Where are the submissive escorts?

[+ FreshFluff]

I've always been curious about this:

 

I've been here a few years and, while I only read a fraction of the threads, I've read of escorts interested in all kinds of activities. The guys who are into serious B&D on the submission side can hire the "Master Whatever" guys. But I have yet to read about any escorts who specialize in submission.

 

I'm guessing this is because it's too dangerous for an escort to allow himself to be tied up by a total stranger. (Clients don't need to worry since many of the specialized masters are extensively reviewed.)

 

So who do dom guys hire if they want an S&M scene? You'd think there would be a lot of money in submitting if an escort were willing to do it while taking precautions. For example , maybe they could play in a public S&M club the first few times. I'm curious about why more guys haven't tried this.

 

Or are there just a lot more subs than doms?

[Guest ChrisW]

The prospect of being a pro sub sends shivers down my spine. I have known a few pro subs and I have seen what they go through and more often than not they have clients that push them past their limits. Making yourself vulnerable to someone that doesn't have a vested interest your well being is ill advised in my humble opinion. BDSM is heavy stuff thats not done lightly, there are more emotional ramifications than physical which is not something many think about. You can end up with bruises that will heal but if the guy topping you doesn't respect your limits you could be left with long lasting phycological scars.

[TruHart1]

I know of a quite well-reviewed and established escort who is willing and often eager to be submissive to a dom client. He will not do that scene, however, unless he has been hired by the client previously and knows he can be trusted to respect all of the escort’s limits.

 

TruHart1

[whipped guy]

In the past and even currently there are indeed a number of escorts (and that includes "well-reviewed and established" escorts) who enjoy playing the submissive role. However, none overtly advertise the fact and will only do so once a certain amount of trust has been established. Of course there need to be limits set as with any S&M relationship. However, in the case of a guy who is "working it" one must be quite careful. Case in point: I jokingly asked one guy if he would enjoy having his cock flogged. His response was, "Yeah, but that's my bread and butter! I'll pass!" Made sense to me!!!

[bigvalboy]

As a newbie to this, for me trust works both ways. The first time I was restrained, I was with an escort that was amazing. He was gentle, explained everything that he was doing, and constantly checked to not only see how I was, but also asked my permission to add new toys. It was surprisingly erotic. Unfortunately, I have yet to find anyone out here that I trust that much. I am still a little uneasy when I am not in control. I am sure it will get better, but I'm just not there yet.

[whipped guy]

As a newbie to this, for me trust works both ways... I am still a little uneasy when I am not in control. I am sure it will get better, but I'm just not there yet.

The trust factor is definitely a two way street... and it is indeed in the final analysis all about trusting and then giving up control. That's the key to success and the ultimate in gratification. Best of luck to BVB in his quest for S&M ecstasy!!

[bigvalboy]

The trust factor is definitely a two way street... and it is indeed in the final analysis all about trusting and then giving up control. That's the key to success and the ultimate in gratification. Best of luck to BVB in his quest for S&M ecstasy!!

 

Were working on it...as they say.

[+ Gar1eth]

...Case in point: I jokingly asked one guy if he would enjoy having his cock flogged. His response was, "Yeah, but that's my bread and butter! I'll pass!" Made sense to me!!!

 

I didn't quite understand this unless he meant #1. That's what I usually like, but I want to do something different with you. OR #2. He knew you wanted to flog him, and as in the old Sadist/Masochist joke- he said, "No."

 

Gman

[Jake_Raleigh]

I consider myself an "APLHA" in the bondage world. Most of the clients I've worked with typically take the submissive role. When I worked with my partner as a DUO, I have been the SUB and he supervised/assisted. I do have regular clients I work with and know my "SAFE" words and limits, but I stress the word "regular" in this sentence. I am not sure if I would take on a new client as a submissive, unless another escort sent the referral and the trust and communication is there. I guess my only feedback to this chat, regardless of the role, is to do your homework and communicate. I have played in both fun and working environments, and it can go bad in the fun equally the same as the working side of things.

