Hey, Fellows, I'm Seeking Advice Again :) :) !!!!

[Juan Vancouver]

People know when you are lying to them. They can see it in your eyes, they hear it in your voice, and that is more hurtful and more damaging in my opinion, but you are certainly free to live your personal life any way that serves you best.

 

Lying is the fabric with which social interaction is built and maintained.

 

"Don't, worry, you look great tonight!"

"I am sure you'll beat cancer!"

"Your dad loved you, he did his very best."

"No, I don't mind you were five minutes late."

 

Psychologist have studied this in depth and discovered that a lie is a two way street; in order for it to function there has to be a liar and a liee. The liee more often than not understands he is being lied to and allows the lie to continue because the lie becomes a social lubricant that is designed to put everyone at ease. This kind of lie is often seen as a kind act of love.

 

When you are the recipient of a white lie, more often than not, you feel cared for and feel warmth towards the liar. You will not take his/her word for it, you won't make any choices based on this lie, but you will relax and let the incident go, knowing the other person cared for your feelings.

 

On the other hand:

 

"I am not attracted to you anymore."

"This is stage three cancer; it's likely it will kill you."

"Yes, you look fat tonight."

"Your dad never loved anyone. He never loved you."

"Yes, I am actually pissed off that you are five minutes late."

 

Those are many ways in which one can make the interaction unsalvageable. There is no coming back from it.

 

Psychologists, philosophers and sociologists at large tend to believe that a white lie, on non-important matters, which have the intention of minimizing emotional damage to people about whom you care about are a positive, socially adept, empathetic choice.

 

Lying on important matters, lying by habit, lying to hurt or to manipulate, that's entirely another issue.

 

There is a fine line between honesty and heartlessness. Empathy or its lack is what make you choose one or the other.

[coriolis888]

Lying is the fabric with which social interaction is built and maintained.

 

"Don't, worry, you look great tonight!"

"I am sure you'll beat cancer!"

"Your dad loved you, he did his very best."

"No, I don't mind you were five minutes late."

 

Psychologist have studied this in depth and discovered that a lie is a two way street; in order for it to function there has to be a liar and a liee. The liee more often than not understands he is being lied to and allows the lie to continue because the lie becomes a social lubricant that is designed to put everyone at ease. This kind of lie is often seen as a kind act of love.

 

When you are the recipient of a white lie, more often than not, you feel cared for and feel warmth towards the liar. You will not take his/her word for it, you won't make any choices based on this lie, but you will relax and let the incident go, knowing the other person cared for your feelings.

 

On the other hand:

 

"I am not attracted to you anymore."

"This is stage three cancer; it's likely it will kill you."

"Yes, you look fat tonight."

"Your dad never loved anyone. He never loved you."

"Yes, I am actually pissed off that you are five minutes late."

 

Those are many ways in which one can make the interaction unsalvageable. There is no coming back from it.

 

Psychologists, philosophers and sociologists at large tend to believe that a white lie, on non-important matters, which have the intention of minimizing emotional damage to people about whom you care about are a positive, socially adept, empathetic choice.

 

Lying on important matters, lying by habit, lying to hurt or to manipulate, that's entirely another issue.

 

There is a fine line between honesty and heartlessness. Empathy or its lack is what make you choose one or the other.

 

 

Too bad Ryan Lochte didn't share this philosophy at the time he lied about being robbed in Rio.

[bigvalboy]

Lying is the fabric with which social interaction is built and maintained.

 

"Don't, worry, you look great tonight!"

"I am sure you'll beat cancer!"

"Your dad loved you, he did his very best."

"No, I don't mind you were five minutes late."

 

Psychologist have studied this in depth and discovered that a lie is a two way street; in order for it to function there has to be a liar and a liee. The liee more often than not understands he is being lied to and allows the lie to continue because the lie becomes a social lubricant that is designed to put everyone at ease. This kind of lie is often seen as a kind act of love.

 

When you are the recipient of a white lie, more often than not, you feel cared for and feel warmth towards the liar. You will not take his/her word for it, you won't make any choices based on this lie, but you will relax and let the incident go, knowing the other person cared for your feelings.

 

On the other hand:

 

"I am not attracted to you anymore."

"This is stage three cancer; it's likely it will kill you."

"Yes, you look fat tonight."

