Mars Air Force Denies Story of UFO Crash

[eastbayguy]

Ma’adim Vallis (MPI) - A spokesthing for Mars Air Force denounced as false rumors that an alien space craft crashed in the desert, outside of Ma’adim Vallis, near Gusev Crater on Sunday. Appearing at a press conference today, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser, stated that "the object was, in fact, a harmless high-altitude weather balloon, not an alien spacecraft".

 

The story broke late Sunday night when an officer stationed at nearby Ma’adim Vallis Air Force Base contacted the Gusev Crater Daily Record with a story about a strange, balloon-shaped object which allegedly came down in the nearby desert, "bouncing" several times before coming to a stop, "deflating in a sudden explosion of alien gases". Minutes later, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser contacted the Daily Record telepathically to contradict the earlier report.

 

General Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that hysterical stories of a detachable vehicle roaming across the Martian desert were blatant fiction, provoked by incidences involving swamp gas. But the general public has been slow to accept the Air Force's explanation of recent events, preferring to speculate on the "other-worldly" nature of the crash debris.

 

Conspiracy theorists have condemned Rgrmrmy's statements as evidence of "an obvious government cover-up," pointing out that Mars has no swamps.

 

Monthly Martian Cronicles, January, 2004

[Trixie]

Very Cute! Did you come up with that, EBGUY?

It's so '50's sci-fi!

Trix

[Guest pyell]

Earlier the Martian Air Force had been forced to deny rumours that it had shot down a smaller alien vehicle. Eyewitnesses said they had seen what looked like a shooting star emerging from a strange star-like object just visible in the nightsky and heading straight down to mars. Its fall was supposedly braked by what observers said were parachutes.

 

Eyewitnesses claim the Air Force shot the vehicle down and it crashed to mars, distintegrating on impact. They claim that Air Force personnel collected the pieces, including a radio transmitter that was attempting to send signals to the alleged mother ship orbiting above us. They say that the small craft had markings looking something like this: "beagle".

 

Of course it is impossible to make sense of such gibberish markings, and an Air Force spokemartian said that this story was obviously the product of an excess of consumption at a festive party to celebrate the midwinter solstice.

[eastbayguy]

>Very Cute! Did you come up with that, EBGUY?

>It's so '50's sci-fi!

 

While employed at a certain, un-named nuclear research laboratory in Livermore, CA, one of my colleagues and I wrote several items which were used to annoy our colleagues at JPL. It worked. They were furious, and, fortunately, blamed someone at a different lab.

 

The very best one ever was a ransom note we faxed to JPL after one of their Mars probes went missing. We demanded $50 million in Martian money and no funny business for the return of their missing satellite.

 

This one was slightly updated for the current UFO terror now descending on Mars. Will have to un-Mars something else for the landing scheduled for the 28th. Stay tuned.

 

--EBG

[VaHawk]

DUMB! Is this post an example of what we can expect with the new, gentler Hooville? If so, then I pass, except to reiterate DUMB!!!! x( x( x( x(

[+ deej]

Cute, very cute. This one is going out to a few columnists I know who often include 'net humor.

[eastbayguy]

>Cute, very cute. This one is going out to a few columnists I

>know who often include 'net humor.

 

Heh. Cool. I've started writing something in honor of the 2nd landing, later this month. Ties together many events in the often stormy history between Mars and Earth.

 

VAHawk--sorry if you were offended. Merely trying to inject a little humor. I agree with you that the board is less interesting lately. I miss reading the posts from a bunch of people.

 

--EBG