DGHou

Just went to STG in my city. YIKES! Pretty scary.

I'm fairly new here but have commented under a couple of other topics about a provider around whom I let my guard down and fell for him. A couple of months ago told me he was moving to Hawaii to be the third with a couple that had been together 20 years, married for 10. My heart has been pretty broken but I am working my way through it. Part of what has helped has been all the guys here commenting on my situation, supporting me and helping to open my eyes to the fact that, no matter how passionate he was when we were together, whether in bed or not, it is a job for him and mostly, if not all, about the money. The guys he is with are putting a roof over his head, feeding him, taking him island hopping, beach, sailboat rides, dinners out, etc. So while they are not putting money directly in his hands they are paying for his sexual encounters. I have been trying to figure out how I let my guard down and why all of this hurts. Just this morning a thought came to me about this situation and I would like some feedback from both clients and providers. Before he made the move he went to visit HI a time or two and when he came back he would always contact me. Each time he looked so much better: healthier and happier than before. He struggles with some depression issues like I do and there have been several times in the past he would contact me and we would just talk. He shared the couples' names, the story of when they first hired him a couple of years ago, showed me pictures of them. When he left I asked him to stay in touch and let me know how his life is going. Hence the boundaries question. He texts me fairly often sharing pictures of the three of them and a fourth who is a local playmate of the couple's. Pics have been of dinners, the three of them at the beach and on a sailboat ride, etc. He has told me what a great time he is having and how good the sex is with the 2 or 3 of them and shared some details. He even sent me the location pin with the address where they are living and pictures of the house. I asked if the couple knows about me and that we are in touch. No answer from him at all, which I assume means no especially since his texts come in short batches then he's quiet for some time. Maybe he's texting when he has a few private moments? A few weeks before he was to move one of them was here. He told me he wanted to see me before he moved but couldn't until after a certain date when the other was going back to HI. My guy was to follow in a few days. We made plans but then he stood me up and ghosted me. When I finally heard from him the other guy did not leave as planned but waited until they could go to HI together. My question is is what he is doing not crossing some boundaries regarding the couple? And why would he share so much with me yet not tell me if the couple knows about me and our communications? Could he be keeping me "on the line" in case this throuple plus one relationship goes south and he figures I will be here for him? I know none of you know him, me or the couple but any insight would be appreciated. While I am 32 years his senior at 65 and they are only 7 and 10 years his senior I'm a caring, successful and pretty decent looking older guy. I am hoping some input from this community might help me move on and my heart to heal. Thanks, guys 😊

A very insightful perspective. I am a businessman and I do what I do to have an income. However, selling widgets to a customer does not involve emotions. But I take your advice to heart and your analysis helps very much. This is the first time I've gone thru this with a provider and I am surprised and disappointed in myself that I let this happen.

I'd bottom for him as well as top. Variety is the spice of life!

I now keep all provider relationships in the proper perspective as I look for a replacement for him

I have been hiring for over 30 years. At times I felt a twinge of emotion for a provider or two. It could have turned into love on my part but I kept my wits about me. Fast forward to a few years ago. I met the best provider I have ever had. I like twinks and his body fit that mold perfectly, although he was out of the twink age range. He is passionate, great kisser, very emotional in and out of bed, sparkling green eyes, etc. At times he would disappear when having what he would tell me was bad depression. I suffer from it too so when we would see each other again and talk about it I knew exactly where he was coming from. I also had the very best sex of my life with him, and I've been at this since I was quite young. He overstayed a visa several years ago and is in the country illegally. A couple of years ago I offered to go thru the motions of presenting ourselves as a couple for awhile then marrying him so he could stay here. I told him he could continue escorting. He declined and that was fine. Fast forward to this past April. He had taken trips to HI in February and March to see a couple he had met through RM a few years ago. He would always let me know when he was back and we would see each other for dinner, sex, movies, etc. with the usual financial relationship. In April he said the couple who had been together 20 years, married for 10, want him to move to HI and be with them. (The couple is only 3 years apart in age and one was an escort when they met, then they became a couple) When he told me my heart absolutely shattered. The first thing I said was "Does this mean I won't see you anymore?" and a tear fell out of the corner of my eye. It was then that I realized I had fallen in love with him awhile back and now I was losing him. I has taken 2 months for me to finally start moving past this. However, he texts and sends pics every couple of days which honestly is fine with me. I care for him and after some of the things he has gone through in life (he's 33 now) he deserves this fun time. He looks better than I think I have ever seen him. But my heart is still broken. I told him I was sorry I lost sight of the fact that what he and I had was a business relationship, that while I think he does care for me the money was at the core of everything. Just like it is for him now. They are providing him with shelter, food, clothing, taking him island hopping, etc. When he told me he was moving he said that one of the couple had offered to divorce his husband and marry him so he could stay in the country legally, It's not that simple and who knows if that was true or if this provider is so good at what he does the offer was made in a time of weakness. OMG I am a windbag. The point of all of this is that he knew how I felt about him for the past couple of years. I asked several times if this was first and foremost a business relationship for him and he would never really answer. Looking back him doing that meant yes, it was. He and I shared a lot over the years. I only wish he had been more honest with me when he knew I was falling for him and when I asked about our relationship being business. I think a lot of providers don't want to be honest when given the opportunity because they are caring men. IF they weren't caring they would not be in the business. But for me it would have been better for him to have been honest when I asked about the relationship being all financial for him rather than promise several times to see me 3 days before he was to move only to stand me up and ghost me. That hurt much worse than if he had said he couldn't see me because he was being faithful to them, (whatever that means in a relationship with 3 or 4 men together who continue to hire providers) or that he had already left, or something rather than simply stand me up and ghost me.

