Happy Father's Day

[+ purplekow]

This is the fifth time I have tried to add this post. One time I got through the whole thing and it was lost. So I am trying again but saving as I go.

 

Happy Father's Day. This is the 100th anniversary of Father's Day and while you may choose to look at it as a Hallmark Holiday, an excuse to sell sanguine salutations and badly patterned sports shirts, you may also choose it to be a day of reflection on the memories, hopefully mostly good memories of your own father or your own children.

 

My father was the eldest son of Italian immigrants. His father died as a result of Spanish influenza leaving my father at 5 as the oldest of 5 children here in the United States and with several other sisters in Italy, who were from my grandfather's first marriage which ended with him a widower in his 20s. My father would become a widower himself in his 30;s and I would become a widower in my 40's. That tradition ended with me. My grandmother, then a widow with 5 children never remarried.

 

As an eight year old, I remember lying on the floor of the attic bedroom on a sweltering August night, trying to cool myself on the green and gray linoleum and hoping to eavesdrop on the adult conversation that wafted up the narrow knotty pine stairs from the kitchen through the three small rooms of the tiny Cape Cod style house. This was not the first time that I would eavesdrop on such conversations and it would certainly not be the last. My mother and father were in the kitchen with my mother's sister and her husband. They were discussing some problem with my brother, actually my half brother, my mother's first marriage ended with her a widow at 24 with a newborn son. People really died often back then. Well only once but lots of them really young.

 

As everyone talked to everyone else and no one really listened or if they did, it was only to further fuel their own input, my father said, I think to my mother but it may have just been out lout to himself: "How am I supposed to be a good father, when I never had a father to show me how to do it?" Well there was suddenly a silence in the kitchen. If you grew up Italian American in the 50's and 60's and to a lesser extent right through until today, you know there is only silence in the kitchen when there is no one in the room. Even then, the silence is usually broken by the plopping of tomorrow night's spaghetti sauce simmering on the stove sending bursting bubbles of dinner smell to every corner of the home. The silence grew, 5 seconds, 8 seconds, 15 SECONDS, 25 SECONDS probably to a full minute, a record that stood I am sure until the great 2 minute silence of 1968 when my brother announced he was getting married and the girl was not Italian.

 

Finally, as my ears strained for the answer, my mother said matter of factly: "You go out and break your back every day and you come home and you always put the kids first. Now I have two more cannolis, who wants more coffee." I could almost see my aunt and uncle nodding as first he asked for half a cannoli and then she as she instructed my mother to get more milk out of refrigerator as the cow creamer was empty. The rest of night, was like a thousand other nights of my youth, filled with loud voices and appetizing smells and the sleep inducing properties of linoleum.

 

I am not a father, but I had a good one who broke his back every day and always, well mostly, put his kids first. That last cannoli was always up for grabs and Dad did have the long and quick reach for quite some time.

 

Happy Father's Day to all of the Fathers out there breaking their back even if it is sitting at a desk. And Happy Father's Day memories to all of you out there lucky enough to have them.

[josephga]

My father passed away 4 years ago at the age of 60. when my dads mother died my grandfather remarried just over a year later. when my moms dad died I was only 3 years old. my grandmother was in her late 40's and she never dated nor remarried

[Guest greatness]

oh my

 

Happy Father's Day. You had a wonderful father~~ I bet he is watching over you and is proud of you purplekow..

[JT Brooklyn]

"Happy Father's Day" to those who celebrate with both Sad and Happy Memories!

[whipped guy]

"Happy Father's Day" to those who celebrate with both Sad and Happy Memories!

My dad just turned 89... I am privileged to still have him.

 

As for an escort/dad memory. Three years ago I met with a guy on the eve of Father's Day... and we began discussing our dad's. His father passed on when he was quite young... and he suddenly started to cry as he recalled the tragic manner in which he died... and it was quite the poignant moment smack in the middle of our session. Plus, it really was heartwarming to know that the person which whom I was with was indeed a sensitive, thoughtful, and caring individual... and all the more so considering what we were doing.

[+ David-SF]

Little fisherman

 

In kindergarten we had a Halloween parade all the kids got to dress up in costumes and we would walk around the neighborhood and get candy from the teachers and have a little party in class. I remember these days very well because one of the most loving and wonderful thing happened to me around this time of year. I was about 5 years old my mother had just remarried a couple years prior and things were looking as they would look for a 5 year old with a new strange daddy. I was probably very scared and insecure. I was very tiny and skinny and lots of kids did not know who I was I had just come from another school & from out of town and we had just moved into the area.

