SEEKING ULTRA HIGH END CLIENT ... FOR ME

[+ stevenkesslar]

 

 

 

Dude. This is creepy. How did you get a picture of my father?

 

I may be into a rich sugar daddy, but not my own. I'm not into incest.

 

Besides, one of the things that makes me really great at my job is I don't feel a need to elaborate about what creeps me out about perverts like you.

 

Next.

[+ stevenkesslar]

I just need a good faith deposit first. Send a $1000 money order payable to "Cash" to, PO Box 752, West Platte, North Dakota, 76401. Include a self addressed postage paid envelope.

 

What the fuck? Are you people that stupid? I want a rich dude to send money to me. I said my ultra high end client doesn't have to be smart as a whip. I didn't say that I'm a moron!

 

I was actually willing to send one of my molars to Whipped Guy as a deposit, until he got all creepy with this incest shit.

[+ SundayZip]

... I want a rich dude to send money to me. I said my ultra high end client doesn't have to be smart as a whip. I didn't say that I'm a moron!...

 

Good point. I like you, so for you, I'll drop the fee to $699.98. And I'll pay the postage on your return envelope. That's my final offer.

[+ stevenkesslar]

Good point. I like you, so for you, I'll drop the fee to $699.98. And I'll pay the postage on your return envelope. That's my final offer.

 

I am simultaneously shocked and flattered by your request. I am NOT a stupid whore. I am a high end escort. Stop! You are offending me.

 

I am flattered that at least you get my drift that everyone is a gold digger, and everything is negotiable. Now either get a life, or get me a rich guy with lots of money.

[TruthBTold]

Sorry. Forgot to mention. No Democrats. Looking for a Republican. Politicians are fine, especially one who publicly claims to hate the idea of sucking cock or letting those of us who like to get married. Easy to blackmail.

 

Anybody here know Aaron Schock? He's the kind of asshole I could really enjoy getting into.

 

http://1wdojq181if3tdg01yomaof86.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/AaronSchock.jpg

 

 

I have not met him personally, but if you wait for a few months you may be able to visit him in Federal prison.

[+ stevenkesslar]

As ever Steven...you are adept at offending EVERYONE

 

 

Well, I have to admit I feel a certain happiness about being so despised by a bunch of sorry losers like you, whom I have utterly no respect for. Having said that, for the first time, I find myself failing at carrying out something. Is it really too much to ask for you guys to just figure out how to find me a rich bastard I can make a fortune off of?

 

Always remember, irony is not something you need to remove wrinkles from your shirts!

 

TruHart!

 

TruHart, how do I put this delicately? You seem like a nice guy and all, but you are perhaps a little bit dense. I don't need ironing, or maid service, and I am perfectly capable of buying my own shirts at Hermes or what not. The only object of clothing you need to concern yourself with as regards me and my request is a wallet and certain accoutrements that fill it. As a rule of thumb, remember this, if you can: there will be certain strings attached, but they won't be visible, so they do not involve complete items of clothing.

[Okliehomo]

Might I suggest Caitlyn Jenner?

 

While I think blackmail is out of the question since she is pretty (did I say pretty?Hmmm) much everywhere and I am not sure about her whole liking men thing since when she was a he, he was pretty (that word again) adamant adamant about not being "gay".... but on the upside, you could share a hair dresser and she is a Republican....

[Edward]

I hope no one is taking your thread to seriously. In the first place you don't have the qualifications. Looks or brains. Nice dream Steven.

[+ stevenkesslar]

Might I suggest Caitlyn Jenner?

 

While I think blackmail is out of the question since she is pretty (did I say pretty?Hmmm) much everywhere and I am not sure about her whole liking men thing since when she was a he, he was pretty (that word again) adamant adamant about not being "gay".... but on the upside, you could share a hair dresser and she is a Republican....

 

Not to sound intolerant or old-fashioned or bigoted, but read the criteria. Pussy is a no-go zone. Even if its just transitional pussy. When I was a young stud, and it was Bruce and the stud on the Wheaties box, we had the potential of brand name extortion. That was then. This is now.

 

Although as Jon Stewart pointed out recently, Caitlyn and I do have some things in common.

 

People tend to say the same things about us. "She looks really good. Especially for her age."