Now that's the kind of customer service missing everywhere these days!

I can attest to that! Those are the ones who probably never have regulars.

Any recommendations on twinks in Houston? My favorite is spending time in Hawaii right now so I need a diversion!

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Almost all of my close gay male friends know I hire for sex. It has really never bothered me that they know and none of them seem to have a problem with it. It also helps that they know this when I've had a provider over as a guest at a pool party. They know why a cute twink in his 20's or 30's is there with a man in his mid-60's, although I have a lot of friends in that age group that are not providers. It's also nice to show them off, whether they are providers or just friends. I have a reputation to keep up!😉

Ah. I doubt that would happen. I offered to do so a couple of years ago. It's not in the cards for us. And maybe they won't divorce and one marry him. It is not that simple to arrange a marriage if you are not in this country legally. INS would be interested in why a divorce and marriage so quickly I'm sure. If this does not happen for him I don't know how it will affect him. I will be here to pick up the pieces though, if need be.

I had been seeing a provider regularly for about 3 years. Sometimes he would disappear when battling depression but he always showed back up. His account is suspended now because he is spending time several months with a long-term couple. It may become permanent because they want him in their life. At least for now. So I think the text just to check in is a good idea. This provider and I text about once a week or so. He sends pics of what he's doing and lets me know things are going well. TBH I miss him very much. I battle being happy to see he is so happy and hoping it won't last so I might be able to see him again.

I know RM. What is MF?

I have been hiring providers for well over 30 years. (since barely out of my teens! LOL JK) But since my late 20's. I've never asked for a discount. I have said No when I thought the rate was too high and not competitive. I have had providers offer to lower their price. I have always made it clear when they've offered that I was not trying to get a lower rate. It's a business and they can charge what they want. Their rate is just too high for me. Period. Sometimes they insist that they are fine with a lower rate and we see each other. It may be when finances are tighter than usual for them. When we do meet I usually tip. I hope they know the tip is because I appreciate them accommodating me and not because it means I would have paid their original, higher rate. I have found that a provider needs to be competitive with rates. In my years of hiring I have never met a provider who is worth 2-3 times the going rate. That just usually means they are full of themselves. If the experience is disappointing for me I obviously pay their rate. If it's a stellar experience for me and they send me over the moon I tip generously and hire them again.

As a client I have taken two different escorts to 2 social events. I have been going to a small, gay owned private gym for the past 12 years. Membership is about 70% gay, 30% straight and all are long term members. Most of us know each other pretty well. I have taken one of the escorts I see regularly to 2 of the gym Christmas parties. I've never intimated to anyone there that he was my boyfriend, although he did a time or two when someone asked him out of my earshot in a casual enough way for people not to wonder why I'd been hiding him all this time if we were bf's. I took him because I like him, he'd fit in I knew, and he's just what the type people there would expect me to bring: young and cute. So fun was had by all.

