among other things....so when they come to our community for safety they are discarded again..this is.... real pain... that many here know nothing about.

 

When I go to the gym and see an elderly gay man trying to keep up with the gym bunnies.. I ask myself...Will this be me one day...?

It makes me sad that this is the by-product of our youth and beauty obsessed culture..

 

Let them talk.. Lets listen...I am certain that you will not find this knowledge in any book.

[+ Lucky]

RE: Out To Pasture

 

Thanks, Godiva. One thing I should point out here is that I AM learning to cope with aging. There is a lot of value to having experience in life, not to mention some financial security. I don't color my hair or dress Abercrombie. But I do keep myself in shape because I WANT to. I do it for myself. Every once in a while it gets me some attention, and that's nice.

The thoughts expressed here have included many gems and I thank everybody for chipping in.

(One mystery: Will lamented the deleting of the thread, but then did not participate in this one! No intiendo!)

[Guest Bitchboy]

RE: Out To Pasture

 

The thing that worries me most about growing old (and my time is coming soon enough) is not so much that I won't attract those hot young bodies, it's that I won't be listened to like I matter. I've seen it happen to others and it is frightening. This is something the gay community has to work on. I also don't want to be sent to the corner of the room with other "older" men. I want to participate in all the important decisions gay people make about our futures, our culture, our crusade for equality.

[+ imagooddog]

RE: Out To Pasture

 

Hey, Bitchboy, this is very true. The older you get, the less the younger crowd listens to you. You might strike up a conversation with a younger "prospect" or just someone you would like to get to know, and you see their eyes wandering as you talk and you know they are not hearing a word you say. So in order to have some interaction with people, you gravitate toward your own age group. But as some others on this topic have posted, so much of how you feel about yourself (and it also affects your physical appearance) is attitute and self assurance. Don't dress like you just came from the 50's or 60's, carry yourself confidently, don't wear heavy gold jewelry and don't wear heavy cologne. I look back at myself when I was in my early 20's and I see the same about myself that we are complaining about here. It was all about me and who or what I wanted, which is pretty much a characteristic of youth!

[Guest Fin Fang Foom]

>Mr. Foom: "I've said it before and I'll say it again, if

>you're upset that guys aren't paying attention to you anymore,

>get your fat lazy ass to the gym, hire a serious trainer,

>workout 4x/week, change your diet, stop smoking, get rest, do

>cardio 3x/week IN THE MORNING BEFORE EATING, and you'll start

>seeing a different person staring back at you in the mirror in

>the morning"

>

>Just for the record, I am in better physical shape than I

>have been in my entire life. I go to the gym 5x a week, I have

>minimal body fat, don't smoke, get my rest and exercise my

>brain. What I probably need to do is go to a Dale Carnegie

>class with you!

 

Just to clarify things, the "you" I was referring to was the "COLLECTIVE YOU" and not a specific "you". I'm sure you're a hunk of burnin' love, Lucky. :-)

 

Clarifyingly yours,

 

FFF

[btmstudnyc]

>bottomstud, i think you might be one of the people we are

>talking about here. You dont "see" this invisible thing

>because you are not paying attention. You will, but you are

>only 40.

>Perhaps rather than suggest that this thread is pointless,

>you might concede that here is an area where you simply don't

>know much about the subject. And that's ok!

 

 

Lucky, I have to say...you have me all wrong if that's what you think of me. I think highly of you...always have...I don't always agree, but that's no biggie. I never write you off because of a comment I might not have understood. I didn't quite get out what I meant. I DO SEE THE INVISIBLE THING....I've seen it my whole life...I actually was invisible in my early twenties....I can't tell you what pain that cost me. My point was that it's not just being old that can make you invisible. I have always talked to anyone that would give me the time of day. You'd be surprised how many older guys didn't talk to me...and still write me off as the stuck up chelsea boy....yes...I just get looked at....but that's not enough for me...say HELLO for Pete's sake.

 

I was talking to a friend of mine who just came out. He's older. He always complains that there is no one at the bars....MY point to him was that there are more places than a bar or gym to meet someone.

