Just Chuck

Before a person “comes out” to anyone else, they have to “come out” to themselves. I wonder how many “straight” clients are just somewhere in the process of getting around to admitting to themselves that they have some degree of sexual attraction to their own sex.

I’ve struggled with labels. At the same time, I’ve found some relief when I found a label that brought me closer to accurately saying who I am. I grew up struggling with a an idea that I had to label myself as either gay or straight. When I adopted the label bisexual, it was a HUGE relief. Later, I’ve learned a lot more about my orientation and attractions. I am actually super attracted to people who blur gender lines. (If any of you can line up a threesome for me with Lux Pascal and Elliot Page, I will forever be grateful.)

In case of leak, water based lube in non-disasterous but a leak of silicone lube can ruin everything in your luggage. (Same with pepper spray, by the way.) I pack silicone lube inside a snack-size ziplock, inside a sandwich-size ziplock, inside a quart-size ziplock, inside a gallon-size ziplock. And that within my toiletry bag. I’ll buy a factory sealed bottle of silicone lube before a trip and just trash the excess before flying home.

I was listening to the Butt Honestly Podcast recently and the guest was a gay man recently released from prison. He described some other inmates as “gay-for-the-stay”. Men who live as straight men when they are free, but are flexible enough in attraction to have sex with other men when that’s the only game in town.

I don’t trigger many guys Gaydar and they are often surprised that I’m not straight. Escorts know why I hired them. Masseurs often start to roll out the sensual/sexual side of it very slowly and a little timidly with me because they’re not certain that I’m game for that kind of massage.

Orientation is complex. The idea of a gay/straight binary caused me a lot of anxiety when I was younger. There’s not a binary. There’s not even a single-axis scale. I think there’s a multi-dimensional scale for people’s sexual orientation. The Klein Sexual Orientation Grid (KSOG) gives one of the most succinct ways to describe a person’s sexual orientation that I’ve found. You can take a quick seven-question quiz in the site that I linked and it will give you a grid describing orientation description table for your past, present, and future.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/G1tVr04XcAAODWT?format=jpg&name=900x900

What was Grindr like back then? I’m picturing a green on black monochrome monitor with lines of all-caps text.