How many times is too much to see an escort

[Guest Collie]

I have been seing an escort now about once a month. One month I saw him twice. But I notice when I try to contact him, he calls me back on his terms. Sometimes he doesn't return the page at all and then after a week or so, he will return the page. I always think it is because he really doesn't like me, but then when we have the session he is great...in fact calls me a day or so afterward just to say hello. Last time we were together, three weeks ago I told him that a friend of mine wanted me to see another escort. He said, don't see anyone else....then he repeated it again. I really don't want to, as I like getting to know my partner and all the great exchange that comes with familiarty.......(I hope not contempt). But I called yesterday in the morning and he still has not returned my call over 24 hours later. This is normal with him. Maybe I should just drop him. When I first contacted him, it was the same thing, trying to get him to call back, which made me want him more, even though I had never met him.

 

Do escorts not want to see people regularly, and maybe the anticipation of someone new is part of what keeps the magic going.

I know if I were the escort I would really like steady repeats.

I constantly think it is me.....and then when we get together he says no I shouldn't think that. I am overly sensitive to begin with and this is probably not a venue for me.

[Guest Thunderbuns]

>When I first contacted him, it was

>the same thing, trying to get him to call back, which made

>me want him more, even though I had never met him.

 

>I constantly think it is me.....and then when we get

>together he says no I shouldn't think that. I am overly

>sensitive to begin with and this is probably not a venue for

>me.

 

Sounds like you have a self esteem problem which you should try to work on.

 

Try this on for size - rather than telling him your friend has suggested you see another escort, and having him tell you not to......

SEE another escort when he doesn't return your calls. Then when he finally does call, tell him you can't see him at this point as you have just seen another escort, due to the fact he didn't return your calls. That will probably jolt him into returning your calls promptly if he has any interest in continuing the cash flow from your wallet to his.

 

You are the customer - you are the one forking out the cash - make sure you arein the driver's seat and don't let him jerk you around. He can jerk you off - but not around :-)

 

Thunderbuns

[phage]

>This is normal with him. Maybe I

>should just drop him. When I first contacted him, it was

>the same thing, trying to get him to call back, which made

>me want him more, even though I had never met him.

 

I think you may be over-thinking this. You said it yourself; he has been like this ever since you first contacted him and before you ever met. It sounds like it is simply the way he operates and has nothing to do with you at all.

 

It also sounds like you may be taking it personally because you want him to treat you better than his other clients since you are a regular. In that case, you should talk to him. It can only help to set expectations for both of you. But don’t expect too much. These guys are who they are and it’s silly to try to change them.

 

I’ve been seeing the same escort for quite a while myself. I don’t see him that often, but he’s the only escort I’ve seen in over a year. He’s great and I love the fact that we are comfortable with each other. (I still get nervous before a date, but it’s from anticipation and not the raw nerves I get when a stranger is about to come over.)

 

Long story short. I started over-thinking and got concerned that he might get bored. I’m pretty vanilla and since I see him infrequently, the same old thing is fine with me each time. I mentioned this to him one night and he very graciously reminded me that he was working. It wasn’t a matter of getting bored or not since he wasn’t there for his entertainment in the first place. Nice reality check.

 

Relax. Have a good time. Keep things in perspective and don’t let your emotions run wild.

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Both good points

 

Except that with Thunderbuns point you should see another escort because YOU wish to see this gentlemen, not simply to get a response from the escort you would prefer to see.

 

Personally, I do enjoy repeat business. I work hard to make the experiences different for them but also to remember personal information they have shared for me (their partner's cancer, their daughter's impending SAT test, etc.) and I believe these things make the experience more valuable for them and for me.

[Guest Collie]

Thunderbuns and Phage,

 

Thanks to both of you for the good advice. I am new to hiring escorts and I cannot get it through my head that this is not a date.

You both were absolutely right on. I guess this dude returns calls when he needs money. But I have called other guys and they call back like within fifteen minutes. But I cannot bring myself to book because I like the gig I started with the dude who is independent.

