Sex with your Ex-stupid ???????

[Guest RushNY]

Yep i did it Thursday was the day and i feel really strange afterwards he came over to pick up the last few bits of his stuff and i said i would drive him back into Manhattan but we got talking about stuff and i offered to cook him dinner and things just went on from there and we ended up in bed ,the sex was great but i felt weird afterwards and so did he we hardly talked when i drove him home,now i know its only been a few weeks but it felt like such a long time since we had been together and that my life had changed .I suppose the question amongst all this prattling is is it a good idea to do stuff like this or if you do break up is it best to just leave it and then have no intimate contact i mean we broke up as friends (duh)and still get on but the reason we did break up was that he wanted to see other guys and i didnt ,and as far as i know he hasnt found anyone yet i dunno perhaps it was just a last 'fling' who knows......:-(

[Guest dstud4hire]

Well, I'm sure most of us at some point or another has been in your shoes.....the problem with your scenario is, it never seems to happen when two guys feel exactly the same way.....your case being a prime example. He's in the mode of wanting to see other guys, that being the case, he was willing to give in, not be a part of what you wanted (just being the two of you, so as a result, he was all ready emotionally removed) However, for you, all the good times came flooding back, and it's easy to start second guessing...(i.e...hmm, perhaps he really does miss me? Maybe he will start seeing that we really should be together...hmm, I felt we REALLY connected once again. etc etc)

 

Now, if you as well felt the same way as he did, then it would be no problem....I suggest time apart completely, I wish I had done that with a couple of my partners, though we are the best of friends now. With 2 of them I did have sex after we broke up, and it was VERY hot, but very confusing for me...

 

but for you...since you did have sex, chalk it up to a great time, don't beat yourself up over it, and move on...

 

good luck!

[+ Charlie]

Unfortunately, your post sounds very much like one of the threads in which a client finds himself very emotionally involved in a sex scene with an escort, who performs beautifully but (as we jaded old posters constantly remind people) has no emotional investment of his own in the sex. I would strongly ditto the advice not to continue to have sex with him, because it only perpetuates your attachment to a relationship that is over--he has already moved on, and you need to do the same.

 

By the way, you are probably particularly emotionally vulnerable around 9/11 (he may be, too), so I suggest you try to spend this time with other good friends instead.

[Will]

That's a poignant story. This week will be hard for lots of police and firefighters in NYC, and probably a lot of weird and unforeseen things will happen to a lot of people because they are feeling particularly vulnerable as 9/11 approaches and then passes. Of course, the two of you had your own vulnerabilities regardless of the date, and you in particular. After all, it was you who wanted the relationship to be closed and it seems to me as natural as anything that you should have wound up in the sack. It was a sad time for you both, there was dinner, and talk. Why not the rest?

 

Maybe the silence between you afterwards was less a matter of your feeling uncomfortable together than the result of two people doing a whole lot of thinking about the same thing at the same time.

 

All of this is painful enough on its own, and adding the 9/11 memories only makes it worse. It might be good for you to decide to agree on a specific time -- say, six weeks -- during which you wouldn't discuss anything personal or see each other outside of work. Then, at the end of that time, you could maybe have dinner in a restaurant and talk about how you've been feeling. This may not be over between you, after all. But whether it is or it isn't, it sounds as though you could both use some "clean break" time.

 

During that period, a person would probably need a whole lot of comfort and support from close friends and family. Keep us posted.

[Guest Blink]

A majority of my ex's ended up as good friends and sex with them afterward were indeed confucing. Maybe because we both looked for that emotional connection that is not there anymore. My best friend was an ex and I could not picture us having sex again. It just doesn't feel right. I am passionately involved with a great guy right now in which a more romantic emotional connection has been building up.

 

Unless you are ready to deal with the accompanying emotional chaos like a bad hangover, don't get sexually involved with you ex's.

[ad rian]

>I suppose

>the question amongst all this prattling is is it a good idea

>to do stuff like this or if you do break up is it best to

>just leave it and then have no intimate contact i mean we

>broke up as friends (duh)and still get on but the reason we

>did break up was that he wanted to see other guys and i

>didnt ,and as far as i know he hasnt found anyone yet i

>dunno perhaps it was just a last 'fling' who knows......:-(

 

Surely, you know, you just answered yourown question, n'est ce pas?