$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

[cocky]

I am a goodlooking 40's guy, very successful financially could be dating alot or meeting guys in clubs to have sex with, but only really enjoy sex with a someone if I am paying for it. Don't know if it issue of ocntrol or that I like the uncomplicated nature of paying for sex - when I am out at a club with friends, love cruising, making eye contact etc.... but then usually back off and go home and call a rent boy, and enjoy myself - no bullshit, no games - but I think this is getting to the point of becoming a fetish.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Is it becoming a fetish or an unhealthy obsession?

 

I've met with people who have literally drained themselves of both money and energy simply because they found the act of 'hiring' to be erotic. Eventually they became obsessive and self-destructive. Much like an alcoholic or a compulsive gambler, hiring escorts to a fault (financially & otherwise) is a very real problem.

 

Where would you catagorize yourself? Can you still control your urges to pick up the phone or go online to get a rentboy?

 

 

This is most certainly a curious issue...

 

 

Warmest Always,

 

 

 

Benjamin Nicholas

[jackhammer91406]

There's an old expression that you don't pay an escort to cum, you pay him to go.

There are many guys who are successful and fully satisfied with their life, who just don't want the complications (???) of a steady relationship and therefore hiring a companion for sex is an obvious choice. In addition, some people get off on the "dance" of cruising, but don't need the hassles involved in today's dating scene.

(what the F--- am I talking about?? heheh)

 

Personally I don't know why someone wouldn't want a more steady relationship, but I can understand there are some that would prefer not having the commitment of time and energy.

 

With one exception, I have loved spending time with every escort I have hired , And wish I could spend more time with each of them.

But as Ben said, if it is becoming an obsession that feels unhealthy, then maybe you need to take a closer look.

Just be careful not to beat yourself up over something that may be nothing more than convenience or a comfort zone issue. Save the self flaggelation for the big important issues, like wearing plaids with stripes (yipes, sorry Carson) :+

[Guest DevonSFescort]

Maybe it has something to do with the normalization of homosexuality in today's society (though to what extent that is true where you live I do not know). Paying for sex might be a way of trying to recapture the feeling of doing something forbidden. Perhaps if you lived somewhere where prostitution had been legalized and where there was little-to-no social stigma against it, paying for sex might not carry the same fascination.

[Bilbo]

It can be an extreme form of flattery and validation. For both of you. Have you seen the picture of Devon covered with twenties? Not as sexy for me as pictures of guys with water (not piss) in the picture, but quite, quite sexy in its own right.

[Guest DevonSFescort]

For the record, there were some fifties and C-notes in there as well. :*

[Guest HiringAgain]

In my limited experience with hiring, the succesful encounters have been with guys who are genuine and for whom the commercial aspect is secondary or third-ary or fourth-ary (help). Escorts who are real, and with whom I can be real, are invaluable.

 

Of course, there is also a sense of unreality, which is the added excitement for me: I can say and do things that I'd never do with someone I met in other circumstances. The boundaries are different and, if both parties are quality, can be expanded easily and quickly.

 

What made hiring very attractive for me when I first did it at Rounds in NYC years ago was the chance to chat at the bar and on the way home so that a relationship of sorts was established. That can still happen in the e-mail happy hour, but it's different.

 

Golly, I miss Rounds.

[bostonman]

>I can say and do things that I'd

>never do with someone I met in other circumstances. The

>boundaries are different and, if both parties are quality, can

>be expanded easily and quickly.

 

Yeah - especially when we're talking about all these fetishes in general - to be able to hire someone who can do all the crazy things I want to do, that a lover or a casual partner might not want to get into.

 

I actually have yet to hire an escort (shock! ) - but that's the reason I would hire one - to indulge in fetishes, fantasies, roleplay - all the stuff it's harder to find "regular" sex partners for.

 

And I will say that finding this community here is very cool - it makes me feel much less nervous/freaked about the idea of hiring someone - now all I need is some extra money... }(

[Guest drummer]

I, too, get off on paying. Not that I've done it that much. But it is definitely a turn-on for me.

 

Part of it is the sense of control. Being able to have what I want, when I want it. Part of me also likes it when I a guy isn't attracted to me but is having sex with me for my money. Yes, I know I had a whole thread complaining about being with escort like that. But that can be a turn on, too. (I would like to find an escort who actually enjoys having sex with me as well!)

 

Part of that is just having sex with someone whose body I find really attractive.

