How Does a Bi-Sexual Guy Come Out?

[doitb4ugo]

Hypothetically Speaking:

 

This question has been much on my mind lately. I am a married guy who discovered recently that I like dick. Not that I am ready to tell my wife and friends at this point, I have been playing the possibility in my mind for some time and am at a loss to see how to do this...

 

Does anyone here on the Forum have any experience or advice on what you tell friends, family etc...when the nature of bi-sexuality suggests that you are not changing but growing...

 

I think for the time being I have to assume bi-sexual....that may be another lie I'm telling myself but it is too early to tell.

[gp0560]

I think we need some agreement on terminology, Doit. Seems to me that bisexuality is not well enough understood yet that we can assume what the term means. My reading may be limited, and I'll welcome correction, but that's where I'm coming from.

 

When you say bisexual, do you mean a guy who wants to fuck both men and women more or less equally? In other words, a guy who has sexual fantasies about both sexes and lusts after both equally? Or do you mean a guy who by nature prefers to fuck, fantasize about, and lust after one sex but can, if called upon, get it up and get pleasure out of doing it with the other sex?

[NYTomcat]

I think we need some agreement on terminology, Doit. Seems to me that bisexuality is not well enough understood yet that we can assume what the term means. My reading may be limited, and I'll welcome correction, but that's where I'm coming from.

 

When you say bisexual, do you mean a guy who wants to fuck both men and women more or less equally? In other words, a guy who has sexual fantasies about both sexes and lusts after both equally? Or do you mean a guy who by nature prefers to fuck, fantasize about, and lust after one sex but can, if called upon, get it up and get pleasure out of doing it with the other sex?

 

You know very interesting question. cause under those different definitions Im either bisexual or not. So Im going with not. I truly think there are a lot of straight men who can get it up and have fun with another man but don't seek it out or regularly fantasize about it... but when the opportunity presents itself...

 

So I define bisexuality as truly seeking actively sex with both men and women (which makes me gay)

[doitb4ugo]

Hypothetically Speaking:

 

This question has been much on my mind lately. I am a married guy who discovered recently that I like dick. Not that I am ready to tell my wife and friends at this point, I have been playing the possibility in my mind for some time and am at a loss to see how to do this...

 

Does anyone here on the Forum have any experience or advice on what you tell friends, family etc...when the nature of bi-sexuality suggests that you are not changing but growing...

 

I think for the time being I have to assume bi-sexual....that may be another lie I'm telling myself but it is too early to tell.

 

while debating the meaning of Bi is interesting, I was hoping for a bit of discussion on Coming Out for a Bi person...In searching the web, discussion of this is not common...Bi's get no respect. LOL

 

P.S. I have my index cards ready.

[Michael Wayne]

You ARE NOT Bi unless you can fall in love with a dude. Can you? have Yu? I can professionally service a woman and give her the most amazing service ever but have never had one moment of romantic thought about any woman ever. I have had the hottest of the hottest women when I escorted on south Beach. MODELS!! My dick was rock hard but my HEART was ice cold. My 3 boyfriends over the years melted my cold heart and set it on fire. i am gay and proudly so. all my sexual thoughts are about MEN and I love my job cause I now get to fuck the HOTTEST men on the planet and enjoy the hell out of it! I look bi and act bi and can function bi but I am gay, gay, gay, and I suspect that a large percentage of my married male clients ar ejust as gay as I am- just not in a position to come out for whatever reasons- usually financial. Hope my answer has helped you. http://www.rentboy.com/mikey9nola1

[josephga]

My definition of sexual identity is who you have the emotional connection with.

[Guest greatness]

Doit you are making scary. I don't have answers to your problem but you have my support. Kisses and hugs~~~

[doitb4ugo]

If some hypothetical Bi-sexual man, who meets everyones definition of Bi, decides to come out. What advice would you give them on the process to COME OUT. Does a bi-sexual guy need to come out...at all? what needs to be communicated to family, friends, etc when this happens....????

