Popping the Cherry

[RickyDC]

Okay, so I have just started seeing a guy who has never bottomed. I mean that hole is so tight I could barely get a finger in there.

 

I want his first experience to be as comfortable as possible, and I have alot of ideas about how to do that. Of course we're going to use plenty of lubrication, but I was wondering what you all thought were the best lubricants out there?

 

I usually use Wet Platinum. What about other products that are suppose to desensitize the area? Anyone ever try anal eze or boy butter?

 

I'd appreciate your thoughts on what products would be good for a first-timer.

 

Thanks.

[josephga]

imo all the water based lubes are the same regardless of brand, all the silicon lubes are the same regardless of the brand. i always used wet platinum or id millennium to jerk my massage clients off with. i normally just get with ever silicon is on sale... i hate water based regardless of the brand..

[Guest Spanky]

Okay, so I have just started seeing a guy who has never bottomed. I mean that hole is so tight I could barely get a finger in there.

 

I want his first experience to be as comfortable as possible, and I have alot of ideas about how to do that. Of course we're going to use plenty of lubrication, but I was wondering what you all thought were the best lubricants out there?

 

I usually use Wet Platinum. What about other products that are suppose to desensitize the area? Anyone ever try anal eze or boy butter?

 

I'd appreciate your thoughts on what products would be good for a first-timer.

 

Thanks.

 

Have said this before and I"ll say it again. Your body produces pain for a reason. If there is a lot of pain leading up to or during penetration then he's not loose enough. The pain is a signal that something is wrong and you should slow down or stop until he's ready. The last thing you want to do is keep pushing through the pain (no pun intended) and end up tearing him a new one (pun intended). Of course you would not do that intentionally, but it can happen if you don't pay attention to the pain - which he won't feel if you use the desensitizing cream. After all, if you can barely get a single finger in, do you REALLY want to force a cock up there? And I doubt that all the lube in the world will help if he's not already loose enough.

 

Bottoms love ass play (that's why they're bottoms after all). Just keep up the finger fucking till he's ready, maybe add in some really small dildos or plugs, sometimes eating him out works wonders. The vibrating bullet/egg also helps. Remember too that some of it may just be a state of mind because he's never bottomed before and isn't ready mentally. Some guys freak out over their first time. Patience, understanding, and perseverance may be in order.

[doitb4ugo]

Patience and working up to it

 

being a botton but not having a lot of experience, I agree with Spanky. I think plenty of foreplay with his ass and using some toys or fingers to get him ready is always a better approach. My first time, the guy was patient enough to get me to the point usung his fingers, mouth, the cock head to have me begging to get him inside me. In my case the guys cock was not huge and thick which noo doubt also helped alot. I have been told that prior play with smaller toys or butt plugs will help before the day.

 

I also agree, no desensitizing creams. The bottom needs to be ready on his terms. If the top is not patient enough to have his partner truly ready, fuck a large piece of fruit or melon until such time. :eek:

 

Remember, It needs to be truly special for the botton guy if he's going to be a terrific botton guy.

[rvwnsd]

Okay, so I have just started seeing a guy who has never bottomed. I mean that hole is so tight I could barely get a finger in there.

 

I want his first experience to be as comfortable as possible, and I have alot of ideas about how to do that. Of course we're going to use plenty of lubrication, but I was wondering what you all thought were the best lubricants out there?

 

I usually use Wet Platinum. What about other products that are suppose to desensitize the area? Anyone ever try anal eze or boy butter?

 

I'd appreciate your thoughts on what products would be good for a first-timer.

 

Thanks.

 

2 things:

 

1) LUBES: I don't care for silicon lubes because they are too hard to clean up. H2O JO is a good water-based lube.

2) TIGHTNESS: I have a really tight asshole. If a guy can't loosen it up with foreplay, then we don't have anal sex. I agree with Spanky...stay away from desensitizing creams. If he is too tight the next time you play, hold off on anal until the time after that.

[JT Brooklyn]

being a botton but not having a lot of experience, I agree with Spanky. I think plenty of foreplay with his ass and using some toys or fingers to get him ready is always a better approach. My first time, the guy was patient enough to get me to the point usung his fingers, mouth, the cock head to have me begging to get him inside me. In my case the guys cock was not huge and thick which noo doubt also helped alot. I have been told that prior play with smaller toys or butt plugs will help before the day.

 

I also agree, no desensitizing creams. The bottom needs to be ready on his terms. If the top is not patient enough to have his partner truly ready, fuck a large piece of fruit or melon until such time

 

Remember, It needs to be truly special for the botton guy if he's going to be a terrific botton guy.

 

Definitely AGREE with doit! NO Desensitizing Cream!

 

But there is the possibility that the guy will not like it or adjust to it enufff for it to become part of his Fun Times!

 

There are those guys who for whatever reason just don't make very good bottoms!

[+ ArVaGuy]

Ok, since a few are willing to share their experiences in this area I will join in as well. My first time as a bottom was a horribly bad experience. The BF and I were very young (19 & 17) new to all this and he made his move long before I was ready. The pain was excruciating and I was injured.

