Joke: What does your daddy do?

[+ deej]

>> What does your daddy do?

>

> On the first day of the new school year in the 6th grade the teacher

> decided to get to know the kids by asking them to tell their

> name and what their father does for a living.

>

> The first little girl says: "My name is Mary and my daddy

> is a postman." "That's great," says the teacher.

>

> Next a little boy says: "I'm Andy and my Dad is an

> automobile mechanic." "Wonderful!" says the teacher.

>

> Then the next kid says: "My name is Jimmy and my father is

> a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men."

>

> The teacher gasps in horror and disbelief and quickly

> decides to stop this and immediately starts in to math.

> Later at recess, she pulls Jimmy to the side and privately

> asks him if it was really true that his Daddy dances nude in

> a gay bar.

>

> He blushes, looks around, and says "No, my Dad is really

> a CPA and an auditor for Arthur Andersen, but I was

> just too embarrassed to say so."

>

 

(This showed up in my inbox from a str8 friend ... who works for Ernst & Young! :+)

[Guest RushNY]

RE: Joke: NYPD Humor(well it made me laugh !!!!!!)

 

Like the joke here are a couple that made me laugh recently

 

There are 3 gay cops and after work they go to the same bar in the Village every night,there are 2 veterans and a rookie,one night one of the veterans and the rookie are sitting in the bar and the other veteran comes in with the BIGGEST shit-eating grin u ever seen on his face the other two say to him "hey why u so happy" "Well" he replies last night i had the best sex of my life with my BF i had his legs up in the air and i was pounding him real good just when we were about to cum i took my service revolver which i had under my pillow and fired a shot in the air his butt got real tight and we both came at the same time .

 

The next night the other veteran came in with a big grin on his face and tells the other veteran "thanks for the advice-last night i had the greatest sex with MY BF i was fucking him doggy style and when i was abou to cum i fired my pistol and we both had a spontaneous orgasm it was fucking great.

 

The next night the two veterans are sitting in the bar and the rookie comes in he is a pissed as hell he's kicking chairs out of the way as he comes over "Hey whats the matter"one of the veterans asks "well says the rookie i took your advice my BF and I were doing 69 and i fired my gun and the son of a bitch almost bit my fucking dick off and shit in my face . :+

[Guest RushNY]

RE: Joke: OR...............................

 

A few things NOT to say to a cop when you're pulled over

 

1.I cant reach my licence officer can u hold my beer

2.Aren't you the guy from the Village People ?

3.I thought you had to be in good shape to be a cop ?

4.I was gonna become a cop but i decided to finish high school instead

5.You're not gonna check the trunk are u

6.Didn't i see u get your butt kicked on COPS ?

7.Is it true people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonalds ?

8.I pay your salary (IF I HAD $10 FOR EVERY TIME I HEARD THIS......)

9.So uh..you on the take or what ?

10.Hey can't you give me another of those full cavity body searches?

(THIS MIGHT WORK IN CHELSEA OR THE VILLAGE -LOL )

11.Aren't there any real crooks you could be catching (no 2 on the HOW TO PISS RUSH OFF LIST )

12.Yeah i saw the lights.. i though you were going for a donut

13.Do you have any idea who you're talking to (no 3 ............)

[trilingual]

RE: Joke: OR...............................

 

Readers from Texas probably won't get #1. }>

[Guest RushNY]

RE: Joke: OR...............................

 

YOU said it ..........address all complaints to trilingual thats T-R-I-L-I-N-G-U-A-L :7

[Guest tmbg]

OK I will add a few here as well. Some are old and some are new, and most are about punk, hippies, skaters and emo people. I think 6, 26 & 27 are my favorties at the moment.

 

Cheers! Ritchie

-------

 

1. Q- If a Punk and a Skin are in the back of a car, who's in front?

A- a cop

 

 

2. Q- How many Punks does it take to change a lightbulb?

A- None, Punks can't change a thing.

 

 

4. Q: How many punks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Five. One to do it and four to write a zine about it.

 

 

6. Q: How many skaters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two, one to do it and one to film it.

 

 

7. Q: how many punks does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 3 . one to do it and 2 to brag about how much better they can do it

 

 

9. Q: How do you get a one-armed Punk out of a tree?

A: Throw him a beer.

 

 

10. Q: How do you get a Punk out of a bathtub?

A: Turn on the water.

 

 

11. Q: What do you call a Gutter Punk's weather-proofed home?

A: A dry dumpster

 

 

12. Q: What's the difference between a hippie and a trampoline?

A: You take off your boots before you jump on a trampoline.

 

 

13. Q: What do you call a bunch of Skinheads at the bottom of the ocean ?

A: A good start.

 

 

14. Q: Three drunken Skinheads jump off a roof. One Skin had been drinking Guinness, the second Fosters and the third Skin enjoyed Blatz. Which one hits the ground first?

A: Who the hell cares?

 

18. Q: How do you get a goth out a tree?

A: Cut the rope.

 

 

19. Q: How many times does a skinhead laugh at a joke?

A: Three...once when he hears it, once when it's explained to him, and once when he gets it.

 

 

22. Q: What's so tragic about four ravers driving off a cliff in a Honda Civic?

A: The car seats five

 

 

26. Q: How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 3. One to screw it in, one to cry about it, and one to write a journal entry.

 

 

27. Q: What is 300 ft long and has no pubic hair?

A: the line outside a blink 182 show

[+ imagooddog]

OK, here are some more words of wisdom----

 

Your Daily Moment of Zen

(Modified to reflect contemporary wisdom):

 

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not

lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for

I may not follow. Do not walk beside me,

either. Just leave me the hell alone.

 

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins

with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

 

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if

you're going to steal your

neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to

do it.

 

4. Sex is like air. It's not important

unless you aren't getting any.

 

5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be

replaced, you can't be promoted.

 

6. No one is listening until you fart.

 

7. Always remember you're unique. Just

like everyone else.

 

8. Never test the depth of the water with

both feet.

 

9. If you think nobody cares if you're

alive, try missing a couple of car

payments.

 

10. Before you criticize someone, you

should walk a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you're

a mile away and you have their shoes.

 

11. If at first you don't succeed,

skydiving is not for you.

 

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for

a day. Teach him how to fish and

he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

 

13. If you lend someone $20 and never see

that person again, it was probably worth it.

 

14. If you tell the truth, you don't have

to remember anything.

 

15. Some days you are the bug, some days

you are the windshield.

 

16. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the

first time.

 

17. Good judgment comes from bad

experience, and a lot of that comes from

bad judgment.

 

18. The quickest way to double your money

is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

 

19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

 

20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a

light side a dark side,and it

holds the universe together.

 

21. There are two theories to arguing with

women. Neither one works.

 

22. Generally speaking, you aren't

learning much when your lips are moving.

 

23. Experience is something you don't get

until just after you need it.

 

24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

[+ deej]

Is everyone familiar with those "inspirational" posters you see all the time in airport gift shops and SkyMall catalogs during the flight?

 

There's a wonderful series of JPG's that floats around the net that parodies them.

 

My favorite shows a lone baseball player on the bench, looking very dejected. The caption: "If at first you don't succeed, failure may be more your style".