[Rick Munroe]

I look bi and act bi

 

I'm very curious what this means. How does one look/act bi (or straight or gay, for that matter)?

[josephga]

If you are thinking of coming out, think about who you think would be more welcoming to you once you do it.. For me I felt more comfortable telling friends first mostly former co workers. I figured id tell the people first that i could afford to lose if they didn't take it well. My opinion is friends that don't accept you arnt friends in the first place and you won't be out anything seeing them go. For me parents were the most difficult to tell.

[Guest greatness]

Well

 

Please don't be afraid to be yourself and accept who you are. I think that's the start. No matter what decision you make we will support you.

[doitb4ugo]

If a person is BI, is there a purpose to comming out...What is being accomplished? When a gay person comes out, they appear to be saying something more than "I like sex with guys". What am I missing here? If I were Bi, and told friends I was Bi, what am I really telling them?

 

At 60 years old isn't all of this laughable? to everyone except me?

 

Sorry to be so confused but I don;t quite know what to do or why I feel the need to do something...Thanks for your patience as I am being obtuse.

[Rick Munroe]

When a gay person comes out, they appear to be saying something more than "I like sex with guys".

 

Well, they're not actually saying that at all. Sexual orientation doesn't have anything to do with a sex act. It's just who or what you are attracted to or love. One can be celibate their whole life and still have an orientation.

 

What am I missing here? If I were Bi, and told friends I was Bi, what am I really telling them?

 

You'd be telling them you're bi.

 

At 60 years old isn't all of this laughable? to everyone except me?

 

Not at all. And if the people who love you really do love you, they'll accept and support you.

[gp0560]

while debating the meaning of Bi is interesting, I was hoping for a bit of discussion on Coming Out for a Bi person.

 

Actually, the reason I asked is that the coming-out speeches might differ, depending on what you mean by Bi. The reaction of the significant other might be different, too, depending on that person's idea of what Bi means.

[doitb4ugo]

Hey Rick,

 

Thanks for your post. Is Bi an orientation like gay or straight. or is it a a matter of degree between two orientations?

[Guest Wetnwildbear]

Lets Ask Mikey - He Likes It! - Doesn't Love it!

 

You ARE NOT Bi unless you can fall in love with a dude. Can you? have Yu? I can professionally service a woman and give her the most amazing service ever but have never had one moment of romantic thought about any woman ever. I have had the hottest of the hottest women when I escorted on south Beach. MODELS!! My dick was rock hard but my HEART was ice cold. My 3 boyfriends over the years melted my cold heart and set it on fire. i am gay and proudly so. all my sexual thoughts are about MEN and I love my job cause I now get to fuck the HOTTEST men on the planet and enjoy the hell out of it! I look bi and act bi and can function bi but I am gay, gay, gay, and I suspect that a large percentage of my married male clients ar ejust as gay as I am- just not in a position to come out for whatever reasons- usually financial. Hope my answer has helped you. http://www.rentboy.com/mikey9nola1

 

I have several female friends and a male friend - Who simply "fall in love with the person" not the gender.

 

One woman had been strictly hetero until she met this particular dynamic, intelligent, charming, not particularly

 

attractive woman - She left her fiance for this women and they were together for 12 years - When her female

 

partner died - she went back to primarily dating and mating with men.

 

 

Mikey - has hit the Proverbial NAILED on the Head and Lips. Someone who is Bisexual - By Definition is capable of deep emotional, physical, sexual and romantic attraction to persons of either gender. Not simply being able to perform sexually.

