This is a topic I love discussing, and like the original poster the “is it or isn‘t it” aspect of it is a huge turn on for me. Getting one of the guys we talk about on here, the sensual element is usually implied.
I have had quite a bit of luck in this area - getting off at a legit massage place. i never encourage it, or initiate outside of getting hard or maybe moaning or gasping at the right moment. Several guys at the end have removed the sheet and start rubbing my dick. A few have asked before hand if it’s ok or something I want...which I get why they do that, but it’s a bit of an awkward moment. Honestly some of the best ones are teases throughout and don’t get me off at the end.