 

In my head I think he waits for Charlie Star to appear in his life and get paid for it, and I am not his cup of tea, blah, blah, blah.

I actually go into a depression when he doesn't call back. And I do have self esteem issues, always did. I was raised from childhood to think I was an unworthy sinner, and Jesus died for my sins. Now I don't believe that shit, but the damage was done. Thanks for the help.

[guyinsf]

I would also add that maybe the guy is just busy. It can take someone a while to get back to you if he's out of town or taking a vacation.

 

That being said, him telling you not to hire anyone else is strange. He makes a living having sex with various men and he is telling you not to hire another escort? It isn't like he's your live in "boy" and you are his "sugar daddy." If for no other reason than his attempt to isolate you from other sexual partners, I suggest that you do explore other escorts. You might find one you like as much if not more.

[Guest lipstick]

I think I understand very well what you're going through, though in my case, the situation involves a LOT of factors, but I think your situation is also complicated and unique. My "problem" is that I have seen this one guy so regularly that I've treated the escort/client relationship almost as a partner/boy-friend. That meant boring sex after awhile and several other complications that I had been ignoring, like not getting out and meeting other folks on my own to both know and connect with. My escort said to me that as much as he enjoyed seeing me and being with me, he was no substitute for a real relationship or boy-friend which is what I would like, but it is in so many ways so much easier just to hire an escort, right?

 

What you have written sounds so familiar to me, so I'm guessing that you too are at loose ends with the idea of a relationship of your own making, and getting too dependent on a convenient, "commercial" one with an escort.

 

So I guess maybe the question is not how many times is too much to see an escort, but WHY do we need to see the same guy so many times?

 

Maybe I'm projecting myself too much into your situation, but I think this type of thing happens more often than guys would like to admit. It also doesn't do a whole bunch of good to make yourself miserable (guess that depends on your misery tolerance level!!!), but this is what I did recently, based on my first escort's recommendation: I hooked up with another escort. (Yes, my escort actually steered away business!!!) The session was great, and I surprised myself that I really did enjoy MORE than vanilla sex, and my energy was at a peak with this guy, and he appeared to really enjoy it himself.

 

That (for me at least) addressed the question/apprehension about my being boring in bed, so there. And yes, there are some other issues we need to work on to make our getogethers more satifying for both parties, if we are to continue to see each other. Sounds like a regular relationship, doesn't it??? But I know it's not.

 

For your escort guy, I can't really say that he seems to have your best interests at heart, which leaves you hanging and hurt. I agree with some of the other comments posted: talk to him mano a mano about this, and I think in short time YOU will be able to tell yourself if this arrangement is worth it to continue on its present course.

 

THAT will be a hard and difficult decision 'cause like all good-hearted people, you have put too much of your heart into this commercial relationship, but you are smart and intuitive enough to know that something not quite right about it.

 

Hey, I wish you luck in whatever you decide. Take care!!

[Guest Thunderbuns]

RE: Both good points

 

>Except that with Thunderbuns point you should see another

>escort because YOU wish to see this gentlemen, not simply to

>get a response from the escort you would prefer to see.

 

What you say is true - my recommendation was a "get even" type of remark. Probably not all that noble but probably quite effective in getting your point across. I know it sounds bitchy - but it is how I would handle the situation. Kind of "fuck you - gently".

 

After I got him into line, so to speak, I would then decide how I wanted to deal with it from there on.

 

Thunderbuns

[ad rian]

I have wondered about this myself from time to time, and have mixed experiences to report. My standard rule is that I should see an escort no more than twice. I find that after twice some escorts start taking you for granted. They don't show up on time. They aren't as careful to be as clean. Having said that, there are exceptions that prove the rule. I have some regulars who I have seen many more times, and the sex and rapport keeps getting better. My point is that I think know by the second time whether I am dealing with an exception or a rule.

[Orson Kane]

I suspect that escorts do appreciate repeat clients, in part for the steady income and also just to know what the client wants and how to best interact with him. Having said that, it is probably best not to see any one escort too much or too frequently. Although escorts are great guys (at least the ones I have met), they do have real lives and know you as a business client who compensates them for their services. There are necessarily limits on how involved an escort can really get with a client and they probably get a bit tired of any one client after too many visits.