 

And like her, I am concerned about an expiration date. She's 65, so Jon Stewart gave her 2 years. I'm younger, but I'm not taking anything for granted. If you fuckers would just do your jobs, I could have this nailed down in maybe 2 weeks.

 

Next.

[+ stevenkesslar]

Nice dream Steven.

 

Geez, thanks!!!

 

Drop dead gorgeous. Whip smart. Sexually voracious. Wickedly funny.

 

People have called me a lot of things, but nobody has ever called me dreamy.

 

And you are right. For the right ultra high end client, I am sure I will be a dream come true.

 

http://devilsfoe.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/your-nightmares-are-dreams-too.jpg

[whipped guy]

What the fuck? Are you people that stupid? I want a rich dude to send money to me. I said my ultra high end client doesn't have to be smart as a whip. I didn't say that I'm a moron!

 

I was actually willing to send one of my molars to Whipped Guy as a deposit, until he got all creepy with this incest shit.

Well if you send the lower left second molar, number 18 the one with the gold crown, as a token of your good intentions we have a deal!

 

Don't worry! I'll work with you! The creepy incest business does not have to be part of the deal... Plus, it's a given that you're certainly not a moron!

[+ WilliamM]

I hope no one is taking your thread to seriously. In the first place you don't have the qualifications. Looks or brains. Nice dream Steven.

 

Steven has certainly demonstarted on the site in the past few weeks that he is a smart guy, well informed. The only legitimate complaint may be that his posts are too long, but still worth reading.

[+ Funguy]

OK, cut to the chase:

You want fun? I got fun!

I'll even pay you in dollars, not pesos.

You want someone who doesn't lurk on forums like this? I'll resign.

I'll even call you dreamy.

I'm even smart, maybe not "whip" smart (I leave that to WG)

AND

Again, I'm fun, too.

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

He is fun. I saw him.

 

He didn't call me "dreamy" though. Fucker.

[+ stevenkesslar]

 

He didn't call me "dreamy" though. Fucker.

 

Duh! They call me dreamy. You're creamy.

 

That's cause you're younger, better hung, and shoot a lot more.

 

Fucker.

[+ stevenkesslar]

OK, cut to the chase:

You want fun? I got fun!

I'll even pay you in dollars, not pesos.

You want someone who doesn't lurk on forums like this? I'll resign.

I'll even call you dreamy.

I'm even smart, maybe not "whip" smart (I leave that to WG)

AND

Again, I'm fun, too.

 

Hot damn, Sir. It's about time.

 

Like I said, don't worry about the fun part. I don't expect to feel a thing.

 

I'm all about the money. Daddy has graciously agreed to handle the initial transaction, so you can email him to find out where to send the initial $10,000 deposit for my facial reconstruction surgery.

 

Will you be wanting penile implants as well? May as well get it all done at once.

 

Oh, no need to wire cash. A cashier's check will be good enough. You know what they say. Trust Daddy.

[+ Funguy]

Wow! you didn't even ask for references!

 

Since I'll be doing the anti-aging facial stuff for you - lasers, botox, peels, etc. and all the preventive stuff - the hormone replacement, iv drips, nutrition - it looks like I won't need to pay that initial $10K. Nah, you don't need the penile implant - I like my guys all natural. After I take care of the testosterone (among other things) you won't even need the little blue pill or the little yellow pill.

 

Now, since you're all about the money, we need to figure out how much YOU are going to pay ME to be your exclusive client to provide YOU with the fun. I know you said not to worry about the fun, but I can't help but worry because, for this to work, you need to feel: I need you to say AHHHH and OHHHH and MORE and those kind of things.

 

I also need to have a trial meeting to see if we are compatible. Ha! You thought you might audition me, but the tables are turned.

 

So, are we on? I have my calendar all ready to fill in those dates.

 

Always,

Funguy

[+ stevenkesslar]

Now, since you're all about the money, we need to figure out how much YOU are going to pay ME to be your exclusive client to provide YOU with the fun.

 

Always,

Funguy

 

Excuse me? I pay you?

 

I'm not quite sure what the problem is, Funguy. I was quite clear on my requirements regarding money. Obviously you got what I wrote in Spanish relating to Carlos being stingy about paying in dollars. Are we having a failure to communicate? What part of the phrase "gold digging whore" do you not understand?