 

Cartain fantasies work well with an escort. I love, for example, to be in a nice hotel with a great view and and have an escort to the room. For that brief period of extravagance, I feel as if I were a gay Donald Trump.

 

I don't have a problem with going crazy money-wise--I've been there, done that, gone through bankruptcy, rebuilt my finances, and am responsible with my money. Once in a while it is great to splurge on dinner, other times on an escort.

 

So those are the turn-ons. On a more mundane level, saving time is great. It can take a LONG time to find someone I am attracted to and who is attracted to me, and to get together.

 

"Paying him to go away" cannot be underestimated, either. I want to fulfill my sexual fantasies and not have to deal with someone else's emotional needs. There are plenty of people in my life whose emotional needs I do deal with--my kids and my ex-wife (who is pretty much Grace to my Will), for example.

 

Finally, (abandoning all pretensions of modesty) I am a well-educated, successful, fully-employed professional who is reasonably emotionally healthy, self-aware, and doing a good job of managing my remaining emotional issues. I live in a fairly small rural college town, an hour from the nearest city, in which there are no out gay men my age. Most of the people I have meet online are underemployed, seriously fucked up, actively alcoholic, using drugs, don't have a car, or whatever. If they are someone I would like, say, to be fuck-buddies with, it seems that they become obsessed with having a relationship. Or they don't want to deal with kids. Or they have kids, too, and no time or privacy and live 90 minutes away. And so on and so forth.

 

To have sex once a month or so with a guy I'm really attracted to, who I don't have to spend hours in chat rooms to find, who I don't have to try and find in a bar, who I don't have to meet for dinner to see if we "click" and find out he doesn't look like his picture, whose neuroses I don't have to deal with, whose games I don't have to play--it seems like a great deal to me, at least now that I can afford it. :-)

 

And it is a turn on to pay. . .

[VaHawk]

"I, too, get off on paying. Not that I've done it that much. But it is definitely a turn-on for me."

 

Having to pay someone to have sex with you is more of a turn on than having someone having sex with you, just because they want to do so? Well, to each his own.

 

"Part of it is the sense of control. Being able to have what I want, when I want it. Part of me also likes it when I a guy isn't attracted to me but is having sex with me for my money. Yes, I know I had a whole thread complaining about being with escort like that. But that can be a turn on, too. (I would like to find an escort who actually enjoys having sex with me as well!)"

 

Your last sentence disputes what you JUST SAID above. You're in control? LMAO, dream on! As you state, you obviously have very limited experience with "sex for sale". I take it you haven't encountered paying for sex without receiving such as agreed on?

Lord, getting what you want when you want it, is not always the case in hiring escorts.

[Trixie]

I have nothing to say in this thread. I just thought I'd mention that, in case some of you thought I wasn't paying attention.

 

Trix

[Guest drummer]

>"I, too, get off on paying. Not that I've done it that much.

>But it is definitely a turn-on for me."

>

>Having to pay someone to have sex with you is more of a turn

>on than having someone having sex with you, just because they

>want to do so? Well, to each his own.

 

Actually, it was Cocky, who started this thread, who said that he only enjoys when he's paying. I only said that paying is a turn-on for me, one among many, not that it's more of a turn-on than having sex based on mutual attraction.

 

Having sex with someone who wants to have sex with me is great IF I am attracted to him and want to have sex with him. Unfortunately, people who want to have sex with me are all too often a different group than people I want to have sex with!

 

I would love to be in an ongoing, mutually satisfying, emotionally and sexually intimate relationship with another man. I enjoy having occasional casual sex with guys who are attracted to me. But I am still a 45-year-old man with a pot belly who has a thing for hot guys in their early to mid twenties, and paying one to have sex with me once in a while is a turn on. Nevertheless, I would have no problem enjoying a sexual relationship with a slim, muscular guy in his early twnties who is turned on by me (and actually did have one of those, which didn't last long because the guy turned out to be an addict). I just don't meet many of those guys, especially living where I do. And the ones I do meet who are "my type" are students at the college where I teach, and even if they were into me, we have a strict policy against consensual faculty/student relationships. I'd rather pay escorts once in a while than lose my job!

 

>

>"Part of it is the sense of control. Being able to have what I

>want, when I want it. Part of me also likes it when I a guy

>isn't attracted to me but is having sex with me for my money.