 

Maybe this particular escort is a bit tired of you or maybe he is just busy or otherwise slow to return his calls. If you are not happy with this aspect of his service, move on to another escort and see given this guy less of your business. He sounds like a good escort, so his service would probably be just as good if you saw hime less often and saw some other escorts in between.

 

My two cents!

[Guest Merlin]

After I have hired an escort several times, I find him less of a turn on. I think the same is probably for an escort. Your escort probably wants to keep the business, but it is probably less enjoyable than it once was. This is not a reflection upon you personally. I suggest you start hiring other escorts, particularly when you favorite is not available. You will probably find others you like at least as well.

[Guest elwood]

Collie..what you express seems honest and probably not uncommon ..and I feel that you have recieved some great advice from phage,merlin,thunderbuns. Please don't mistake the escort/client relationship for more than just that. Good escorts are professionals.They are good at making you feel good.They are WORTH a reasonable fee. Even "less than good" escorts may be hot on an impulse. But in NO CASE can you buy anything like love or friendship. And based upon your honest comments..I rather suspect that you do not need to purchase friends..I bet you have many..who appreciate and love you...which...alas...does not mean having sex with you.aye..there's the rub. BUT...good news..YES you can purchase the sex..and in the bargain..meet some great people as well.

Just don't get so carried away that you pay too much in either money or anxiety. Just some comments from a guy probably not unlike you. Best of luck.

[pacnwescort]

>

>

>Do escorts not want to see people regularly, and maybe the

>anticipation of someone new is part of what keeps the magic

>going.

>I know if I were the escort I would really like steady

>repeats.

>

 

Seems like there are several different reasons people hire escorts, and the answer about "how many times is too much" depends on what the reason is. With most clients I see, I can usually boil their reason for hiring me down to two things, one of which is explicit and the other of which isn't.

 

The obvious reason to hire an escort is sex. For clients that like the variety and excitement of "the hunt," once is often enough, and they will never call again, regardless of how good a time they had. Other clients seem to find an escort they like, and keep seeing him for months or even years. Sometimes its just because the sex is consistently good and easy (if not cheap - LOL). Other times, the escort may fill a particular sexual need that the client's partner doesn't - they like to top, or bottom, or cuddle, or their partner is a woman and the client likes cock, or whatever. These are the clients I love to have as regulars - the consistent income is great, both parties are clear about what they are getting (which is basically good sex), and everything just flows. Even here, it seems like eventually the bloom leaves the rose and what was once good sex starts to.........um, go bad, or at least get boring.

 

The less obvious reason I think clients hire escorts is "development:" namely, their own. Examples in my experience include clients that are just coming out, or getting over the painful end of a relationship, or trying to figure out how to make their relationship with their current partner more interesting or at least more bearable. As horrible as it sounds for an escort to think he knows something about human psychology, it seems like you sorta have to know something about people to navigate these kinds of client relationships, because the sex is only part of it, and maybe not the most important part. Development suggests change, so it also suggests the relationship with the escort has to change or even end for the client to ultimately get what he wants.

 

I've been thinking about this because I just got "fired" today by a client I really like. I have seen him 5 times in about 3 months, either for 3-4 hour sessions or overnight. Before we met, he had had very little sex since the breakup of a long-term relationship a few years ago, obviously by his own choice, because it really hurt him. The first time we met, we spent a few hours talking, in which he talked about his healing process in a new-agey sort of way, and a few hours making love, in which we didn't talk about a fucking thing. However, we didn't fuck, because he said he had a very hard time getting and keeping an erection. We did about every other thing in the book, and he left with a huge smile on his face and muttered, "I'm back." At the end of the third session, which included the most incredibly sensual bath I have ever had, he informed me that he was seeing a doctor that day to get a prescription for Viagra, which I said was a great idea. The next day he called to ask me to squeeze in another session before I left town. Well, speaking of squeezing in.......he fucked me, and he fucked me, and he fucked me some more. It was sort of like I would imagine childbirth, both in terms of the kind of emotional peak he experienced, and in terms of the pain I felt deep in my ass afterwards.

