Has anyone “abandoned” the gay scene, and simply escort/hire?

[Mocha]

...because I feel I’m getting near to that point. As in, cutting bars, cutting social networks, etc. Despite it being Pride month, and it’s the time to give “reverence” to those who fought for our rights, I don’t feel any spirit of “Pride”.

 

When I look back over the past couple years, it seems like every time I meet a gay guy outside of my clients/escort network, it always ends up drama and disappointment. It’s almost like every few weeks, I’m being let down by someone I trusted or started to get to know. The most recent was last week, prior to that was just a month before.

 

I’m starting to feel the only way to keep drama and disappointment out of my “space” is to avoid any gay associations that’s not related to work. I just don’t know what it is, but whenever I try to cultivate new friendships/relationships in the “scene”, it rarely lasts, and it’s always someone with a 1 track mind. Either they just want to fuck, or they claim to be a “friend”, but end up being 2 faced, or constantly critical, put downs, competing for each other’s dudes etc. (especially and mainly from other gay black men).

 

I’m just tired of it. I now see why some guys I come across, they never go out, they’re not out looking to meet people. They seem closed off, but considering the type of characters out here to contend with, it’s no wonder.

 

I wonder how this would affect business. Would I become a more focused, ambitious companion, or would I need to find ways to compensate for the potential drop in social life.

 

Edit: Even if I do, I would plan to keep all existing friends/fuck buddies (unless they too happen to drop off). I don’t want to be that person to cut off people for no reason. But seems like I need to discern all else.

Edited June 13, 2019 by Mocha

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

For a community that so desperately wants equality, we inner-segregate to a point of absurdity.

 

My current home city (Dallas) is far from ideal if you're wanting a welcoming, connected gay community. I find that going out 'in the scene' is something I do very rarely. I had initially tried to get involved with the fundraising groups (HRC, Black Tie, DIFFA), but they too ended up being just as inclusive and judgmental as the bar scene... No bueno.

 

I have a group of friends here who serve me well. It makes Dallas tolerable.

[Mocha]

For a community that so desperately wants equality, we inner-segregate to a point of absurdity.

 

My current home city (Dallas) is far from ideal if you're wanting a welcoming, connected gay community. I find that going out 'in the scene' is something I do very rarely. I had initially tried to get involved with the fundraising groups (HRC, Black Tie, DIFFA), but they too ended up being just as inclusive and judgmental as the bar scene... No bueno.

 

I have a group of friends here who serve me well. It makes Dallas tolerable.

 

Exactly. Now, despite me ragging on Dallas before...I can say I really did miss some of my running buddy friends out there. Even now, I still have 1 friend remaining there: older white guy, and he was my photographer the whole time I was there. He’s also not into the “scene” so to speak.

 

But otherwise, some of the other interactions I’ve had have been borderline “toxic”. The latest choice words I’ve been called by other gay men (and I’m not even referring to the some of the mean girls of the forum lol):

 

• Fuck you Physcho (spelled as such)
  
• Maybe you should shoot yourself (came from a guy who sleeps with a gun next to his bed).
  

Granted, I did “let them have it”, so I may have egged them on. But only after they crossed me, and I was just letting them know I wasn’t going to tolerate it. These were both guys who I had hung out with several times (though not for long, not even a month), and even trusted with personal thoughts. It just goes to show how quickly some can switch and change up.

 

But then I think about how is it that I have clients I’ve known for 2, 4, 6 years...and still communicate and schedule sessions today. Even when it seemed like they drift off for awhile, they come back around. I have a Las Vegas trip coming up with a client who I went to Las Vegas with back in 2015, and met a few times.

 

Yet, these guys I’m meeting off apps and clubs aren’t even around for a month. Two weeks. Occasionally I’ll have someone stick around for a few months, but even one of my latest running buddy friends, began to get on my nerves with the smallest things (like telling me I need get my car serviced in Orlando instead of wasting gas going all the way to Tampa). So I cut him off too.

 

Part of me is wondering if perhaps I need to deal with gay interactions differently. I think I’m taking them too seriously. If I don’t abandon the gay scene, the next best bet is to just deal with gay guys on a 1 or 2 time basis only (unless they are clients, of course). Because it pretty much seems that after I meet someone once or twice, they start changing up and getting complacent. In dating, they don’t want to put the effort to make anything work, you ask them for a little bit of clarity, they get all chicken shit and avoidant. With friendships, they start seeing me as a competitor or do things to try to knock down my self esteem.