 

Living in the Deep South and closeted there was no way I was going to the ER or see my doctor unless on death's door. What to tell a doctor on how this occurred was a freak out of a lifetime. Fortunately, the human body is amazing in its ability to recover and the injury healed in a couple of days. Though I had some tense moments trying to dispose of several pairs of briefs and not have my mother catch on to my "issue".

 

It was a long time before I ever bottomed again, like a decade plus. The BF who got the opportunity was very caring and taught me how to enjoy the experience after such trauma. Though every time is a faint reminder of that first experience.

 

My advice is to also make sure he's, ahem, clean before you even start to play. It goes without saying but I'm making the statement anyway. Douche. And not with the over the counter squeeze bottles of saline but with the proper equipment for such. Also, breathing is a good way to relax. Have him take a few deep breaths and as he exhales he'll be able to accommodate better. The advice to use a few toys and fingering is very important. Order a copy of the Guide to Anal Sex from Amazon.com if you are really curious.

 

I've not shared this story of my first time for, well, longer than I can remember. It was traumatic after all. Perhaps I should be embarrassed for sharing it here but I'm not. :o

[KMEM]

No reason for you to be embarrassed. Thanks for sharing.

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[josephga]

When I met my first bf I was so excited i wanted too try it all. he in his past relationships was always a bottom, but like i said i wanted to try it all. I knew based on talking with friends douching was a must i also took a nice bubble bath b4 also. I hated it. It hurt so damn bad I never tried again and he didn't have a big dick either quit the opposite.

[NYTomcat]

Ok. Trust me when I say Dont desensatize.

 

I am a Guy whose nearly first ok third bottoming experience was well lets just say forced unpleasant and multiple partners. If anyone should hate bottoming its me. But with the right person and with the right preparation all things are possible. Not only possible but pleasurable. Dont numb the Guy. Take the time to prep him take the time to make him ready so that he can feel ever nuance. At best desensitization will take away the pain but also the pleasure. It will leave him with the only benefit being close to you. That can be a good thing. But with the right circumstances and a little extra work on your part he can feel every moment of both pleasing you and Maybe even some great pleasure of his own. While this may be unusual first time. You may rob him of the security that he can do it without the chemical aids. Let him try and feel every stroke with as much passion as you and he can muster

[AdamSmith]

Dont numb the Guy. Take the time to prep him take the time to make him ready so that he can feel ever nuance. At best desensitization will take away the pain but also the pleasure.

 

That is good advice. The first time I successfully (i.e., pleasurably) bottomed, poppers (butyl nitrite) were a great help. But I fairly soon noticed that the stuff numbed not only my ass but also my cock. Poppers were useful in helping me discover that I could indeed bottom, and love it. But throw 'em away ASAP.

[uwsman2]

bottoming

 

I've found that if I'm totally turned on and the top knows how to loosen up an ass with some water-based lube and a few fingers and then hits just the right angle, getting fucked can be absolutely painless. You've got to be relaxed into the moment. Desensitizing cream would just take away some of that fantastic sensation. Relaxing your ass muscles is the key.

 

Then again, one of the hottest fucks I ever received didn't involve this "take it slow" scenario. It was a repeat with an escort I had enjoyed once before. He had been tender and sensitive and it had been a fantastic first fuck. On the phone, I told him he could treat me a bit rougher than that - I wasn't a China doll that would break - and I really wanted to be "taken" fast and hard. He obliged on this second occasion. Pulled off my clothes, plunged in his lube dripping finger once or twice while kissing me, then quickly bent me over the bed and shoved it in fast, holding it there as I whimpered. Wow! There was very brief pain and then the most exciting thrill you could imagine....

[Juan Vancouver]

Long detailed post... bottoming for beginners.

 

Hey Ricky,

 

Thanks for asking such a good question.

 

It is consensus: no desensitizing creams. You don't want to create damage.

 

Even if silicone lube makes cleaning difficult, a good silicone lube makes just everything else incredibly easier.

 

I know that you want his first experience to be stellar, but to be honest, I am curious whether he wants to get fucked. No matter how good, experienced, patient and kind you may be, the success of his bottoming depends entirely on him. Bottoms are in charge, not the tops. And if he wants to bottom and make his bottoming toe-curlingly pleasurable then I would recommend him to read something that I posted here long ago. So here you go"

 

I too, for a long time thought that I was never going to be a bottom; it simply wasn't in the charts for me. As soon as something came close to my ass, the iron vice grip tightened so hard that you could have lost a finger to it. It certainly wasn't pleasant for anyone. In my head I kept telling myself that it would be fun to be fucked, but in my body I was not so sure it was going to happen. "I just have the wrong type of ass for being fucked." I said resigned.

 

Then along came a very experienced, kind, trustworthy man who gave me the answer. "It is mind over matter" he said.

 

"The ass, little grasshopper, is a voluntary muscle; No matter how many experienced tops are trying to open you up... no matter how good the lube, how small the cock, how forceful the thrust, how long the rimming, you won't open up unless you want to."

 

"But I want to!" I yelled.

