For those of us with wives...

[MsGuy]

In days gone by, this was the norm. People had things on the side-male or female. Today's world of soulmates and "The One" have made marraige into some idealized Disney experience/expectations.

 

agreed.

 

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m453xmAHA21ql4th0o1_500.jpg

[Mariner45]

TC - yes you did find the right partner. As did I. We both got partners who were far better than either of us deserve

 

Like TC I was married. Unlike TC, I still am. And I spend a few nights a week with my partner, and a couple of nights a week with my wife. She knows I am gay and we haven't been intimate in years. She has actually met my partner (and his former partner as well). And most of my escorts have met him (5 of them so far have met him) as well as a few client friends from the forum.

 

To the OP, I'm glad that you can now be open with your wife and have worked out an arrangement for you. As you can see, there are different arrangements that work. What form the arrangement takes, it all depends on the couple involved.

 

Thanks Lee! I will admit, the taboo of cheating on your wife and trying not to get caught is the one thing I miss. Not that I liked cheating or lying, but there's an undeniable rush in doing what's wrong because it feels good.

[Phil_musc]

agreed.

 

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m453xmAHA21ql4th0o1_500.jpg

 

Thanks, MsGuy - I like this.

[+ FreshFluff]

agreed.

 

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m453xmAHA21ql4th0o1_500.jpg

 

I agree. This has caused me a lot of trouble in multiple areas, and I've seen men fall prey to it too. (For example, one has the idea that we HAVE to start getting intimate the very second we walk in the door--or it means I don't desire him.)

[leigh.bess.toad]

Thanks Lee! I will admit, the taboo of cheating on your wife and trying not to get caught is the one thing I miss. Not that I liked cheating or lying, but there's an undeniable rush in doing what's wrong because it feels good.

.

 

Mariner -- I know what you are saying. But the honesty that has come from coming out, being able to really be who I am, has so far outweighed any little rush from cheating or lying. I'm now able to be who I am 24x7, 365 days a week. The ability to be at peace with myself has just been so satisfying.

 

I know I have a very unusual situation on my hands. A wife who is still accepting of me being gay and now having a partner, yet coming to grips with her husband of 35+ years being gay. A partner who accepts the situation with my wife and is always thoughtful of her needs, her desires, making sure we always treat her with the respect and dignity that she deserves. As I said, they have even met briefly when I was in the hospital a while ago. And has spent even a bit more time with my partner's ex-partner (who still shares the house they co-own together and still care about each other). It is so odd, so unique, we are just having to take it one day, one issue at a time. But all of us are dealing with it honestly and with thoughtfulness towards each other. And who knows? Maybe sometime in the future they can meet for extended periods of time and maybe have one big extended family Thanksgiving dinner. It is not out of the realm of possibility. And really, there is nothing more that I could ever ask for. At least for now.

[NYTomcat]

I don't know that people cheat less than they used to. If things have changed, it's because of changes in mores, some good (being gay is more accepted than before) and some mixed (divorce is no longer taboo).

 

While this wasn't the OP's situation, both parties suffer when gay men marry women--or for that matter, when anyone marries someone s/he doesn't love, expecting to cheat with others.

 

Now ff ... we enjoyed a wonderful day together and I do adore you but that's a limited view. Many do not marry intending to cheat. And many do love their wives. I think your mores here may be a bit limited on this issue. Many go into marriages eyes open and happy with a non monogamous outcome. Others find themselves half way through a marriage

 

 

I think you should re examine your assumption that all these men don't love there wives or go into marriage expecting to cheat

[NYTomcat]

agreed.

 

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m453xmAHA21ql4th0o1_500.jpg

 

Could not agree more. I'm not saying married people should expect less but I think they did so divorce was less common I'm not living the life of total monogamy. Well sort of I only have sex with him but there may be others around our expectations are clear so lying and sneaking doesn't become part of it. I think any relationship needs realistic expectations not Dickens great ones... but I will take a great Dickens anyway :-)

[+ FreshFluff]

Now ff ... we enjoyed a wonderful day together and I do adore you but that's a limited view. Many do not marry intending to cheat. And many do love their wives. I think your mores here may be a bit limited on this issue. Many go into marriages eyes open and happy with a non monogamous outcome. Others find themselves half way through a marriage

 

 

I think you should re examine your assumption that all these men don't love there wives or go into marriage expecting to cheat

 

You are right. I should have said "sexually attracted to" instead of "love." I think most men, including gay ones, love their wives even if they cannot feel sexual desire for them. In fact, I noticed that Jimbo's post, which referred to his divorce as "getting rid of [a] problem," represents a very different attitude from those of the divorced men I know, including yours.

 

My post was, instead, a response Walker's post, which (in my mind) implied that the era in which men had to get and stay married represents the "good old days." Cheating was how gay men responded (and still respond) to a situation when they could not be with people they' were attracted to. But the situation today--in which people can choose not to remain single without as man repercussions--is better for both men and women.