With a heavy heart....

[Phil_musc]

This is such a touching posting. First, my condolences to Brian on his loss.

 

And my thanks to Fluffie for the really lovely post; although it made me shed tears, it reminded me of my furry friends who are no longer with me and made me appreciate the ones I do have even more.

[Brian Kevin]

Thanks everyone. So much. Yesterday was tough. My blow up didn't help. I stopped receiving alerts about this thread. The rainbo bridge poem was amazing and fluff is always so kind and warm hearted.

 

All of your posts are touching. I wish I had WiFi so I could go on my laptop and thank each of you separately but it's impossible from my phone unfortunately.

 

I made it thru the night with some spiced rum and medical marijuana. I didn't even end up drinking. It didn't feel right. I tossed and turned in my bed, pondering everything. I got to say goodbye but just thinking of being in pain, angry and just attacked my owner, makes me think of how sad, alone and scared he was. By this time, he has been put to sleep.

 

What hurts the most is 2 days ago when Abby had surgery we asked about putting him to sleep-- they said he had a long life expectancy even with the tumors and cysts he would live more years. So after they got wind of him ripping my dads arm open only then were they willing to put him to sleep.

 

Its just so frustrating to know we expected and anticipated this but when he reached for help down that particular ally, we were short changed and promised our dog would have a long life. Well-- we see how well that worked.

 

We tried anti anxiety dog pills, bipolar dog pills, pain killers-- if it was a pill, shot or a liquid dog med we tried it. Thats the price you pay for a dog you love. Nakita had vitamin B12 shots every weekend for her whole life. Countless surgeries and months of vomiting and pooping herself. My parents spent hundreds or thousands of dollars on her.

 

When I enrolled into college I had to drop out and reapply at a career institute because I was giving all the money I had from 18-days before my 20th birthday to help save Nakitas life. We did. Just one day last winter it was all said it done it was her time to meet her maker.

 

The hardest part about the story above is my parents moved to North Carolina shortly after, this was well planned. She never got to have a fenced in backyard a decade of running on a leash. She loved in ground pools, had one in MA but it was always so close we only went swimming a dozen times. I have pics and videos of us running off the diving board, swimming to stairs and then running back to the board for hours. In NC the pool is so much warmer, its also salt water!!! Upon the first visit there I stared at the pool wishing Nakita were here.

 

In closing, I cannot be angry at Dakota, after all, this all did start after Nakita died. He always waited and waited and waited for her to come back to her cage. She never did. He cried for months. Actual. Dogs. Crying. It was the saddest and most patehtic thing I've ever seen. My dad was doing so bad he slept and wept INSIDE of her cage, for a couple weeks hr actually slept with his head on he pillows in he cage. Then I think Dakota finnaly realized she wasn't coming back. That my friends is what drove our four legged friend crazy. Plus that stress and daily pain would cause anyone's cysts and tumors to spread like wild fire.

 

Today will be easier as will the next and so on and so on. One day I will cope with death better. Until then I'll just keep scratching my head with confusion.

[curiousnomore]

I'm crying as I type this. My heart goes out to you Brian. I know the sense of loss you feel.

 

https://rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm

I hope this helps you as much as it helped me.

[+ dutchmuch]

You are young, and you will probably go through this many more times in your life, because those animals don't live as long as we want them to.

 

 

"Everybody is born so that they can learn how to live a good life - like loving everybody and being nice, right?" The four-year-old said. "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."