Sex and Apple Pie

[Guest roninx]

I was just watching American Pie on DVD and was watching the scene with the pie.

 

It got me thinking . . .what other "items" have you "practiced" with. ...

 

Any good suggestions?

[Guest roninx]

I was just watching American Pie on DVD and was watching the scene with the pie.

 

It got me thinking . . .what other "items" have you "practiced" with. ...

 

Any good suggestions?

[Guest BenDover]

All right!! Some serious sex-talk again. I was getting worried we had forgotten what this board was about. Here are some of my favorite sex-deli items:

Raw calves liver, heated for 15 seconds in the microwave

Cucumbers, fresh out of the garden after a day in the sun

Kittens

Tapioca pudding (real, not boxed)

Real truffles (the smell alone sends me over the top)

My dog's fuck-pillow

Crunchy peanut butter

My mother's candy apple red lipstick

[Guest BenDover]

All right!! Some serious sex-talk again. I was getting worried we had forgotten what this board was about. Here are some of my favorite sex-deli items:

Raw calves liver, heated for 15 seconds in the microwave

Cucumbers, fresh out of the garden after a day in the sun

Kittens

Tapioca pudding (real, not boxed)

Real truffles (the smell alone sends me over the top)

My dog's fuck-pillow

Crunchy peanut butter

My mother's candy apple red lipstick

[Traveller]

>Raw calves liver, heated for 15 seconds in the

>microwave

 

This is a nice treat for Slurpy to get the taste of crunchy peanut butter out of his mouth. You're a real nice dog owner. (See below.)

 

>Cucumbers, fresh out of the garden after a day in the sun

 

After you've shoved them up your ass, don't they get stuck when they're all mushy like that? Hold on, you must have the truffle pigs eat them out of you before you pork them; and the tapioca trick to entice them, sweet. (See below.)

 

>Kittens

 

After you've fucked the kittens, do you put them in the microwave with the calves liver to see how much you've cum once they've exploded? Does Slurpy like the taste of warm cum and liver? (See above and below.)

 

>Tapioca pudding (real, not boxed)

 

I must admit that I didn't get the tapioca until someone told me that you casually mentioned to them that you eat tapioca pudding (real, not boxed) about 12 hours before your need the pigs to eat out your ass. This loosens things up and passes the pudding out while mixing it with the mushy cucumbers. Something, I gather, that your average truffle pig goes wild over. (See above and below.)

 

>Real truffles (the smell alone sends me over the

>top)

 

I now know that the truffles were just a ruse. It's really the truffle-smelling pigs that you love to pork. And my God, I didn't realize they couldn't resist tapioca laced shit mixed with mushy cucumbers. (See above.)

 

>My dog's fuck-pillow

 

But I thought you told me that you spread the crunchy peanut butter (see immediately succeeding) on your dick and had Slurpy lick it off. I see, you use the fuck pillow to wipe of his saliva. Smart.

 

>Crunchy peanut butter

 

(See above.) Note that you told me to remind you that your dog, Slurpy, liked Jiff rather than Skippy and to get the extra large size so that you can easily keep grabbing it by the fist full out of the jar.

 

>My mother's candy apple red lipstick

 

Boy you must have a super tight bung hole. Wait a second, you probably mean that you sit on the candied apple after you applied your mother's red lipstick to your rim. Almost fooled me this time. This must be the dessert after all of the above.

 

Later.

 

PS. If you haven't read the thread in The Lounge entitled "Escorts wearing baseball caps," I strongly urge you to do so. Especially note posts 41, 42 and 43. I've printed them out and enclosed them with my Xmas cards. They really convey that Holiday Spirit!

[Traveller]

>Raw calves liver, heated for 15 seconds in the

>microwave

 

This is a nice treat for Slurpy to get the taste of crunchy peanut butter out of his mouth. You're a real nice dog owner. (See below.)

 

>Cucumbers, fresh out of the garden after a day in the sun

 

After you've shoved them up your ass, don't they get stuck when they're all mushy like that? Hold on, you must have the truffle pigs eat them out of you before you pork them; and the tapioca trick to entice them, sweet. (See below.)

 

>Kittens

 

After you've fucked the kittens, do you put them in the microwave with the calves liver to see how much you've cum once they've exploded? Does Slurpy like the taste of warm cum and liver? (See above and below.)

 

>Tapioca pudding (real, not boxed)

 

I must admit that I didn't get the tapioca until someone told me that you casually mentioned to them that you eat tapioca pudding (real, not boxed) about 12 hours before your need the pigs to eat out your ass. This loosens things up and passes the pudding out while mixing it with the mushy cucumbers. Something, I gather, that your average truffle pig goes wild over. (See above and below.)

 

>Real truffles (the smell alone sends me over the

>top)

 

I now know that the truffles were just a ruse. It's really the truffle-smelling pigs that you love to pork. And my God, I didn't realize they couldn't resist tapioca laced shit mixed with mushy cucumbers. (See above.)

 

>My dog's fuck-pillow

 

But I thought you told me that you spread the crunchy peanut butter (see immediately succeeding) on your dick and had Slurpy lick it off. I see, you use the fuck pillow to wipe of his saliva. Smart.

 

>Crunchy peanut butter

 

(See above.) Note that you told me to remind you that your dog, Slurpy, liked Jiff rather than Skippy and to get the extra large size so that you can easily keep grabbing it by the fist full out of the jar.

 

>My mother's candy apple red lipstick

 

Boy you must have a super tight bung hole. Wait a second, you probably mean that you sit on the candied apple after you applied your mother's red lipstick to your rim. Almost fooled me this time. This must be the dessert after all of the above.

 

Later.

 

PS. If you haven't read the thread in The Lounge entitled "Escorts wearing baseball caps," I strongly urge you to do so. Especially note posts 41, 42 and 43. I've printed them out and enclosed them with my Xmas cards. They really convey that Holiday Spirit!

[Guest cp8036]

Trav,

Pretty funny. Was some good stuff this time, eh?

[Guest cp8036]

Trav,

Pretty funny. Was some good stuff this time, eh?

[Traveller]

In between making a reverse QTIP election and drafting a zeroed-out GRAT. Fun stuff.

 

Later.

[Traveller]

In between making a reverse QTIP election and drafting a zeroed-out GRAT. Fun stuff.

 

Later.