"Your dad never loved anyone. He never loved you."

"Yes, I am actually pissed off that you are five minutes late."

 

Those are many ways in which one can make the interaction unsalvageable. There is no coming back from it.

 

Psychologists, philosophers and sociologists at large tend to believe that a white lie, on non-important matters, which have the intention of minimizing emotional damage to people about whom you care about are a positive, socially adept, empathetic choice.

 

Lying on important matters, lying by habit, lying to hurt or to manipulate, that's entirely another issue.

 

There is a fine line between honesty and heartlessness. Empathy or its lack is what make you choose one or the other.

 

Well on this we completely disagree....

 

As I said before, you are free to live your life anyway that you choose, or anyway that you feel serves you best, that is your prerogative. I find telling the truth serves me better.

 

I could probably take each of your examples and discuss them to ad nauseam, and present examples why being truthful would serve the other person best, but in the end we would still be in disagreement, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

 

All the best...

[Juan Vancouver]

Too bad Ryan Lochte didn't share this philosophy at the time he lied about being robbed in Rio.

 

Either you are completely twisting my words to mean exactly the opposite of their perfectly clear meaning, or you are somewhere in the Autism spectrum.

 

If it is the latter, I am not offended at all for your inability to understand nuance and context. I know it is not your fault, so let me explain how your comment is not only not relevant, but entirely wrong:

 

I clearly stated what a white lie is. A social lubricant in a non important situation. Nobody will get hurt, no important choices will be made because of it, the only reason for the white lie is to make the social interaction smoother.

 

A social lubricating white lie is incredibly different from perjury. A lie designed to cover one's own crimes or shortcomings has absolutely nothing to do with a white lie.

[MikeyGMin]

As I said before, you are free to live your life anyway that you choose, or anyway that you feel serves you best, that is your prerogative. I find telling the truth serves me better.

 

As with many things on the board, there are two clear camps (like Haglers versus Non-Haglers. ) It's highly unlikely that you will ever convince someone from another camp that you are right. I just know that when I flip it around and imagine myself on the receiving end -- an escort decides that he doesn't want to see me anymore -- I would MUCH prefer a white lie. Tell me you're too busy, tell me you've gotten a boyfriend, tell me anything except you can't bear to be with me again.

[MiamiLooker]

Either you are completely twisting my words to mean exactly the opposite of their perfectly clear meaning, or you are somewhere in the Autism spectrum.

 

If it is the latter, I am not offended at all for your inability to understand nuance and context. I know it is not your fault, so let me explain how your comment is not only not relevant, but entirely wrong:

 

I clearly stated what a white lie is. A social lubricant in a non important situation. Nobody will get hurt, no important choices will be made because of it, the only reason for the white lie is to make the social interaction smoother.

 

A social lubricating white lie is incredibly different from perjury. A lie designed to cover one's own crimes or shortcomings has absolutely nothing to do with a white lie.

Such a nasty, offensive, passive-aggressive post (I commend you on your expertise at this). You should be ashamed of yourself.

[bigvalboy]

As with many things on the board, there are two clear camps (like Haglers versus Non-Haglers. ) It's highly unlikely that you will ever convince someone from another camp that you are right. I just know that when I flip it around and imagine myself on the receiving end -- an escort decides that he doesn't want to see me anymore -- I would MUCH prefer a white lie. Tell me you're too busy, tell me you've gotten a boyfriend, tell me anything except you can't bear to be with me again.

 

LOL...Well that's never happened to me, but if an escort doesn't want to see me anymore, it's no sweat off my back. I have thick skin, you can't offend me. They can tell me anything they want. "You're too fat" "You're too old" "You're too cheap"...Got it. All true. Next!

[coriolis888]

Such a nasty, offensive, passive-aggressive post (I commend you on your expertise at this). You should be ashamed of yourself.

 

 

Thanks for understanding the humor in my post.

[MikeyGMin]

LOL...Well that's never happened to me, but if an escort doesn't want to see me anymore, it's no sweat off my back. I have thick skin, it's hard to offend me. They can tell me anything they want. "You're too fat" "You're too old" "You're too cheap"...Got it. All true. Next!