 

I have been in the fitness business for over 20 years...and whenever there was someone older who was having trouble...I went out of my way to help them or help motivate them because I knew they wanted and needed that attention. That has paid off for me with the amount of friends that I have (older, younger and in between.)

 

The one trap that I find from a lot of people that get older (my mother included may she rest in peace.) Is that we stop wanting to learn. Education. Experience is only one kind of education. Some of us need to go learn something new.

 

Also, a lot of snobbiness is not attractive. We think we know everything already.

 

And, one last thing, Most people hate the exact thing they are guilty of themselves.

 

I'm sorry I said this thread was pointless...I was only really referring to the same old arguments that many of us can dispute. I don't really like to hear excuses about our society and the young or the old...I like to hear what you can actually do about things. I guess they have to be introduced and reintroduced so that we can come to some kind of solution.

 

Lucky, I thank you for starting this thread. It is very welcome and valuable for a lot of people...OF ALL AGES. Please read my post again and if I still sound like that guy you thought I was....well send me a prayer then.

 

JIM

[taylorky]

RE: Out To Pasture

 

It was all about me and

>who or what I wanted, which is pretty much a characteristic of

>youth!

>

..............do u really think it's fair to generalize like that??

[Samai139]

RE: Out To Pasture

 

About "being listened to...."

As I said in an early posting, I'm 62, and for the last 20+years, I've found that there are very few people, gay or straight, who are really good listeners. No let me amend that to: who listen very much at all. I'm not sure why, but most (and I'll include myself here, so as not to sound condescending) don't really listen to someone else's conversation. Maybe it has something to do with the CONTENT of the so-called conversation. If all you can talk about is yourself, people will pretty quickly "turn you off." Responding to what has been said, is a good begining; interrupting someone to tell what is a fascinating personal story, is not.

I have read that Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis was fascinating to the people who met her, not just because she was beautiful, rich and connected, but because she treated the person she was talking to as if he(it was usually a man) were the only person in the world---gave him such concentrated attention that it didn't really matter what SHE said.

(I'm prepared for a barrage of "shots" but hey, if you are reading my ideas, even if you don't agree, something is happening!!

[+ Lucky]

Jim,I like this post a lot better! You do make a good point about invisibility being possible in any number of circumstances, and I appreciate the fact that you pitched right back at me. This is a discussion thread, and I like the give and take. I even learn stuff! So, yes, I have reconsidered. No prayers are needed!

[+ Lucky]

"you're a hunk of burnin' love, Lucky."

 

Well, I like to think so!

[BigD]

>Getting older in the gay scene can be quite brutal if you

>overidentify with your looks.

 

BINGO! By the time I had reached 50, my perspective on physical appearances had evolved drasticly from that of when I was 20. As

I stated when this thread first appeared, I still greatly appeciate

the beauty of youth, but I now recognize the lovely qualities found

only in maturity. Its all good!

[+ Lucky]

It doesn't look like anyone else is going to bring back the deleted thread on aging. It disappeared just like gay men disappear as they get older!

When I was young I wondered where all the gay men over 40 went. What did they do since they weren't seen at the bars very often. Now I realize that they just weren't on my radar. The same thing is happening to me in reverse, so many young guys don't even notice that I exist. The gym is not the best example because it has an undo number of self-absorbed people, but it is not unusual to have people walk right into me.

I remember going to the baths with a frined in LA back in 1981. They wouldn't let him in because he was too old- 46!

There are some young guys who like older men, I just haven't found them. Thus, here I am in Hooville.

It is very interesting to see the attitude of some young guys who think they will never get old....it happens quicker than they think!

Okay, those ramblings from my foggy old brain will hopefully stir up some discussion of the subject....

[Guest GuyNextDoor]

Recently I joined m4m4sex.com. My ad headline says "Calling all 40- & 50-somethings" & I state my age as 51 (which it is). Now, as a free-lancer in real life, I know how to sell myself, and also can honestly say I'm still handsome, etc. Still, the 1st day I got, oh, 7 - 15 inquiries & have gotten 1 - 3 a day in the 6 days since (they put your ad in a New Members list so you're on display for all to see). And that's without a pic (haven't gotten around to it, & don't think it will hurt when I do). So there is sex after 50. Next year I'll report if there's sex after 51.