Resetting Life, need some advice.

[longtime lurker]

Hello!

 

I am not one to talk about my life to people, but I am just a bit too nervous about my future and need advice. My life hasn't been great for much of my time on this planet.

 

I enjoyed the read (but snipped it for re-posting). If it makes you feel any better, we have ALL been there. Maybe not the exact same circumstances, but so many of us had parental issues, many job changes, issues with our health and appearances. All I can say is Join The Club!

 

We can't promise it will get any better. Many of us are STILL changing jobs and lifestyles despite being decades older than you. Some of us still haven't figured out what we want in life.

 

These are not solutions, but merely suggestions to think about. Maybe help put things in perspective.

 

Humorously you were once concerned about a car accident and never driving again, but you succeeded maintaining the taxi job for many years despite the recession and low pay. That is great! You are not TOO stubborn to try, try again.

 

The family problem... yup, we have all suffered. Gradually you must learn the Bette Davis technique in Now Voyager of "meeting half way". It doesn't sound like you are in trouble with the law and you are pretty discreet in your wild and crazy sex life (that is, if you have one), so the prudes shouldn't be that embarrassed about you shaming the family. Most importantly, you will need to forgive your parents for all of their sins. They did not know any better when they thought you would be a "mini-ME" of themselves and you turned out differently. Reading between the lines, I sense that your mother is very proud of you but may not say that to your face.

 

Don't knock Wal-Mart or other mainstream places you work at. Maybe Uber and flex driving for Amazon, delivering packages, are other possibilities due to your taxi experience even if these are just part-time side jobs on the side. Yet working at one location, like a major store or warehouse, at least gives you a social work life with others who won't try to pry into your private life but are nonetheless people you learn names to and can relate to on a day to day basis. Nobody will force you to go bar hopping with them or try to set you up on a blind date, but be as friendly as possible with everybody.

 

Also there is more variety of races and religions in such locations (like Wal-Mart, Amazon, etc.) so you naturally will blend in. Make sure you brush up on some Spanish too, since there tends to be multiple languages as well. Do NOT work at a place where 1.) everybody resembles you in cultural background (you've been there, done that) or 2.) everybody is the same but different than you and, therefore, you are the outcast.

 

Maybe you need some kind of schedule just to maintain a certain consistency. Each day, spend XX amount of time walking around the neighborhood. Spend XX amount of time every day lifting those $14 weights that you bought at Wal-Mart... maybe 25 times in the morning before you brush your teeth in the morning and 25 times before going to bed. Only eat XX amount each day for meals. Start out in small XX amounts dedicated to exercise and other needs, then slowly expand. For example, once you have done enough exercise consistently in your own private home with nobody watching you, then take the next leap and join a gym. Half the folks exercising there will be flabbier than you. Don't believe online pictures. Only a select few at your local gym look like Mario Lopez.

 

By the way, have you ever been to a nudist place? Trust me, for every Adonis you see at a nude beach, there will be ten others you wish would keep their clothes ON. Yet that might be worth a trip to get over certain, um, inhibitions.

 

Since you are online with this messageboard, I am guessing you won't object to joining a Meetup group (https://www.meetup.com/ ) in your area as well, one that shares similar interests as you. You can just join a group but not socialize with anybody until you are more comfortable. Just keep tabs on any get-togethers with that group. There are many kinds, such as groups of fellow cyclists, detective movie fans, fans of comic book super heroes, victims of oppressive Middle Eastern families and... surprise!... even male nude massage exchange. These latter groups tend to be more "private" (only fellow members know you are a member, but not all other eyes online) so the prudes in your family won't be bothered. If nothing else, you might find a new buddy to share, um, interests with.

Edited September 6, 2018 by longtime lurker

[BluDay]

@Moe all the best to you. Maybe a job at Wal-Mart is not the best in the world, but it can be a step up for you. Make the most of it. You sound like a diligent worker, and that should go far. Once you get settled there, keep a bit of an eye out for other opportunities if you want. Have a steady job with a recognized employer like Wal-Mart can help that.

