leigh.bess.toad

Thanks a lot Jackhammer. Now I can sleep tonight.

Okay Jackhammer, you've made it tough deciding the best one. The Urban Meyer story, the University of Cincinnati story, or the Arkansas cheerleader story. But there were a lot of laughs. But I'm not sure if it's a good thing that the University of Maryland isn't in there. Guess we aren't relevant enough, huh?

Thanks countryboy. I'd love to share this with others, but I guess to do it, I'll have to get my shit together. And Jackhammer's post of the great Andy Griffith routine made me think of the other great football routine. Actually football and baseball. From my all time favorite, George Carlin: [video=youtube;qmXacL0Uny0]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmXacL0Uny0

Jackhammer- on behalf of so many who have enjoyed this thread since it started, let me say thank you for all the joy and laughter you have brought so many of us. It is always something i look forward to every friday getting the email saying there is a new post in this thread. I have shared the jokes and stories with so many people beyond this forum. You will never know how many people you have touched. It was certainly one of the highlights for me this year of Palm Springs weekend to meet you (can it be it was 5 weeks ago?). Many were disappointed that you were not able to make it last year. But we were all thrilled you were there this year, and doing well. It is only appropriate to to start your vacation with an all time comedy classic. Be well and enjoy your well deserved vacation. And thank you.

The moral of the story never mess with an elderly woman. A gift from my partner. Square Testicles * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office. The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, '$165,000'. The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money . The elderly woman replied that she made bets. The president was surprised and asked, 'What kind of bets?' The elderly woman replied, 'Well, I'll bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.' The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that. The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, 'Would you like to take my bet?' 'Certainly', replied the president. 'I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.' 'Done', the elderly woman answered. 'But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 ' clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.' 'No problem', said the president of the Bank confidently. That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet. The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square. The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly. The president was happy to oblige. The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. 'Of course', said the president. 'Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.' The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, 'Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Royal Bank of Canada!'

Funny stories all today. Thanks for the pick-up.

Thanks for the reminder jackhammer. That has been one of my favorite clips on youtube for years. I can't count how many times I've gone back to that clip. The story is great, but Vicki just wipes everyone out at the end. The story I heard was that they normally did 2 takes for each skit. Supposedly, had an agreement with Tim that he would play the first take straight as written. If that went fine, on the second take, he had free rein to improv. And usually that was the one that made the broadcast. A cast, a show that will never be repeated. So many truly great performances. Thanks for the laughs and a great way to start the weekend.

For me, it isn't so much a question of length or girth. It's does the guy know how to use what he has. I've been blessed with some men who truly are great tops. I think all of my guys have been between 7 and 9 inches in length and most are pretty thick. But two do stand out in the thickness race: Tyger Hudson and Nate Bruno.

As I was driving into work this morning, the gas at the station just outside the office park was $3.15. Today when I left it was $3.09. These swings are positively nuts.

WTF???? Yesterday, I paid $2.99 for gas. I was driving by the same stations today, it was at $3.15. Sixteen cents increase in one day?? WTF???

Another great set JAG. But I think my wishes could be granted with #2. Handcuffed to that bed. #9 can put that leash on me and walk me around anytime he wants. #21 -- what a spectacular view. And the mountains aren't bad either. #25 and #28 -- send them over together. The damage they could do would almost be inconceivable. But I'm willing to risk it. Great set JAG. Thanks! #23 -- just a great shot. No two ways about it.

Well here in Virginia now, we just crossed the magic $3.00 barrier. Here in Richmond, effective yesterday, we are now at $2.99. Never thought I'd be so happy to see it at $2.99 but it was sure nice to see now.

That's great Oliver. Thanks for filling in for Jackhammer. Hopefully he is well. As are you. And your little dog too. My best to Shadow.