 

Well, today we got together again, about a month later, and it turns out the guy has been meeting and - you guessed it - fucking hot guys all over the West. At the end of a very fun 3 hour session, he looked me straight in the eyes and said, "I knew this relationship would have a beginning and an end, and I think this is the end." I smiled and replied, "Isn't is great we can be honest with each other?" And it was. Then he invited me to call him anytime if I want to have coffee off the clock. I guess some things never change. Clients always want something for free!

 

I guess you could say the moral of the story is that life is better with the little blue pill. Beyond that, though, this guy knew exactly what he was doing. He is a consultant to corporate executives, and he is about as strategic and self-aware as you can get. But I suspect many other clients I meet are doing the same sorts of things - figuring stuff out about themselves - in their own way, and at their own pace.

 

My final thought is that the same two reasons clients hire escorts seems to explain why escorts agree to be hired by clients, or at least why I do. I definitely love sex. To paraphrase Justin from Queer As Folk, "You have no idea how far having a nice ass (and body) has gotten me." But I also know that I end relationships with clients when it feels like things are stuck, and I know I will stop escorting when it stops being about my development. Even with hot guys, I've never been good at making relationships work more than a few weeks when it is JUST about the sex. With escorting, if it were just about the sex, it would have lasted a matter of months. When it goes deeper than that, I guess the real trick is knowing when to say, "That's enough. Time to move on."

[Guest Bitchboy]

With escorting,

>if it were just about the sex, it would have lasted a matter

>of months. When it goes deeper than that, I guess the real

>trick is knowing when to say, "That's enough. Time to move

>on."

 

Definitely one of the more astute escorts on these forums. Sounds like a winner to me. Come east, young man, come east ...

[Guest Willy]

>Then he invited me to call him anytime if I want to

>have coffee off the clock. I guess some things never

>change. Clients always want something for free!

 

I thought your post was excellent, a true classic, so don't take this comment to indicate anything more than a quibble. I think when the client invited you to call him and have coffee off the clock, he might have been telling you that he likes you apart from your work.

 

Or maybe he did want something for free, who knows. The first escort I ever hired was a college student in Washington, D.C. and when I left he said he'd really like to hear from me again even if it wasn't a client/escort thing.

 

I still feel bad for not calling him again. Frankly, the sex didn't do much for me but he seemed like a nice kid who I'd have liked to know in a different context. My experience is that there is a certain kind of escort who I might call a lonely traveler looking to make a human connection in the world. Oh well ...

[Guest 7Zach]

think there's a connection between his call backs and his cash flow?

[Guest endoman31]

I have 2 regular escorts. I try to see each once a month. sometimes the calls are not returned immediatly, but then I am looking to plan in advance. When funds permit I play the field, trying a new face (cock). Many times I am terribly disappointed, appreciating my regulars even more.:+

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

>

>Try this on for size - rather than telling him your friend

>has suggested you see another escort, and having him tell

>you not to......

>SEE another escort when he doesn't return your calls. Then

>when he finally does call, tell him you can't see him at

>this point as you have just seen another escort,

 

TB, you've got this exactly right up to this point. Collie, don't hang your hat on one peg, it reinforces your disapointment and his 'in control' behavior.

 

>due to the

>fact he didn't return your calls.

 

Don't go here though... turns it openly into retribution and potential confrontation -- too personal -- opens up too many avenues of emotions/motivations on both sides. Keep it business-like in tone " you weren't available so I went down my list..." You may also indicate that it is only natural that those more responsive are likely to get the first call. Reassure him that he is still on your call list. It may matter to him -- if not then remove him from your regular call list, conduct interviews, and add names. :-)

 

This has happened to many of us, I'm confident. These minor disappointments happen. If it persists then it is better to move on than to let it become a major disappointment down the road.