 

(But to tell the truth there were so many prejudices in my mind about being the fuckee, and pain, and disease that I simply didn't want to go there.) Also, I never before paid attention to my pucker; it was the most neglected and unknown part of my anatomy. I had spent a good decade playing with my cock and finding out what felt good for it that I had become a master when it came to knowing it... How could I have any mastership upon my ass, if I didn't even know how it looked like?

 

His recommendation was simple: He gave me a smaill, thin dildo, and good lube, and advised me to get acquainted with my own body. Find out what was pleasurable -for me, not for the top-, how to relax, how to breath, how deep to go, what to avoid, when to do it... Surprisingly, when I was alone and relaxed, I was able to little by little open myself up and realized that there was nothing wrong with my pipes... it was just my mind that was playing the games. And it was also a matter of trust:

 

I could trust myself.

 

It all comes to breathing deeply, knowing that it is okay to be fucked and wanting to be fucked, imagining that your ass opens up willingly, smiling a little to send the right information to the brain and keep practicing to keep the ass open.

 

After a few weeks of trainning with myself I finally got together with a hot guy who was familiar with my plight. Before meeting him I lubed up, opened up, and got ready for him. Of course when he tried to fuck me, everything was much simpler than before. It was still odd having to rely on somebody else, having to trust, but by then I KNEW I was going to be allright, and I KNEW what felt good or not in my ass. For the first time pain became non existent and I realized why is it that men moaned and groaned so loudly when getting fucked...

 

"Fuck! I'm hooked!" I thought.

 

Do not rely on what other people like or do to be good. Do no watch other bottoms do it, because you might be in danger of copying the exterior manifestations of their fun, not the real reason for which they are having it. Take control of your ass. Never wait with a dry, closed ass for a top... make it easy for him (and for yourself). Having the real thing there trying to push inside your loins is going to make you nervous, so make sure that you are ready for it.

 

Don't be shy and ask for what you want. Let him (them) know what feels good and what feels bad. A great top will have a good time with you if he knows that you are having a good time too.

 

Before playing, douche carefully, not putting a lot of water at a time, and when everything comes out clean, wait thirty minutes to allow the remaining clean water to be absorbed by your body. Then with a clean finger put some silicone lube inside your ass to make sure you are not tight and dry. Play a little and clean the remnants to wait for your partner clean.

 

Tightening your perineum and ass muscles regularly as a workout, (when you are waiting in line, or on the phone or driving.) will allow you not only to make your ass tight against a cock, but also to relax it to welcome it in. Also apparently it helps a lot to have better and longer erections. And in the end it's kind of fun to sit in front of everyone playing with your ass.

 

Breath deeply, smile, get ready, relax and focus on what feels good.

 

And NEVER believe what they say that the top is in charge. The bottom is always in control when getting fucked. Be vocal, be clear, communicate.... and fully go for it.

 

 

I hope this helps... in no time he should be groaning and panting like a wild beast.

 

Always hard and warm,

 

Juan

[RickyDC]

Thanks for the Advice!

 

Thanks guys for all of your helpful advice!

 

So last night I let him know that I was willing to go as slow as he wanted and, if he changed his mind and didn't want to try it after all - it was absolutely fine with me and that it wouldn't change the way I felt about him. It was his idea in the first place.

 

We had a really romantic dinner, saw a concert and started messing around at my place. Lots and lots of kissing and cuddling - more than an hour. He then actually guided my hand towards his virginity. I asked him if he was sure and we didn't have to try it if he wasn't comfortable. The more I assured him we didn't have to do anything, the more relaxed he seemed and the more he wanted to try.

 

After about another of hour of foreplay -- just lube and fingers -- took your advice and no desensitizing -- won't go into too much detail here -- he said he really wanted me inside him . . . so he got on top and slowly lowered himself.

 

I just let him control the pace of everything by letting him sit on top -- best position I think for a newbie. At the end of it all, I think we were both really surprised how relaxed he was after a while and that he enjoyed it.

 

I think what I learned is that patience and trust are the best lubricants of all.

[Guest greatness]

that's hot

 

having someone you love inside you is a great feeling. That's a really hot story... I love foreplay...

[Guest Spanky]

Thanks guys for all of your helpful advice!

 

After about another of hour of foreplay -- just lube and fingers -- took your advice and no desensitizing -- won't go into too much detail here -- he said he really wanted me inside him . . . so he got on top and slowly lowered himself.

 

I just let him control the pace of everything by letting him sit on top -- best position I think for a newbie. At the end of it all, I think we were both really surprised how relaxed he was after a while and that he enjoyed it.

 

I think what I learned is that patience and trust are the best lubricants of all.

 

Congratulations. But now - watch out. He's had a taste and he's going to want it ALL the time (though I think that's a pretty good problem to have).

[NYTomcat]

Congrats Ricky. Great job. And all the more special with someone you love and who loves you. Thanks for sharing with us

[Guest greatness]

lol

 

Spanky, you are so witty~~

 

Congratulations. But now - watch out. He's had a taste and he's going to want it ALL the time (though I think that's a pretty good problem to have).