The Ass family http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvle0aZG661r2sbmqo1_400.jpg Boy Genius http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvle13kIFO1r2sbmqo1_400.jpg A good reason to wear pajamas to bed http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvle240q8t1r2sbmqo1_250.jpg Proof Positive of Global Warming http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvle33N9BX1r2sbmqo1_400.jpg

Forget Something???? http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvlduncRQq1r2sbmqo1_400.jpg Truth in Advertising http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvldvtZFEx1r2sbmqo1_400.jpg What do you put in YOUR cereal??? http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvldwxtpth1r2sbmqo1_250.jpg I can explain http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvldycGQlL1r2sbmqo1_400.jpg

Can we have some privacy, please???? http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvldpwefKF1r2sbmqo1_400.jpg Bad Judgment http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvldr1aSEh1r2sbmqo1_400.jpg I think I can hold it http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvlds591cv1r2sbmqo1_400.jpg Pile Up http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvldti5Ru71r2sbmqo1_400.jpg

This is what a sense of humor looks like http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvldl9ZYA61r2sbmqo1_400.jpg This is what sad looks like http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvldmi99qR1r2sbmqo1_400.jpg This is what sorry looks like http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvldniPuN21r2sbmqo1_400.jpg This is what bad spelling looks like http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvldobJsSA1r2sbmqo1_400.jpg

Thanks ISC. Those are great.

I LOVE MY JOB!!!! Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy. Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103 .5 on FM dial in Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won. Now, read his letter below... Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it, however, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my ass. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totalling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for two days because my ass was swollen shut. So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ass. Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.' Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day? May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day! !!!!

That's right. But I will let you use the Jon.

1) how many hands ?One. My best friend, Mr. Lefty? 2) Lubed or dry?Lubed 3) clothed or nude ?Either, but usually clothed 4) standing, lying down, kneeling ?sitting 5) butt play or no butt play ?Sometimes yes, but usually no 6) toys ?Sometimes yes, but usually no 7) audience, group or solo ?Solo, but sometimes on the front porch late at night so anything is possible 8) porn playing or silence?Usually, but not always. When you look at as many pics as I do to put the galleries together, porn is sort of a given. 9) cockring or No cockring? Since I usually wear it 24X7, it's sort of a given.

#21 http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljtg7li6CE1qzjvcao1_400.jpg #22 http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqw1de0XRJ1qi0uxho1_500.jpg #23 http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lbmbw4LEKL1qdse64o1_500.jpg #24 http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrw85meZy01qe4kmdo1_500.jpg #25 http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrpxzttcP91ql0fyxo1_500.jpg #26 http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ln7qoqkM7j1ql1mb7o1_500.jpg #27 http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lt1hs6YFdb1r0kh4zo1_500.jpg #28 http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpd8tmMWQp1qhlbuko1_500.jpg #29 http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lid63aeWG81qdg2qno1_500.png #30 http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrv8kxqz931qizz7to1_500.jpg #31 http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lth2imQTEn1qf809po1_500.jpg #32 http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lquz37l28O1qcmzt4o1_500.jpg #33 http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lth3fv9Blp1qf809po1_500.jpg #34 http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltf8zoY8Gr1qaru88o1_500.jpg

#17 http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lte0jsHuiX1r02upxo1_500.jpg #18 http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lt0q0qE7EG1r43my7o1_400.jpg #19 http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l26xkfCe5b1qbm10ko1_500.jpg #20 http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltdabdzZi61qf8mc7o1_500.png

#13 http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lstwdn1c5V1qdslmho1_500.jpg #14 http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lt340sX6wU1r4xywzo1_500.jpg #15 http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ln1ewnWDko1qju1tho1_500.jpg #16 http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltgyqzcEbA1r3c03ro1_500.jpg

#9 http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrwq0aMXR41qdolfbo1_500.png #10 http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrpog218031qa8k91o1_500.jpg #11 http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lscavl2GcN1qgnyv9o1_500.jpg #12 http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsaea5xOqY1qlp9m2o1_500.jpg