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A LITTLE HUMOR TO START YOUR DAY


jackhammer91406
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A Little Humor To Start Your Day.

 

 

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow

for the puppies, Dallas and Smokey, at Wal-Mart and

was about to check out.

 

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

 

On impulse, I told her no, I didn't have a dog, and

that I was starting the Purina Diet again.

 

Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in

the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds

before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes

coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both

arms.

 

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and

that the way that it works is to load your pants

pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two

every time you feel hungry and that the food is

nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

 

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in

the line was by now enthralled with my story.

 

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care

because the dog food poisoned me.

 

I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish

Setter's butt, and a car hit us both.

 

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart

attack, he was laughing so hard!

 

WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore!!!

 

( wish I could take credit for this… someone sent it to me.)

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Very funny story. I googled it and it came back to the Purina Dog Chow website. There I found many other funny stories, such as these:

Life as a Turkey

 

 

 

When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,

My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop;

Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,

And he told me there was something that I had to know.

 

His look and his tone I will always remember,

When he told me of the horrors of ... Black November;

"Come about August, now listen to me,

Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three."

 

"And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin,

And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin;

And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,

In will burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head."

 

"Then she'll pluck out your feathers so you're bald 'n pink,

And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink;

And then comes the worst part," he said not bluffing,

She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing!"

 

 

Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat,

I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat;

I decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,

I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked.

 

I began a new diet of nuts and granola,

High-roughage salads, juice and diet cola;

And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes,

I stayed in my room doing exercise tapes.

 

I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,

And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed;

But 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath,

As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death.

 

And sure enough when Black November rolled around,

I was the last turkey left in the entire compound!

So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap,

I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap.

 

She held me today, while sewing and humming,

And smiled at me and said

"Christmas is coming ...

Edited by gunga-din

 

 

Re: Clean Silly Coffee Humor

 

dccat101

Frequent Contributor

Posts: 4719

Registered: 10-12-2006

 

A blonde joke

 

 

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door

neighbor's dog.? It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.

 

The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this."?

She goes downstairs.

 

The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, "The dog

is still barking, what have you been doing?"

 

The blonde says, "I put the dog in OUR backyard, let's just see how

THEY like it."

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