Occasional

Was it that becoming aware of your hire's partnered status shattered your feelgood-fantasy of the provider being 100% committed to you for the time you were with him? As in, your blown-away assumption that 'both of us are fully available and present for each other - body, heart and soul - for the next hour or two"? Nothing wrong with that fantasy. It's what providers provide (good ones, anyway). Maybe you felt that, after the disclosure, your hire simply couldn't be in a position to provide it. Developing the theme, you weren't actually "the 3rd person in a 2-way relationship" - you weren't actually inside the provider's relationship at all. It's one thing to be part of a threesome where you're part of the mix as 'third wheel' but after the session, they've got each other and you have neither of them. Quite another not to even be part of the mix at all.

When I meet a new provider, I prefer to arrange a same-day appointment. Otherwise, I tend to find myself caught up in tension between anticipating pleasure on the one hand, and possible disappointment on the other. I think it's helpful to follow potential new hires for some days or weeks, seeing when they tend to log on, whether and when they tend to be "Available Now" - and, importantly, whether "Available Now" lingers for hours after they were last online. 'Available Now' at 7am when they were last online at 2am doesn't inspire me with confidence! I haven't hired much at all since Covid, but I've been keeping an eye on a handful of potential hires reasonably local to me (I live a few miles outside Central London). Quite early yesterday morning, I saw that one such potential new hire was "Available Now" and had been online 20 minutes ago. I was tempted to make contact, but decided to leave it - busy day ahead. Half an hour later, checked again, still "Available Now"- and online! So I did my usual - texted to ask if OK to ring, Had reply within minutes. Quick chat to confirm rates and to outline my expectations. Then, when can we meet? Answer: when can you be here? Appointment made for an hour ahead. All went well ... it's such a pleasure to meet a new hire where there's rapport, and perceived potential for the good first-time "activity" to get even better as you relax that bit more together in future sessions. And he looked even better in the flesh that his lightly-photoshopped photos ;-) As Humpty Dumpty said,"'when I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean". I do commend the approach in my second paragraph above, to get a better feel for what any particular provider means by "Available Now".

Sounds as if it was all going on in his head, so to speak. You don't, of course, know the client's backstory, his psycholgical makeup, his baggage. Has his life experience always been having to 'deliver for other people'? So that, for him, it's a rare and precious indulgence to just lie back and savour the experience with you, without feeling the slightest obligation to reciprocate or feed back in the moment?

If the framing is binary i.e. "client of a sex worker" versus "long-term committed boyfriend" then, yes, "dishonesty" may well be the word. But, at social events, I rather suspect it's not at all uncommon for a FWB relationship, or an on/off/going-nowhere casual relationship to get upgraded for the evening. Which is fair enough - the couple know each other, enjoy each other, are entitled to their privacy and there is no reason to divulge the casualness of the relationship to others. If "casual versus committed" is the framing, then a client and sex worker relationship is just another form of casualness. The couple are entitled to their privacy and there is no need to divulge the exact details of the relationship to others. Q: how did you meet? A: online Q: who made the first move? A: it just sort of developed Q: how long have you been dating? (getting a bit intrusive) A: as pre-agreed between escort and client. Followed by " 'dating' is not quite the way we'd describe our relationship - we enjoy each other and meet when we can but we're not in each others' pockets all the time" In British culture, firmly holding the gaze of the enquirer while making that reply would carry the unmistakeable message "You're being rudely intrusive now, and overstepping the mark. Back off!" Q: what's your favorite bar, café, restaurant? A: not sure I have one. Q: have you met (client's best friend) Johnny? A: I don't think so. Now, excuse me, I have to .... Edit: typos

I think that there's a psychological issue with paying more than my "usual-comfortable rate" which is this: if I pay the usual/comfortable/market-standard rate and the experience is mediocre, I chalk it up to experience. It's gonna happen from time to time. It's the name of the game. Win some, lose some (hopefully more of the former!) But if I pay [what actually is, or what I perceive to be] a premium rate, and the experience is mediocre, it hurts a lot more, and I don't mean financially. It's the feeling (maybe only half-conscious) that there was an implicit bargain that, by paying more, the experience would be a premium experience. If the actual experience was poor, there is the painful feeling afterwards that the implicit bargain of premium fee for premium service was broken. And that feeling can't be just be shrugged off as part of the inevitable "win some, lose some" sequence, because a premium fee was paid! I wouldn't myself be influenced by good reviews when deciding whether to hire a premium-fee provider. For me, two things are needed. First, a lengthy, thoughtful, profile, that gives a 'real feel' for their attitude and with some feel for what kinks the provider enjoys rather then simply 'provides'. Secondly. a short phone conversation hoping to hear a relaxed, natural, confident-but-not-arrogant tone of voice, and a satisfactory response when I enquire about the provider's kink preferences (if there was any uncertainty after reading his profile).

A provider who has turned on the "Available Now" indicator on his profile is raising the expectations of potential clients. He then has the opportunity to demonstrate his professionalism by responding to phone calls promptly (within half an hour is good, over an hour unimpressive). and by willingness to schedule an appointment that same day, within a few hours (i.e. not "I'm free this evening" to a morning enquiry). I'm always impressed when a provider ticks both boxes, the more so if their call back shows that they've taken a short break from what they're doing to call back (e.g. "I'm at the gym atm, I'll be home around [time] and can see you from [time]"). I don't read desperation into this - keenness perhaps, and I don't see a keen provider as any bad thing! What is NOT impressive is a provider with "Available Now" showing on their profile in the morning, who rings back several hours later on their lunch break from their day job, and offers an appointment that evening.

Depends on the provider. IMO a 'good' profile gives some indication of the provider's preference eg "2 or 3 days advance notice preferred, occasionally available at shorter notice". Many variations on the the theme, in particular some work with same-day bookings only. If not mentioned in a provider's profile - ask!

[my bold] Strong word, "rejection". In fact, a world away from "thanks but no thanks on this occasion". And, you say that what you "convey" is appreciation that "you were liked" - not your appreciation of "what was provided". Maybe the dominant flavour that comes across in your reply is that of "rejection", and that the "appeciation" is seen as perfunctory. I feel that we need to see the exact wording of one of your rejection-replies to be able to offer you any further useful feedback.

.. which surely suggests that the site promoter should be offering established providers a fee-free initial period to check out whether the site produces business for them. And that should work for the promoter as well, who will get more providers on board sooner, thus accelerating the reaching of critical mass when he can start charging to be listed.