Thank you for your reply. It really helps. I lost my partner 14 years ago and have been single ever since. This provider is truly a special guy, even with the sex aside. Humble, unpretentious, kind, no attitude, friendly. I think that's just his personality This provider was apparently the same way with other clients based on reviews from friendboy from a few years back. I just let my guard down, which was easy to do when he just wanted to talk about fighting his depression or what was going on in his life in general, in addition to amazing sex. He has apologized for standing me up and ghosting me right before he left after we had made plans. I know the guys he is with now are paying him for his company and sex in the sense that they are providing shelter, food, fun, etc. A good friend told me he thought this provider did not treat me well at the end at for me to remember He can not legally get a job since he has overstayed a visa. So If the couple does not divorce and one of them marry him he will be in the same situation before they wooed him away as he has no prospects other than the one he is courting now.

Sage advice indeed. Although if he told me while he enjoyed time with me, but if it weren't for the money he wouldn't be there I honestly would have appreciated it more. I think he probably knew my feelings a few years ago. Because he would sometimes go into depression or battle some other mental health issues that sometimes plague me. He would text or call me, come over and bare his soul to me because I understand where he is coming from when those episodes hit. Your comments shared another light on things. He overstayed a student visa years ago and has been living under the radar. The guys he is with now hired him a few years ago and rekindled their interest They have been together for 20 years, married for 10. They meet under a provider/client arrangement. One of them has offered to divorce and marry him so that he could remain in the country legally. I am now wondering if that is his main motive, like the money was with me. Or if perhaps the two of them have fallen for each other. He does seem very happy, has put on a little weight which he needed to do, and told me he is "just having fun". I guess time will tell. Thank you so much for the responses.

I wish the provider I fell in love with would have been honest with me from the get-go. I met him about 3 years ago. He is so passionate in bed. It helps that we are both 100% verse. His reviews on friendboy gush about how humble, passionate and unpretentious he is. I told him I loved him and how loved I felt when I was with him but I was not "in love". Which was a lie. He never really responded. Because of his non-response I always just enjoyed our time together, which was very easy to do. We continued to see each other up until 2 months ago when he told me he was moving to be the third in a 20-year relationship. Like you I know he saw everything in my eyes, especially because a tear fell out of the corner of each of them upon his news. The next thing out of my mouth was "does this mean I am never going to see you again?" He hemmed and hawed a bit but never said yes or no. Perhaps he doesn't know if things will work out and he might see me again. What I would have liked would have been an honest answer. I have deduced that he is probably the boy toy of one of the couple as the other has a boy toy too. We set a date to see each other before he left but he stood me up and ghosted me. He had never done that before. I found out that the one he is the boy toy of was in town during this and my provider didn't want to cheat on him. Which is weird because the guy travels and I am sure hires providers all the time. That is how he and his husband met the guy I am talking about. He texted me last Sunday and sent some pics of how he is doing. He looks better than I have ever seen. I am happy for him but I think my heart might not be as broken if he had been honest, no matter how brutal, when I asked if I'd ever see him again. The little bits and pieces he said that night and in his latest text only made things worse for me. I am sure he thought he was saving my feelings but that was not the case.

In all my years of hiring providers I have only had one I would pay this much for. He's just got out of the business about a month or so ago. Just my type physically. Also, kind, friendly, unassuming, honest and the most passion I have ever experienced. I have never met another like him. He was the total package.

I assume it's because they can make more money posting pics and collaborations with other onlyfans guys. That way they can have sex with who they want and have a lot more men paying a smaller amount of $ to watch instead of taking what comes their way via RM. It's about volume. You have to be careful with wording if you message anyone on onlyfans. You can't use words like "meet" or "escort". I'd love to meet a couple of the onlyfans guys I follow but not sure how to word it or if they would even be interested.

Thank you. I appreciate your kind words. This is the first time I lost sight of what an arrangement like this was supposed to be. I let my judgment get blurred. Even though he was passionate and prob the best I have ever had I'm sure his main focus was first on the money always although you wouldn't know it. He was always glad to see me even when it was just as friends for dinner or a movie and no business took place.

Thanks. I am planning on bringing him to meet me in a few weeks.

He texted Sunday night with pics of him in HI. He looks better than I have seen him in 2 1/2 years. And seems very happy. Also pics of the couple he is now with and another boyfriend of theirs in the mix. Glad he's having fun. He has canceled his RM profile account so I guess he's in it for the long haul. Said he will be coming back to gather a few more things he left before he moved. If he sees me it will be platonic bc he does not want to cheat on the others in this arrangement. It's new so who knows if it will last but I know him and he is probably one of the nicest most passionate men I have ever met, even setting the sex aside. So I expect it will be a long term thing. So, my heart still aches. Perhaps more now. Thanks for all who have responded and supported this newbie during this time. I know this isn't the right forum so I'll stop now. But it's really helped

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