 

Assuming something got lost in translation, let me spell it out in plain English.

 

If you expect me to pay you, FUCK OFF!

 

Always,

Steven

[+ stevenkesslar]

A

What part of the phrase "gold digging whore" do you not understand? If you expect me to pay you, FUCK OFF!

 

Oh, and before any of you assholes get any other bright ideas about how you can try to take advantage of us gold digging whores, let's get this out of the way, as it relates to treating the escorts I know with the respect we deserve.

 

I am dreamy.

I think Chris Eisenhower is creamy.

I think JD Daniels is steamy.

And I think Dane Scott is seamy.

 

Needless to say, Dane has all the fun. It's always more interesting to play on the seamy side of town.

 

If you think you are going to get ultra high end escorts like us to pay for the pleasure of YOUR company, there is a word for that as well.

 

You are simply dreaming.

 

Ring ring. Time to wake up.

[+ Funguy]

Steven, Steven, Steven - that really is incredibly elite condescension!

For shame!

 

Yes, I understood about Carlos paying in dollars. When I said I would even pay in dollars, I wanted to reel you in.

Alas, although I am a premium client (as my references will testify) it is also I who wish to be kept in the manner to which I have been accustomed.

 

So, we have a gentleman who wishes to have an ultra high end client, and an ultra high end client who wishes to have an ultra high end gentleman (note the compliment) to take care of him. I have no selfies out there and you don't have to get rid of your temporal lobe because, as Funguy, I will give you, free of charge, a wonderful run for your money. Oops! There isn't money involved. But you'll still have a great time!

 

It all balances out (on the ultra high end) - one cancels the other, we can "have exclusive ultra-high end sex that you can not even begin to imagine" AND you will get to play on the seamy side of town!

 

No one has to pay anyone anything; thus, you don't have to pay me for my client services, nor I, you for your "time." What could be better?

 

This is a bargain for a gold digging whore! Besides, this way it shows that I do have imagination!

 

Ever the Funguy

[+ stevenkesslar]

Steven, Steven, Steven - that really is incredibly elite condescension!

 

No one has to pay anyone anything; thus, you don't have to pay me for my client services, nor I, you for your "time." What could be better?

 

Uh, let me think.

 

http://www.marshu.com/articles/images-website/articles/presidents-on-us-paper-money/one-million-dollar-bill-1-000-000.jpg

 

Guys, come on now. I'm perfectly willing to adopt a tone of incredibly elite condescension. But isn't there some rule on this website against asking such stupid fucking questions?

[+ Funguy]

I must confess: I tried! I really tried! I am crushed that you, with such a stellar reputation, would take money over a good romp in the hay with Funguy.

I will go now, head bowed in disappointment, and lick my wounds, to return another day.

At least I don't have to quit the forum, as I offered, to make you happy.

Farewell…...

[+ stevenkesslar]

Well, in the educated and insightful words of vaballfan...

 

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, and ...

 

[+ stevenkesslar]

He is fun. I saw him.

 

He didn't call me "dreamy" though.

 

Fucker.

 

By the way, if I'm that dreamy, where was the petition to bring me back?

 

http://www.inquisitr.com/2122754/greys-anatomy-fans-bring-back-mcdreamy-petition-reaches-100000-fans-point-out-mistakes-and-foreshadowing/

 

For 4 years I was quiet and as good as dead. Where were all you fuckers then?

 

I had to think up this ridiculously stupid shit and raise myself from the dead all on my own.

[bigvalboy]

By the way, if I'm that dreamy, where was the petition to bring me back?

 

http://www.inquisitr.com/2122754/greys-anatomy-fans-bring-back-mcdreamy-petition-reaches-100000-fans-point-out-mistakes-and-foreshadowing/

 

For 4 years I was quiet and as good as dead. Where were all you fuckers then?

I had to think up this ridiculously stupid shit and raise myself from the dead all on my own.

 

And how's that workin out for ya....

 

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GM3L8oaK9A4/UFX1Fzt7o5I/AAAAAAAAC_4/e_mgMzCMtBY/s320/cowboy-shaking-head.gif