 

Jake

[whipped guy]

I didn't quite understand this unless he meant #1. That's what I usually like, but I want to do something different with you. OR #2. He knew you wanted to flog him, and as in the old Sadist/Masochist joke- he said, "No."

 

Gman

Well as indicated my query was meant as a joke while I was playing the dom and he was the sub... Yes, he would have enjoyed it... but he needed to "preserve" the integrity his "equipment" so as to be in tip-top shape for his other more "traditional' clients! As I said that made perfect sense!

 

I'm not sure what SM joke you are referencing... I only of know these:

Q: How many sado-masochists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two. One to hold it and one to kick the chair out from under him.

Did you hear about the sadist and the masochist who were stranded together on a deserted island?

The masochist says to the sadist, “Hurt me, hurt me!”

Very calmly, and with a look of satisfying pleasure, the sadist answers, “No.”

I'm guessing that you were referencing the second joke.

[leigh.bess.toad]

This is along the same lines as a question I posed to a couple of escorts a while back: are there any escorts who advertise as fisting bottoms. There is at least one I know of who has been the bottom in fisting scenes in porn, but I don't know if they do it when escorting. I would imagine it gets into the same areas of the escort knowing the client and trusting them and their abilities too.

[+ Tom Isern]

hi fleshfluff. i think that escorting is a top's business, mainly because that's what the clients want. if you look through the pages of rentboy, for instance, the vast majority of escorts advertise as tops, and i know from experience that many of them would prefer to be bottoming. there's just not a lot of call, unfortunately, for the escort who identifies as passive or bottom. at least that's my experience here in new york.

 

on the other hand, i think you will find that many escorts are willing, in a situation of trust and safety, to go passive. i've done it--been tied up even. i've had clients offer me two to three times my usual rate to submit to them. and in group sessions with other escorts, doming the other "tops" is one of my favorite things. advertising is one thing, in actual encounters, all kinds of things can mixed up.

[+ Gar1eth]

hi fleshfluff. i think that escorting is a top's business, mainly because that's what the clients want. if you look through the pages of rentboy, for instance, the vast majority of escorts advertise as tops, and i know from experience that many of them would prefer to be bottoming. there's just not a lot of call, unfortunately, for the escort who identifies as passive or bottom. at least that's my experience here in new york.

 

That's always interesting to me when I hear/read people say that because I'm only a top. I don't seem to fit into the majority of clients just like I don't know that I fit into the gay world that well. The thought of bottoming is one of the many things that put me off having gay sex for such a long time. Plus I probably have chronic prostatitis/chronic pelvic pain syndrome- sometimes even a doctor prostate exam can put me in pelvic pain for a week afterwards. I always figured if a doctor with a gentle pressing on the area could cause that kind of pain then it was very likely that someone deliberately trying to ram that area was going to cause a lot more. So that suppressed any desire I really might have had to try to learn to bottom once I started having sex.

 

As for guys who I hire, I have no trouble if they are versatile. I don't have to have a strict bottom. And as for being submissive, I think I prefer the escorts I hire to usually not be submissive. I'm not sure I really want them dominant. But I like them to be masculine.

 

But while everyone says the majority of clients are bottom then maybe that has something to do with the personality of guys who hire. It seems to me if you look at the social/hook-up apps, the majority of the guys- or at least the majority of the guys on the site and especially the men I found myself really attracted to on them ( muscular and athletic) -before I deleted them from frustration -were either tops or were versatile.

 

Gman

[+ FreshFluff]

Thanks to everyone who answered this. It sounds like the answer is a combo of supply and demand and safety.

 

Also, I'd be curious to hear what you think of this: Maybe paying seems like a natural part of worshiping a master, while paying a sub conflicts with the scene.

[whipped guy]

Also, I'd be curious to hear what you think of this: Maybe paying seems like a natural part of worshiping a master, while paying a sub conflicts with the scene.

I never really thought of it in those terms... But it certainly makes sense. I have gladly paid to play the sub as well as the dom... and even to do an S&M flip flop. It usually depends on whatever mood I and my potential partner are in. I have hired thinking I was to be the sub and ended up being the dom. Bottom line: paying for and having fun is what it all boils down to.

