Doomed to Repeat it though doomed may be the wrong word

[doitb4ugo]

I have come to the conclusion recently that many of my sexual fantasies are a direct reflection of events in my early adolescence. This thought, while recently surfacing is probably not terribly insightful. Even so I opened this thread to help me explore with others on this forum, peoples sexual predelections as they relate to a number of teenage events which seem to bubble up in one's memory.

 

My recent interest in BDSM for example, was not something I questioned given the way the pics and videos made me feel. Particularly the bondage part of any scene had my complete fascination. When chatting with an escort, my original answer as to why I found this appealing and/or interesting was a typical pyschological answer involving surrendering my person to the power of another and deriving a feeling of love from such a surrender. I also remembered during my teen years, tying myself up to highten my sexual activites.

 

When thinking back to it as well as other sexual activities in my youth, I seem to remember that I always was the passive partner during any sexual ecounter. Not much has changed to this day despite my efforts to turn this around. I also clearly remembered that this passivity was connected to my strong Catholic upbringing and 12 years of a catholic education. I realized that for me the passivity was a failed effort to assuage the guilt associated with sex of any kind. I remember when I learned to masturbate, my teachers in school were preaching about how such activity was a "mortal sin" meaning that I was doomed to an eternity in hell. While scaring me to death, no amount of religeous fear could get me to stop. I think that I developed the passive approach because I was fooling myself into believing that I was not sinning because I was not responsible for the sexual actions. The other person was. I was just present.

 

Do others out there share any of these memories and do they still to this day affect how you perceive your sexual activities. Just curious if it is as big an influence for others as it has been for me.

[uwsman2]

from childhood

 

I can remember being totally turned on as a kid with the occasional violence one might see on tv back then - not guns violence, that was never a turn on - but guys getting punched in the stomach or, in one memorable scene from a Disney historical epic, tied up and flogged.

 

When I started jerking off as a teen, I used to enjoy putting pressure on my gut with one hand or even punching myself hard as part of the process. Perhaps this was just an early manifestation of a masochistic personality.

 

When I am having a vanilla scene with an escort, I sometimes find myself wishing that he would just throw me a nice punch to the gut in the middle of it all, or slap me around a bit. For some reason, my gut is a major erogenous zone - whether it's stroking or punching, I find it a total turn-on.

 

A few years ago, I recall, I hired a muscular top escort and, although I don't think we really connected, I was thrilled when he gave me a slap on the cheek while I was sucking him off. Somehow, that's even hotter than hiring a bdsm escort for a "scene" which feels much less spontaneous. It's just the feeling that "guy sex" should be a bit rough at times, between the tenderness.

 

I'm not looking to get injured or anything, I don't have a death wish, but I just get turned on by the idea of being the recipient of casually rough treatment during sex.... and it's actually not easy to find an escort who knows how to do that well, totally in the moment and spontaneous. At the first sign of a whimper or a wince, most escorts quickly back off... And I'm not exactly sure how to ask for it without letting myself in for more than I can handle.

[Racketjock]

Rich,

 

interesting question. Although, I dint know either if doomed is the right word, i agree in part that the actions of our youth shaped in part who we are today. I grew very fast as a young boy and while in 5th grade towered a full foot above everyone else. Lumped onto that was a raging basket of hormones. Dealing with those, being "different" than others my age, and growing up in conservative religious dominated Texas turned me into a bit of a mess. After I escaped, I was hell bent on trying new things regardless to whether or not I liked them and pushing limits. Needless to say this affected my sexual life and got me into a couple too many bad situations where I was not in control. I learned a lot from those years, and some may say regressed a lot.

 

On a really odd note, as my bed was positioned a certain way to the open door of my room, I grew up always beating off with my left hand to conceal the fact should my mom or brother burst through the door. Today, try as I might, i can almost never reach the finish line with my right hand!

[Guest greatness]

Good question

 

It is a very good question. I thought about my childhood and reflected on my sexual activities. My perception of sex changed a lot and I gradually learn to enjoy many things so I guess I'm not so bound by my childhood experiences or education. I'm still too scared of even trying BDSM and anything violent. I'm too vanilla. lol..

 

One thing I don't understand is that I can't have an intercourse with a woman. I'm not sure that's because being repeatedly told that girls are dirty or impure when I was young. Maybe the person who taught me thought that I might fall a girl and waste my precious time. Instead I have fallen for guys lol.. I still can't have sex with a girl. I know some gays can have sex with a woman but kissing a woman or having sex with one still grosses me out. I don't know why. Is it because I was repeatedly strongly told that girls are dirty and impure when I was young or because I'm gay.. That's still a mystery for me..

[+ Charlie]

In my first week as a freshman in high school, a couple of upperclassmen stopped me on my way home to haze me. One of them, Harry McElroy, a handsome, butch jock, told me that the next day they were going to take me to his house and I would have to give him a blowjob. I managed to avoid them for the next week, and they seemed to lose interest in pursuing the threat--but I didn't. I was frightened but excited by the thought of blowing Harry, and fantasized about it often while masturbating. To this day, sucking cock is the essence of sex for me.

[Guest greatness]

oh my

 

Charlie, you must be hot!

 

In my first week as a freshman in high school, a couple of upperclassmen stopped me on my way home to haze me. One of them, Harry McElroy, a handsome, butch jock, told me that the next day they were going to take me to his house and I would have to give him a blowjob. I managed to avoid them for the next week, and they seemed to lose interest in pursuing the threat--but I didn't. I was frightened but excited by the thought of blowing Harry, and fantasized about it often while masturbating. To this day, sucking cock is the essence of sex for me.

[NYTomcat]

Well I dont know about my "formative " years but.this sudden sex and aggression link is definately something I buried cause of my past. I wonder now was I always turned on by it. Until it went too far. I think I was thinking back to my first bfe though he was an amazingly gentle Guy. I somehow remember always pushing harder than GE did.

 

After being attacked I retreated to his gentle kind of passion as a safe harbor. But no it was never exactly my flavor. At least not all the time