 

As for your family, if you have one and want to help them, do. I would advise you to remember that as being a member of that family you should help support that family, it also means that family has a duty to help support you. If you're paying the rent and need your sleep, they need to support you and be quite. Family support is not a one-way street.

 

You have the best hopes and wishes of me and a lot of people here. Please take that to heart. A lot of people who have never met you, will never meet you, are behind you.

[+ FreshFluff]

Actually, I did. Years ago, I read about how Saudi Arabia was short on ESL teachers and that they were paying up to 60k a year. Since I speak Arabic (though at 1st grade level), I thought it would be a good fit. I wasn't sure that my English skills were good enough. Sure, I speak it well enough, but I don't think my grammar is great. I guess that's what college is for! I will look into classes at my local community colleges, it is something I could see myself definitely do.

 

FWIW, your grammar and punctuation seem great to me.

[Moe]

I enjoyed the read (but snipped it for re-posting). If it makes you feel any better, we have ALL been there. Maybe not the exact same circumstances, but so many of us had parental issues, many job changes, issues with our health and appearances. All I can say is Join The Club!

 

We can't promise it will get any better. Many of us are STILL changing jobs and lifestyles despite being decades older than you. Some of us still haven't figured out what we want in life.

 

These are not solutions, but merely suggestions to think about. Maybe help put things in perspective.

 

Humorously you were once concerned about a car accident and never driving again, but you succeeded maintaining the taxi job for many years despite the recession and low pay. That is great! You are not TOO stubborn to try, try again.

 

The family problem... yup, we have all suffered. Gradually you must learn the Bette Davis technique in Now Voyager of "meeting half way". It doesn't sound like you are in trouble with the law and you are pretty discreet in your wild and crazy sex life (that is, if you have one), so the prudes shouldn't be that embarrassed about you shaming the family. Most importantly, you will need to forgive your parents for all of their sins. They did not know any better when they thought you would be a "mini-ME" of themselves and you turned out differently. Reading between the lines, I sense that your mother is very proud of you but may not say that to your face.

 

Don't knock Wal-Mart or other mainstream places you work at. Maybe Uber and flex driving for Amazon, delivering packages, are other possibilities due to your taxi experience even if these are just part-time side jobs on the side. Yet working at one location, like a major store or warehouse, at least gives you a social work life with others who won't try to pry into your private life but are nonetheless people you learn names to and can relate to on a day to day basis. Nobody will force you to go bar hopping with them or try to set you up on a blind date, but be as friendly as possible with everybody.

 

Also there is more variety of races and religions in such locations (like Wal-Mart, Amazon, etc.) so you naturally will blend in. Make sure you brush up on some Spanish too, since there tends to be multiple languages as well. Do NOT work at a place where 1.) everybody resembles you in cultural background (you've been there, done that) or 2.) everybody is the same but different than you and, therefore, you are the outcast.

 

Maybe you need some kind of schedule just to maintain a certain consistency. Each day, spend XX amount of time walking around the neighborhood. Spend XX amount of time every day lifting those $14 weights that you bought at Wal-Mart... maybe 25 times in the morning before you brush your teeth in the morning and 25 times before going to bed. Only eat XX amount each day for meals. Start out in small XX amounts dedicated to exercise and other needs, then slowly expand. For example, once you have done enough exercise consistently in your own private home with nobody watching you, then take the next leap and join a gym. Half the folks exercising there will be flabbier than you. Don't believe online pictures. Only a select few at your local gym look like Mario Lopez.

 

By the way, have you ever been to a nudist place? Trust me, for every Adonis you see at a nude beach, there will be ten others you wish would keep their clothes ON. Yet that might be worth a trip to get over certain, um, inhibitions.

