Am I too unf**kable, even for an escort?

[vincentvioro]

I've been thinking about hiring an escort for a while now. I'm going to be 28 and I'm still a virgin. I don't think that I'm anybody's idea of a good-looking man. I kind of realized a long time ago that I wasn't Brad Pitt, but I want to experience physical intimacy with someone before I die and this seems like the best way. I wanted to know if anybody's ever felt like this and how it makes them feel being with an escort. Does anyone feel any anxiety over their face or body when they're with the man they're hiring? Do you feel unworthy of paid intimacy?

 

Please respond with your comments, thanks

[+ Travis69]

I feel totally worthy of all the good things life has to offer and one of them is hot sex with a hot escort. 99.9% of all people feel inadequate in some aspect of their looks. Sometimes the most important thing in sex is your ability to have good sexual skills. They are more important then what you look like. You might just be a better catch then you think. Hire an escort, relax, have some confidence that you might just be very pleasing to them, have fun and enjoy all the good things life has to offer.

[Jaker27]

Almost 30 and still a virgin huh. Well, you could always join a monastery or look at becoming a priest.

[Becket]

Vince, you need a hug! There are a few escorts who are picky about who they see. Most of them think they are hotter and more desirable than they really are. The escorts who are well reviewed and perhaps a bit more mature than a teenager usually are very willing and able to show any of us a great time. I've yet to hire anyone who wouldn't or couldn't be with me, and I am quite the average dude. Just smile and be positive. Let the escort know you are happy to be with him. Treat it like a date, not just an appointment. And be clear beforehand with exactly what you are looking for in a session. And cheer up, dude!.

[btmstudnyc]

Vince, I have heard this many times over the years. Becket is right about you finding the right escort for the fun. I have had clients actually not take off their shirts sometimes. The good thing is, over time they get more comfortable with their bodies and realize that there is always someone for someone. Also, being cute isn't always the best cure for intimacy, damn, I can tell you how many guys could care less about getting INTIMATE with me. That being said, you are worthy no matter what you look like. WE ALL ARE WORTHY...SMOOCH!

[Newly]

Hi Vincent. Sir, you have youth on your side. No matter how you feel about yourself, youth hides a multitude of problems - as my mother in law used to say there's a lid for every pot, even if the pot is a bit wrapped. That being said let me add in my own 2 cents that will probably get me in a lot of hot water. You do realize that your are bringing up potentially huge self esteem issues on a site that caters to people who pay for intimacy and people who accept payment for intimacy, right? This would be a great place to ask for advice on different escorts, rules of escorting, etc. but not many people in our society at large would consider any of us (and I definitely include myself here) as being within the norm of social development. Hate to generalize and I'm sure someone will pipe in about how all dating basically boils down to that and how they're too "busy" to develop normal relationships, but the fact of the matter is that most shrinks would have volumes to write about us and arrested self development and so forth. Most people here would not be too crazy about having their families, work colleagues and friends know about this side of their lives - which should tell you of some of the issues we face. If you really do have these huge self esteem issues maybe it would pay you to get some help from a shrink or counselor. They may be better suited to helping you then we are. Just something to think about.

[+ Gar1eth]

Hi Vincent. Sir, you have youth on your side. No matter how you feel about yourself, youth hides a multitude of problems - as my mother in law used to say there's a lid for every pot, even if the pot is a bit wrapped. That being said let me add in my own 2 cents that will probably get me in a lot of hot water. You do realize that your are bringing up potentially huge self esteem issues on a site that caters to people who pay for intimacy and people who accept payment for intimacy, right? This would be a great place to ask for advice on different escorts, rules of escorting, etc. but not many people in our society at large would consider any of us (and I definitely include myself here) as being within the norm of social development. Hate to generalize and I'm sure someone will pipe in about how all dating basically boils down to that and how they're too "busy" to develop normal relationships, but the fact of the matter is that most shrinks would have volumes to write about us and arrested self development and so forth. Most people here would not be too crazy about having their families, work colleagues and friends know about this side of their lives - which should tell you of some of the issues we face. If you really do have these huge self esteem issues maybe it would pay you to get some help from a shrink or counselor. They may be better suited to helping you then we are. Just something to think about.

 

I agree with NEWTOTHIS. I don't think most of us would be intentionally cruel--but the fact that most of is hire--and on a routine basis--probably puts us on the outside of normality at least in this respect. The two things I can say-to the OP is to make sure you really want to do this and dont feel pressured into it because all your friends are having sex, on the other hand if you are pretty sure about it, then bravo for being braver than I was. It took me until I was 41 before I could make myself take the 1st step. Please whatever you do--play safely. You are much 2 young to get infected and be on HIV medications for 50 years.

