Internet Interpersonal Interactions

August 27, 2001

>Spendlove: Thank you so much

>for proving my point!

>The sarcastic, condescending way in

>which you misinterpreted the entire

>point of my post,

The responsibility for communicating your ideas is yours, not mine, and if I or others do not grasp whatever it is you are trying to communicate you should re-think your methods. If I did indeed misinterpret what you said then it should be clear to you that the ones you are now using aren't working.

>and

>the way you mocked and

>judged the things that I

>like to post about,

I mocked nothing. I honestly do not understand why you and a few others here constantly describe, unasked by anyone, your own sexual habits. Why do you do it? Is it some sort of fetish? I am looking for information here. I thought that was the purpose of this board. Obviously you don't agree.

>are

>both things you likely would

>not have done to a

>complete stranger person to person

>in a discussion... unless you

>are a complete ass (which

>is possible). Message boards give

>people license to act with

>bad manners because there are

>no physical cues to promote

>some restraint. You can't

>tell that I might look

>like someone whose feelings are

>easily hurt, or someone whom

>you might like, or someone

>who might kick your ass...

>so you go ahead and

>disagree with my post in

>a rude, obnoxious, and provocative

>manner.

You are not my mentor in manners or in any other area of behavior. I need not and do not abide by your definition of what constitutes proper conduct. If you can't stand to hear people's opinions of what you post then stop posting. You can simply talk to yourself. That way no one will ever disagree with you.

And the fact

>that you say this happens

>on all message boards is

>exactly what I was saying

>in my first post!

>This is a prevalent problem,

>and you appear to be

>part of it.

If there is a problem here I think it consists of the desire of a few people to control what others say. This is another kind of behavior that I have never been able to understand. Why do you do it?

August 27, 2001

I agree with Marc Anthony and you: Internet gives the possibility to discuss subjects anonymously, which we cannot do in other sites or venues. Unfortunately, it is also easy to abuse and can be taken as a tool for other intentions. I was member of this site in 1999 and part of 2000: it was a promissing, small, honest site, and HooBoy took good care of it: flames and tangencial attacks did not happen frequently. When back, I see that M4M has grown considerably and is becoming more and more successfull. This is good and I congratulate HooBoy for is enterprise. The sad part is success and expansion bring lots of other problems too: it is more difficult to control and since everybody can participate, MANY time subjects and threads go derailed, sometimes reaching quite obnoxious levels. In other words, the level of discussion has considerably watered down. Worst at all, it has been loosing credibility and not even the reviews of escorts are as reliable to me as they were in the pass.

PS: My language is Spanish and I do my best with the English I know and I would kindly appreciate not been flamed because of this--a very sensistive subject--. I must just add few more thoughts for the thread below on "Grammar and Spelling" (don't want to get into that thread: too many upseting things are been said there and I can lose my temper easily). A person can make spelling and grammar mistakes easily when writing fast (particulalrly if the subject is involving or the writter must be deeply hurt for a sarcastic and downright comment from other member). Foreigner like me are often misspelling (and it does not mean necessarily luck of education). Some people is just careless and not correct there posts--it has happened to me in Spanish when writing fast). And of course there are people who do not write well (even some of my good graduate students make mistakes and typos in there papers, but they also have the right to say.. In any case, this should not be used as a pretext for bashing.

PS: I sincerely apologize for my English again.

PS: This is not an attack to HooBoy, quite the contrary. It is just that success grows like a monster with several heads that goes out of control.

August 27, 2001

I agree with Marc Anthony and you: Internet gives the possibility to discuss subjects anonymously, which we cannot do in other sites or venues. Unfortunately, it is also easy to abuse and can be taken as a tool for other intentions. I was member of this site in 1999 and part of 2000: it was a promissing, small, honest site, and HooBoy took good care of it: flames and tangencial attacks did not happen frequently. When back, I see that M4M has grown considerably and is becoming more and more successfull. This is good and I congratulate HooBoy for is enterprise. The sad part is success and expansion bring lots of other problems too: it is more difficult to control and since everybody can participate, MANY time subjects and threads go derailed, sometimes reaching quite obnoxious levels. In other words, the level of discussion has considerably watered down. Worst at all, it has been loosing credibility and not even the reviews of escorts are as reliable to me as they were in the pass.