My mother worked at a bank and my new father worked graveyard shift at the USGS in Menlo Park.

he was very cool he had maps and tools and a chopper and drove a dodge chager fast back he wore a mustache he was very handsome and strong.

He was a cartographer (map maker). He reminded me of Burt Reynolds. I had an older brother and a sister in the same school but different grades and a step brother and step sister that came to visit on weekends.

so my parents had their hands full working and caring for 5 kids. It was not unusual for me the youngest to get looked over on things like a costume for the Halloween party. I dont even know if we knew there was going to be one. Imagine my humilation as a 5year old new kid in school walking into a class full of kids in superman costumes wonder woman ghosts and gobblins witches with brooms and me in my sears roebuck toughskin jeans size 6x (my favorites) and hush puppy waffle stomper boots size 3 i think. and a charlie brown looking yellow t-shirt on with my courdoroy levis jean jacket with a little hood. and no costume. I felt very left out. to make matters worse the teacher whomever she was saw me and took pity on me and went to the closet and pulled out a very stepford wives looking wide brim hat and placed it on my head and told me I could wear that as my costume.

as the kids laughed and I turned red and probably peed my pants or something worse I had to get out of that class room.

The parade went a few blocks around the school and my house was about four blocks away. when the procession started i bolted the other direction home to go hide in my room not wanting to be seen wearing some steele magnolias looking head piece. I burst through the door of the house only to find my new step father cooking something in the kitchen probably oatmeal with every color raisen you can imagine. YUK! He looked at me I looked at him and in that moment he knew I was hurting and feeling left out he knew something was wrong. It was amazing I will never forget he just said what happened at school why arent you there. I think it was the one time he could actually tune into what was happening inside me.

I said some brave little excuse like its halloween and its some dumb party no real school today. well just as I said that the procession of school children began to make their way near our home and my "Dad" knew that i had no costume.

I suddenly found myself wearing one of his fannel shirts WAY TOO BIG !! he cut the sleeves and tied a rope around the bottom and dug out a couple old pillows from the garage and began stuffing my belly with them he painted a beard on my face with my moms eyeliner from the bathroom a mortal sin if i ever knew one he stuffed his white sailor navy cap with newspaper on my head and dug out a little kids fishing pole from his vast collection of fishing gear and he sent me off to catch up with the kids in the parade. only after he put me on his lap rubbed his wiskers on my face

(i loved that) and said everything is going to be alright.

I ran so fast back to school to join the party and finish walking proudly in the parade " little fisherman" is what my Dad called me that day

I looked better than any of them in their store bought costumes and even if i didnt I felt like I was a real original, a homemade costume and done in about 10 minutes. I think i wore that costume that night when I went out with my brother & sister trick or treating.

no one even noticed it was me and it did not even matter because i blended in with all the others just like I was supposed to do all along.

For all the things in my life I have ever endured and challenges I have ever faced I always remember that day with such pride and joy I felt like a son being cared for I felt like a kid that belonged I felt like i fit in even for one day.

so every year around this time i remember how much I appreciate that moment in time. The sometime long hard road and reality that that day ended shortly after that. Nothing that has ever happened between my step father and I has ever been able to destroy that memory. I am forever grateful for the unconditional love that was given to me that day.

HAPPY FATHERS DAY

 

AND BTW PK your the best father any dog could ever have

xo David

[Romann]

Happy Father's Day, Dad.

[josephga]

In kindergarten we had a Halloween parade all the kids got to dress up in costumes and we would walk around the neighborhood and get candy from the teachers and have a little party in class. I remember these days very well because one of the most loving and wonderful thing happened to me around this time of year. I was about 5 years old my mother had just remarried a couple years prior and things were looking as they would look for a 5 year old with a new strange daddy. I was probably very scared and insecure. I was very tiny and skinny and lots of kids did not know who I was I had just come from another school & from out of town and we had just moved into the area.

My mother worked at a bank and my new father worked graveyard shift at the USGS in Menlo Park.

he was very cool he had maps and tools and a chopper and drove a dodge chager fast back he wore a mustache he was very handsome and strong.