 

Gman

[uwsman2]

Relax and hire somebody who you find hot and sexy based on his pics, his reviews on this site, and any postings you may find by him on this discussion board. The escorts make their living fulfilling people's fantasies. Those of us who hire from time to time certainly run the gamut in terms of looks, body, etc., but the point is that you are the customer and guys who are in this professionally tend to be able and willing to provide pleasure regardless of how you look. The best and most professional among them realize that it is their job to make you feel sexy!! When I first started hiring (and I was, like you, in my late 20s when I first hired), I assumed that the guys I hired would be way hotter than I was, and that when now and then they complimented me on my body or my cock or my love-making skills, they were just putting out a line to make me a satisfied potential repeat customer, but while the session is going on you just suspend your disbelief and play along and you'll have a great time, believe me.... provided you limit yourself to well-reviewed guys from this site and you make clear to them in your preliminary conversations what it is you are looking for. If you want a top to ravish you, don't hire a guy who advertises as a bottom, and so forth. If, as a first-timer, you're not quite sure what you want, pick somebody who says they are versatile and don't be shy about sharing your fantasies with them so they have some idea what you are looking for.

 

But don't hesitate. You've got lots of exciting times in front of you.

[corndog]

Vincent,

 

First of all, although I've never seen you, I feel pretty confident in saying that you aren't as unattractive as you think you are. Almost everyone has self image issues, even the hottest guys around. In fact, I think some of the hottest guys out there deal with more severe body image issues than the rest of us. These issues are hard to truly overcome, but my advice is to "fake it." Pretend that you're happy and proud of your appearance, and eventually you might start to actually believe it.

 

Second, you mention in your original post your concern that you're still a virgin, and also that you'd like to experience physical intimacy. I would recommend that you separate these issues and focus on the physical intimacy first. Losing your virginity is a significant life moment that carries a bit of weight and can be burdened with pressure to make it a special experience.

 

I think you should consider starting with sensual or erotic massage. Selecting a masseur can be a tricky business, because it's difficult to know what kind of experience you're getting yourself into, but a good sensual/erotic massage can help you become comfortable with your body, comfortable with intimacy, and in touch with your physical sexuality. Get comfortable with all that before you worry about losing your virginity.

 

If you reveal to us your general geographic location, I think a lot of forum members can make good recommendations for escorts in your area who have the right skills for a "newbie" like you.

[vincentvioro]

I live in Boston and yes I'd love some recommendations.

[Guest boiworship08]

Vincent,

 

First of all, although I've never seen you, I feel pretty confident in saying that you aren't as unattractive as you think you are. Almost everyone has self image issues, even the hottest guys around. In fact, I think some of the hottest guys out there deal with more severe body image issues than the rest of us. These issues are hard to truly overcome, but my advice is to "fake it." Pretend that you're happy and proud of your appearance, and eventually you might start to actually believe it.

 

Second, you mention in your original post your concern that you're still a virgin, and also that you'd like to experience physical intimacy. I would recommend that you separate these issues and focus on the physical intimacy first. Losing your virginity is a significant life moment that carries a bit of weight and can be burdened with pressure to make it a special experience.

 

I think you should consider starting with sensual or erotic massage. Selecting a masseur can be a tricky business, because it's difficult to know what kind of experience you're getting yourself into, but a good sensual/erotic massage can help you become comfortable with your body, comfortable with intimacy, and in touch with your physical sexuality. Get comfortable with all that before you worry about losing your virginity.

 

If you reveal to us your general geographic location, I think a lot of forum members can make good recommendations for escorts in your area who have the right skills for a "newbie" like you.

 

Corndog, superb advice!

[+ FreshFluff]

We had another thread like this a while back.

 

I'm a straight woman, so take this for what it's worth. I'm basing this on what I've observed on this site.

 

A good escort can be a more understanding partner ;can make your first sexual experience all about you; and can be a quick solution for horniness. But an escort isn't a boyfriend, so it's important that you gain confidence in your ability to meet non-paid partners.

 

My suggestion would be to work on your social skills, appearance, and self esteem and at the same time, start playing the numbers game (meeting a lot of men). There are a lot of things you can do for your appearance: Go to the gym, change your hair and clothes, to start with. But don't wait until you're perfect to start meeting men; time's a wasting, and just meeting and dating men will give you confidence. Trust me, there are men who would be happy to date you as you are.

