A Hamster Tale...............with all the serious shit going on these days, at least this made me la

[BuckyXTC]

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet

syndrome

including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will

have

you laughing out LOUD!

 

Overview:

I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened:Just

after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was"something

wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room.

 

"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious,Dad.

Can

you help?"

I put my best 'hamster-healer' face and followed him into his bedroom.

One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed.

I

immediately knew what to do. "Honey," I called, "come look at the

hamster!"

 

Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies."

"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"

I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we

didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.

"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she

inquired. (hint of sarcasm, here?)

"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my

most

loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).

 

"Yeah,

Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.

"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, ya know," she

informed me. (Again with the sarcasm, ya think?)

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I

shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be a

wondrous experience, I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of

birth."

 

"OH, Gross!", they shrieked.

"Well, isn't THAT just Great! What are we going to do with a litter of

tiny little hamster babies?" my wife wanted to know.

 

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a

tiny

foot would appear

briefly, vanishing a scant second later. "We don't appear to be making

much progress," I noted. "It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.

 

"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.

"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it

next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried several

more times with the same results.

 

"Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they

could talk us through the trauma."

"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.

We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.

"Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.

"I don't think hamsters do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women

can

be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing,

but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)

 

The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little

animal through a magnifying glass. "What do you think, Doc, a c-section?"

I

suggested scientifically.

 

"Oh, very interesting," he murmured.

"Mr. and >Mrs.Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?" I

gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.

"Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This hamster is not in labor. In

fact, that isn't EVER

going to happen... Ernie is a boy."

"What!?"

"You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into

maturity, like most male species,they um.... er.... masturbate. Just the

way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well,

you

know what I'm saying, Mr.. Cameron.">

 

We were silent, absorbing this.

"So Ernie's just...just...Excited?" my wife offered.

"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.

More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And

giggle.

And then even laugh loudly.

"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the

woman

I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.

 

Tears were now running down her face. "It's just...that...I'm

picturing

you pulling on its... its...teeny little..." she gasped for more air to

bellow in laughter once more.

 

"That's enough," I warned.

We thanked the veterinarian and hurriedly bundled the hamsters and our

son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.

 

"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told

me.

"Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

 

2 - Hamsters - 10 bucks...

1 - Cage - 20 bucks

Trip to the Vet ...30 bucks...

Pictures of your hubby pulling on the hamster's

******........Priceless

[jackhammer91406]

i am trying to wipe away the tears from laughing so hard as I type this.

Thanks for the great story. It is funny

:7

 

JackHamster er...:+

[+ deej]

[H1]ROFL![/H1]

[Guest YFSC]

Too funny for words! :7

[Guest ncm2169]

Bucky, that's hilarious!

 

< If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet

syndrome >

 

Yeah, well, I have. Try spending $1,500 and change to cure a male cat's urinary tract infection, and then in the next week having the critter be diagnosed with diabetes, requiring daily insulin injections - and trying to explain to your 15 y/o loving pet caretaker that there's a limit... x(

 

And then, there was the calico County Animal Shelter Certified sterile male cat who proceeded 4 months later to give birth... }(

[VaHawk]

LOL!!! :7 :7 I LAUGHED so HARD that my guts burst. I have to express my sincere thanks to my neighbors who called 911 and to the emergency medics who stitched me back up before I bled to death! ;-)

 

Ooooh, it was so HOT!!! as I got to feel the steel-banded thighs of the HOT EMT straddling my head as he stemmed the flow of blood. How could I EVER repay you for such an exhiliarting experience?

 

But then again, what the heck do I know about humor? I'm as humorless as a bull dyke lesbian suffering from pms. :o

[+ Oliver]

Bucky -

 

Indeed priceless :7

 

Reminded me of the two "male" gerbils my daughter "rescued" from a lab and brought home. Sometime later, one of the "males" began giving birth to several "pink jelly beans".

 

I'm so glad you were able to "help" the young male get off. }(

 

Oliver