>Yes, I know I had a whole thread complaining about being with

>escort like that. But that can be a turn on, too. (I would

>like to find an escort who actually enjoys having sex with me

>as well!)"

>

>Your last sentence disputes what you JUST SAID above. You're

>in control? LMAO, dream on! As you state, you obviously have

>very limited experience with "sex for sale". I take it you

>haven't encountered paying for sex without receiving such as

>agreed on?

>Lord, getting what you want when you want it, is not always

>the case in hiring escorts.

 

Sure, not always the case. :-)

 

But in an escort/client situation, there are many elements the client does control: whether or not to have a session, who the escort is, when the session happens, how long it is, much of what happens in the session, whether or not to hire the escort again, etc. Obviously the client doesn't control every detail, and just as obviosuly there are times when an escort may misrepresent himself, rip off a client, or when things otherwise don't work out. Ggenerally speaking, though, if you are paying the piper you can make sure he's playing your tune (and not hire him if that tune isn't in his repertoire), and have a lot more "control" than if you wander around looking for someone who happens to be piping. The few escort experiences I've had have been quite nice.

 

For example: About a week and a half ago I decided I wanted to go to Indianapolis (I live out in the country), rent a room at a nice downtown hotel, have a session with an escort, and have a night on the town, including plenty of time playing with the dancers at the Unicorn Club. (BTW, at the Unicorn Club you can have tremendous amounts of very erotic body contact with very hot, nearly naked dancers--about anything you might want short of french kissing or actual sex acts.)

 

So I booked a hotel room, called an escort agency, discussed my desires, discovered that an escort they used to picture on their site, whom I used to fantasize about, was actually available (he's someone I had seen at Club Indy [gym/baths] and knew was really hot), and made an appointment for exactly the time I wanted.

 

At the appointed hour, my very hot escort arrived, we had a session in my hotel room with the great view of downtown Indy, he went on his way, and I enjoyed the rest of the night.

 

The "control" for me was the who, what, when. I seriously doubt if I could have picked up that particular guy in a bar, if he even goes to bars much. The sense of "power" I felt was the power to arrange to spend time exploring his body, sucking his dick, etc.

 

The session was not everything I had hoped for in terms of sex, although I enjoyed it and got a lot out of it. I certainly did not have anything resembling total control, especially sexual control--he was very self-assured and wouldn't have done anything he wasn't comfortable doing. But I did have a hell of a lot of control over my evening, my sexual experience, who my partner was, and within the range of his comfort zone, what we did. Much more control over the outcome than had I gone out cruising bars, and more control over whose dick I got to suck than had I only gone to the baths.

 

From that experience I learned that if I want to have more control over the total experience, I need to do more research (for example, that escort has no reviews on this site) and have direct communication with the escort (which I didn't have since I went through an agency). That way I can have a much higher liklihood of getting just what I want. "An educated consumer is the best customer." LOL

 

--Drummer

[noviceny]

I usually am not in this area of the MC, but since I am a fairly vanilla guy, i thought I would check it out. This is the first time that I have actually read about a fetish that fits the true criterior for being a fetish.

 

A fetish (when diagnosing it as a disorder) is described as a situation or action, that must be present in order for the individual to enjoy sex. I understand the rationale behind this diagnosis, but dont necessarily agree, or give a shit about it. If a guy has to have a woman's shoe in the room with him in order to enjoy sex, ejaculate, whatever, then whats the harm. Its when the fetish interfers with the person's sex life that it may need to be treated.

 

In this case (and I dont know if cocky even reads this anymore), perhaps there is something you could do to work on this issue, but is it that important to you ? Some people may be curious about why they do what they do, but do you consider it a problem in your life ? If not, and you feel fine, I wouldnt worry much.

 

A caution to those who might seek a psychological answer to this situation. Many psychologists and doctors tend to jump to the diagnosis of bi-polar when then hear of paid sex that indulged in, especially on a regular basis. People think we have come so far. especially in the case of homosexuality and being open minded when diagnosing persons from different cultures/backgrounds...well, we have come a long way, but we still fall short every time we get too comfortable in our own ability to diagnose and judge what is "right" "wrong" and "normal"...we translate that in to "healthy" and that is not always so

[Mark Gordon]

Cash Fags

 

I've come across several clients who have described & explored this fetish with me . They call themselves 'cash fags.' I recently had a client follow me around my apartment on all fours with money in his mouth begging like a dog to be allowed to give it to me. I let him in the end...