[bigvalboy]

another thread[/url] like this a while back.

 

I'm a straight woman, so take this for what it's worth. I'm basing this on what I've observed on this site.

 

A good escort can be a more understanding partner ;can make your first sexual experience all about you; and can be a quick solution for horniness. But an escort isn't a boyfriend, so it's important that you gain confidence in your ability to meet non-paid partners.

 

My suggestion would be to work on your social skills, appearance, and self esteem and at the same time, start playing the numbers game (meeting a lot of men). There are a lot of things you can do for your appearance: Go to the gym, change your hair and clothes, to start with. But don't wait until you're perfect to start meeting men; time's a wasting, and just meeting and dating men will give you confidence. Trust me, there are men who would be happy to date you as you are.

 

Excellent excellent advice. Young Vincent, I hope you not only read this, but read it several times and then do as the young lady says. It won't be easy by any measure, real change never is. Stop at all cost the negative thoughts about your appearance, but get up every single morning of your life and give a little wink to the guy looking back at you in the mirror. This is why I always listened to my mother...women are right about most things.

[orbital sander]

Excellent excellent advice. Young Vincent, I hope you not only read this, but read it several times and then do as the young lady says. It won't be easy by any measure, real change never is. Stop at all cost the negative thoughts about your appearance, but get up every single morning of your life and give a little wink to the guy looking back at you in the mirror. This is why I always listened to my mother...women are right about most things.

 

I cannot agree more. FreshFluff hit the nail on the head, she is one of my favorite posters here! Big Smooch! Love that girl!

[+ Axiom2001]

corndog, superb advice!

 

 

ditto! Ditto!

[UconnFlyer]

Thoughts from a someone in a similar spot...

 

I think you've already gotten some good advice, but I thought I would add something more because I'm in similar shoes.

 

I'm a pretty unattractive guy as well. Some facial deformities at birth (plus a few other issues) have left me on the losing end in the looks department. I'm not hideous, but I'm far, far from attractive. Unfortunately, we live in a pretty shallow world where appearance often matters far more than it should. Even worse, I've found that gay men tend to be more shallow than most. I've found straight women to be far more forgiving of a man's looks than gay men. I'll admit to being guilty of this myself which is ironic given that I really can't afford to be picky!!

 

Much like you I remained a virgin far later in life than I would have liked. I'm still pretty inexperienced, but I have begun to gain experience using escorts. So to your initial point, I can almost guarantee you that you can find escorts who will provide you whatever service you desire (I have!). Even more important, you can find escorts (and there are some who post on this very board) that can help ease you into sex and help you discover it properly. Losing your virginity to an escort may not be ideal, but I still think it's better than desperately seeking sex at a bar, getting drunk and hooking up with some random guy you barely know or like and having a bad experience...many a gay man has lost his virginity that way!! And again, you can find a man that will treat you right, take his time and let you enjoy the discovery process...even if you are nervous and inexperienced.

 

With all that said, I would caution you not to use escorts as a way to escape your problems. There are some great escorts out there no doubt, but they are no substitute for a real relationship. They may help ease the pain of loneliness (and horniness!!), but they are no cure all. You will have to work through your appearance issues and come to peace with it. I'm still working on that myself. In my case, I will say that the experience I have gained (and hope to gain) from escorts has given me a bit more confidence which has inspired me to be more aggressive with dating in my personal life.

[+ FreshFluff]

Smooch to you too, Val and Orbital!

 

Much like you I remained a virgin far later in life than I would have liked. I'm still pretty inexperienced, but I have begun to gain experience using escorts. So to your initial point, I can almost guarantee you that you can find escorts who will provide you whatever service you desire (I have!). Even more important, you can find escorts (and there are some who post on this very board) that can help ease you into sex and help you discover it properly. Losing your virginity to an escort may not be ideal, but I still think it's better than desperately seeking sex at a bar, getting drunk and hooking up with some random guy you barely know or like and having a bad experience...many a gay man has lost his virginity that way!! And again, you can find a man that will treat you right, take his time and let you enjoy the discovery process...even if you are nervous and inexperienced.

 

With all that said, I would caution you not to use escorts as a way to escape your problems. There are some great escorts out there no doubt, but they are no substitute for a real relationship. They may help ease the pain of loneliness (and horniness!!), but they are no cure all. You will have to work through your appearance issues and come to peace with it. I'm still working on that myself. In my case, I will say that the experience I have gained (and hope to gain) from escorts has given me a bit more confidence which has inspired me to be more aggressive with dating in my personal life.

