Guest Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 Keep the puns coming - luv 'em! You might like this one. It's regarding the time loan officer Patricia Black went to her manager because her customer, Kermit Jagger, wanted a personal loan, but could only produce a prop from the Muppet Show as collateral. When she asked the manager if she could accept that as collateral, he responded "It's a nick-nack, Patty Black. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!". http://i134.photobucket.com/albums/q97/krasher53/1244263014.gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zman Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 http://www.kappit.com/img/pics/201504_2311_ciege_sm.jpg + Keith30309, MsGuy and bigvalboy 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 http://thetrendguys.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Man-Walks-Into-a-Bar.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ Keith30309 Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 http://www.kappit.com/img/pics/201504_2311_ciege_sm.jpg This made me choke on a grape :p:p Zman 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 http://i.imgur.com/EAIQak9.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdamSmith Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 Jaw exercise? bigvalboy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdamSmith Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 bigvalboy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frequentflier Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 Both had me falling out of my chair...Hilarious AS. Safety first - wear a seat belt when reading AdamSmith's posts. AdamSmith 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdamSmith Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 Safety first - wear a seat belt when reading AdamSmith's posts. After safety first I was trepidatious what to expect. + quoththeraven 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ Gar1eth Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 http://www.kappit.com/img/pics/201504_2311_ciege_sm.jpg I don't get it. Gman Kevin Slater and instudiocity 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ Gar1eth Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 Gman + quoththeraven, Reluctant Daddy, + Oliver and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ Oliver Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 You might like this one. It's regarding the time loan officer Patricia Black went to her manager because her customer, Kermit Jagger, wanted a personal loan, but could only produce a prop from the Muppet Show as collateral. When she asked the manager if she could accept that as collateral, he responded "It's a nick-nack, Patty Black. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!" Superb! instudiocity 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdamSmith Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 + MasssageGuy, + glennnn, gallahadesquire and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ glennnn Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 What nose? AdamSmith and + quoththeraven 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 I don't get it. http://www.kappit.com/img/pics/201504_2311_ciege_sm.jpg Like the white trash man who lost custody of his kids and is begging his ex to let him see his kids despite prior abusive behavior and/or substance abuse. http://i1274.photobucket.com/albums/y440/brust247/white%20trash/white-trash-guy1_zpsaa6bf777.jpg http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v13/hoardmeister/Favorite%20Pictures/KidRock.jpg Then, there's the Canadian version of white trash... http://pbs.twimg.com/media/A8lMx1tCYAEQCsp.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TruHart1 Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 TruHart1 bigvalboy, AdamSmith, MsGuy and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdamSmith Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 bigvalboy, + azdr0710, + Oliver and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ Gar1eth Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 A once in a lifetime experience!! From The Onion. Florida Resort Allows Guests To Swim With Miami Dolphins http://i.onionstatic.com/onion/2864/8/16x9/1200.jpg NEWS IN BRIEF February 12, 2015 VOL 51 ISSUE 06 · Travel · Lifestyle MIAMI—Describing it as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get up close to the majestic mammals, visitors to Paradise Cove Resort raved to reporters Thursday about the hotel’s new program that allows guests to swim with the Miami Dolphins. “I couldn’t believe how friendly they were—as soon as they saw us, this great big one just came right up to our daughter,” said resort guest Emily Hendrickson, calling the hour she and her family spent splashing and playing alongside the Dolphins’ defensive line the “highlight of [their] trip.” “I couldn’t believe how smooth Ryan Tannehill was. And then there was this smaller one that really took a liking to me—he must have been a kicker. It was an amazing experience.” Hendrickson later admitted that her family was disappointed they didn’t get a chance to swim with center Mike Pouncey, who was in a solitary tank at the time of their visit for biting a child. Gman AdamSmith, TruHart1, + honcho and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ Gar1eth Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 The Onion Strikes Again!! Republicans Vote To Repeal Obama-Backed Bill That Would Destroy Asteroid Headed For Earth http://i.onionstatic.com/onion/1422/8/16x9/1200.jpg House Republicans say the bill, which was passed to stop the giant asteroid from hitting Earth, is 'big government at its worst.' NEWS February 2, 2011 VOL 47 ISSUE 50 · Politics · Our Annual Year 2011 WASHINGTON—In a strong rebuke of President Obama and his domestic agenda, all 242 House Republicans voted Wednesday to repeal the Asteroid Destruction and American Preservation Act, which was signed into law last year to destroy the immense asteroid currently hurtling toward Earth. The $440 billion legislation, which would send a dozen high-thrust plasma impactor probes to shatter the massive asteroid before it strikes the planet, would affect more than 300 million Americans and is strongly opposed by the GOP. http://i.onionstatic.com/onion/1423/1/original/960.jpg "The voters sent us to Washington to stand up for individual liberty, not big government," Rep. Steve King (R-IA) said at a press conference. "Obama's plan would take away citizens' fundamental freedoms, forcing each of us into hastily built concrete bunkers and empowering the federal government to ration our access to food, water, and potassium iodide tablets while