Love and marriage (with an escort)

[Guest Esc_Tracker]

Hi guys,

 

I'm back. A couple of months ago I mentioned that an escort and I might have fallen in love with each other after only two dates. Some of you indicated you might want an update on how things developped after my flying him to Canada from London for a one week let's-get-to-know-each-other-better trial run.

 

It seems to be genuine, though a number of six-hour long (probably hormone induced) sessions of love making tend to obscure the picture a bit. We had two minor fights over essentially trivial issues I put down to cross-cultural communication problems (he is overseas Chinese). On the other hand, after 27 years of living alone, I can be very set in my ways and rather stubborn. Nonetheless, the passion is definitely there, but I feel the cooler more restrained mutual respect that is needed to sustain a longer term loving relationship is there as well.

 

The issue now seems to be when and under what circumstances he can make a permanent move here. I found him a school which might admit him for September (much earlier than we had thought possible), and this has made him panic a bit. This is understandable as he has a network of friends to leave behind in London, has financial obligations to a family back home in the old country, and Canada is not really a financial paradise for escorts, particularly if they can't travel regularly to the US.

 

(He would like to stop escorting, but the employment opportunities for foreign undergraduate students in Canada are limited. This is not an issue for me, however.)

 

There is also the question of what he has to fall back on if things between us do not work out. He has had two very negative experiences with Caucasian client-boyfriends in the recent past and is wary. He risks losing his UK student visa if he moves here. Also, half his tuition in the UK is now being covered by a generous patron. It's unclear whether this sponsorship would still be available to him once he returned to the UK after a hypothetical break up.

 

Now, I have just found out that Canadian immigration regulations would let me sponsor him as a "spousal" landed immigrant after as little as one year living together. (Wow! I knew we were liberal, but not quite that liberal.) I didn't realize it would all be so easy, and I am afraid he is going to freak out and feel all pressured again when he finds out.

 

In any case, he is going to take a few weeks to think things over. I don't think a September move is on, but he might be ready in January. He says he wants to move now, but all his planning has been focussed on a later move. He also has to pass his first year college exams at the end of next month, and he is not doing too well because of his poor English.

 

So there you have it. Questions, comments and advice welcome.

[chrismac]

Lots of "ifs" and "buts" but that's what makes life exciting.

 

You seem as well put together emotionally and financially as anyone (probably better), so, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 

If I were the patron in the UK, however, I'd probably cut him off if he moved away, with no possibility of turning the faucet back on if he wanted to return to the UK, so you (and he) probably have to figure on that happening in your analysis.

 

Seems like you're ready - the ball is in his court now. Would you want him to continue escorting if he ends up living with you and developing the relationship further? What if he falls in love with another client in that case? Would you want to cut him off as a sponsor as well?

 

Best of luck - I'm sure a lot of us will want to hear how it goes.

[Guest Esc_Tracker]

>If I were the patron in the UK, however, I'd probably cut

>him off if he moved away, with no possibility of turning the

>faucet back on if he wanted to return to the UK, so you (and

>he) probably have to figure on that happening in your

>analysis.

 

His sponsor is a wealthy older married gent who simply wants to help him make something of his life. So it's possible he might still be willing to help if my friend feels he wants to go back. But I suspect that you are right, and so does my friend. But it is still something he should check. If the sponsorship would still be available, I think it would help him feel more secure and independent while he is with me.

 

>Seems like you're ready - the ball is in his court now.

>Would you want him to continue escorting if he ends up

>living with you and developing the relationship further?

 

It's really up to him, but he says he would rather not. The only thing is that he wants to continue sending money to his family and doesn't want to do it out of my bank account. If he can find part-time employment that provides him with enough funds (he sends them about $3000 US a year), I don't think he will continue escorting.

 

>What if he falls in love with another client in that case?

 

I don't think that's very likely. Most clients aren't really boyfriend material, and my friend is much more jealous than I am. He seems to be instinctively very monogamous and has no interest in pornography, going to baths, dancer bars and the like, for example. If we get along and I treat him well, I am reasonably sure he would be mine forever.

 

>Would you want to cut him off as a sponsor as well?

