Tax Time

[+ deej]

This was in my inbox. Thought it might give a chuckle.

 

It's that time of year again...

 

 

 

The IRS decides to audit Norm, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Norm shows up with his attorney.

 

The auditor says, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.”

 

“I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Norm. “How about a demonstration?” The auditor thinks for a moment and said, “Okay. Go ahead.”

 

Norm says, “I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.” The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It's a bet.”

 

Norm removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

 

Norm says, “Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.” Now the auditor can tell Norm isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

 

Norm removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Norm's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

 

“Want to go double or nothing?” Norm asks. “I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”

 

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

 

Norm stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

 

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

 

But Norm's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. “Are you okay?” the auditor asks.

 

“Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when Norm told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it.”