PS: My language is Spanish and I do my best with the English I know and I would kindly appreciate not been flamed because of this--a very sensistive subject--. I must just add few more thoughts for the thread below on "Grammar and Spelling" (don't want to get into that thread: too many upseting things are been said there and I can lose my temper easily). A person can make spelling and grammar mistakes easily when writing fast (particulalrly if the subject is involving or the writter must be deeply hurt for a sarcastic and downright comment from other member). Foreigner like me are often misspelling (and it does not mean necessarily luck of education). Some people is just careless and not correct there posts--it has happened to me in Spanish when writing fast). And of course there are people who do not write well (even some of my good graduate students make mistakes and typos in there papers, but they also have the right to say.. In any case, this should not be used as a pretext for bashing.

PS: I sincerely apologize for my English again.

PS: This is not an attack to HooBoy, quite the contrary. It is just that success grows like a monster with several heads that goes out of control.

marc anthony · August 27, 2001

Eric: Great observation. Res ipsa liquitor (the facts speak for themselves). This is now a MODERATED forum... another example where bad manners could not be controlled by individuals, so it is now controlled by outsiders.

marc anthony · August 27, 2001

Eric: Great observation. Res ipsa liquitor (the facts speak for themselves). This is now a MODERATED forum... another example where bad manners could not be controlled by individuals, so it is now controlled by outsiders.

marc anthony · August 27, 2001

Spendlove: I don't know what to make of you. You claim that you don't understand why people persist in discussing their sexual habits... you are asking this about member of a Male for Male escort message board???

And you are right that I am not your mentor in good manners. It is just my opinion that you have none (or at least your 2 posts on this thread are devoid of them). Being that I began this post and truly believe what I wrote... that good manners is seriously lacking in internet message boards... I will attempt to practice what I preach and not engage in a cyber brawl with you, as your behavior has helped validate my point.

Certainly my topic holds some interest to some people who have contributed meaningful dialogue to the issue. And I will continue to converse with them about topics of our choice... a CONDITIONAL right that is ours on this board (as long as HOOBOY, the owner of this bandwidth, continues to invite us to his cyber home).

marc anthony · August 27, 2001

Spendlove: I don't know what to make of you. You claim that you don't understand why people persist in discussing their sexual habits... you are asking this about member of a Male for Male escort message board???

And you are right that I am not your mentor in good manners. It is just my opinion that you have none (or at least your 2 posts on this thread are devoid of them). Being that I began this post and truly believe what I wrote... that good manners is seriously lacking in internet message boards... I will attempt to practice what I preach and not engage in a cyber brawl with you, as your behavior has helped validate my point.

Certainly my topic holds some interest to some people who have contributed meaningful dialogue to the issue. And I will continue to converse with them about topics of our choice... a CONDITIONAL right that is ours on this board (as long as HOOBOY, the owner of this bandwidth, continues to invite us to his cyber home).

August 27, 2001

>The

>anonymity of the message board

>post and the lack of

>normal social restraint because of

>missing visual and auditory contact

>have made message board squabbles

>the rule rather than the

>exception!

I don't agree with this theory at all. I have served on juries and have spoken with many other people who have served on juries. The same behavior that you are talking about is very common in jury rooms where people are not anonymous, are sitting only a few feet away from each other, and are well aware that they will be spending a lot of time together in the coming days or weeks. In the first trial of the Menendez brothers, for example, the jurors nearly came to blows on several occasions. There is an excellent story about this sort of thing in yesterday's New York Times Magazine.

I think the common element has nothing to do with the internet but with the fact that people behave differently in situations in which they do not have relationships with each other that make them care how others react to their words. The internet is one such situation but it is far from the only one.

>This is a

>board intended for discussions about

>cute boys and escorts... something

>very dear to virtually every

>poster.

That's true, so why are there so many, many threads NOT about escorts but about the message board itself, such as this one?

August 27, 2001

>The

>anonymity of the message board

>post and the lack of

>normal social restraint because of

>missing visual and auditory contact

>have made message board squabbles

>the rule rather than the

>exception!

I don't agree with this theory at all. I have served on juries and have spoken with many other people who have served on juries. The same behavior that you are talking about is very common in jury rooms where people are not anonymous, are sitting only a few feet away from each other, and are well aware that they will be spending a lot of time together in the coming days or weeks. In the first trial of the Menendez brothers, for example, the jurors nearly came to blows on several occasions. There is an excellent story about this sort of thing in yesterday's New York Times Magazine.

I think the common element has nothing to do with the internet but with the fact that people behave differently in situations in which they do not have relationships with each other that make them care how others react to their words. The internet is one such situation but it is far from the only one.

>This is a

>board intended for discussions about

>cute boys and escorts... something

>very dear to virtually every

>poster.