 

 

So - IF that is you - Then evaluate - VERY CAREFULLY - if this is just an emotional compromise on your way

 

to Coming Out as GAY. If you can wholeheartedly say NO -

 

I love my wife (or other women) sexually, physically, emotionally, romantically - Then start discussions with her as to

 

how your Sexual Desires are Evolving - Reassure her of your love and attraction to her - and explain that you have

 

other desires - And that Having those desires in no way lessens your love and attraction for her - but that you have

 

reached a point in your life where you are looking to embrace those desires -- and that you want to be honest with

 

her -

 

And YOU want to know if SHE has any unfulfilled sexual/romantic/emotional desires which she would like to explore

 

with you or others? <Fair is Fair>

 

 

If you can't say that honestly - Then Don't tell her you are BI - and 6 months or a year later Come Out as GAY.

 

 

I have seen that happen - That would be CRUEL. And would Damage the Trust you have and Make it Very

 

Difficult to maintain a relationship on a friendly level or ever be friends - Especially if you have Children of ANY age

 

that is major consideration

 

-- So Consider VERY carefully - Where You REALLY Are on Your Journey -

 

Do you simply like to have sexual encounters with men/escorts - OR Do you DREAM about living happily ever after

 

with a life filled EXCLUSIVELY with a male lover(s)/partner/husband or an open relationship with another man - free

 

to enjoy each other as well as other men/Escorts.

 

 

This is not an easy decision - Please Consider all aspects carefully and PLEASE be HONEST with yourself

 

A Blessing on Your Heads - big and little

[doitb4ugo]

Thanks, WWB, there is much to think about in your post. I good thing for me...I can't as yet give honest answers to some of the questions raised. It is all too new for me to figure out...I don't even know what about me I will discover in a week, month, year.

 

I have lived a lie my whole life, I am not even sure I know what the lie is or how important truth is now. I'm a ball of confusion.

[NYTomcat]

lets start with a fundamental. who are you coming out to... are we speaking of your spouse. Cause I think the first thing you need to ask yourself is what do you want for your life. Do you find your spouse and you still in a romantic relationship? do you want to keep that relationship... or is that relationship something you no longer are interested in. The fact you are Bi... unlike gay... means that perhaps your not living the lie. perhaps you still have a romantic connection with your spouse that you need to encourage and possibly try to grow into something more fulfilling for both of you. On the other hand... perhaps telling her of your interests would end the romance with her you hope to preserve. But step one.... you must decide what you want for the future

[Rick Munroe]

Hey Rick,

 

Thanks for your post. Is Bi an orientation like gay or straight. or is it a a matter of degree between two orientations?

 

As far as I know, it's its own orientation...hence the 'B' in 'LGBT'! I also think it's a much maligned orientation, because people will often say, "Oh, he's really just gay but afraid to admit it." I think bisexual people have a harder time because it can seem like nobody wants to believe they really exist.

[Guy Fawkes]

Keep it simple! "Gay", "Straight", "Bi" it's all just a preference. One that can change over time.

 

http://s3.amazonaws.com/picable/2009/04/04/853617_Coming-out-off-the-wall_620.jpg

 

Hypothetically Speaking:

 

This question has been much on my mind lately. I am a married guy who discovered recently that I like dick. Not that I am ready to tell my wife and friends at this point, I have been playing the possibility in my mind for some time and am at a loss to see how to do this...

 

Does anyone here on the Forum have any experience or advice on what you tell friends, family etc...when the nature of bi-sexuality suggests that you are not changing but growing...

 

I think for the time being I have to assume bi-sexual....that may be another lie I'm telling myself but it is too early to tell.

[Guest Zack]

Keep it simple! "Gay", "Straight", "Bi" it's all just a preference. One that can change over time.

 

My sexual orientation has never been a preference or choice for me. Had I ever had the choice of preference over what I might have been attracted to sexually and from a soul-fulfilling and life enriching point of view then - I doubt I would ever have chosen to be gay then - knowing what I know now.

 

But that was then and this is now.

 

What I have learned is that whatever your orientation - love is something that is learned when the love you thought was love leaves you behind in the shadows of coldness and loneliness.