 

Like fuck, why do I need that? Lol. As prejudice as it may seem: I find of all races, the Latino guys seem to be the most consistent across the board. Not all, but many. They’re not out to sabotage like some of the other guys. If they aren’t feeling you, they’ll usually just slip away respectfully (though I wish some of them were more open about their feelings). But the Black and White gays (maybe it’s more of American thing), they can just be straight up trifling lol.

[BgMstr4u]

I have a group of friends here who serve me well.

 

Thank you, Benjamin. I think this is the secret no matter where you are. No external environment by itself can provide what we need if the need comes from within us. There are obviously places where it is objectively better to be gay than others. But the real secret to happiness, no matter where we are, is to create places and times we enjoy and invite friends into them, sharing ourselves with them, building them up, making what we already have better, growing into goodness together.

[+ 7829V]

[+ E.T.Bass]

I attend the symphony with a straight bud! Plays too. And dinner. So I get a good dose of "no gay scene."

[Walker1]

Yes. I have been all over the place. Raised in small town where nobody even talked about being gay-it just didn't exist as a possibility. being a rather effeminate kid and gay was tough. Those days did not have access to the net either.

 

Then moved to a rather liberal area and became open, but also balloned in weight and developed a drag queen persona-which really wasn't me-but helped me. Lots of sex. Then slowly got very tired of the scene and the fakeness and somehow had kids-through scientific means . Moved clsoer to family and now practically cut off from the scene-though am openly gay. Just being a single parent, job just tire me out, so just hire. Although with recent change in climate limit that too.

 

I think all of su go through different phases and just accept it , live through it, find your sweet spot and know yourself-what makes you tick and live .

 

Beyond the coming out and the obvious discrimination etc we face, gays and straights are the same-in that we are all unique individuals and there is no one size fits all.

[Mocha]

 

I appreciate the suggestions, but the problem with quotes like that, is it tends to place the blame on the person, versus addressing the issues. It also insinuates that people should turn their backs on those who aren’t bubbling with happiness.

 

So: if that quote is correct, if I want a White boyfriend, then does that mean I can only attract who I am? Does that mean I have to “resemble” people in order to fit in, and be like them?

 

Surely it can be related to attitude and not physical. But, when you have to add “but” or change up the meaning, it becomes something different than what it reads.

 

It’s also judgmental. You (or whoever makes those quotes), don’t know what someone has gone thru. I can’t name how many times I’ve been in a perfectly good mood, good attitude, good state of mind, and along comes someone who wants to create animosity and negativity. And majority of them exist within the gay community,

 

I just let go another gay friend over the weekend. He was a former client, but fell on hard times recently. We recently reconnected on a platonic, short term level. He was cool when we met up again last week, but this week he was constantly snappy, moody, and just giving me attitude. After 2 days, we had to just go our separate ways.

[Mocha]

Yes. I have been all over the place. Raised in small town where nobody even talked about being gay-it just didn't exist as a possibility. being a rather effeminate kid and gay was tough. Those days did not have access to the net either.

 

Then moved to a rather liberal area and became open, but also balloned in weight and developed a drag queen persona-which really wasn't me-but helped me. Lots of sex. Then slowly got very tired of the scene and the fakeness and somehow had kids-through scientific means . Moved clsoer to family and now practically cut off from the scene-though am openly gay. Just being a single parent, job just tire me out, so just hire. Although with recent change in climate limit that too.

 

I think all of su go through different phases and just accept it , live through it, find your sweet spot and know yourself-what makes you tick and live .

 

Beyond the coming out and the obvious discrimination etc we face, gays and straights are the same-in that we are all unique individuals and there is no one size fits all.

 

Well since this this thread, I did take up on going to Denver Pride fest (which is entertaining becoming more of a day to express nudity and “hedonism” more than gay pride) but I like it regardless. I wasn’t feeling “proud” of how things been going in the gay community, but at the same time I wasn’t going to let people ruin my pride spirit.

 

Fortunately I just went with 2 guys who I didn’t know too well...but they were non-drama and fun and everything turned out well. At the very least I can say, my drama radar is getting better, and I just steered clear of meeting any new people. Mainly just reconnected with past gay friends I’ve not seen in years