That's true, so why are there so many, many threads NOT about escorts but about the message board itself, such as this one?

marc anthony · August 27, 2001

Pickwick: Good point. I think not caring about what others think is a big part of the hostility one sees on the message boards. But I think the anonymity has a large part to do with the "not caring what people think" part. You can find examples, such as jury rooms, where discussions turn ugly and turn into brawls. You can find that in any social gatherings. But those are rare enough that they become newsworthy. Internet brawling is so common that many expect it... or come to the board to see it... In my opinion it is far more prevalent on the internet than in any other social setting. It is harmless enough if left only in cyberspace, but what happens to our society if we start to accept the same kinds of behavior in person-to-person social interactions as we do on the internet?

marc anthony · August 27, 2001

Pickwick: Good point. I think not caring about what others think is a big part of the hostility one sees on the message boards. But I think the anonymity has a large part to do with the "not caring what people think" part. You can find examples, such as jury rooms, where discussions turn ugly and turn into brawls. You can find that in any social gatherings. But those are rare enough that they become newsworthy. Internet brawling is so common that many expect it... or come to the board to see it... In my opinion it is far more prevalent on the internet than in any other social setting. It is harmless enough if left only in cyberspace, but what happens to our society if we start to accept the same kinds of behavior in person-to-person social interactions as we do on the internet?

marc anthony · August 27, 2001

LOL. I am proving my own point!

marc anthony · August 27, 2001

LOL. I am proving my own point!

August 27, 2001

res ipsa loquitur

August 27, 2001

res ipsa loquitur

August 27, 2001

> But I think the

>anonymity has a large part

>to do with the "not

>caring what people think" part.

> You can find examples,

>such as jury rooms, where

>discussions turn ugly and turn

>into brawls. You can

>find that in any social

>gatherings. But those are

>rare enough that they become

>newsworthy.

Sorry, but I don't agree with that. As I believe I said above, contentious behavior is common in jury rooms, not rare. What is rare is that it is reported by the media, since only a small percentage of jury trials, especially civil trials, are considered newsworthy. And this behavior is common despite the fact that the anonymity of internet message boards is not a factor. So anonymity really doesn't explain it. I could also tell some stories about things said at corporate board meetings I have attended. Anonymity has nothing to do with that either. The directors very seldom show up wearing masks.

August 27, 2001

> But I think the

>anonymity has a large part

>to do with the "not

>caring what people think" part.

> You can find examples,

>such as jury rooms, where

>discussions turn ugly and turn

>into brawls. You can

>find that in any social

>gatherings. But those are

>rare enough that they become

>newsworthy.

Sorry, but I don't agree with that. As I believe I said above, contentious behavior is common in jury rooms, not rare. What is rare is that it is reported by the media, since only a small percentage of jury trials, especially civil trials, are considered newsworthy. And this behavior is common despite the fact that the anonymity of internet message boards is not a factor. So anonymity really doesn't explain it. I could also tell some stories about things said at corporate board meetings I have attended. Anonymity has nothing to do with that either. The directors very seldom show up wearing masks.

August 28, 2001

WOW, finally something interesting on this message board. How

many more threads can we endure of the "101 Ways to Eat my Ass"or

others of a self-serving nature. Personally, I get tired of the

juvenile tone of some of the threads and the postings. Some of these guys sound sexually stunted. The same immature sexual

comments over and over...I've begun to wonder if the posters here are grown men or twelve year-old boys.

After working in the sex industry for ten years now, I've found

that I do enjoy discussing sexual issues, but on a more mature

and deeper level. I like to talk about sex and spirituality. I'm

not so easily excited as I was when I was 16 years old.

I had dinner the other evening with Falcon star Matthew Rush,

an escort/friend visiting from NYC and another escort/friend

from Raleigh, N.C. Maybe 10% of our dinner conversation was about

the "business", the rest ran the gamut. I guess my point is that

yes, the Deli is mainly about escorts and the Lounge covers related topics and those totally unrelated. It's the diversity

of the posters and the variety of topics that I find interesting.

And, just as in the Real World, people will have differences of

opinion and the tone may not be so pleasant. I don't want to post

in Mr.Roger's Neighborhood, where everything is saccharine sweet.

I'd like to see passionate discussions about real issues and fewer personal attacks. Over and over again, I've seen a misinterpreted comment spiral out of control...when it could have been easily ignored. Why add fuel to the fire? Question the

comment, but don't attack the poster.

Jeff4hire@aol.com

August 28, 2001