Layoffs are Tough

[josephga]

Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees - always willing to work overtime and chip in where needed.

 

Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn't making enough money to warrant two employees and he would have to lay one off. But both Sarah and Jack were such good workers he was having trouble finding a fair way to do it. He decided that he would watch them work and the first one to take a break would be the one he would lay off.

 

So, he sits in his office and watches them work.

 

Suddenly, Sarah gets a terrible headache and needs to take an aspirin. She gets the aspirin out of her purse and goes to the water cooler to get something to wash it down with.

 

Mr. Smith follows her to the water cooler, taps her on the shoulder and says, "Sarah, I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."

 

Sarah says, "Can you jack off? I have a headache."

[JT Brooklyn]

LOL..Not bad for a Thursday Chuckle!

[rvwnsd]

Both very funny.

[Guest OCBeachbody]

Awesome and funny

[josephga]

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"

 

"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."

 

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

 

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

 

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

 

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

[josephga]

Little Johnny walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts. Worried about what her son has seen she dress’s quickly and goes to find him.

 

Little Johnny sees his mom and asks "What were you and dad doing?"

 

The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."

 

"You’re wasting your time," say’s Little Johnny.

 

"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.

 

"Well, when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

[josephga]

For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

 

The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"

 

Little Johnny told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike."

[josephga]

One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?".

 

His teacher replies "NO"

 

Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me".

 

"OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies.

 

Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger".

 

She again says "NO".

 

"But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again.

 

"Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher.

 

Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON"

 

Little Johnny replies "It aint my finger either

[josephga]

Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.

 

Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.

 

A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"