Finding closure 10 years later - found break-up letter.

[viewing ownly]

It can't stop stinging when someone in one's life for a long time suddenly - poof - leaves your life for good. Today doing Summer cleaning I stumbled upon what looked like my ex's handwriting on scratch paper in a box, and now I must wonder if the intent was for me to either never run across it, or have found it earlier in my life. 

While it re-opens wounds seeing in writing how long my ex was in sheer miserable Hell in my company for years, it is a great wake-up call to see what I was doing wrong, but also know not to ever do something so rash to someone else like what was done to me. There was a big age gap between us, and he had a wealth of sexual experience prior to (and during) knowing me. The worst day of my life wasn't the day he was gone, but the day I discovered he was seeing someone else, which was the same day as the Pulse nightclub shooting. Sexual dissatisfaction with me was his biggest peeve. I can understand that there's no reason to keep someone else sexually miserable if I'm unwilling to take steps to alter my body for his preference. Body alteration is never worth saving a relationship.

[+ Just Sayin]

I am sorry this happened to you; be kind and gentle with yourself as you process this

[Becket]

THAT is an experience about which one should write a book. I'd be good processing for you as well.
 

[+ PhileasFogg]

My second divorce was a relief.   But my first one - ending a 25 yr marriage - devastated me at every level.  Afterward, I kept beating myself up for things I might have handled differently.  My ex had issues, but I was disappointed with my response to her behaviors 

Years later, one of her issues received a label and classification as an obscure and rare BPD    She reached out to me and said “I now understand why you reacted in some of the ways you did”

My point is simple - rarely does just one partner bear the responsibility for the end of a relationship…and I suspect that observation applies in your situation too  

 

Edited September 4 by PhileasFogg