Being afraid to admit you are lonely.

[orbital sander]

Isn't there a dating pool for escorts somewhere. Maybe I should start one. If anyone beats me to it I will sign up... I love my job and the money, HELL NO I don't want to give it up. But If the right guy asked me to I would.

 

I am guessing that it is tough for an escort to find someone who can handle his line of work. Perhaps you can meet another escort?

 

Sadly, I feel that we live in a society that values the superficial more than the true nature of other beings. What is on the inside is hard to get at these days, but it is a worthy pursuit, not always easy, but worth the effort.

[instudiocity]

I found myself looking for the LIKE button on well over half of these responses.

 

Bottom line, Mr. Cade, remember a kiss brings two people so close together, they can't see each other's faults. Your introspection in the OP is good, now remember, we all think like that. What we really want in a loving relationship is someone who points out our strengths, overlooks our faults, and lets us do the same for them.

 

PK, where do I send my application?

[SteveStacks]

It's a bit overwrought, but I was digging through my old journals from high school a few days ago and ran across an entry that reading this thread made me think of.

 

"Just as in Plato's cave we're all in the dark.

We see something glitter and believing that it is a precious object, we reach for it, only to bump into the hard flat surface of the wall.

And so the search continues....a glimmer, a grasp and the frustration that the precious object escaped our grasp again.

But what if the glitter we're seeing isn't the golden coin we apprehend it as being, but is instead simply a reflection of light?

So it may be with love. Love is not an object that one can search for. Love is simply a reflection of the light we generate ourselves by loving others."

 

I was also interested in your comments regarding relationships being "traps" etc of some kind, Ryan.

I would propose that we are all already IN relationships with everyone we, well, relate to...

What people call a "relationship" is simply that inherent state of one subject being "in relation" to another subject

(or "object" depending on to what extent we allow the other multidimensionality, agency and an inner life)

with the additional facet of our acknowledging that we are in "relation" with the "other."

In other words, it's just a relationship that we care enough for to acknowledge its reality as such.

 

If this is in fact the case, it also follows that we can have such relationships look however we want them to as long as both participants have roughly similar expectations.

The most common subject of these kinds of negotiations seems to be sexuality.

ie For some people that means limiting sexual contacts with others, and for others it does not.

But I believe that relationships contain a multitude of such negotiations.

The trick is to finding out what your own expectations are, and then being honest about it with yourself, and with those you "relate" to.

In the end, if you're lucky, you find someone(s?) who feels the same and you're off to the races.

 

Thanks for all your posts everyone. Very interesting read.

And thanks for posting such a thought provoking thread Ryan, I hope that you're feeling a little less lonely today, and that you find what you're looking for.

[billhu]

Hey Ryan, Be true to yourself - don't hide from your profession, the guy will come along and in your comfort you will realize you can be open with him, if he's the right guy you'll move on together and probable and naturally move on to another profession. Be yourself please!

[NYTomcat]

About two weeks ago, I had the hottest encounter with a man I had never met before. We ended up spending the whole day at his place, Talking... laughing.. alot of flirting. By the time we ended up naked he was just the hottest thing Id ever seen. Great eyes, warm smile, oh and a great firm grip that just commanded control during sex. Now clearly, I was not shopping for a BF, though I enjoy the BF Experience. During some of the hottest sex and taking a break for water to stave off dehydration, we started talking about the difficulty of falling for the wrong guy, the wrong guy falling for you, all that lead to monogamy and all sorts of questions. But at some point this incredibly hot man turned to me when I started to feel alittle down about coming out late in the game. what he said was most profound.

 

"It doesn't matter when you start, the only rule is you have to be out there and willing to let yourself get hurt, but keep playing the game. Love and the right guy will come along and it will all be worth it in the end."

 

For the other posters out there this incredibly hot sexy and profound man was none-other than out very own Ryan Cade. So take that advice given to me by this hot sexy man, your own advice. Stay open, if leery. and remember the right guy loves you for who and what you are. If you have to give up a career you love to keep him.... maybe not Mr. Right.