 

I envy you. My skin is paper thin. No escort has ever actually brushed me off, let alone "dumped" me, but years ago an agency owner (known to this board) told me that my favorite hire could no longer see me because he couldn't take my breath anymore. He very gently recommended that I seek professional help. I was hurt, humiliated, you name it.

 

Turned out that he and said escort were having a nasty parting of the ways and it was a black lie. Not sure how he thought it was going to benefit him. It wasn't like I was going to hire another one of his guys when I thought I had stank mouth.

 

A couple weeks later the escort contacted me and explained that he had left the agency but would love to see me independently. I asked him about the breath issue and he assured me that he had never said any such thing. I believed him, and he actually became my very first long-term regular, but it has filled me with paranoia ever since.

 

Thin skinned, easily scarred, appreciate being let down easy -- even if it's a lie. (Not sure this story is really relevant to the topic, because it was an evil fucked-up thing for that prick to do, but I feel like I've been to confessional. )

[philly cheese]

Such a nasty, offensive, passive-aggressive post (I commend you on your expertise at this). You should be ashamed of yourself.

 

Thank-you @MiamiLooker

[philly cheese]

Such a nasty, offensive, passive-aggressive post (I commend you on your expertise at this). You should be ashamed of yourself.

 

Why is he @Juan Vancouver not entertaining hirers rather than entering nasty, offensive, passive-aggressive posts ??

 

And tell me fellow Forum members, why is his ass kissed? The Pontiff would prefer a mere ring kiss.

[Juan Vancouver]

Thin skinned, easily scarred, appreciate being let down easy -- even if it's a lie. (Not sure this story is really relevant to the topic, because it was an evil fucked-up thing for that prick to do, but I feel like I've been to confessional. )

 

I think your story is very much relevant in this case. We are at our most vulnerable when it comes to intimacy, sexuality and self-image. Anything we can say to others might have a huge impact and in thinking ourselves pious for being "honest" we might be inflicting a huge damage on the other.

 

Thanks for sharing it.

[LADoug1]

I prefer straight forward honesty. Plain and simple.

[+ bigjoey]

Either you are completely twisting my words to mean exactly the opposite of their perfectly clear meaning, or you are somewhere in the Autism spectrum.

 

If it is the latter, I am not offended at all for your inability to understand nuance and context. I know it is not your fault, so let me explain how your comment is not only not relevant, but entirely wrong:

 

I clearly stated what a white lie is. A social lubricant in a non important situation. Nobody will get hurt, no important choices will be made because of it, the only reason for the white lie is to make the social interaction smoother.

 

A social lubricating white lie is incredibly different from perjury. A lie designed to cover one's own crimes or shortcomings has absolutely nothing to do with a white lie.

 

I am in your camp. I like the definition of a white lie as "social lubricant" and restrict such lies to minor harmless issues.

 

As a young man in college, a friend of my mother in Philadelphia invited me to dinner; being all alone in a strange city I eagerly accepted. For dessert, she said I was so lucky because she had made me her prize winning coconut cake. At the time, I hated coconut. To make a long story short I ate the entire very large slice and smiled the whole time; I told her I was indeed lucky to have such a wonderful treat; I admired her baking skills and thanked her profusely as I took a third of the cake back to the dorms (given away to my room mate). The woman beamed ear-to-ear at the compliments directed toward her and for my four years at Penn, I always reminded her of my luck at that first dinner and she always smiled at the memory. The white lie made her happy; no harm done to anyone; a social sitution turned positive.

 

Think of the artist asking "How do you like my painting?" Think of your date asking "How do you like my new shirt?" In all these cases you could tell the insulting truth but the white lie makes the other person feel good and the social interaction a positive one. No harm is done.

[DonaldTramp]

As always...love & light!

[BgMstr4u]

White lies every time. Who among us can constantly bear reality? We're none of us so wonderful when it comes right down to it. Let's be honest. Except for a very few escorts who have something like a vocation to make paying gentlemen feel good about themselves and their perhaps not so altogether wonderful lives (and thank you God for them!) most escorts have issues like the rest of us, and some of them pretty major. Kindness - that is, a little white lying to help a guy out of an imperfect situation - never killed anyone. A possibly hurtful honesty at the wrong time has pushed many over edges they were better off not exploring. So unless the guy is genuinely seeking honest feedback - and even then I'd be kind in how I said it - giving a guy a good feeling on the way out the door is the way to go. IMHO.