To cut your backhair, there's a thing called Backblade which works perfectly well (also on the butt). All it takes is a little ingenuity to find alternative things that work.. Not that difficult if you know how to use a computer.....
I find it strange for people to pose "veiled" questions here because they dont want their real motives revealed. We are all adults and dont need to be protected, so if you want sex, say so.... And if I wanted a massage chair, I WOULD buy one, but if I wanted a "happy ending", I would ask for a masseur that provided that "extra". ;)