socurious

OP, probably a lot of people looking at you feel the same way as you do-that your type is not interested in them at all. I think NY is pretty open in that you can be yourself without being afraid of consequences vs places like say Alabama?
 
If you still can't find the right dude-hire-NY has the best selection of escorts . I travel there occasionally for work and it just seems the city is full of men of all types.

@Eric Hassan and @FreshFluff are spot on...You should read these posts carefully. There is some excellent advice here....Good luck
 

 

@nycboi, welcome to the forum and thanks for posting!
 
I agree with much of what @Eric Hassan said. I encourage you to read his post with an open mind. Reread it a few times if necessary to fully grapple with everything he touches on.
 
Keep in mind that your posts come across as though you're conflicted and struggling with some very personal stuff. Such is life, man. You're 34 and it sounds like you've been very focused on many parts of your life other than intimate relationships. There's nothing wrong with that, but since it seems to be troubling you quite a bit, I would strongly encourage you to focus some time and energy on this facet of you. Talk to a professional therapist if you need to, but explore what has you describing yourself as a "loser" in one sentence and an "urban latin" who's perceived as "intimidating" and "even dangerous" in others. Feel free to connect with me in a private communication if you wish to discuss this in more depth.

Let me guess: You have that fierce, you-wanna-go-outside-and-settle-this look that's so attractive to both men and women. That's fine, but it also makes it harder to meet people. Look at it from their POV: You could be a hot guy up for M4M sex, or you might rob and beat them up.
 
Work on cultivating a more open, friendly expression. If you're as urban-looking as you say, it won't make you any less masc looking

I live in Chelsea as well and know it to be a friendly neighborhood. The issue isn't your looks, it's your attitude. I don't know you, and I'm only judging from what I've read, but your writing feels needy - it feels like you're having a hard time accepting yourself for whatever reason, and perhaps are still hanging on to parts of an identity that doesn't fit anymore. Seeking happiness outside of yourself isn't going to help you feel happiness inside yourself. You might be beautiful, but you're not "straight looking" - that's not a thing and is akin to "straight acting," which is just "acting" - and people can smell bullshit without knowing that's what they're smelling.
 
You don't need to tell anyone what you look like unless they're blind. If you're truly seeking out meaningful connection, you need to show people who you are, not keep telling them how straight you look.
 
I can't tell you what you need or what you should do, but I think it's helpful to think about a few things. First, nobody out there is going to fix you or make you whole. Seeking outside yourself for validation might feel good when you get it, but what happens when you don't get it? Second, some people will like how you look and some won't and that's out of your control. Stop using your appearance as an excuse. Third, people will stick around in your life because of who you are and how they feel when they're with you, not because of how you look.
 
I recognize the harshness of my tone but I don't see value in coddling you. I do, however, want you to know that I know you deserve to have meaningful connections and a happy life. You deserve that as much as anyone else. I think you're relatively new to your gay identity and you're struggling with putting it all together. I get that. I have the benefit of being out for nearly 25 years and I know it's taken me a long time to get my shit together. If I haven't completely pissed you off, I encourage you to drop me a private message. I'd be more than happy to have coffee and be a space for you to feel heard and supported.

I think this is the crux of it @nycboi. You live in one of the gayest places in the country, but you still have to put yourself out there. You have to go to where men are looking to hook up and the apps are the obvious place. As far as I can tell they've almost completely replaced bar hookups.
 
If you're counting on being approached on the street or the gym or whatever, I doubt it's because you are too "straight looking." You probably are just not coming off as approachable, so yes, smile more dude.

I suspect being "straight looking" isn't why you have trouble hooking up.

How old are you?
 
Too straight looking to hookup? There are plenty of profiles on grindr saying: no fems but I never thought looking "too straight" would be seen as something bad.

LIke so many things, it's a numbers game. You have to realize that and relax and start playing the numbers game. It's easy to obsess and think you need to get THAT guy who you're hot for but who doesn't seem to appreciate what a catch you are. Truthfully, you don't need THAT guy. You were fine without him. So, forget about him and move on to the next one. Every once in a while, it will work, but it never works as well as you think it should. This is what the Buddhists call the reality of human suffering. Life is never quite what you think it should be.