 

If you don't know how to love, being in love will destroy you. Love is an art. Love is a process of who you are in relation to someone else and everyone else in the world.

 

Your orientation matters not. Love will find a way if you don't kill it along the way.

 

Don't strive to find love. It will find you if it is right. Strive to find friendship, trust, honesty, and compatibility. Love doesn't mean a thing if you don't have these basic things to build upon.

[Diverdan]

This is a very difficult question. There are legitimate questions as to what constitutes being "bi". I tend to agree with the definition that suggests that someone who is bi can have deep, emotionally fulfilling, trusting and sexually satisfying relationships with a man or a woman or both at the same time. Most "bi" guys that I know are married men, who along the way, for what ever the reason began to develop close, personal, sexual and emotionally fulfilling relationships with a man or men. Some of what has happened may have been influenced by culture, especially for men like yourself, Rich, who at age 60 grew up in an era where homosexuality was considered deviant by the culture and where bi was even less accepted. We didn't have a lot of study of sexuality until Masters and Johnson's research, and even then the culture tried to reject their information. To me your question really revolves around your relationship to your wife, and how close and intimate the two of you are about everything in your lives. I wouldn't worry about trying to put a label on your feelings and desires. Sort out what it is you think you want and proceed cautiously. I have some married friends where both the husband and wife are what I would consider bi. The guy has a relationship with another man and the wife has a relationship with another woman, but they would never consider a divorce and both are very attached to each other, but find not only a sexual relationship with the same sex, but an emotional bond with the same sex partner as well. I don't think that happens very often, and I feel privledged to know this couple and marvel at their open relationship and close bond with each other. Just know that what ever your decision is, you have friends and supporters here to be by your side, what ever you end up doing, saying or sharing with your wife, friends, children, etc.

DD

[NYTomcat]

My sexual orientation has never been a preference or choice for me. Had I ever had the choice of preference over what I might have been attracted to sexually and from a soul-fulfilling and life enriching point of view then - I doubt I would ever have chosen to be gay then - knowing what I know now.

 

But that was then and this is now.

 

What I have learned is that whatever your orientation - love is something that is learned when the love you thought was love leaves you behind in the shadows of coldness and loneliness.

 

If you don't know how to love, being in love will destroy you. Love is an art. Love is a process of who you are in relation to someone else and everyone else in the world.

 

Your orientation matters not. Love will find a way if you don't kill it along the way.

 

Don't strive to find love. It will find you if it is right. Strive to find friendship, trust, honesty, and compatibility. Love doesn't mean a thing if you don't have these basic things to build upon.

 

Zack,

 

You and I may disagree on many things but this post could not be more true or heartfelt. Rich. Take this advice and listen to what your heart is telling you.... not any of the labels we might use to communicate amongst each other. What love and orientation really comes down to is finding that someone or someones i guess that makes you feel complete, cared for, happy and ultimately with whom you can't envision your day to day life without. Its finding that person whose touch makes you feel safe. That person who can set Your heart afire with just a glance. Ultimately sexuality is about these things that make your life worth living. The rest is just release. Just sex.

... but that'd fun too. Just not what you should define yourself by. IMHO

[Guest Zack]

 

Zack, You and I may disagree on many things

 

I don't necessarily believe that we disagree on many things, per se. Sometimes I just express myself poorly.

 

Like coming out, exploring sexuality, seeking right answers, etc., I too am a work in progress and am better at times than others.

[jawjateck]

Based on some of the posts here, I fall into the none of the above category. I am not into relationships and have no interest in emotional/relational connections, so am I asexual? anti-sexual? Years ago, I dated women, and dropped that species when I realized I was nothing more than an ATM to them. Then I decided to try out men, and quickly learned that relationships with my own kind would be disastrous. Does a hot babe still get me horned? Yep, but I don't go to that playground anymore. It's so much easier to stick with men for hot safer sex only without emotional baggage, and just leave relationships to those who are wired for it. So am I asexual?