underground." "We believe that the decisions of how to deal with the massive asteroid are best left to the individual," King added. Repealing the act, which opponents have branded 'Obamastroid,' has been the cornerstone of the GOP agenda since the law's passage last August. Throughout the 2010 elections, Republican candidates claimed that the Democrats' plan to smash the space rock and shield citizens from its fragments was "a classic example of the federal government needlessly interfering in the lives of everyday Americans." "This law is a job killer," said Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-NC), who argued the tax increases required to save the human species from annihilation would impose unbearably high costs on businesses. "If we sit back and do nothing, Obamastroid will result in hundreds of thousands of lost jobs, which we simply can't afford in this economy." "And consider how much money this program will add to our already bloated deficit," Foxx continued. "Is this the legacy we want to leave our children?" Many GOP members have also criticized the legislation for what they consider pork-barrel spending, claiming the act includes billions in "giveaways" to NASA, nonperishable food manufacturers, and pharmaceutical companies contracted to produce mass volumes of vitamin D supplements in the likely event that dust from the asteroid's impact blots out the sun for a decade. In an effort to counter Republicans' claims, Democrats have asserted that the long-term benefits of preventing the United States from being incinerated by an explosion several billion times more powerful than the Hiroshima bomb would far outweigh the initial monetary outlay. In support of their position, Democrats have pointed to estimates from the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office that show repealing the law could result in a loss of up to $14 trillion in the nation's GDP. "I will be the first to admit this is not a perfect bill, by any means," said Rep. Elijah Cummings (D-MD), who has argued that the measure does not go far enough in deflecting the ensuing debris that will rain down on Earth once the asteroid has been destroyed. "But it is absolutely a bill that each and every American needs now if we want to move forward as a country." According to political pundits, the showdown over whether to let the asteroid blast a 150-mile-wide, 20-mile-deep crater in the Earth's crust represents a potential turning point for the nation, and could completely reshape the American political landscape for many centuries to come. "If efforts to destroy the asteroid are successfully overturned, then there will be major ramifications for both Obama and his Republican opposition, as well as the American populace at large," political scientist Alan Abramowitz said on Face The Nation Sunday. "This could have a huge impact come 2012." With repeal rhetoric reaching a crescendo, the president used his weekly radio address Saturday to state his case for destroying the one-trillion-ton asteroid before it barrels into Earth at 60,000 miles per hour. "I am more than willing to work with my Republican colleagues to improve the Asteroid Destruction Act," Obama said. "But let me be clear: Repeal is not an option." "While I recognize that intelligent minds may disagree on this issue, I believe we have an obligation to prevent our citizens from having their flesh seared off in a global firestorm that transforms our planet into a broiling molten wasteland," Obama added. "I think Americans deserve better." Gman Kevin Slater, AdamSmith, + honcho and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ Gar1eth Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Strike 3!!!! And The Onion is out of here!! Rubio Refutes Claim He Soft On Immigration By Dragging Undocumented Worker He Knocked Out Cold Onto Stage http://i.onionstatic.com/onion/5244/1/16x9/1200.jpg NEWS IN BRIEF January 14, 2016 VOL 52 ISSUE 01 · Politics · Politicians · Election 2016 ·Marco Rubio NORTH CHARLESTON, SC—In an attempt to silence party members who have criticized his record on illegal immigration as too weak, Republican presidential candidate Marco Rubio reportedly responded to a question about border security during Thursday night’s GOP debate by dragging the body of an undocumented worker he had knocked out cold onto the stage. “Would someone who’s unprepared to protect our nation from the influx of illegal immigrants do this?” said a sweaty, out-of-breath Rubio, heaving the limp, unconscious body of a migrant turnip picker over his debate lectern for all to see. “For anyone out there who thinks I won’t take a hard stance against those entering our country illegally, have a good look at Humberto here. Things didn’t end too well for him, did they? And I promise to crack down on all 11 million undocumented immigrants in the U.S. with just as much strength and conviction when I’m president.” At press time, Rubio was silently responding to a question about how he would create more job opportunities for out-of-work Americans by repeatedly kicking the crumpled, inert migrant in the gut with his pointed wingtips. Gman bigvalboy, + glennnn and AdamSmith 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdamSmith Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 (edited) (The one on the left. ) Edited January 15, 2016 by AdamSmith Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdamSmith Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 + quoththeraven, Reluctant Daddy and + Gar1eth 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zman Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 My Living Will By Paul Rudnick 1. If I should remain in a persistent vegetative state for more than fifteen years, I would like someone to turn off the TV. 2. If I remain motionless for an extended period and utter only guttural, meaningless sounds, I would like a Guggenheim. 3. If I am unable to recognize or interact with friends or family members, I still expect gifts. 4. If I am unable to feed, clean, or dress myself, I would like to be referred to as “Mr. Trump.” 5. Do not resuscitate me before noon. 6. If I do not respond to pinches, pinpricks, rubber mallets, or other medical stimuli, please stop laughing. 7. If I no longer respond to loved ones’ attempts at communication, ask them about our last car trip. There's more if you follow the link above.... + Oliver, bigvalboy, + quoththeraven and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ quoththeraven Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Since almost anything is healthier than crystal meth, that's not much of an endorsement. AdamSmith and TruHart1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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