[Steven_Draker]

http://iwim.files.wordpress.com/2007/10/1275446065.jpg

[+ purplekow]

http://iwim.files.wordpress.com/2007/10/1275446065.jpg

If you are quick at that point you can gently hold the butterfly, allow its wings to gently kiss you cheek and then crush the shit out of it.

[adriano46]

Another fascinating thread started by R. Cade. Hmmm I better check out Atlanta...

 

To the point, though, havi gone through life more in the closet than out, and experiencing the joy of sex late in the game when relationships were/are a bit too late to be considered, I find that I do have, on the other side, a large group of close friends - friends who make living a "solitary" life not a life of "loneliness".

 

I have filled my life and years up in a profession that allows me to meet people - new people - constantly. I get to be involved in their lives, enjoy them, watch as relationships grow at many different (99% professional) levels, learn from them, mutually help and grow together. One reason I loathe FACEBOOK is that I already have too many "friends" and really find I cannot accomodate new ones effectively (that is, I cannot give them the attention they may need from my side).

 

Ryan, you are much younger than I and you have many years yet to go. When I was in my early 30's, I began to question my own choices and the direction of my life, and the path that had me roaming the world but with no place to call "home". It took a while for me to be comfortable with that road. But looking back, the only thing I truly miss (or missed) was that one great BOYFRIEND relationship, someone who became my anchor in life, or to use your own analogy, the one who waited for you to cross a threshold or walk into a room, and lit up for you as much as you for him.

 

In my own life it has been a trade off. I meet escorts as a way of controlling one aspect of the "loniliness" factor, the lack of sexual intimacy that often gnaws at me. I see men walking hand in hand down a busy street, or who have managed to carve out a really strong life together, and I feel some jealousy.

 

Many here have offered great advice about LOVE - and one thread I find that I agree with, it is something that catches you by suprise, and perhaps when you least expect it. You seem to have all the right qualities, definately the right outside qualities -- it hopefully will come.

 

PS - I have no advice on working gjuys eventually settling down with each other -- from rfeading various blogs, it seems a toss of the dice and many such relationships do not seem to work out, but again, LOVE is fickle and tricky and you my find it from a place you least expect, as long as you let it happen, and learn to overcome doubts and trust - trust yourself first and foremost, and then trust the one standing in front of you.

[+ kontor1]

Sad thing the longer you are alone the less you will care. After being hurt let down I just slowly stopped caring. Stopped caring to the point of were I haven't even been on a date since september of 05. And the longer I go the less I care. I'm reached the point to where I can be happy just having a pet to care for..

 

That is SO TRUE! I also reached to a point where I stopped caring about myself being lonely... I tried being in a relationship with men (2 out of 3 were total disappointments), and with women (they never understand that you are bisexual, they think you are gay then) but with them I always had to lie and I hate living in a relationship where I have to lie to the one who I am with. So yes, I am alone... There is nothing wrong about being by yourself ... Many times it can be pretty good but as we all know it is always better to have somebody with you who you can share your ideas with and can rely on no matter what happens. By doing this line of job, the chances are pretty bad to find somebody who you can be totally honest and up front about everything. I have a huge need for freedom, therefore I do not really mind that I am alone but quite honestly Las Vegas is not really a place where you can go out and get friends and real people easily. I think once you reach a point where you do not really care anymore (although you will still feel lonely inside sometimes) then you deal with it and in the meantime you can be still happy. I consider myself a very energetic, positive person and I have to say that I have many clients who I keep in touch with because I know that - at a certain level in their lives - they are lonely too. So there is nothing wrong admitting that you are lonely... Yes, I am... but my life is great and I love it! Just think about it... There are so many things in life that we people do not appreciate... Mainly things that are always present and we only notice them when they are missing... Such as: a family member, your health, good weather...etc. The list is endless... Just appreciate the things that you have and that can already make you feel better!

 

I wish you all the very best!