 

Probably, but it would depend on the circumstances and on why we broke up. His current arrangement with his patron is that half his tuition is paid while he studies in the UK. He doesn't live with his patron or anything like that. Here in Canada we would be actual spouses living together (I might even be able to claim him as a tax dependent, but I would have to check). So the nature of the relationship would be quite different.

 

>Best of luck - I'm sure a lot of us will want to hear how it

>goes.

 

I'll give regular progress reports. Meanwhile, I will have to gradually detach myself from the biz in the lead up to his arrival. There is no way he is going to tolerate my seeing anyone else while he is living with me.

 

Which reminds me, I have two final reviews to write: one on Jesse in Vancouver, and one on Steven in Brussels, both excellent choices for prospective discerning clients. I'll try to finish them this week. :-)

[Guest cmp]

While I don't have any advice to give you (I have never been in your position), I sure wish both of you good luck and happiness.

[Guest roninx]

I would still proceed with caution and not rush into anything. After all, if it is genuine love then taking your time should be no problem.

 

Being asian myself, I have heard of scams where people will hook up with a U.S. citizen just to get citizenship and then run off after the marriage (but of course this has been for hetero relationships). Not sure if this is relevant in this case, though.

 

Also, being that there are a lot of "ifs" and "buts" you might want to take the time to think things through first before acting on anything too quickly.

 

In addition, dealing with any relationship can be difficult but I think a relationship with an escort can be complicated. But then again, life is for living so as long as you are aware of what you are getting into I would recommend taking life by the reins.

 

All the best to you and I hope you will post updates on how thing go. Love is hard to find and if you think you've found it then go for it.

[Casteran]

My experience was the opposite. I moved overseas to be with someone (an escort) that was interested in a more permanent relationship. I traveled to London for nearly two years off and on everyother month. I then moved to London, it lasted just over a year.

Now would I do it again, probably not. Do I regret doing it, never.

All in all, do what your instinct tells you, if nothing else it will be a rewarding and enriching experience for both. Hopefully.:7 :-) ;-)

[Bilbo]

If you try this, more power to you. But ... I assume the sex is good. You say the sobriety is good. You didn't, I don't think, mention the sense of humor. The family that laughs together stays together, IMHO. You do mention that he is against many of the social sites in the gay community, and you mention that he is jealous. Well, that last would be enough to take him off of my list, right then and there. But, continuing on, is there any form of gay society he is not against? Would you be tied at home by your "apron string"? Have you stepped into gay society yourself, other than hiring escorts? If you haven't, and you want to expand your gay lifestyle to include a lover, I would think that you would want to also expand it to normal, everyday gay things that you could do together. This guy wouldn't be the one for me, but it takes all kinds to make a whore's race. ;-)

[Guest Esc_Tracker]

Thanks, Bilbo for an entertaining take on the situation. :-)

 

>If you try this, more power to you. But ... I assume the sex

>is good.

 

It's good, hours and hours of it. I can't keep my hands off him and he loves the attention. :9

 

>You say the sobriety is good. You didn't, I don't

>think, mention the sense of humor. The family that laughs

>together stays together, IMHO.

 

Oh, we laugh a lot. He has an amazing bubbly laugh that is very contagious. It may be part of his charm for me. I tend towards a melancholic disposition, while he chatters endlessly like a canary when he's happy, which seems to be most of the time. Some might find this irritating, but I love it. He is a very cheerful person, and I find his cheerfulness very refreshing.

 

I'm a bit usure of how he might act in front of other people, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

 

> You do mention that he is

>against many of the social sites in the gay community, and

>you mention that he is jealous. Well, that last would be

>enough to take him off of my list, right then and there.

>But, continuing on, is there any form of gay society he is

>not against?

 

Yes, he *is* jealous (while I don't seem to be at all), but not unreasonably so according to the lights of straight society, for example. He just wants me to be faithful and to steer clear of temptation. He is not against gay society per se. He goes to gay bars several times a week, seems to have an almost exclusively gay circle of friends (most of them current or ex-escorts), likes dancing (he used to be a professional member of a modern dance company), etc.. He just isn't interested in pornography, nude dancer bars or casual sex. I don't think these are necessarily central to gay society (though they might be to specifically gay "culture").

 

> Would you be tied at home by your "apron

>string"?