He was a cartographer (map maker). He reminded me of Burt Reynolds. I had an older brother and a sister in the same school but different grades and a step brother and step sister that came to visit on weekends.

so my parents had their hands full working and caring for 5 kids. It was not unusual for me the youngest to get looked over on things like a costume for the Halloween party. I dont even know if we knew there was going to be one. Imagine my humilation as a 5year old new kid in school walking into a class full of kids in superman costumes wonder woman ghosts and gobblins witches with brooms and me in my sears roebuck toughskin jeans size 6x (my favorites) and hush puppy waffle stomper boots size 3 i think. and a charlie brown looking yellow t-shirt on with my courdoroy levis jean jacket with a little hood. and no costume. I felt very left out. to make matters worse the teacher whomever she was saw me and took pity on me and went to the closet and pulled out a very stepford wives looking wide brim hat and placed it on my head and told me I could wear that as my costume.

as the kids laughed and I turned red and probably peed my pants or something worse I had to get out of that class room.

The parade went a few blocks around the school and my house was about four blocks away. when the procession started i bolted the other direction home to go hide in my room not wanting to be seen wearing some steele magnolias looking head piece. I burst through the door of the house only to find my new step father cooking something in the kitchen probably oatmeal with every color raisen you can imagine. YUK! He looked at me I looked at him and in that moment he knew I was hurting and feeling left out he knew something was wrong. It was amazing I will never forget he just said what happened at school why arent you there. I think it was the one time he could actually tune into what was happening inside me.

I said some brave little excuse like its halloween and its some dumb party no real school today. well just as I said that the procession of school children began to make their way near our home and my "Dad" knew that i had no costume.

I suddenly found myself wearing one of his fannel shirts WAY TOO BIG !! he cut the sleeves and tied a rope around the bottom and dug out a couple old pillows from the garage and began stuffing my belly with them he painted a beard on my face with my moms eyeliner from the bathroom a mortal sin if i ever knew one he stuffed his white sailor navy cap with newspaper on my head and dug out a little kids fishing pole from his vast collection of fishing gear and he sent me off to catch up with the kids in the parade. only after he put me on his lap rubbed his wiskers on my face

(i loved that) and said everything is going to be alright.

I ran so fast back to school to join the party and finish walking proudly in the parade " little fisherman" is what my Dad called me that day

I looked better than any of them in their store bought costumes and even if i didnt I felt like I was a real original, a homemade costume and done in about 10 minutes. I think i wore that costume that night when I went out with my brother & sister trick or treating.

no one even noticed it was me and it did not even matter because i blended in with all the others just like I was supposed to do all along.

For all the things in my life I have ever endured and challenges I have ever faced I always remember that day with such pride and joy I felt like a son being cared for I felt like a kid that belonged I felt like i fit in even for one day.

so every year around this time i remember how much I appreciate that moment in time. The sometime long hard road and reality that that day ended shortly after that. Nothing that has ever happened between my step father and I has ever been able to destroy that memory. I am forever grateful for the unconditional love that was given to me that day.

HAPPY FATHERS DAY

 

AND BTW PK your the best father any dog could ever have

xo David

 

 

 

I cried reading that story.

[Guest greatness]

oh my

 

Your dad is awesome~~~ My parents would not buy halloween costumes because they thought it was waste of money. As a kid I really wanted to get some candies and go outside with other kids. So I put on a trash bag and used an empty box and drew a monster face on it and cut out holes for my eyes. It was the best costume I ever made.. I think I did that several times just like that..

[orbital sander]

Your dad is awesome~~~ My parents would not buy halloween costumes because they thought it was waste of money. As a kid I really wanted to get some candies and go outside with other kids. So I put on a trash bag and used an empty box and draw a monster face on it and cut out holes for my eyes. It was the best costume I ever made.. I think I did that several times like that..

 

Awww..I bet you were a cute guy and you were certainly resourceful.

 

My father was physically and verbally abusive when I was a kid. I did not go see him today. I guess fathers day was never too important to me considering. I do visit him on occasion, but considering my childhood, there really was not a bond there. He has mellowed with age.

[Guest greatness]

well

 

People change as they age.. Maybe he is a different person now. You are so sweet to visit him...

 

Awww..I bet you were a cute guy and you were certainly resourceful.