 

Since you are online with this messageboard, I am guessing you won't object to joining a Meetup group (https://www.meetup.com/ ) in your area as well, one that shares similar interests as you. You can just join a group but not socialize with anybody until you are more comfortable. Just keep tabs on any get-togethers with that group. There are many kinds, such as groups of fellow cyclists, detective movie fans, fans of comic book super heroes, victims of oppressive Middle Eastern families and... surprise!... even male nude massage exchange. These latter groups tend to be more "private" (only fellow members know you are a member, but not all other eyes online) so the prudes in your family won't be bothered. If nothing else, you might find a new buddy to share, um, interests with.

 

I mainly started this thread because I thought that some members may have been going through similar things and was hoping to hear some success stories so I could be more encouraged to do better with my future. The one good (and bad) thing about me is I am very stubborn. It becomes a benefit when I am working, though with my last job it was more of a hinderance. I just kept putting more hours in, thinking that I would earn more if I worked more. It wasn't the case with the terrible dispatchers and it just caused me more stress and pain. I was finally able to let go and quit and even though things look difficult ahead, I am much more relaxed.

 

I actually plan to work for Uber/Lyft on Friday and Saturday nights. I am in the process of purchasing a car and I am told by a few drivers I would be able to make anywhere from $150-$300 a night, depending on how busy and what events are going on. I know someone that did Amazon Flex and thought about joining, but he warned me against it. He switched to Uber full time because they work you like a donkey at Amazon and play favorites with their buddies. I will be fine with Walmart after the initial two weeks of pain and suffering my body will experience from the lack of moving for the last 10 years.

 

For exercise, I have decided that I will stick to Mall walking for now. It is flat, air conditioned and safe. I won't have to worry about getting hit by a car or eaten by mosquitos. I will start slow and work my way up. I will be skinny once again in my life and I don't care how long it will take.

 

I have never been to a nudist place and will probably never will. I am not good around lots of people, and being around lots of naked people, even if they all looked like a naked Hugh Jackman, would make me shy and nervous. Thanks for the meetup.com suggestion. I will bookmark that site. I probably won't join any groups at first, I want to focus on my health and build up endurance in order to be able to go cycling or rollerblading or whatever else I may fancy at the time. Though the male nude massage exchange sounds interesting, I will stick to my one or two yearly sensual massages for now. It took me a while to find a masseur that had no problem touching my hairy and rotund body.

[Moe]

@Moe all the best to you. Maybe a job at Wal-Mart is not the best in the world, but it can be a step up for you. Make the most of it. You sound like a diligent worker, and that should go far. Once you get settled there, keep a bit of an eye out for other opportunities if you want. Have a steady job with a recognized employer like Wal-Mart can help that.

 

As for your family, if you have one and want to help them, do. I would advise you to remember that as being a member of that family you should help support that family, it also means that family has a duty to help support you. If you're paying the rent and need your sleep, they need to support you and be quite. Family support is not a one-way street.

 

You have the best hopes and wishes of me and a lot of people here. Please take that to heart. A lot of people who have never met you, will never meet you, are behind you.

 

Thanks for the hopes and wishes! I actually see Walmart as a step up from my last job. I will probably make twice as much compared to what I have been making in the last 4-6 months with my last job. I believe I am a diligent worker, I am just worried about my ability to be on my feet for 8 hours a day stocking groceries. I have gotten too lethargic and very stiff sitting in a car all day. I was worried that I would fall apart once I got the job, but after the interview I am not as scared. The interviewer was very nice and honest about things. I will just have to get used to moving fast and make sure I get plenty of rest at home.