 

Well, to be honest, I don't go out much myself, and don't have a circle of gay friends. I suspect that if I lived with him, I would end up going out more.

 

>Have you stepped into gay society yourself, other

>than hiring escorts?

 

Sure, I go to bars very occasionally, read gay literature, patronize mainly gay clothing stores, etc.. How far does one have to go to step out? I am very shy in real life. I enjoy the nude dancer bars in Montreal, but that's pretty artificial. I hate the cruising scene.

 

>If you haven't, and you want to expand

>your gay lifestyle to include a lover, I would think that

>you would want to also expand it to normal, everyday gay

>things that you could do together.

 

I thought about going to a Long Yang club meeting with him. He was willing, though he has had negative experiences in the UK. In the end we couldn't find the place and so gave up.

 

>This guy wouldn't be the

>one for me, but it takes all kinds to make a whore's race.

>;-)

 

I don't mind. Less competition for me. ;-)

 

BTW, if anyone is interested in hiring him or is just curious, he is reviewed here under "Cliff" in London (by me, so you know it has to be an "objective" review ;-) ). You can see other pics of him as "Cliff" on the http://www.suitedandbooted.com site (though he claims they owe him money), or on the rentboy site as "Mexx" under London (an old add. Don't be put off my the rate. It's a mistake.) His hair is shorter now. He is going to put up an add with new (non face) pics on the http://www.london-lads.co.uk site in a week or so, but I don't know under what name (possibly "Alex"). Just don't try to lure him away from me. He's taken. ;-)

[Guest Thunderbuns]

>Sure, I go to bars very occasionally, read gay literature,

>patronize mainly gay clothing stores, etc.. How far does

>one have to go to step out? I am very shy in real life. I

>enjoy the nude dancer bars in Montreal, but that's pretty

>artificial.

 

You're very lucky to live in Montreal. It is one of the few truly great North American cities. I lived there fot 2 years before moving to Vancouver - they were the best years of my life.

 

Do you speak French? Does your friend?

 

My advice would be to go for it. There is always the possibility that it won't work out - that's true of any relationship - but you won't know 'till you've tried it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, as the saying goes. Better to have tried it and failed than to wonder for the rest of your life if it could have worked. I hope it does?

 

 

 

Thunderbuns

[+ Lucky]

Is it a sign of the times that Esc Tracker introduces us to his new lover and pimps for him in the same thread?

Good luck guys!

[Guest Esc_Tracker]

> Is it a sign of the times that Esc Tracker introduces us to

>his new lover and pimps for him in the same thread?

 

As I don't get a cut of his earnings and as he will most probably stop escorting once he lives with me, I can hardly be accused of pimping.

 

This site is largely about escorts and not, last time I checked, exclusively about my love life. If he had already stopped escorting, his review would be down and you wouldn't hear about him from me. So long as he remains an escort, he wants to be a successful one. Check the title of the thread. Why shouldn't I call him to your collective attention? Or would you only be interested in discussing this sort of issue in the abstract?

 

>Good luck guys!

 

My same best wishes go to you and to any who might have succumbed to your charm.

[Guest cmp]

I have had my eye on your hot fiance for some time (as a potential client only of course). While I have never met him, I guess he is very easy to fall in love with. I think both of you are lucky. Again, I wish you both good luck.

[Bilbo]

Well, now, this sounds better and better all the time. Like he will be good for you. Don't know about the Long Yangs, other than what I surmise by their name, but L and I are going to a concert - a small group of musicians organized by their pianist and a bit smaller group of dancers - as one of the regular monthly club parties of Houston's Lone Star Gay Male Nudist Club this evening. Think about looking into things like a gay vintage car club, the MCC, etc., too! And I am so glad that it looks like he'll make sure you get a circle of gay friends and won't get a fork in your hand everytime you eyes cruise aroung the restaurant.

;-)

[Bilbo]

P.S.

 

I do hope that you will still keep up some interest in chatting with us, even though you won't have any new reviews to contribute. There was a time, remember, when I thought I had retired but still kept playing around and flirting in here.

[Guest Blink]

RE: P.S.

 

I once have a boyfriend who is an escort. After a few months, it did not work well.:'( :'(