 

True, but our target "market" consists of straight men, who are just as shallow as gay men. So in that way, we're similar to gay men. (Straight women can be shallow, btw, but usually about intelligence, wealth, fame, or ability rather than looks.)

 

But I agree with the two paragraphs above. There's no reason that Vincent shouldn't lose your virginity to an escort if that's what you want. I just think that he is too young to give up on improving his appearance and self esteem and on meeting non-paid partners. As for playing the numbers game, that will always increase your chances though it means dealing with lots of rejection.

[Phil_musc]

Smooch to you too, Val and Orbital!

 

True, but our target "market" consists of straight men, who are just as shallow as gay men. So in that way, we're similar to gay men. (Straight women can be shallow, btw, but usually about intelligence, wealth, fame, or ability rather than looks.)

 

But I agree with the two paragraphs above. There's no reason that Vincent shouldn't lose your virginity to an escort if that's what you want. I just think that he is too young to give up on improving his appearance and self esteem and on meeting non-paid partners. As for playing the numbers game, that will always increase your chances though it means dealing with lots of rejection.

 

I think you're a little hard on your straight women sisters, Fluffy. So many times I encounter straight women who are absolutely wonderful and decent (which isn't to say that gay men can't also be wonderful and decent, but wonderful and decent isn't the same thing as being "fabulous.") It seems to me very often straight men are better with each other than they are with women, whereas so often it seems that straight women are really great with guys and less so with each other (but obviously I have no first hand experience with women with each other). Not quite sure where gay guys fit in here - as friends we're probably fine, but when issues of sex and love come in, less so. I'm rambling though I fear.

[+ FreshFluff]

I think you're a little hard on your straight women sisters, Fluffy. So many times I encounter straight women who are absolutely wonderful and decent (which isn't to say that gay men can't also be wonderful and decent, but wonderful and decent isn't the same thing as being "fabulous.") It seems to me very often straight men are better with each other than they are with women, whereas so often it seems that straight women are really great with guys and less so with each other (but obviously I have no first hand experience with women with each other). Not quite sure where gay guys fit in here - as friends we're probably fine, but when issues of sex and love come in, less so. I'm rambling though I fear.

 

Phil, not all women are selective in the way I described, but a number are. (I think that "selective" is a better word than "shallow.") Just go to CL in NY and read the complaints from men who can't find a date.

 

But my point is that I'm not writing from the perspective of a Pollyanna who believes that everyone will be accepted as he is. That said, there's no reason to hide away until you're perfect. Take that from someone who's cancelled multiple dates when she's had a pimple.

[bigvalboy]

Phil, not all women are selective in the way I described, but a number are. (I think that "selective" is a better word than "shallow.") Just go to CL in NY and read the complaints from men who can't find a date.

 

But my point is that I'm not writing from the perspective of a Pollyanna who believes that everyone will be accepted as he is. That said, there's no reason to hide away until you're perfect. Take that from someone who's cancelled multiple dates when she's had a pimple.

 

Now there is a statement that needs repeating...If only everyone could just grasp the essence of that. It only took me 50 years to realize it....bless you FF.

[Bart]

Dear vincentvioro, you are not alone in the world of those who think they may not be worthy of even a gentleman's simple caress. Even after being here 11 years I have those same doubts today. In general, most of the gentlemen who have positive reviews here can deal with almost any situation or physical issue you may have. Some are more suited to it than others but they can do it for you. I will say I have been very lucky and have met some very wonderful guys who have become more than bed partners, but I caution you not to expect that at the start for that to occur. Try a contact first to someone. You may feel better traveling down to New York for an evening to do this. I think we are sometimes more self-conscious in our own hometown. I know I traveled to Chicago for most of the first four years.

[+ FreshFluff]

Now there is a statement that needs repeating...If only everyone could just grasp the essence of that. It only took me 50 years to realize it....bless you FF.

 

Thanks, Val. You have a way of making people (or at least me) feel good. Your mom taught you well.

 

But I should take my own advice.

[N13]

Almost 30 and still a virgin huh. Well, you could always join a monastery or look at becoming a priest.

 

How very charitable, understanding and kind you are!.... NOT!

 

Vincentvioro, Beauty can be inside also. Give yourself a chance. And, yes, it will make no difference what you look like to a good escort. Part of their job is to make you feel wanted. Read the reviews and look for someone that sounds gentle and kind. Best of luck!