 

As for my family, I don't hate them. I kind of understand how my mother was miserable marrying a man she didn't want and I understand how I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. It doesn't excuse her or my father for the crap they put us through, but I don't hate them. I have noticed my mom has changed over the years. She had 3 more children after me and she was never violent with them. I am hoping she regrets what she did to me and my older siblings. I don't love them like children should love their parents but at least I don't hate them. I actually moved out from them 2 years ago. I got sick and tired of how they took me for granted and never helped out so I found a room for rent and am now living with roommates. Best decision I have ever made. It took some getting used to and I do miss not having to cook, but it's much more peaceful where I live. I still keep in touch and go visit my mom once a week. It's nice because she babysits for my sister and I see her children as if they were my own. The best thing is I don't have to take care of them 24/7. As for my father, he lives 5 hours away. I called him up a few times and we were able to patch things up. He just doesn't try to keep in touch and I got tired of making the attempt over and over. I may drive down there in a few months once I get my life on track (and try to get my body to become similar to the one in your pfp).

[BabyBoomer]

I want to focus on my health

 

Please see a doctor about your HBP. You'll probably need medication to get it down closer to 120/80. The doctor will tell you about diet & exercise. Listen to his advise. They call HBP "the silent killer" for good reason.

 

Good luck and keep us posted on your progress.

 

~Boomer~

[longtime lurker]

I have never been to a nudist place and will probably never will. I am not good around lots of people, and being around lots of naked people, even if they all looked like a naked Hugh Jackman, would make me shy and nervous. Thanks for the meetup.com suggestion. I will bookmark that site. I probably won't join any groups at first, I want to focus on my health and build up endurance in order to be able to go cycling or rollerblading or whatever else I may fancy at the time. Though the male nude massage exchange sounds interesting, I will stick to my one or two yearly sensual massages for now. It took me a while to find a masseur that had no problem touching my hairy and rotund body.

 

I was kinda silly suggesting that, wasn't I? Believe me, you will NOT find many Hugh Jackmans in such places to worry about being compared to.

 

You can easily work on making your body less "rotound", although it may seem more "rotound" to you than to others who are "rotound-er" than you, but don't shave off your hair. Bears and Otters are in much demand due to the manscaping overkill of recent years. The late great Burt Reynolds would never think of doing such a thing!

[Moe]

Please see a doctor about your HBP. You'll probably need medication to get it down closer to 120/80. The doctor will tell you about diet & exercise. Listen to his advise. They call HBP "the silent killer" for good reason.

 

Good luck and keep us posted on your progress.

 

~Boomer~

 

Don't worry, I plan to see a doctor as soon as I get paid. I really can't afford it at the moment since I just paid rent and bills. I will keep you updated on the progress in the future!

 

I was kinda silly suggesting that, wasn't I? Believe me, you will NOT find many Hugh Jackmans in such places to worry about being compared to.

 

You can easily work on making your body less "rotound", although it may seem more "rotound" to you than to others who are "rotound-er" than you, but don't shave off your hair. Bears and Otters are in much demand due to the manscaping overkill of recent years. The late great Burt Reynolds would never think of doing such a thing!

 

I don't plan to shave off all of my hair. Once I get a nice savings, I would like to just get laser hair removal for my back, shoulders and upper arms. I intend to keep all the hair on the rest of my body.

Edited September 7, 2018 by Moe

[BluDay]

@Moe I can tell you from experience your body will ache, but you body will also adjust. Mall walking is a great start. Once you get comfortable with that, look around for something to challenge you. It doesn't have to be an American Ninja Warrior class, but once you are walking, it's time to run

 

You have a plan, and a good one. Stick with it. Good work can bring promotion and new opportunities. If it doesn't that just means you have to look for it.

 

You family does seem better than the earlier version you described. Be glad of it, and relish your time with them.

 

I wish I looked like my profile picture. I want to, but it takes time and effort.

 

I will say, as my body has improved some, I like sex more. Where I'm not my profile, I feel better in bed when I'm closer to what I want to be in bed with.

[BgMstr4u]

Moe, I started reading this today because I was looking for information on keto and it popped up in the search function. I too have a weight problem.

 

I kept reading because your writing is so good and your story was riveting. 10 months in now, and I’m wondering how it has gone. Your approach to all the advice seemed realistic and sensible. I’m hoping that you’re in a better place. If you read this, please let us know how things are.