[Juan Vancouver]

I'm guessing this is because it's too dangerous for an escort to allow himself to be tied up by a total stranger. (Clients don't need to worry since many of the specialized masters are extensively reviewed.)

 

Yes. Safety is a huge concern here. Normally in a DOM/sub relationship there is a carefully built relationship of trust that can't be built when there is a huge source of power imbalance such as money. I do know, however that many well reviewed and respected escorts work as subs. This happens either with many specific limits that eliminate the possible dangers or by using the constant presence of a monitor of their choice who simply sits during the scene without participating and is there to make sure that even through the most disempowering scenes (say total immobilization) the boundaries are respected and the safety words are obeyed. This way the sub can relax and fully submit in a responsible way.

 

So who do dom guys hire if they want an S&M scene? You'd think there would be a lot of money in submitting if an escort were willing to do it while taking precautions

 

There is. Often the rates to submit are much higher than the normal rates for time. This is a very specialized skill. Sometimes part of this rate goes to pay for the safety monitor of the sub's choice.

 

 

i think that escorting is a top's business, mainly because that's what the clients want. if you look through the pages of rentboy, for instance, the vast majority of escorts advertise as tops, and i know from experience that many of them would prefer to be bottoming.

 

My experience is quite different from that. At least 40 percent of my clients want to be the top or at least are looking for a versatile escort. I often think that the market is saturated with "tops" (And I use quotation marks because I too know that many escorts would rather bottom) because many are afraid of bottoming for clients, some are afraid of being ostracized as bottoms and most think that's what clients want.

 

Funnily enough I have found that more often than not the best escort tops are the ones who advertise as versatile, and many bottom clients stay clear of the escorts who advertise as versatile because in non working terms versatile often means "greedy, demanding, pushy, insatiable bottom".

 

And as for being submissive, I think I prefer the escorts I hire to usually not be submissive. I'm not sure I really want them dominant. But I like them to be masculine.

 

This is a very common misconception. I don't know if it is overcompensating or what is expected to fulfill the visual expectations of the fetish but I often find that subs are way more masculine than DOMS. Unless you go to Germany. As a matter of fact I find that discrepancy really fascinating. How many times have I witnessed a power play scene where a slim, slightly effeminate man screeches a lispy, high pitched command to a grunting tower of muscle! I sometimes think that it is this subversion of the common expectation what makes the scene so extraordinary. A sub is a man who is willing to test his own boundaries and offer himself up for his MASTER's enjoyment. This to me sounds like a very fucking manly endeavour.

 

Eroticism does work in fascinating ways!

 

If you are looking for a masculine man you have better chances if you hire someone who is a sub than if you hire a DOM.

 

Also, I'd be curious to hear what you think of this: Maybe paying seems like a natural part of worshiping a master, while paying a sub conflicts with the scene.

 

While it is true that money can be used as a form of worship, money can also be used as a means of creating a power imbalance showing who has control. Some people are into money shaming like "I'm buying you and now you belong to me" or "You are so greedy that you will do anything for the money that I have here".

 

In most of the cases, however, when hiring a sub the power imbalance ends way before money exchanges hands. There is a period of equalization and digestion of the scene, where the DOM lovingly nurtures the sub and they both recover their self reliance. This is a very normal thing that often has to happen after every power play session. By the time they are ready to part ways (and receive or give payment) they are two equals again.

 

I do not know of any full time cash sub (As in receiving cash). I do know of many full time cash slaves. (As in financially submitting to their DOMS through financial worship). It is possible that there are some but don't advertise it.

[whipped guy]

In most of the cases, however, when hiring a sub the power imbalance ends way before money exchanges hands. There is a period of equalization and digestion of the scene, where the DOM lovingly nurtures the sub and they both recover their self reliance. This is a very normal thing that often has to happen after every power play session. By the time they are ready to part ways (and receive or give payment) they are two equals again.

Spot on!

[anotherjohnindupont]

I had some 3somes in DC with submissive Tag Addams and a local escort who was a top, but as we all know he won't be available for sometime.