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How do I stay present for the Act?


jstlooknthx
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I think I'm in an odd, if not silly mental state. I never really hire anymore. I never really hook up anymore. I work all the time. Finances are tighter. Though I never really was into full on ,acrobatic, gay circus sex in the first place. I just find myself really missing the contact with a sexy man.

 

My dilema is that the last few times I did hire, I wasn't quite present for the act. I kind of leave my body, like Diane Keaton in Annie Hall,(for those of you who even get that reference)I'm not there to enjoy it. I'm at the point in my life that if I'm putting out the dough I want to enjoy it! Anybody have any idea what I'm talking about? Any ideas how to 'stay in the room' when I hire?

 

You know, If I may ramble on a bit longer, I think the lack of venues these day has a lot to do with it. There was a time when I could actually meet and see if there was any sexual chemistry with a guy at a bar. Chemistry is so much more important to me than looks. A certain look in a guy's eye can set off that adrenaline in my gut. A pic on line is just that, a nice pic.

 

Any advice from the panel?

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I, too, am not a therapist. But, I used to do volunteer work with Adults Molested as Children (AMACs). Disassociation was a common theme during their sexual encounters. Perhaps it was a touch, the tongue in the ear, or just they way their partner breathed that triggered a response.

 

AMACs would often talk about performing sexually but not being present in the experience.

 

I'm not suggesting that you were molested and that's the reason for your disassociation. But, it could be the unconcious memory from a former partner that is triggering the response. Perhaps it a deep-seated feeling of guilt or shame associated with hiring someone for companionship.

 

I certainly think it's worth investigating. I can't imagine paying for an experience and not being present. Not a good thing.

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Well that is certainly food for thought. No molestation, that I know of. Many years and many therapists gone by and no trace of it. I did lose my parents early in life. Too early to quite understand it all I think. I may have learned to 'check out' instead of feel all the emotions going on.

With regards to this sexual issue, I just don't get it. I mean good or bad isn't sex one of the things we use to check out and get away from our stress?

Honestly, I wrote this post because I thought this was more common, especially when hiring. I was looking for a new perspective that might bring back my ability to enjoy it.

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..sexual abuse isn't the only cause of dissociation....staying present during situations that require trust or can inspire vulnerability is difficult for many of us with difficult childhood experiences....there are therapeutic technigues to help you stay grounded in your skin and connected to your experience...ask you therapist to learn them if she/he doesn't know them....also EMDR is very useful in the area of repressed memories....google it and read francine shapiro's stuff....hope it helps... i've been been there, too, and know how disappointing it can be to pay for an experience you can hardly recall

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"...... I think the lack of venues these day has a lot to do with it. There was a time when I could actually meet and see if there was any sexual chemistry with a guy at a bar..."

 

I can relate to this part of your comments. Hiring an escort whom you have never seen until he arrives at your house is a very different experience that the mutual attraction that develops at a bar. Have you ever hooked up with someone in a Hustler bar whom you found sexy? I understand that Hustler bars are few and far between these days.

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>"...... I think the lack of venues these day has a lot

>to do with it. There was a time when I could actually meet and

>see if there was any sexual chemistry with a guy at a

>bar..."

>

>I can relate to this part of your comments. Hiring an escort

>whom you have never seen until he arrives at your house is a

>very different experience that the mutual attraction that

>develops at a bar. Have you ever hooked up with someone in a

>Hustler bar whom you found sexy? I understand that Hustler

>bars are few and far between these days.

 

 

IF you TRY to FORCE a connection usually the PSYCHE will rebel. IF I am FORCED to FAKE it ...I do NOT REALLY WANT TO DO IT AT ALL. Role-playing is the best solution. CREATE a scenerio that you wish to experience. Cast your partner based on experience in this type of play....AND your PERSONAL PREFERENCE/KINK. CREATE a scenerio you CAN GET INTO. GET EXTRA CREDIT with TEACHER? CONVINCING BOSS not to FIRE YOU? GETTING a STARS AUTOGRAPH? TRAPPED with a THUG? SEDUCING your SON-IN-LAW? JAIL CELL RAPE? READ some PAST REVIEWS for ideas. (EXAMPLE: ACE in Las Vegas has some INTERESTING Theatrical PLAY.) ANY ACTOR KNOWS...To STAY in the SCENE...you PLAY/STRESS the "ACTION"...what is your GOAL in the scenerio. THINK/FOCUS on I MUST do THIS to ACHIEVE my GOAL...FOCUS on what you WANT in the MOMENT in the SCENERIO you CREATE. FURTHERMORE, CREATE the SCENERIO with a CREATIVE sense of FUN and EXPERIMENTATION...and THEN you will ENJOY the EXPERIENCE.

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Don't know who you've hired. But there are some highly touted professionals around who are reputed to be able to break through barriers, including, perhaps, this one. By "highly touted", I mean guys who are described this way by multiple clients of varying types. With some of these guys you could probably discuss the issue in advance and get an opinion from them about whether they think they can help.

 

Good luck!

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