 

My father was physically and verbally abusive when I was a kid. I did not go see him today. I guess fathers day was never too important to me considering. I do visit him on occasion, but considering my childhood, there really was not a bond there. He has mellowed with age.

[doitb4ugo]

People do the best they can.

 

People change as they age.. Maybe he is a different person now. You are so sweet to visit him...

 

Having come from a very disfunctional family, I have come to believe that each person does the best they can....very often it's not good enough but I do believe that they have good intentions and falling short is very common.

 

My Fathers Day was good. I wanted my children to have what I did not...a stable family live where everyone loves each other. All I can say is 'I did the best I could"....as did they as children and young adults.

 

The nice thing about this family love is that when done right it's unconditional....Not always as easy to achieve but always a worthy goal.

[Guest greatness]

oh my

 

You are such a sweet dad~~~ Happy Father's day, Mr. Rich~~~

 

Having come from a very disfunctional family, I have come to believe that each person does the best they can....very often it's not good enough but I do believe that they have good intentions and falling short is very common.

 

My Fathers Day was good. I wanted my children to have what I did not...a stable family live where everyone loves each other. All I can say is 'I did the best I could"....as did they as children and young adults.

 

The nice thing about this family love is that when done right it's unconditional....Not always as easy to achieve but always a worthy goal.

[skynyc]

Ace of dads

 

I spoke to my dad today. He turned 91 on Thursday and he and Mom celebrate their 65th Anniversary on Thursday.

 

I am blessed beyond belief because my dad is really amazing and supportive. I often joke that my family makes the Cleavers look dysfunctional. I am truly the envy my friends who have met my folks.

 

They had to travel to Detroit this weekend to celebrate the life of my Dad's first cousin who died at 93 in February. Dad's cousin, Doris, was very close to him, because when they were children in the depression, Doris' parents were not able to care for her, so they sent her to live with my dad and his family. Suddenly Dad had an older sister, who was very glamorous and grown-up, (the difference in ages between 10 and 13 was pretty major even then, as it is now.)

 

But Dad said they commiserated because Grandpa Campbell was a very strict Presbyterian and there was no radio, no cards, no magazines, and no "gossip" on Sundays. Dad laughed and said they sat at the card table and did jigsaw puzzles. He also recalled that Grandpa required a kiss good morning and a kiss good night and that he had scratchy whiskers that they both just hated.

 

Dad's father died before I was born. On Father's Day, I always ask for a story about HIS dad...and then I write it in my journal. And today's story was very different from the sentimental stories of years past. He remembered the night of Pearl Harbor...listening to the radio and ruing out loud that now he was going to have to join up...he had graduated from college that June and was in his first year of Business School. His father snapped off the radio and told him that he should be ashamed, that Peace and Freedom were worth fighting for, and that Hitler and "the Nips" (Yes, Dad used that word in the story...) had to be stopped at any cost.

 

Dad said it was the only time he remembers his father raising his voice.

 

Dad joined up the following week and spent 4 1/2 years in the South Pacific.

 

He's a great friend of mine and I am traveling home this weekend to belatedly celebrate their anniversary. When asked to define my dad in a word, Integrity is what comes to mind. Lucky me.

 

Thanks for the thread.

[Guest greatness]

oh my

 

Awesome dad! I wish him many years to come... Happy belated birthday too!

[NYTomcat]

Well just a statement of fact growing up this was happy sperm donor day in my household. Never knew the man. Met him a couple of times but heroine had long taken from this Annapolis grad what the military had not.

 

So I truly never got the meaning of the day until I had my own children. Now it is even more special to me. Its like finding the true meaning of Christmas.

 

Thank you david, Raul, leo, adam from c20 , adamsmith, doitb, whipped, and all the others here who took the time to write and wish me a happy fathers day. You guys are just the best. Truly I was overwhelmed

[+ David-SF]

Fathers

 

Trust me when I say I did not have a picnic of a childhood and endured a hellish upbringing. I am so very blessed to have been able to move beyond those years and be left with the gift of forgivness and a fond memory of a day when none of that mattered.

I have compassion for my father today and wish him well but there has not been a word spoken in more than 20 years and even then it was very few words.

so I hold this memory inside my heart because I believe that is the real person deep down that my father truly is. unfortunately he could rarely ever show it.

 

we learn from the good examples and the bad. I am grateful for both.