A few weeks ago I posted a question in the '"ask a provider" forum, if that's the place to ask also providers of lapdancing. I was PMed by one; I notified about it in the thread in order to 'close' it; and two guys PMed me asking about what he had to say. So I got his permission to post our dialogue here. Might be useful for naive newbies such as myself. Any additional guidance wld be appreciated.
I intend to lose my lapdance virginity soon. I follow threads about the topic, but m still unclear as to how to behave without being rude or presumptuous on one hand, and being taken for a sucker on the other hand.
How explicit may I b with a dancer in the pre-dance phase? Shld I ask "may I touch u?" "Fondle?" "Grope?" "Jerk?" "Suck?"
"Will u b totally naked?"
Will he b touching me with his hands (beyond dancing moves")? Grope / fondle / jerk / suck ?
Any kissing?
M I alowed to take it out?
Usually posters write it's up to negotiations, and I guess dancers have prbbly heard everything. However, I like to b respectful and I dont want to b stupid.
Different clubs have different basic rules. Some states allow full nude dancers, some don't - which clubs are you planning on?
At the most basic, the dancer would be in underwear, grinding on you and with you fully clothed. The dancer can probably touch you but may not - for example I would start with sitting grinding in a guys lap, with my arms on his shoulders.
So you could just have fun with that to start.
Its possible to do more, but that depends. For example at one club I can go full nude, but then I can't touch the customer. At that same club, customers can touch me but not anywhere covered by my underwear. Some customers don't touch, some put their hands somewhere like my arms and if I guess they want more, I will move their hands to my chest or legs to let them know its OK (or they can ask and I explain the club rules for them) and then let them touch me over my underwear.
Best way to find out basic rules: A dancer will probably approach and ask you if you want a lap dance - just ask how much, and if they can go full nude, and if they're OK with touching and they'll probably explain rules. That what I do. Sometimes I get asked 'are you hard when you're naked' and I say 'yes' because make sure to be erect when I go full nude.
Its easier to ask about more once you're in private, so that no one can hear if they say yes to more thats beyond the rules. As a dancer if a customer is buying multiple dances and their hands are around my underwear, personally I'm OK if slipped their hand in and they grab my cock, but some dancers might not be, you could just move your hands close and ask 'may I' or something like that but probably don't assume they are OK. I might ask for a tip extra.
Usually you're not allowed to take yourself out. Never had anyone try with me. The private areas were somewhat visible and monitored by cameras so I dont think anyone would try it there.
Asking respectfully is being respectful. I stood up once off a guys lap and he put me in his mouth and I gently pushed him back to let him know its not OK, but it would have been respectful if he asked first and i could tell him 'no instead of feeling his mouth. Altohugh I was kind of horny so I mostly said 'no' because I didn't want to get in trouble with the club.
I know about clubs rules and about prsnl red lines. If I can get a full answr only after we r alone, that might b too late...
I didnt know the area is monitored, but since it is - how can a dancer "say yes to more that's beyond the rules"?
I've learned from u: not to take it out; not to expct dncr to grope or fondle me; small chance for sucking; ask evrythng.
You could probably ask in the open 'have you ever let a guy touch you' or 'have you ever let a guy suck you' - so you're not even asking for it directly, just seeing what they say.
